TTC for 10 months, and all the rest. 10 plussers welcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread full of the most amazing women.

What does that £4k include? Just the IVF or the tests/drugs etc leading up to it too? X

Fluffy, congratulations!

Sam, I'm not UK so this won't be helpful but it give you some idea:
Full ivf cycle with ICSI costs €3000. Drugs costs vary massively depending on protocol, dosage etc. but ours would have been about €600 if we'd paid full price. So that's about £3000 in total for a full ivf cycle, all scans, icsi, extras like embryo glue. This is cheaper than UK from what I can work out. I really don't think you will get any cheaper than £3k if fully private.

Nothing much happening here, I'm waiting patiently for next cycle to start so we can do the natural ivf.

Thanks Deeray and Nelly, it gives me an idea anyway.

Looks like I'm out for cycle 14 as my temperature has crashed below the cover line this morning ??
Just lazing in bed as don't want to go to the bathroom and face af. X

hi, I only had the lap and dye privately costing 3200. (south west midlands) I was told there was no waiting list for the ivf, just L&D.

sorry, I don't know any more about costs.

Ok thank you anyway.

I feel so guilty every month as I know dh is as disappointed as I am, but his results were ok so the problem is with me. I feel like he must be thinking he's married a defective woman.
He gives me no reason to think this, and is so so supportive but I'm sure he must feel slightly let down.
Has anyone else felt like this, or is this just my hormones talking? ??

Sammy I think that is so normal. I feel like that too and there's nothing 'wrong' with either of us.

Just keep reminding yourself that it is always harder at this time of the month and you will feel better. It's not your fault, but you already know that.

Sammy it is me who is the 'problem' for us and I felt terrible about it before ds to the point I gave DH the option to leave. At the time we weren't married and he in stead of leaving me 3 weeks later proposed.

I feel terrible again now that I am the issue but I know DH is right behind me and just feels disappointed for me not about me.

Sammy, it's both. In our circumstances, it's normal to feel that we are at fault. But it's probably hormones making you feel it right now. Here's the thing, for Me and Mr Nelly, infertility has made us a brilliant, solid, happy couple. We've been to hell and back, overcome hurdles, made decisions we never imagined having to make, learnt to actually talk, and figured out what really matters to us. For others, infertility breaks the relationship. Either way, you probably won't come out unchanged, but it doesn't have to be for the worse. Tell him you feel this way, don't keep things to yourself. Big hugs.

Re costs, I think my treatment was £3200 and the rest was drugs. (High dose stimming). That included only the scans and bloods needed for the individual round. Any other tests such as HIV, AMH, AFC were all extra. I had the HSG on the NHS though. Also, if you do need to go private, it can work out best doing it via your NHS hospital as then many of the extras actually get done for free.

Pikz your DH sounds like a keeper .

Is this helpful as a rough guide to costs? I have no idea about the clinic, so I am in no way recommending it.

cost breakdown

I am massively speculating, but I suspect IUI will factor in my journey at some point.

GP tomorrow morning for the results of my 21 day test. I don't really know what to hope for other than not breaking down in floods of tears!

Thanks Lemon, Pikz and Nelly, just having a down day, but very much appreciate the support.
I have told dh how I feel and he basically told me not to worry, that he does really want a baby but he wants one with me so is happy to wait as long as it takes. Which of course made me cry.
It doesn't stop the guilt, but I don't think there's anything he could say to stop that feeling.

Re the costs, it's hard to imagine what it could cost as I don't even know what my diagnosis is! Getting a bit ahead of myself really.
If unexplained (which I have a suspicion we will be due to having had no infection/ regular periods and a clear internal scan 5 years ago) are we likely to be advised iui/IVF? X

Happy new year everyone.

Fluffy - what an excellent start to the year. That's fab news and you have lots of frosties too Dont you? Many congratulations!!

Sammy - sorry about AF. How long have you been trying - is it more than 2 years? It's very normal to feel like a failure. I told my Dh to leave me at one point as I was so distraught. It is hormones though. And you don't know if the problem is with you. There could be some minor issues on both sides which are creating a problem. I always wished the problem was with Dh so at least I wouldn't have the guilt.

I can't remember who asked about costs. costs in London can be hideous. I needed immune treatment so this elevated costs so it depends what is advised and where you go. Clinics with better results charge more. Costs never seem to be what they say on their website. My old clinic say 3500 on theirs. However my 2nd ivf cycle that failed cost 12k. all gone in 2 weeks. My first cycle which did result in pregnancy but then miscarriage was a lot more as I needed expensive immune treatment. the fact we had no frosties and ended up having an erpc after spending life savings made me pretty resentful Unless money is of no object this can add in a huge amount of stress so is worth thinking about when choosing clinics. This NHS cycle I have forked out 3k over the last 5 months for immunes and various extra drugs. This round would have easily cost 14k if it wasn't nhs with this new clinic and we never could have done it. So it's also worth looking abroad. As others have said, not all are as expensive as this. And whether I needed all that immune treatment is another matter. There is a line between feeling like you are being fleeced and taken advantage of and whether they really do think you have a load of problems which need the kitchen sink thrown at it.

Waves to everyone else.

Thanks Joy. It's only been 14 months, and everyone keeps saying 'it's normal for it to take up to 2 years'. The problem is everyone we know seems to fall really quickly and we haven't even had a hint of a bfp so I just don't believe it is going to happen naturally for us.
So do you mean that even though dh SA was ok there still could be a problem with him?

