Roll up! Roll up! Mount those uni cycles and shake those pom poms. The Elderberry Pavlovas are drumming away in the hope of a Christmas clusterdiff (Thread 24).

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

The roll of honour:

Gillster 40, TTC Feb 2012, IVF Feb 2014 resulting in 6 frozen one day embies. No transfer due to polyp. Failed FET cycle in September due to polyps. Starting 2nd FET cycle on 4 Nov.
Happylass 36, TTC since Aug 2012. Antibodies in DH's sperm. 1 unsuccessful cycle of ICSI September '14. Starting cycle 2 in January.
Smidge, 38, TTC since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF#1 Short protocol July 2014 yielded 1 blasto, BFN. IVF#2 in process - Long Protocol Oct/Nov 2014
Serenity 34 TTC Jan 2013, unexplained infertility, DH has textbook super sperm, 3 rounds unsuccessful clomid, 1 ICSI June 14 with complete fertilisation failure, next ICSI Nov 14.
Jelliebabe - 40, Threw the pills away 8 years ago. Unexplained but have a very low AMH, 1st IVF with clinic in Prague, 2 embryo's, chemical pregnancy. 2nd IVF in London branch of clinic - 1 embryo, BFN. Hoping to go back to Prague for Donor eggs in January
nolly, 32, TTC since Sep 2012, unexplained. 6 months clomid did sod all, next appointment 29th Oct, hoping to start private round ivd soon.
Pixie, 33, TTC June 12, DH has zero sperm count but managed to extract some under surgery, start downregging in a week, long protocol, ICSI Nov
Tigerdog 34, ttc 21 months. Unexplained after all tests and currently on waiting list for IVF.
Beaky 34 ttc since aug 2012. Unexplained with recurring cysts and adenomyosis. 1 failed IUI, IVF appointment in November and hoping to start first cycle in January.
Bushy 36, ttc since dec 2011, low amh, ovarian reserve, dh sperm had low count & motility but improved to 'normal' standard, IVF/Icsi in May bfp, then later missed miscarriage at 12 week scan. 2nd Ivf imminent but not sure if dates will work over Christmas.
HampshireBlues 36 TTC since August 2011, unexplained. 1st cycle of IVF chemical. Had a break over the summer. Cycle 2 planned for November
WildflowerMarmalade , 40, TTC 3 years, unexplained, underactive thyroid + immune issues. Sept IUI - BFN. Due to start IVF in Jan
lumen, 35, ttc since Nov 11 without a sniff of a bfp, unexplained, had only nhs funded IVF summer 2014, no implantation, trying self-funded IVF Nov 14, currently mid cycle
AnnieHoo 41, ttc July 2012. Unexplained. MMC Nov 2012, MMC May 2014. IVF Oct 2014 BFN. Waiting for FET.
Trill 41, TTC since March 2013. Endo with one completely blocked tube and one kinked with adhesions. Currently stimming.

And Gil's handy guide to the current IVFers....

Smidge - PUPO on 3 Nov
Pip - ET on 5 Nov
Lumen -EC on 5 Nov
Trill - day 5 of stims
Pixie - week of DR done
Seren - stimming yet?
Gillster- start DR on 4 Nov
Kuma - you starting soon???

lumen how are you doing?

So scan shows a cyst on my right ovary. I've been given a reprieve until Monday when they will reassess; if AF has turned up and the cyst has gone down then we can continue otherwise it will abandon, rescan and start again without or without the pill. Grr body!

Fingers crossed for you hb

I'm ok thanks nolly, feeling a bit down if I am honest but going to visit my parents, brother and his family this weekend. Will get a bit of niece and nephew love over the weekend

Also had a bit of a sore head this morning, went out for drinks after work, had 4 glasses of prosecco, quite a lot after my mainly dry 2014

I heard your news through the berry grapevine lumen, I'm so sorry, it's so unfair .

I'm off sick in bed so have managed to read this entire thread while trying to distract myself from feeling sick. However it's taken about 2 hours and my head is exploding so I feel no better equipped to actually reply to anyone so I'll just slope off quietly back to limbo land. I'm hoping to be back in berryland properly in January so I can skip down the yellow brick road towards the next iui, but currently still in between mc test results and seeing the fc consultant again.

