TTC for 10 months, and all the rest. 10 plussers welcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread full of the most amazing women.

I really have got to stop POAS now . Though for google results purposes, I'm now 22DPO and I'd say the line still is not quite as dark as the control. Almost though, and it is appearing very quickly.

Right off to do hobbles and will try to post later not thread hogging at all Doll

On a boring call so a bit more time to post.

Euro, good to know you escaped early nausea but shame it hit in the end. Lack of symptoms still a worry here. Yes France has interesting approaches to pregnancy and the things they eat.

Buzz I'm sorry I selfishly didn't comment on your MC when you mentioned it previously. I am glad BB is now here but I bet the pain never really goes. I am just inclined to think at this early stage that anything could happen and I need to keep optimistic. That said I've got my booking in appointment and scan on 15th Jan I don't think I could ever wait that long!

Doll at Toxo Queen. I will chance it asking my GP but won't hold out much hope.

Ray thanks for the flu jab info. Think I will get it but was surprised the midwife didn't mention it.

Joy have you decided? What is the date count now?

Bunny thanks for the book suggestion, I've bravely downloaded it but I'm not counting it as a baby purchase

Hope you got back to the UK ok Critter and are enjoying your break

Fluffy have the DR impacts lessened? Not long till stimming starts.

Toes when is your mock cycle? Soon I think.

Cos hope you are ok. Are you waiting on immune results?

Fox hope the family visit is going well.

Lemon, have you started setting an alarm now? That's a treat!

Sammy any more sense from the temps? Did you get the book?

Hello to everyone else, Star, Pout, and everyone else I missed!

Hello. I'm back from a nice break in Cornwall!

Ray,, sorry you've had a panic attack. I had a couple after my MC and they were just awful. It was big crowds of people and an overwhelming fear that I was going to cry in front of people who din't know about my fertility issues that brought mine on. I'm not sure about counselling either. If someone didn't agree with me about the injustice of it all, I'm not sure how I would take it.

Buzzy, I'm not sure what the back story is with your parents but I hope you can patch it up if that's what you want.

Star, welcome. Our stories sound relatively similar. I conceived after around 9 months when I started trying but then had a MMC at 12 weeks and haven't conceived in the 18 months since then. I've now been diagnosed with endometriosis. Have you had a laparoscopy or hysteroscopy to check for any issues? Sorry if you've already said.

Nelly, sorry you've been panicking about test results but glad that it's all sorted now. Dizziness was the first sign I was preganant. I got off the cross trainer and fell flat on my face because the room was spinning!

Fluffy, glad you've got a date for stimming.

Critter hope you have a lovely time at home. The woolly hig sounds lovely!

Sam, I have taking charge of your fertility and found it quite useful.

AFM, not much going on here. The conversation on insensitive comments from people is an interesting one. I have an instadiffer friend (1st baby born by 1st wedding anniversary) who knows my history and told me she was expecting a couple of months after our MC. When she was pregnant cards to me and Mr B were written from her and her husband and 'bump' which I found a bit weird and nauseating. And then the other day she was sat next to me with her little girl on her lap and I had my pooch on my lap. The baby was staring at the poch and so my friend said to her little girl "oh look, that's berry's baby". At the time I thought it was an odd thing to say but the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am about it. I sometimes feel now though like I can trust my instincts about how I feel about something as I am really worried about being oversensitive or over analysing things that wouldn't have bothered me before. It's a tricky one but I am really struggling to muster up the energy with that friend as I always seem to come away from it feeling shit! That's turned in to a rant. This thread is my therapy as Joy said .

Berry, how was Cornwall? It's somewhere I've never been, but it's on my long list of places to visit. Your friend does sound insensitive if she knows about your mc. I think people genuinely don't appreciate how awful infertility is and so don't see why they need to be thoughtful or sensitive. I have a new strategy where I distance myself from anyone who doesn't make me feel good. I got so fed up of meeting up or talking to people and coming away and wanting to cry. This does mean that my friendship pool is much reduced but I think higher quality :) it's hard with relatives though because you have no choice, I'm trying my hardest to avoid certain ones at the moment for self preservation reasons. I really value my friends who don't talk about their children all the time.

Nelly, I hope you're taking it easy. Could you use the cold as an excuse for not having much of an appetite and therefore avoiding the pink meat? It's funny how there are different standards in different countries. I actually think France is quite strict, certainly my friend seemed to have a list as long as her arm as to what she couldn't touch.

Thanks, Ray. It was lovely, such a pretty place. I would absolutely love to live by the sea, I find it so relaxing. Your strategy sounds like a good one . My friend does know about my MC so I would have hoped she would have thought before speaking. It's just really difficult to know what to do because I don't want to lose a friend but at the same time, I don't want to sit back and listen to things that upset me without saying anything and, as you say, coming away from meeting up with her feeling terrible about myself.

