ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

treacle sending you so many hugs for this time of year, it must be so hard for you and I'm really sorry you're having to go through it

I'm still too scared to officially move to the antenatal thread but did brave it and do a digital this morning that came up pregnant so maybe I'll start believing it all a little bit more. Please can I hover here a bit longer! :)

Sorry there are more people joining here. So sad.
I'm still getting the pains so am going to call the hospital tomorrow and mention it. Still getting a very feint positive. Hoping for a scan in case it's a cyst. Other than that its trying very hard to ovulate!
Hugs to everyone. Christmas is a difficult time with everything geared up towards children and hopes and dreams.

monten No, I didn't do a test after the mc, which I'm kicking myself for now.

I'm going to call the EPU and see if they'll do a blood test. The hcg levels of my last test after the mc were at 16. Really didn't think after around 5 weeks there would be anything left in my system, but really don't want to get my hopes up. We'd been ttc for a year with no joy, then I got my first bfp, but it wasn't to be.

Oh daisy stay with us long as you want, we all understand the fear.

I've had a particularly low couple of days, Af finally caught me. 3 days late and I'd been testing negative so it wasn't like I'd been hoping. But still spent a few hours in tears.
I had a training course at work and one of the girls in my group was just about a pregnant as I should have been. Between that and the Christmas preparations, when all our plans were made based on being too far on to travel.

It's just all so unfair.

My DH has been brilliant but he's stating to worry that I'm putting myself under too much pressure. We had a serious chat and he said he wants me to think about taking a break from OPKs and timetables. Not right now, but maybe early in the new year if he thinks I'm getting too crazy about it.
He even taked about all those mythical people who conceive when they relax and stop trying so hard. I swear if I hant been crying I would have yelled at him. I don't understand his thinking, I need to feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can to get pregnant. I know he really want this too but I can't help feeling hat he doesn't want it as much... Or enough?

I've realised I'd been pinning all my hopes on milestones. "Well at least if I'm pregnant by Christmas/ my due date then I'd be able to cope"
I'm now trying to wrap my head around the possibility that it probably won't happen. It's heartbreaking.

monten you aren't the only one measuring by due dates. Completeky normal. We all do it, have done it. Big hugs

North I'm exactly the same. Spoke to DH yesterday about it and he's like "i don't understand the rush". I had just taken it for granted that by my due date I would be pregnant. I've got one last shot at that and it's not looking good.

Welcome to the newbies - really sorry you find yourself here, but glad you've found the most supportive, strong, funny and brave ladies I've known - we'll all get through together!

Congrats on new BFPs, sending super sticky vibes at you all.

monten, treacle, north totally understand milestones and power of dates. It's really shocking how deep these dates are - random comments about February or July have totally knocked me this week. I don't think other people will ever quite understand unless they've walked this road too. Big hugs (perhaps unMN but necessary!)

Waves at MrsD, so sorry we're still here but can at least struggle together. We're waiting til new year also (well after wtf cycle and that's likely to mean New Year). 2014 can just sod right off, I've had enough of it now.

guy how are you doing after op? Been thinking of you. What you said about regaining trust in your body was beautiful. Hold on tight to that.

Quick question - anyone who had natural mc around 7 weeks - just did test 16 days after passing sac, expecting BFN but got what looked like strong BFP still. Argh! Planning to retest 21 days after sac, but just wondering how long after you got BFN? I'm still feeling poorly (virus for 3 weeks), has 7 days heavy bleed then clear a few days and now spotting again and sore tummy. Just have no idea what my body's doing

If your concerned mrsconfusion, I'd go to the doctor for some advice. My test was a bfn about 2 weeks later I think.
I bled for a long time but passed most of it in the first week so I think mine went negative quicker.

Having bad flashbacks today. I'll never get the moment I woke up bleeding out of my head but I don't know why it's so prominent today.

I have been pretty concerned about my husband. This is the only time I've ever seen him cry and I know he's trying to be strong for me but he has his own grieving to do. I think we're very lucky that we agree the best way to move forward it to try again as quickly as possible.