Fingers crossed the cyst does one hb and that af arrives.

lumen hope you manage to have a lovely weekend with your family.

How are things progressing pixie?

I'm a misery guts today. Headache for the third time in a week, spotty and crappy skin and general malaise. Also had a couple of arguments with oh this week so generally feeling unsettled. First one being that, despite agreeing that we'd do IVF in March, he doesn't want to commit to doing it then for definite in case he gets a new job too and won't want to take time off etc. . All I'm asking for is a few days off to accompany me to key appointments. I'd happily trade for the injections, procedures, side effects etc. Grrr.

Anyway, am pulling myself together after that little whinge and heading off to a lunchtime acu session which should both cheer me up and banish my headache! Although my effing train is now delayed by 10 mins. Deep breaths.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. So glad it's the weekend! Last quiet one before Christmas so going to make the most of it.

tiger I hope your acu has sorted you out and made the headache go away.

barking I was wondering if you were still around and how you were doing. You are right, this currently feels massively unfair . We will have to make 2015 our year. To echo feathers mantra, our time will come! and it better be in 2015

I hope you're right lumen, but I can remember hoping 2013 was my year, and I remember the berries last year all hoping that 2014 was the year!!
We'll all reach the end of the journey somehow at some point, and even that to me is somewhat comforting. I'll know one way or the other next year what my situation is, because for the sake of my sanity I'm not planning to ttc for more than 4 years, and if we're still not pg we'll have exhausted all NHS options - 6 months of clomid, 3 rounds of iui and 1 cycle of IVF, and I think by that point I'll just need to close the door. You have to know where to stop and that's definitely it for me. Or if one of those works but we have a third mc I think that might also mark game over. Just knowing that this won't go on forever makes it more bearable .
If we give up before we're successful then the adoption process fun and games will begin...

Onwards and upwards!

tiger just grrr . I'm with you on the crap skin right now. So angry that I can't get pg but all the time I'm ttc I have to put up with painful and ugly spots as well as I can't take anything to help.
Hope your DH sorts out his commitment to the IVF start date, it's so important to know where your markers are so you're not in limbo wondering when things will start moving again.

barking I have said the same about 2012, 2013 and 2014. Your plan sounds like a good one. I don't feel like we have explored everything yet related to ttc but you are right that this cannot be our lives forever, it takes too much out if you in every way possible.

Tried to convince MrL to book a f#%k it skiing holiday for Feb to try and invoke the law of sod, didn't work as we need to save money for more treatment, maybe some sessions at the snow dome might do the trick

Yep, didn't we start ttc about the same time lumen? I came off the pill Dec 2011, started trying properly January 2012.

Boo to the sensibleness getting in the way of a skiing holiday!
We've booked a f*ckit cycling holiday over Christmas. Annoyingly this could now put iui back a month, but hey, if I get diffed I won't be able to fly anywhere so might be my last flight for a while as I won't want to book anything next year just in case (diagnosed with factor v leiden thrombophilia so wouldn't take the risk of flying even if doctors think it's OK with the heparin injections, just not worth it after losing two already).

I've tried b6, all sorts of other vitamins, temping, opks, cbfm, Chinese woo tablets, acupuncture, wheat free/alcohol free diet, catching rainbows advice followed to the letter for 3 months, meditation, demanded referral to rmc despite 'only two' mc was proved right on that one having got a diagnosis By the time we've done our remaining iui/IVF I don't think I'm going to feel there was anything else we could have done!!

I'm with you both, I am fed up of "next year will be the year" and been saying it for over 3 years. I have tried most things so......

I have to say I thought that I was a fairly resilient person but I never thought that IVF would be such an emotional roller coaster. I don't think that I have such an emotional wreck before.

I know how you feel Barking. I remember someone suggesting manuka honey and going off to buy that.
The odd thing for us is that we were so sure this last IVF wouldn't work that we have shut the door, mentally. I feel very lost now.

We've always said, this could be our last holiday on our own... Boooooo to all of it. Had a proper cry this morning at a pic of a heavily pregnant friend. Due 3 days before I would have been due... Normally I'm okay (we actually met through the clinic) but I've been out of sorts this week.

