The home of sporn lovers and cunthawks; make sure the ewcm is coming from the right hole and don your capes (but don't put parsley up your chuff!) ... for JUST SHAGGING Part 33

[mountaingirl01]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is here

The current Grads Fred is here

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is here. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

I had a filthy pregnancy dream about Idris Elba the other night after he was on the One Show....

I am feeling much better now viroids, thank you. X

I am overtired though as had to leave for work extra early to take the train. I also have cramping, but I'm hoping this is a good sign something is happening towards getting back to normal cycles.

hope you're all having a good morning. X

that's good ain :) my morning/early afternoon has been fairly shocking, I just feel so rough, stomach cramps etc (plus doing a fast day - me = not clever). Plus I managed to convince myself earlier I will never get upduffed because I don't think I am ovulating...

It's way to early to go to doctors for this too! Oh well, I'll keep pissing and trying to temp!

aaawwww jelly i get those thoughts as well, but your AF has not long returned, your body is still learning what it has to do again :-/ i know the words are easy to say type as i feel like that too but stay strong

jelly I know how you feel. I'm sure we'll both get our cycles back, it's just taking a while... (you can tell I'm feeling a bit better today as I've managed to write that statement!)

I'm also on a fast day today. doing okay so far. Apart from not drinking enough water...

my kids really made me smile today. It's days like this that I enjoy having the nursery class most.

I've been drinking loads of water, not had a headache all day. Lower abdomen cramps on the other hand...

Ainat I am sure your AF is on its way, she had to be! I'm gonna have another bath when I get home and just sleep I think! Got a docs app in the morning about my foot which I am not looking forward to!

jelly I convinced myself last cycle that I wasn't ovulating when AF was late. Now I've convinced myself that my luteal phase is definitely defective and there is no way my uterus can harbour a pregnancy. It's all shits and giggles, huh?

noniks that's annoying! This is my first month of temping so less sure of what to expect. My temps were doing the right things until had a random high in the middle of my ovulation dip. I think I ovulated yesterday as it was higher again this morning and today's opk is negative. So my chart looks like this..

The mind games we play with ourselves! Part of me thought about scrapping temp charting for a while, just to remove a layer of obsession... but I'm too much of a control freak and logging temperatures appears to be one of the few things I can control!

Ain Jelly hope you feel better soon, good luck at the drs jelly what's wrong with your foot?

Tee Hands off - he's mine

Called the surgery today to see if my bloods were back - she said yes and the GP says all ok, no further action. So I asked what my progesterone result was (only one i'm interested in tbh) and she said she couldn't give it to me on the phone. So I raced over there just now, and that one isn't back - just the standard blood results. Gah, I guess its good that they said that everything else looks normal but I wish they hadn't given me them - there are 2 high levels on there with exclamation marks. So obvs I googled them - no idea what it all means. So have just given myself a massive Hooyah and thrown the print out in the bin. Lesson learned! Progesterone result should be back next week, or late this week.

Here is my candy

Hi Viroids, I’m back!

Sorry for being crap, for you all. I am super busy with work at the moment and am currently in the Netherlands running a small conference, so life is a bit crazy I’m trying not to drink too much wine while I TWOT Don’t worry chat, I’m not distressed, but I think lurking as opposed to posting too frequently is helping me resist the urge to POAS every day. I am now 10DPO, and will be POAS on Thursday morning. Who’s with me!

Gaggia never heard of Idris Elba before, I am now very happy you’ve introduced us

Ainat that is a fucking shitty day! Not surprised you cried- I probably would have stamped my feet and held my breath until someone put the world right again, I think. How is the car today?

Jcandy fascinated by the vag temping, how do you do it? Do you just shove it up there? How deep does it have to go?

bumble welcome! Can we please call you Bum? I love the word bum and the object as well

Lil drink some water! You have inspired me to keep watch on my intake, too, so thank you Can you don your cape for a random non-bed related quickie to stop the wanking?

Boo to the witch for honey and crappy WTF cycle for Jelly and Noniks I’m hoping for surprise upduffedness for you all!! I am an idealist, not a realist

Also actual LOL at your epidural comment Jelly, I bet you cheered him up no end!

Kato you may be pleased to know that in homage to your bollicle, my body decided to grow a very small one of it’s own. Location: labia minora, left. Size: pretty teeny, kinda the size of a pea. Outcome: deliciously poppy, but in no way was going to film it, being located where it was I grow a mean 70s bush, you wouldn’t have even been able to see it

Take-home message from my post: YY to ball tug!! (Or if you're really fucking desperate, finger in bumhole!

Glad you're ok lemon

As to vag temping, you just put it up there, only a bit though, maybe just less than an inch. Mine reads it pretty quickly you just have to listen out extra closely for the beeping. I've not done myself an injury yet to which I'm proud

Hi bum! Welcome

2 pregnancy announcements in my world today! 1 is a girl at work who I had suspected might be mainly because if anyone between the ages of 20 and 40 wear a loose top and dare to have a doctors appointment I assume they are and the other is a friend who accidentally got pregnant with her fairly serious boyfriend - and he doesn't want to know (what a dick) so she is going it alone. Bless her, she is excited about her baby but heartbroken at the same time.

Omg bat! What a shame for your friend, what a knob that guy is. At least you can give her moral support and share the load when you get your BFP in the very near future - pma!

lemon hope you're not working too hard Conferences in foreign countries is very showbizz - get you!

I know, I'm so sad for her because they were really loved up, really shitty. But she has had her first scan and says she feels blessed and is looking forward to the future so I'm really proud of her. All of this happened with her boyfriend about a month ago so I think she has done a lot of crying and is coming out the other side now.

If I have another 31 day cycle then AF will be due a week on Tues but if she doesn't show up there is no way I'm testing until after 5th as I have an exam on that day!

Jeez I just read my post back - how the frigging hell is is still 8 days until AF is due?! I've never known time move so slowly! We are on TTC time!

Oh Bat what a fucking arse. Maybe he'll change his mind once he gets his head round it. I hate adults who can't take responsibility for their sex lives. I'll shut up now before I go on a rant about how selfish people are these days .

Totally agree wilma - I know it obviously wasn't his ideal but they are both in their 30s and were pretty serious so where did he think it was going exactly?! I know sooner than he expected but shit happens and grown ups have to deal with it. And this isn't even shit, it's an amazing thing that thousands would kill for.

Ladies I just went over to the grads Fred for a lurk and it seems poor mountain has lost her baby

Mountain if you read this lots of love to you and your DH, thinking of you and we're all here if you want to talk Completely heartbroken for you xx

Yes, poor mountain :(

Hope you're all ok on here xxx

Aww that's absolutely shit for her, life can be so unfair

Jesus fucking christ. That is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so so gutted for her. Poor girl, she does not deserve this one bit. What an absolutely shit and horrific day. mountain I'm so desperately sorry for you xxxx

Oh no mountain I'm so so desperately sorry for you hun. That's just absolutely shit. Big hugs hun :( xx