A quick question that I will ask at hospital but wanted to see if everyone has experience. At the epu there were posters up everywhere saying if you've had three miscarriages then they are doing a study where they will test you for thyroid antibodies. I'm taking medication for hypothyroidism but I've never been tested for antibodies despite every woman on my mothers side having an autoimmune disorder. If I do have these antibodies what will that mean? I so desperately don't want to have recurrent miscarriages.

The hospital were so non plussed about the thyroid it took more than three weeks for my blood results to come back, they arrived the day my mmc was confirmed, but they had classes me as a high risk. I'm so confused and I don't want to blame anyone but I can't help but think what if.

Sorry this is so long

Treaclepie, so sorry you feel that way. I guess in some ways I was lucky, I still haven't started bleeding and everything will be managed. But then I keep thinking I still have a dead baby inside me.

I've been signed off working for a couple of weeks and I'm dreading going back. Everyone knew I was pregnant because I was moved off of my team due to the nature of the work.

snoopy for your husband. goodmenproject.com/families/the-reminders-of-daddyhood-ddw/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange

Unclearpath, thanks for posting that. North and treaclepie, I don't think your other halves meant to upset you. I think they worry about us and unfortunately most men just aren't very articulate when it comes to emotions and end up sounding somewhat callous, that can cause conflict even when that wasn't their intention.

Afternoon everyone

guy been thinking of you this weekend, hope you are ok.
cariad hello again and daisy fantastic news!! treacle I am feeling your pain on the baby bombs. I actually think if I listed them all nobody would believe me. The worst one being one of my close friends who I seem to be losing. We had a mc within weeks of each other in March. This time we were due within a week of each other and she has just had her 20 week scan. Dh thinks she doesn't want to upset me but she has not called for weeks and I was in tears this morning to see the sex of the baby on facebook without even a message to me. I have really tried to be positive and supportive to her and it really hurts.
Appointment on Thursday was horrendous and it's taken me until today to be able to write about it. It was a male consultant, female nurse and two medical students. He was extremely short and blunt and I was in tears within about two minutes. He did an internal scan and made shitty comments about me not making it very easy being so tense and uptight. He said several times that it was probably just "bad luck". He made a dig about dh not being with me. The appointment was at the local hospital rather than the maternity one and there were six people I knew in the waiting room. There's no way I could have sat there with dh and avoided crying when asked why we were there. I can't cope with gossip on top of everything else right now. He took blood and urine and said I had to go to the larger hospital for a different blood test which needs tested immediately. I had written out the dates of the mc and my cycles in advance and he laughed at me.

Been really upset all weekend and don't really know what to do now. I thought about making an appointment with my gp and asking whether there is a different consultant I could see in the future. This one said that if I get a bfp I have to go straight to him and will get seen by him for the pregnancy. He upset me so much. It's hard to explain but I just felt belittled and stupid.

Very long post alert!! Thanks to anyone who gets this far. Hope everyone is having a good Sunday.

Allthequeens, i have a friend exactly the same. It's been a rocky road. We had a little chat about it which helped but we can't get over the fact that she has a baby and I don't.

Your appointment sounds horrible and I can't believe how useless professionals can be. Sending lots of hugs.
I'd say after how he treated you definitely make an appointment with your gp and explain. Don't suffer through it again.

Thank you to those who have asked after me. I'm doing ok. Physically well, just still a bit tired and crampy. Hardly any bleeding though. Still do relieved it is finally over. Can't quite believe it has all happened. Dh and I are still feeling that we will wait at least a month before ttc again- just so we can relax for a bit after this difficult period.
What is far more scary is the prospect of going back to 'normal life' now. I've been locked in this bubble of finding out about mmc and then waiting for it to happen, for weeks. Can't really remember what real life is like. One day at a time I guess. I'll work from home tomorrow and Tues just so I can rest physically (I usually cycle to work!) and then get back into usual routine maybe Wednesday.
Hugs all round.

Allthequeens that appointment sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Understandable that your a bit nervous about going back to normal life guy, don't push yourself too hard.
If you find it difficult then make sure to allow yourself resting time.

