ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

allthequeens I can very much identify with you. My sil has a 2 year old from a very short relationship and she isn't maternal at all, goes on holiday all the time leaving 2 year old with grandad... Just seems so unfair! Then she gives me TTC advice... Sending you big hugs

I've been awake since 4.30, AF is officially due today and I've got mild but noticeable cramping which I know is 100% normal but as soon as I go to sleep i dream I'm bleeding and have flashbacks/nightmares about my mc :(

Oh Daisy, sending you hugs.
It is definitely normal but also normal for you to be worried. Hang on in there x

No need to apologise AlltheQueens. Sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment. Sounds as though we're in a similar boat on the friends front, as all of my close friends are either upduffed or have babies, and it's really hard not to feel left out. I have good days and bad days on this front, but can definitely identify with not having anyone in RL (other than DH) to talk to about these things. I'm lucky in that we don't have any familial pressure as I don't know how I'd cope with that as well.

Is there anyone in your DH's family who can talk to your SIL about how upset she's making you feel (ideally sooner rather than later?) She sounds quite immature (although I could be wrong) and might not realise the impact she's having on you. Sending you lots of un-mumsnetty hugs

Daisy - sorry you had such a rubbish night's sleep, but I can totally identify. I was on constant crotch watch the second time round and know that I'll be even worse next time. Keeping everything crossed that you have a healthy, sticky bean.

guy and MsJ I hope 'normality' isn't too tough today.
For those suffering baby bombs, its so hard, big hugs. I'm on edge around most women of childbearing age and always scanning for bumps.
ATKH I would see about transferring to the other hospital - you need confidence in them and the person you saw sounded awful.
Sorry to posts I've missed responding to.

Morning ladies, for some reason my phone just won't let me look at any pages before this one so hope you are all well.

daisy sorry you've had such a bad night, sending hugs! X

I've woke up this morning to the arrival of my af! I'm actually just relieved and trying not to think any more than this is the fresh start we needed. Can I just ask though did any of you pass clots when your af arrived? I've heard it's normal but just checking?

Good morning ladies

I am sat here in tears this morning reading all these messages. You are all so kind and the fact that other people can relate to what I feel is just amazing.

I am going to phone gp tomorrow and make an appointment to change hospital. I was not sure if it was me being sensitive but I am grateful for your comments there.
Amyyy I have always had quite heavy af but certainly heavier than normal on the first one after mc.

Daisy, completely understandable with the flashbacks. I worry every time af due and keep going over the pain and upset from before.

I am going to try and ignore sil but if she says anything else I will speak to other sil who has my niece and nephew and see if she can have a quieter word than I might.

I am allegedly off work today but am surrounded by piles of files to catch up on. At least I don't need to actually get dressed and go to the office though.

Is today a holiday everywhere or just Scotland? Hope you all have a good day wherever you are.

Allthequeenshorses Thank you. I'm still miffed with the hospital they haven't told me anything of what to expect so felt very in the dark until finding this forum!

I'm In the north east of England and its not a holiday here unfortunately!

P.s I can't see your original post but from reading through this page I take it your SIL isn't being very sympathetic? It's so sad that people can't understand how difficult enough this is without others being unthoughtful. I would like to think if I hadn't been through this and someone I knew was in my boots that I would make sure I wasn't doing or saying anything that could cause more upset, as a loss is a loss whether born or not, and at the end of the day we have all lost a child... is there really anything more painful to go through? Sadly, not everyone sees it that way but that's another reason why I love this place... we all know what it feels like in one way or another and everyone is so supportive!

I have a couple of silly questions. Had my eprc on Friday and they said not to have a bath for a few days. Can I have one today? DD is at nursery and I really fancy relaxing in the bath.
Also when my next period comes around can I use my mooncup as normal?

Hi,
Thanks for welcoming me. I'm here for some advice, please!
Never TTC before, our twin boys were a total miracle.
What the hell do we do? Apart from the obvious, I mean... I bought some ovulation tests from Tesco - says to count days from 1st day of period to know when to start testing but I have an app that tracks my cycle and it looks to me like if I count as many days as the test kit says, I could miss it. So start early then?
Total rookie here, 38 years old and freaking out a tiny bit, now I've lost what would have been the sum total of children I wanted to have.
Help a rookie out?
TIA xxx

Diving in very quickly, waves to all

guy not a silly question at all, I was also told not to have a bath for a couple of days after my erpc and actually didn't feel like it as I was still bleeding a bit. I'd say if you're not then go for it, just avoid bubbles etc as it's just infection or anything that might aggravate things they worry about. I'm sure you'll be fine. Can't tell you about mooncup I'm afraid but don't see why not, tampons are fine so that should be too I would think?

giant a sad but warm welcome. There are a lot of experienced ttc ers on this thread so I'm sure you'll get lots of advice. As a fellow 38 yr old I'd say don't dive into the ovulation sticks if you can avoid it just yet as it can make you quite obsessive (or that may be just me!) and I know people have mixed success with them being reliable. I'd say try for the every other day approach to doing the deed then you don't have to get quite so technical and see how you go. Or if you do really want to follow a plan then I know quite a few people who swear by the smep (sperm meets egg plan) - there is a whole website on it. You will get lots of other suggestions but I think it's important to find what suits you and your dh. Wishing you lots of luck.

