ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

[chasingtherainbow]

Roll up roll up... onto a new thread. Keep those lucky bfp' s coming and unmumsnetty hugs all round.

Thank you letsdothisthing I'm still unsure how I feel if I'm honest. My OH thinks it's a good thing, he said it would have been too soon if it were a BFP but i don't know.

Unfortunately I wasn't looking forward to tonight anyway, one of the couples we are out with are expecting and will be about 25weeks now and haven't seen her since 9 when there was no bump. I'm terrified I will cry when I see her and I dont want to spoil the night or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Our mc is still going to be the big elephant in the room and I'm usually the very bubbly one who's always making jokes but I can't be that person tonight :/ gah how unfair!

Thanks cariad and lets :)
Trying to just not think about it.
Sorry it was a bfn amy, enjoy having a drink though.

Congrats on the bfp Daisy!

Sorry for bfn Amy

Just thought I would let you know that I had my 20 week scan this week and it went well. Baby looks healthy and very lazy chilled out. I can't believe I've got this far!

It was a difficult time however as my lovely MIL died this week. I'm heartbroken she won't get to meet this little one, who is her first grandchild. I keep thinking that if my first pregnancy had worked out, we would have had a baby in September and she would have met it. I know that one was not meant to be our child and hopefully this one is, and I am so in love with this baby and wouldn't change it for anything - but I know you ladies will understand the constant 'what ifs' that are always present after MC.

Anyway, I'm still lurking, cheering you all on. There is always hope xx

Thank you treacle and jetpack and so sorry for your loss :( great to hear the scan went well that's fab news xx

Hello,
Can I join you?
I lost my ID twin boys in August at 22 weeks and we're trying again.

Hello all. I'm 29 and got my first ever bfp on 9th October, it was my first month off the pill. We were so happy, couldn't believe we were pregnant straight away and it would have been a honeymoon baby.
Fast forward to 27th Nov I went to epu thinking something wasn't right. Our little one measured eight weeks and had no heartbeat. We are devastated. I'm having a d and c on Monday because my body is not mis carrying by itself and we can't bear to be in limbo, it will be closure for us.
We want to try again as soon as I stop bleeding but I have some questions.
Last time we just dtd every other day for the whole month.
What do I count as cd1? The date of the d and c or the day I stop bleeding?
Will I ovulate as normal or will I have to wait until I get a negative hpt?
I have never used an opk but bought some cheapies from the internet. Are they worth using or will I just confuse and upset myself?
We are trying to stay positive. Thirty years ago my mum was married in August like us, pregnant the same time and miscarried the same time. She was pregnant again by New Years with me and never had another miscarriage. Hopefully we can do the same.
Sorry this is so long. If you have any other tips for getting pregnant quickly please let me know

And congrats brummie! I've been lurking here the last two days

Sorry that should say daisy, I hate this phone

So sorry to hear that snoopy and giant. The advice I have been given by the others here is that dates really can't be relied upon but to make sure you test negative before trying. Then just go for it as you could ovulate any time really.

I hope you do get pg again next cycle but even if it takes a bit longer I am sure you will have the happy family you deserve.

I just went to look at a nursery for DS and they asked me if he was an 'only child'. Wouldn't you ask if he was our first or something rather than that? Only child sounds so final. I couldn't reply. I thought I was coping well but it has really taken me aback how upset I was. It's not her fault of course. But I still think it's an odd question.

So sorry to see you here giantmama, good luck with your trying again.

Snoopy, sorry to hear what you're going though. The first weekend, with all the waiting and getting used to the news is devastating.
CD1 is the first day of your period. The cycle after a MC is often called the wtf cycle as no one has a clue where you are in terms of your cycle.
Some people ov in the wtf cycle, some don't. Your HCG needs to be very low or zero in order for you to ovulate.
I've used OPKs but be aware that any remaining hcg can also give you a +ve ov test so best to start using them after a -ve hpt.
You will be pregnant again soon, take care xx

Thank you for your kind words. Msjupiter, gr33dyeggs and enviousllama I was so sad to see your losses on the June antenatal thread. I would have been due in June but didn't want to post there in case I jinxed it, turns out it was out of my hands anyway. I remember saying to my husband that we had been so lucky this year and that no one ever gets everything they want

I know I haven't even had the d and c but I just want to look to the future. I'm so scared I won't get pregnant again as easily as last time especially because I have hypothyroidism. I'm scared I won't be able to handle a bfn

Sorry to those who have had to join us.
There's such great support on here ladies.