Guy I'm glad things are physically improving and the bleeding seems to be over. I understand what you mean about feeling apprehensive about leaving the bubble - things go back to normal tomorrow and I will have DS all day. I'm worried that my patience is low and physically I'm not feeling as strong as I usually need to be to deal with his toddler levels of energy. I am very grateful to have him though.

just lost my post how frustrating.

mrsC when i mc in april at 10 weeks I was still testing positive over 3 weeks later. I had been told by epu to contact them if still positive after 2 weeks but never bothered. With hindsight and knowing more about mc I wish I had. If you're not sure about something probably worth getting advice. I ended up with on off heavy bleeding for weeks.

I struggle with milestones. Should be here approaching xmas with a nb or at least a bump but instead I just have the end of the year to look forward to. Had enough of this one. Hate wishing time away but... Not big on Xmas but planning on making it as good as possible. Twinkly lights already flashing in our tree.

Big wave to giantmama, snoopy and merch. Sorry you find yourselves here and have had to experience such rubbish things to end up here.

Sorry you had such a rubbish experience at the hospital AlltheQueens - I would definitely go back to the GP if I was you. Is there any chance you can ask to see a consultant at the bigger hospital, and be under their care when you next get a BFP instead?

I can also identify with you on the friends front. My BFF and I were the last of our friends not to be pregnant, and had been ttc for a similar period of time. She announced her pregnancy a couple of weeks ago and it transpired that my ectopic would have been due the day before her EDD. Whilst I'm absolutely delighted for her, I also find seeing her quite difficult as it serves as a reminder of what DH and I have lost. She, in turn, is also finding the situation quite awkward, and I suspect we'll keep our distance until the baby's born unless I get a BFP in the meantime.

Sorry your friend's facebook announcement really upset you - I get the sense that these situations are really difficult for both parties. There was a thread on dealing with friends' BFPs on the conception boards a few weeks ago, and it was quite an interesting insight into how it can feel to be the pregnant friend in these situations as well, although I'm sure some deal with it better than others (a facebook announcement, or as happened in my case, a baby bombing over the course of a 4 hour long meal probably isn't the most appropriate...)

Sorry to everyone else having a hard time. I'm with you on wanting to press the fast forward button on the rest of 2014 MrsC. I'm also not ttc at the moment (am too petrified of having another ectopic over Christmas), but for those on a break until the new year wouldn't it be so fab if we could start 2015 with a flurry of BFPs?

That would be lovely Cariad :)
I backed out of taking a month off... rightly or wrongly. Just couldn't cope not ttc.
Off we go again...

We will all get our babies!

I think you have to do what feels right for you Treacle.

In my case, I think the control freak in me finds not TTC and therefore knowing that whatever I do I won't get a BFP this month so much easier to deal with than TTC.

Thank you.

treacle and cariad I am noticing I am finding the baby bombing harder and harder. I have been married 12 years and ttc for nearly two. My dh younger brother got married this year after a very short relationship. I actually really like my new sil but she is extremely insensitive. She made a comment the other night about next Xmas and how it would be in their home as they would be ttc and would have had a baby by then. I know this sounds like I am crazy but I actually did not sleep all night. She is not pregnant but the thought made me so upset. She made such a huge issue about her wedding and nobody stealing her thunder and I was so worried when I fell in February. She barely said a word when I mc and I honestly sat the other night thinking if she announces a bfp I will have to leave. I love my dh and his family but I feel like such a leper.

His older brother and wife live next door, it's a bit weird, like a big barn conversion but with a secret door. Their kids have bedrooms in our house as well and I love them so much it's hurts. I then thought I can't leave them but I honestly don't see an end to it. First baby was due 5 November, next would have been due 19 May which is my dad's birthday. Every single friend of mine is either pregnant or has a baby and I just can't talk to anyone but you guys. DH is absolutely furious about the dr and I just think everything I do is wrong.

guy please don't push yourself to hard, take some time for you as well as working at home.

Thank you all,again. I'm not normally so bitter and angry. I'm actually quite nice usually. Just sorry for putting my bad side across to you all.

Big hugs.

Allthequeens, i can really identify.

My sil is ttc and I'm so paranoil that she is pregnant and about to tell us. I can't cope with it. I've often said to DH if she announces ill have to leave.

Your SIL sounds very hard to be around and I don't think you're showing us your bad side at all.
It's perfectly normal.