I did say before ivf that two goes with our own eggs then a donor go and that would be is finished, but I know I'd go for more... When is enough? I guess when we can't afford it.

Barking it's so lovely to have you on here. I remember you telling me previously that we'll all reach the end of our journeys one way or another. DH and I keep thinking we're reaching the end of our journeys and then something pops up to keep us going..... Until we've now 2.5 yrs later got to the point of Icsi which we never thought we'd get an option of. Whilst it's absolutely not what we would have wanted or would wish on anyone else, we are trying to keep cautiously positive and keep following the yellow brick road. I know we're all at totally different stages in our journeys but DH and i have the faith that one way or another we will have a family, even if it's an adopted one. 3 attempts and that's it. And as of this weekend, attempt 1 will be in progress. 9/10 embies still progressing to plan grade A or Bs. Hopefully blasto transfer tomorrow. I'm so nervous.

Excellent progress Pixie

Wow, absolutely everything crossed for you, pixie 9/10 sounds like an amazing haul! .

Finally finished my three quilts tiger!

Best of luck tomorrow pixie

Good luck tomorrow Pixie. I always found the bit where DH was holding my hand and we were looking at the ultrasound screen the hardest bit.

Bin cat sat on my lap again for about half a hour tonight. Second time ever!

Lumen they are lovely. I'm nowhere near exacting enought for quilts.

Best of luck, Pixie.

The time thing is horrible and it's only been a couple of years for us. A baby before I'm 40 changed to being pregnant before 40 and now it's just a hope of ever getting pregnant. Hopefully we'll get our nhs ivf in December, if that doesn't work and I'm still ovulating I'll do one final long protocol as suggested by the FC after the first round of IVF. after that I'm a mad cat lady.

I also had bad skin, but it's got better in the last year, unfortunately I think it's probably related to ovaries etc shutting down Would rather have spots than almost no eggs left.

Nice to see you back though barking.

Lumen they're amazing! Very impressed. Tiger we're just waiting on your blinds now...how they coming along?
I keep waking up at midnight and 4.30...earily on the dot. Don't know if it's worry or to drink water so don't get dehydrated but finding it hard to get to sleep again. Flippin annoying!

Good luck today Pixie I have everything crossed for you and Mr P; seeing the embie on the screen is amazing and certainly caused DH a lump in his throat and a tear in my eye.

Lumen the quilts are stunning!

Good luck today pixie. Hope it all goes well. Are you having one popped back? Hope you managed to get some more sleep too. The blind is finished and up! I will post a pic.

lumen your quilts are lovely! Well done on getting them finished. Do you have a proper quilting machine? What a labour of love. I really like your little sewn on messages, I wish I had thought of that when I made the quilt for my best friend's baby! Finally going to make Christmas decorations today!

Aw jellie a big hug to you. Hope you're feeling better. It is hard.

hb I'm sure you are very resilient, but this isn't easy! Have you ever heard of the curse of the strong? Strong people are much more likely to keep going and shoulder more and more stress, until it becomes too much. I hope that 2015 will be the year for all of us, we certainly deserve our babies.

kuma when will you find out if you can go ahead in Dec?

The bad skin is very annoying. Doesn't happen often but the odd cycle I get loads of spots and it's definitely hormonal.

pip a pawhold from me. Love that the cat is back on your lap.

trill I am thinking of you, hope you're ok.

Had a good chat with Mr T last night about Ivf dates and other stuff. We're on the same page now I think!

Right, had better go and walk the hound!

lumen the quilts are amazing. I wouldn't even know where to start with something like that. All this talk of sewing has got me thinking I might get my cross stitch out. I'm not particularly good at it but I do enjoy it. I would love to do more sewing & learn to do it properly.

Ladies, you are such a lovely bunch and you all so deserve your babies. I love pixie's attitude of being cautiously positive. I too never thought we'd have to go through all the interventions and Ivf. It's just not something you think will happen to you, especially when the world and it's wife get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

tiger is also cock on with the curse of the strong. If I'm honest I think it was starting to break me. I was v negative and crying a lot, just felt v bad about myself. Think the whole failure thing had got to me and perhaps I'd tried to be too strong at the start of the mmc.

pip go cat!!

pixie v exciting! hope all goes well for a smooth transfer.