I'm considering just trying this month anyway... but I havent tracked my temp at all or used opk's and I'm on Cd11 today.
Normally ov between cd16 and 20.
DH is saying we should stick to having a break but I really want it so much :/
Hmm.

Glad your scan went well jetpack and so sorry for your loss x

snoopy and giantmama so sorry you both find yourself here :(

msjupiter that's a very odd question! Hope you're ok. I've found i can be doing great one day and hit rock bottom the next, then back to being ok again it's very strange. I can't even blame hormones anymore!

Yet another baby bomb. Ffs :(

Oh Treacle the baby bombs don't get any easier do they? Thinking of you.

Hey Snoopy thanks for the congrats. Unfortunately I've been here before so still very scared. Sorry you find yourself here though These ladies are amazing.

Amy deep breath and remind yourself that you'll be starting again very soon. You are out of your wtf cycle and you can start to move forward

Hugs to you all. Got my docs appt on Tuesday and all I can think is come on little bean, hang in there

Thanks Brummie, I'm really struggling because DH just said "I know why you're upset bit I can't relate and so we're best not talking about it as we will argue."
His reasoning being that it's someone not too close to us.
He's just made me feel irrational and like he's fed up of me. I really don't know how to cope anymore :(

I'm having counselling because I just couldn't cope with it. I was getting so angry and distressed and couldn't understand why these peoples babies were surviving and mine didn't.
My rage and grief were overwhelming me and it hurt so much. I can completely relate with you so do not beat yourself up. I know Christmas Eve is approaching and that's all you can think about x

My counselling now will focus on trying to stay positive as I'm consumed with fear

You are not irrational Treacle. Saying he can't relate is just totally unhelpful.
However you feel is ok and normal and he should allow you to feel it. Big hugs.

Thank you so much ladies.
Brummie ive just started counselling, well I've had my initial assessment and have to wait 6-12 weeks for an appointment.
It really means a lot that you remembered my due date so thank you for that as well.
How many weeks are you now Brummie? I really have my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you Guy, me and DH had a long chat and we have decided we are trying this month after all. It's stressing me out just as much not trying.

I'm 4+1 which is nothing really. Lost number one at 5 weeks and number 2 at 8+5 so it's a long wait.

Every time I go the loo I feel sick with fear. I remember the bleeding just comes out of nowhere so I'm convinced every time I look in my knickers or wipe I'm going to see something. But so far nothing, but it doesn't feel real.

I did the trying without using opk's when in Florida last cycle. Before w started I stressed about what if we miss that one day??? But actually after a day or so ignorance was bliss and I actually enjoyed DTD for what it actually was and it was nice to have a break from the "pressure" and it got back us to just having sex. I didn't catch but it did mean the pressure was off sex wise and I caught this cycle.

Enjoy your break from the opk's, even if only for 1 month x

This will be your time Brummie, you really deserve it.

I'm hoping that's how I will feel but also thinking I may end up doing an opk tomorrow anyway... We will see.
Mil came over earlier when my eyes were red from crying. Hoping she thought it was just from my cold, i feel so pathetic.

Hello everyone, may I join you? So sorry to see these losses, I hope we all get there.

I had an early miscarriage 5 weeks ago. decided to do a test today after a week of what I thought was a light period, just to confirm for definite that my levels were down to normal. Fully expected to see a negative, but it's positive. Really don't know what to make of it.

Oh no treacle who dropped by baby bomb? I remember your due date well too. Thinking of you. Xx

Sorry you're here snoopy and giantmama and merch Hopefully you'll find lots of support here. I don't know what to advise merch - had you tested negative before af since the miscarriage?

We just put up our tree. Early I know but I'm away for a week in dec then we're not here for Christmas. Very bittersweet. The day we found out I was pregnant last year we bought a little owl decoration. The day of my 12 week scan in January, when it all went wrong, I spent the day at home packing up all the decorations. Unpacking them all again today, and the owl, was hard. Had a little cry. Can't believe I'm approaching due date number 2 (5jan) and still not pregnant again. Very hard.

Thank you monten, you ladies are amazing.
Today it was a friend of ours and yesterday someone at work.
I've got a lump in my throat reading about your little owl xxx
You will have a baby to celebrate and you'll be even stronger having gone through these terrible times. Sending hugs to you x

Hi Merch, sorry you've had to join us, the ladies here are amazing though.

Oh and we've just put our tree up too. Did think that I should have a massive bump getting in the way of the tree. Still... onward and upwards...