Sounds lovely in Cornwall Berry. I too want to go. Maybe next summer when I can't fly

It's hard re your friend. How do you think she would react if you talked honestly about how she makes you feel. Personally I'd try to make the friendship work if possible, but only if you can resolve it without causing you pain. If you got pregnant tomorrow would you still want to be friends with her?

Ray yes taking it boringly easy so far. Time is being measured between progesterone doses which are now 6 times a day

Fox - thank you. I will be buying the book once I've finished the one I am currently reading. Was going to get it ages ago, but w so wanted to just fall without trying that getting that felt like giving up...does that sound silly?

Nelly - the temps are looking more like the example charts I have seen frantically googled! 5dpo so just waiting for the temp drop in a week or so now...or hopefully not!
How many of those left over nearly out of date tests do you have left?!

Berry - I cant believe your friend said that! I know what you mean about over analysing what people say, but in this instance I think you have a right to be annoyed - rant away!!

I called the hospital today to check they had got my referral letter (GP sent it nearly 5 weeks ago) - the admin lady couldn't tell me much other than they had received it (only recently, so god knows where it went?) and it would be up to the consultant to decide how quickly I needed to be seen.
Pg colleague still doing my head in, and i feel an unjustified amount of rage every time I see her rubbing her belly or hear her complain about pg symptoms....am I a horrible person?

Hope every ones okay and having a better day than I am...at least we're officially in the second half of the week now, only 2 work days till the weekend!! X

berry your friend sounds like an arse, I'd be livid if a so called friend had said that to me, and triple urgh at the 'bump' thing, one of my NCT group used to group email us with 'to ladies and bumps', used to make me roll my eyes with disgust, urgh even worse was she used the bubba for baby, that actually makes my skin crawl
If you come away feeling like shit then I agree with ray distance yourself, if she knows your history and still makes you feel crap then avoid, although if she is doing this to you it makes me think that she is not a very happy person in herself. I have lost friends along the way, when I had my second mc a so called friend asked if I wanted to meet up and see her and her daughter I told her I was miscarrying so not right now, she then proceeded to ask me where I got my knitting wool from, I told her where to go not for the wool
I have had no contact with my parents for years due to them being difficult parents but its been lovely the past week, we have skyped a couple of times and they are grateful to have another go at being grand parents, despite all their faults they have a lot to offer BB as they are quite out going adventurous people, I am aware that we have a history though

sam Totally normal to feel like that and no you are not horrible, I admire you for putting up with her, I don't get the belly rubbing thing have a massive gut anyway and never stroked it hopefully now they have received it they will give you an appointment soon

nelly I think it was around 5 weeks+ that the nausea and indigestion kicked in but everyone is different and you might not have any

joy how are you doing??

ray I do hope you get that cycle in before Christmas, where are you in you cycle ??

Hi everyone, just checking in to say I'm still here. Dead busy with work.

Berry, sorry to hear you're in similar shitey situation to me. Haven't had lap or HSG yet, will ask at next appt. I'm worried about what symptomless horrors they might find..... Your friend sounds like a right idiot, but at least it's a friend; my besties all live abroad/other end of the country and I've been dumped/ghosted by all my local 'friends' as they had kids one by one. They all hang out together doing smug mummy bollocks. I literally do not know a single childless woman any more.

Sam you are not alone in the pregnancy rage stakes; one of my colleagues is 5 years older than me and rubbing her ancient eggs in my face - I'm sure she's done it just to spite me. I can barely look at her at the moment (certainly not from the neck down anyway). Good luck chasing up the referral.

Nelly, glad you're hanging in there!

Waving hello to everyone else.

Buzz - argh that is not comforting to hear about the link between your mc and flu jab. The research I have suggests there is no link so I don't know whether people with immune problems would be at more risk.

Nelly- I went berserk in first pregnancy with poas. I think it's the novelty and you think it's reassurance. But actually your hcg will have risen so much now that they really don't tell you much after a certain point. I think I will go for the jab. The NHS States people on steroids should have the jab because their immune system is lowered anyway but it doesn't say what you do if you are pregnant and on steroids. I am going to wait a week or 2 to get this out of my system (last one yesterday) before having it. I have got quite bad withdrawal symptoms like cracking headaches. I am not complaining , I don't care what I have as long as rhjngs are alright. Oh and don't forget I had no symptoms so that is nothing to be concerned about and it is still very early. Also I have been retching quite a bit for a week now and it has done nothing to reassure me!