Amy it is normal for first post mc AF to be heavier than usual, or lighter in some cases. I've always passed clots with my AF post mc. Horrible reminder really. Hope you feel OK with it.

guy not sure about bath but if you feel OK, it should be fine. Never used a moon cup so no advice. Can be heavier AF than normal though so not sure how that affects mooncup. Hope you enjoy that bath!

giant I agree with cake baker about the ov sticks! They make me crazy. There's lots of different strategies for TTC. Are your cycles regular? Do you know when you ovulate? I've always had stabbing pains around ov time. Also... Sorry if tmi... But your cervical mucus (cm) changes around ov time. Usually increases and can be a bit egg white like... Shagging every other day and a bit more on the run up to ovulation does the trick for lots of ladies. usually wear dh out around ov time then we're too knackered for the rest of the month. Depressing really but never learn my lesson the ov sticks are really useful if you have long cycles. I'm sure you'll get lots more advice from the lovely ladies on here. Good luck.

I've so much to do today but still manage to find myself on here. Hope everyone's Monday is treating you well.

Thank you MrsDiddly .. I don't know what my body is doing I woke up this morning to a slightly brown/pale discharge, I think I then passed a couple of clots which were very very dark and bloody, and straight after went back to the pale discharge again and has been like that all afternoon.. and no cramps but a very strange feeling in my tummy, but not painful at all.

Maybe it will start properly later tonight or even tomorrow, although I then wouldn't know when to class as CD1? Would it still be today?

waves at Cake, huge hug xx

So sorry to see the newbies here . Hope you stays are very short.

Received DP's sperm results back today and they are normal. Ordered more very expensive supplements to try and improve fertility. Booked Center Parcs holiday for my 40th birthday.

guy I think mooncup will be fine. As Mrs.DD said tanpons are ok and theres a lower risk of infection with mooncup. I intend to use mine if/when AF arrives. Its just not advised during the miscarriage loss.
newera glad DP is ok and a holiday to look forward to sounds good.

Well the Erpc or d and c or whatever is done.
Quite farcical watching the nurses argue in front of me about whether I needed a pregnancy test because I've missed three periods and can't have surgery if I'm pregnant! had to explain what I've actually been admitted for

Oh dear snoopy! Hope you're feeling ok.

snoopy that's awful really. They should have known. Are you home now? Hope you've got some RL support and treats to help keep you strong.

Amy I'd prob count today as CD 1 assuming AF continues and bear in mind that it can take a few cycles for things to settle down for some ladies.

Luckily I'm home now, with my lovely husband.

I'm going to give it a week to heal and then hopefully we'll be ready to try again.

I asked the Doctor the questions I posted here and he didn't have a clue what I was talking about and told me it was best not to ask questions because 'it's of no clinical benefit'. What does that mean

Hubby thinks we should just go private to get a blood test but now I feel scared.

I'm sorry people are having a hard time with family. I text my brother to explain what's going on and I wasn't being a bitch by not travelling to his place for Xmas but he told my mum he never got any text from me, so it's apparently lost in the ether somewhere

I'm feeling really sad.

Mostly I think I'm doing ok. Physically it is over which is a huge relief. Emotionally I'm coming to terms with the loss and I'm mostly ok that it happened. It was obviously the right thing to happen because, for whatever reason that embryo was just not going to develop.

But right now I just feel so sad and I don't quite know what to do with myself. I don't even know why I feel so sad.

Guy sorry to that that you're feeling so down. I think that it's a combination of roller lasted emotions and crazy hormones. Don't bottle it up, cry if you need to. Things will get better.
Take care Snoopy

Oh Guy, I think that's completely natural. I read somewhere that being logical about what happened being 'the right thing' won't make things any less painful because that image of what your life was going to be is so powerful. You're grieving the loss of your hopes and dreams and that will take time to come to terms with.

So sorry guy as others have said it's completely natural. Allow yourself time and to feel as shit as you need x

I feel crappy tonight. Don't feel well, I'm upset again, overwhelmed at work and generally just had enough :(
The TA in my class is off ill. If she wasn't I'd be debating not going in tomorrow.

thanks cake and mrsdiddly - okay, the ov sticks might make me crazy then! My last two cycles were 31 and 33 days, and I haven't a clue when I ovulate - I seem to get stabby pains right after the end of my period, which doesn't make any sense. Maybe we'll just try the every other day thing, although I do think I'll end up trying the sticks out because my curiosity will take over!

hugs to everyone having a shitty day. sorry

amyyy I work in IVF and cd1 there is considered as the 1st day you wake up with red blood.

Thanks for all the advice ladies, since my last post it's more or less started properly and I've had a little cramping so will class today as cd1.

Sorry to the ladies feeling down tonight :( there must be something in the air I feel rubbish too :( I don't think af is helping, I felt fine this morning, now I can't help but think that I've now lost any physical evidence of being pregnant, anything that may have remained however small is now on it's way out of my body so what do I hve to show for my baby? Sorry to be so depressive I just hate this 'getting back to normal' shit. And to make things worse I was trying to talk to OH about how I won't be able to drink over Christmas just incase we get pg and he just kept changing the topic until I asked him why he wouldn't talk about it and he just said 'well I just don't understand ovulating' but that wasn't it. I hate to think he might not be ready to try again but he won't admit it, although who knows!