Thanks also for the info re costs. £12k is kind of a scary thought, no way we could afford that. I have to try not to think about the possibility of not affording enough help as it sends me in to a panic about a childless future ??

Can believe I'm up at this time in the morning, hope everyone has an ok day back at work. X

Sammy have you had any investigation surgery yet? I was 15 months of ttc when a lap, hysteroscopy and dye meant DH and I managed to conceive on our own. I've isn't always the answer

Pikz I have a friend who conceived after the dye thing. She said that it's not unheard of to conceive in the three cycles after the treatment as it can clear away some debris! I have no idea, but she had been trying for 3 years until that.

Exactly that travelling lemon. Was cycle 2 after for us and it was because they removed all the endo/adhesions etc

I just got back from a GP appointment to get results from the 21 progesterone test. They were borderline so they want me to retest. Pikz I asked about the dye test and she said no as I already have a baby.

Hi Pikz

No, not yet. We have an appointment booked for April which will be 18 months and he said in his letter to my go that this is when he will think about HyCoSy - is this the same test?

Lemon - so annoying that you had to go in to be told that! Couldn't they have told you on the phone! X

A bit annoying, but because my periods are so irregular it's really hard to pinpoint the right date. I think the last one I did was about a week off in the end. Stupid body.

Wow Joy those costs are eye watering!How are you feeling now? Are you 20 weeks yet? I've lost track. I got round to chasing up the fertility clinic again today after I put the phone down in shock when they told me the wait for an initial appointment was 11 months. It wasn't a very positive phone call as the lady I spoke to couldn't give me any information about treatment waiting times and told me that every private cycle we have reduces our NHS entitlement accordingly. We get 2 cycles on the NHS here so even one private cycle would mean we only have 1 NHS round then.

Sam, I know what you mean about feeling guilty. Our problem is definitely with me so I have had moments of feeling awful about it but then I put myself in the position of how I would feel if the problem was with MrB and I would feel that it was our problem and we would tackle it together. I try and remind myself of that when MrB tells me that its our problem.

Berry - thank you, that is a good way to look at it. If it was him I wouldn't be going anywhere, and would just want to find a solution. Xx

sam we are self funding through our NHS hospital, and with ICSI (which is extra) we paid £4,688.00. So far we haven't been charged anything extra, but I am only on day 4 of injections so nothing's had an opportunity to come up yet. We haven't lost any of our NHS goes by self funding this round, but in some areas you do.

Please don't feel like it's your fault. I remember I came home a little tiddly one night and started crying at DH telling him he should leave me because it was all my fault and he'd married a broken uterus. A few weeks later we went for our first IVF appointment where he had to produce a sample and the embryologist did some extra tests, where it turned out that it was the sperm that was our problem. He was actually very happy about this, and jumped up and said "I TOLD you it wasn't YOUR fault!" The nurse must have thought we were bonkers. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's natural to blame yourself, but you shouldn't. It's both of you that are making a baby, so it doesn't matter which bits don't work, you need to fix them together. For every test that they do that comes back "ok", there are loads that haven't even been invented, so even if you're "unexplained" that doesn't mean thats some nuts and bolts aren't out of place. I think IVF definitely brings you together. Like Nelly said, it's a lot of difficult conversations and teamwork.

joy goodness me, I am so glad we don't live in London anymore, I don't think we could have afforded to self fund when we lived there - it's so much cheaper living in Scotland, which is the only reason we had the extra savings.

Sam, as far as we know our problem is dh but I've never thought of it as his problem but our problem. It doesn't matter who has the problem, we want a baby together. The only time it niggles is when pil make me feel a bit shit for not giving them a grandchild. They've never said anything outright but I know they think it's me and it hasn't occurred to them that's it their son.
Unexplained May well mean a sperm problem, so much isn't known about male fertility.

I agree with infertility bringing us closer together. I think we are really strong. Much stronger than many couples I know who are feeling the strain with young children.

Toes - is self funding through NHS cheaper than going private? I guess it means the prices are fixed rather than clinics charging what they like.

Thank you both Toes and Deeray for being so nice. I do know really that it's our issue, we haven't even got a diagnosis yet so I'm worrying un-necessarily!

Pg work colleague has gone in to baby talk overdrive. Good news is it doesn't really make me sad now, bad news is I kind of want to put a gag on her! Lol. Xx

Just a quick one to say Happy New Year everyone and yay for Fluffy! So pleased for you - have followed your posts with interest as I'm due to start first cycle hopefully next month. Any top tips?!

Interesting to follow the conversation above about guilt/blame and the stress this can cause. I used to get really irritated about being unexplained but I guess ignorance is bliss after all. Don't be too hard on yourselves everyone.

argh! just wrote a message and lost it! here I go again.
hi st4r, few things I stuck to but whether it made a difference, just stuff I heard and read.
no fizzy drinks. drink 2 to 3 litres a day which is hard but have a water bottle on your desk, that helps.
no alcohol, try to drink 1pint or more of milk full fat.
I had no caffeine, although after egg collection the nurse man said there was nothing proven and as long as you keep it low then 1 or 2 tea's would be ok.
I ate mixed nuts at my desk, you know the bag of shelled ones, almonds, Hazelnuts, brazils etc.
finally keep your feet warm! Hot water bottle by your toes. not on your tum around ec / et as overheating is bad ?!
Best of luck - when do you start? it really will fly by as it seams only a few days ago we had our appointment.