Berry - I despair when I read what friends say just because I have been on the end of some corkers. You should have said to your friend 'no this is my dog not my baby'. Sounds very patronising and I am not surprised you are cross. My closest friend said to me "can I ask, do you still want kids because it sounds like you don't have the patience". I was particularly angry as I had told her a day earlier that we were embarking on ivf again so why the hell would I be doing that if I didn't want them. Anyway after that I didn't speak with her for a few weeks to calm myself down. But I have to say I am glad I didn't go mad and disown her because she has been so kind in the last few months (but interestingly never this supportive when I went though m/cs and ivf) so I think these comments just comes from such a lack of understanding about the situation and the pain. Or they just belong in the covern of horrible women who enjoy making others feel shite. I guess it is worth examine whether you want these people in your life.

Star- if I have a kid(s), I vow to stay in touch with my single friends and still go and hang out with them and still do stuff we have always done. I hate this idea that when you have a baby you only mix with other people with babies. Some friends have been great and they lead normal lives where kids is just one part of their life. Others have ousted us though.

Oh wow, so much going on!

Big congrats to critter, joy, and nelly.

I'm really sorry to hear about all the insensitive comments, some people need to learn to think before they release the stupid.

I was just going to share about the flu vaccine. It can't make you sick (no live virus) and is especially important if you are diffed. If you get sick with the flu in the third trimester, you could end up hospitalized and even die. Here (where I live) they cite a slight decrease in pre-term labour and miscarriage in people who received the vaccine.

Waves to all the newbies, you've really found yourself some wonderful ladies on this board.

Joy, I had cracking headaches at that point (no steroids). Acu sorted them out completely.

joy there probably is no link between my miscarriage and the flu jab but I was just not prepared to take the risk,

Another "me" post sorry . Bit of a freak out. I'm using 400mg cyclogest overnight and smaller 200mg utrogestan the rest of the time. This morning I put in another cyclogest instead as I have more of those. Later I had manky coffee coloured discharge, and I swear I saw a tiny bit of pink cm when I wiped. I think the browny stuff is the cyclogest but I'm trying and failing not to obsess over the maybe-not-even-there pinkness.

Nothing I can do but this isn't easy. I can't believe I'm only 5+2. How on earth will time pass.

Nelly - it's not easy because all you can do is wait at this stage. But discharge tinged with pink/red is very very normal. It's most likely implantation bleeding. It is a good sign that things are settling in nicely. Brown blood is old blood and is fine. Heavy bleeding can also be fine. But I know however much I say this you will still be freaked because I freak and everyone freaks. I have thought many a time in the first 3 months that I will have a nervous breakdown and time really does stand still. Hang on in there. IF you are really panicked , know that is it one more week and you can have a first scan to put your mind at rest.

Buzz- I had a mc a few days after starting pregnancare and I won't go near them now although my logical mind says it was wholly unrelated. I can see why you didn't want to risk.

Euro - interesting you had headaches too.

Nelly sorry the worry is ongoing. I cannot imagine how slowly time must pass. As Joy says, I'm sure it's all normal but the worry must be awful. I am not sure how I would cope with another pregnancy. I hope for it and dread it at the same time! You could have a scan in a few days if you're finding the wait too long.

Joy sorry about the headaches. Can I ask a nosy question? Does everyone doing IVF take steroids when they are pregnant or is it a particular treatment plan you're on?

Sammy glad the hospital has your referral letter. Hope you get an appointment soon.

Star the situation with your friends sounds horrible. How mean of them to leave you out. I hope that if I have a baby my friendships with friends who don't have children continue as they are now.

Buzzy I love your straight talking . I'm glad things are going ok with your parents.

Thanks for the advice on my friend. I think Joy is right and I should have said something at the time. Too much time has passed now so that it will seem like a really big deal if I do say something, which is not what I want and I know if I told her how I felt she would get really upset. I am just going to try and keep my distance a little bit and if she is a true friend, hope that she will understand and will still be there when I come out of the other side of this shit.

Thanks for hand holding Joy. I do feel a bit reassured. The brown stuff is almost certainly cyclogest as its a thick creamy consistency, not the more stringy stuff you get with blood. And the pinky microscopic cm could be cervical irritation. After my progesterone scare I've been shoving my pessaries up with brute force extra persuasion, under some misguided notion they would be more effective the higher they were.

Yesterday I was excited to be at 5+1. But by bedtime, I thought "oh my god I'm still only 5+1 shouldn't I be about 8 weeks by now."

Sigh.

You will hit 7 weeks nelly and think you are 12 it will feel that long. A little bit of pink cm is nothing to worry about says me who got it at 5 weeks and promptly went home and sobbed.

Berry - sadly miscarriages make you dread pregnancy. I haven't felt excited once yet which seems thoroughly ungrateful and wasted but I can't go there.

Apparently I have a bladder infection. I gave my urine sample 3 weeks ago and it has taken them this long to call. I now have to give another one to check it is still there. I don't have any symptoms though so hope it's not problematic.

joy My thought process is completely illogical but I would do the same :)

berry i'm not a fluffy round the edges although it would help sometimes

nelly It can be scary and the first trimester drags on forever, it is most likely just an irritated cervix, thats why I used the back door have you booked in a scan

Yes I foresee sobbing this evening. Meh.

No not booked the scan in yet as its too scary....

Berry the steroids are for suspected (or even sometimes diagnosed ) immune issues. With my clinic it's a bit "throw everything at it". The theory is that some people have immune systems that see an embryo as a foreign body so the steroids counter that.

Joy sorry about the uti. Can't believe they took 3 weeks to tell you. Efficient or what?!

Ok Buzzy I caved and have it booked for 14th December. I will (Hopefully) be 7+5. Or by another measure, another 45,328 mumsnet posts

Well done nelly, another 7 years to wait then. I've booked another scan for 2 weeks today as am having major panics.

Berry - what nelly said. Apparently I have immune issues so have been on steroids and intrallipds. Euro was diagnosed with immune issues but didn't have steroids and had a baby girl. It is a tricky thing. I kind of like the kitchen sink approach although I hate all these drugs .

Hello all. It's about time I delurked to wave pompoms and fling sparkly knobs in delight at Joy, Critter and Nelly's most excellent news second thoughts, better not fling the sparkly knobs, they're massive , although I know it will be tempered with a big dose of worry and paranoia. FWIW I spent 9 months in fear and dread of something going wrong, I think it's normal when you've struggled so hard to get there.

Nelly I had a toxo scare in the second trimester when our kitty got ill. The midwife did a blood test straight away which came back negative. Not sure what i would have done if it had been positive, as it wouldn't have told me whether I'd contracted it recently or years ago, but at least I would've known. They do take fears seriously, I don't think I was ever made to feel I was time-wasting during pregnancy, not like all the crap from doctors and specialists during TTC

Interesting talk on friends. I am at the crap 10plussers have to deal with from the people who should be supportive, surely it's not too big an ask to just keep the stupid comments/questions to themselves! We get the 'are you having another' question occasionally but for once age is on my side, I think people just assume I'm too old . I still prefer to hang out with my childfree mates and they have been generously tolerant of my new found jellybrain. I do have some mummy friends but they are all younger and glamorous so I'm a bit out of place, and frankly hanging out at soft play talking about how advanced little so-and-so is does my head in . One of my friends has a smug on at the moment because apparently her one-year-old is "very advanced" according to the health visitor. I had to bite my tongue not to say 'what, has she turned into an obnoxious little shit already?' Can't wait for the flurry of round robin xmas emails in which nobody's kids are ever ordinary!

Euro my AF stayed away for 11 blissful months ("impressive", said the GP, which I interpreted to mean "weird") but since her return she has managed to coincide with a holiday, my birthday, several hellish work meetings, our first baby-free weekend away, and is now due on the same day as a work trip overseas. The bitch will have her revenge...

Cos I hope you have a lovely Christmas away from the upsetting family scenarios just hanging out with Mr C and doing the things that make you happy. That goes for everyone. I'm still trying to fathom ways of avoiding family scenarios, having Mini A hasn't made me like them any more and it's all gone a bit Jeremy Kyle again on Mr A's side so I am even more inclined to avoid. Mini A hasn't a clue about Christmas and is blissfully unaware, we are taking advantage of that by not bothering much with xmas presents [tight bastard emoticon] but I daresay she'll get us back in years to come. My neighbour's obnoxious 11 year old sat her down and talked her through a powerpoint of his Christmas list

I had better go, I'm avoiding work, but just wanted to pop in, prove I'm still here and proffer cake and gin. Once a tenplusser, always a tenplusser and all that

Art my wonderful celestial twin. I've missed you . You just made me actually spray coldy-snot across my desk at the Christmas PowerPoint!! And hooray for tail feathers. Many of us need those fluffed a lot. I will suck the sparkly knob though.

So wonderful to hear from you, and that Mini-A is full on average . She's not though, obviously. I mean, she has that hair for a start . And she's a 10plusser baby which makes her special in a way no one else can match.

Joy, 7 years feels about right. The bloody stupid app I stupidly decided I was brave enough to stupidly download (did I mention how stupid I was) tells me I've only got another 34 weeks and 5 days to worry.

Oops inappropriate typo. That should read Duck. Not Suck