Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

I'd love them a bit smaller myself. Grass is always greener, huh?

After all, more than a handful is a waste, apparently? Can't remember where I heard that but it's a fair point. if a bit sexist

I'm waiting for my kittens to learn to turn the taps on, they are close. I keep shooing them off and they're back before I know it. One of them is a brazen thief, he steals pens when I'm writing with them! Today he took the dishcloth from under my nose and artfully draped it over his scratchpost. He sauntered off staring at me over his shoulder! I'd have been incensed if he wasn't so damn cute!!

I think I might start placing bets on where I will find a sponge tomorrow morning.

Cramps and brown tinged cm. No no no no no no no :(

Evening y'all!

kh yes - shag shag shag! EWCM means shag! :)

gliding this is rubbish :( I'm so sorry lovely.

tink I laughed at Mr Tink wanting to see boobs! Brilliant.

nonik tsk tsk! 10dpo is too early :) But you know this, yes? We are POAS buddies - don't test again til 12dpo.

Do I have windy boobs? Ahhh, I see where that connection came from. Yes, I thought it was wind, but not IN the boobs! Ya freakin weirdos!

I'm confused about this day 21 blood thing. I got sent for bloods but just booked it in and definitely didn't do it on a particular day, unless they somehow did it without me knowing? I had fanny-cam and Mr La jizzed in a cup, but otherwise - nada. They did say everything looked fine so perhaps there was no reason to do them?
I definitely did all the tests, then we were referred to fc. But no one mentioned this 21 day thing. Now I'm 'waiting until spring to see if you get pregnant, then we'll re-assess you'. Punishment for bfp.

Oooh wankbadger - forgot about that lovely phrase!

Sorry for all you sicky viroids. You can have some sympathy, but mostly I'm just envious! :) You can get your own back by giving me no sympathy when I have my head down a bog.

What is a COCP bra?

gaggia 'fuckynutsack'? 'cuntpigeon'? Genius within the madness.

Bitchpanda! haa haa haaaa! Love it.

lil twat kitten? really? Is that the best you can do?

dulcet and honey I got trashed at my wedding, gave an impromptu speech and told someone to 'shut the fuck up'. Oops. It was part of a joke though and thankfully they thought it was very funny, but there were a few po faces on the distant relative tables.

My boobs are a family joke. They have always been stupidly large in relation to my size and are much larger than mum's, much to her disgust. When I was 11 my dad made me a bra out of papier mache. Apparently it's a family tradition fucking weird more like

aina I love Gogglebox - it's amazingly addictive.

Spotting gone away. Hoping against hope for an ib. Going to go and hide in a hole til testing day. nonik in answer to your question yes I do sometimes get spotting (coz of luteal phase defect) but normally earlier than this. But then this is the wtf cycle... My lp is usually 10-12 days.

My cat loves make-up brushes. LOVES them. He will come and steal them out of your hand while you're using them, then gleefully toss it around the house.
Other cat (famous one) puts his treasures in the water bowl. Coins, foil, polo mints, whatever it is - in the water bowl.

mountain no :( I hope it's not witch. Go to bed and see if it's gone by morning. When I got bfp I had so much bleeding I put a tampon in because I thought it was af, but it went away again.

la what dpo are you now? IB doesn't sound unlikely?! GX

Mountain I hope its just spotting.

Me too mountain

9dpo. I have short lp so it's tricky as af will sometimes come on 10dpo and I can get spotting before. Last time I spotted 9/10dpo then it went away and I got bfp 12dpo.

mountain I hope it buggers off x

La I'm keeping my gx for you!

I'm glad to have found another Gogglebox addict! I think it's one of those shows that you either love or hate!

mountain I've got my gx for you too!

This fred is a terrible distraction ya know ladies. . Though checking it every so often throughout my evening is breaking up my question writing!

la I was going for ironic :)

watched my dbs kitten chasing the light from a laser pen tonight. was hilarious!

paper mache bra at age 11. sounds perverse to me interesting!

oh and la if you went for bloods you must have had a progesterone test to confirm ov? maybe they were more clued up and just ignored the "21" thing and told you to come in 7dpo? or they just did amh to check ovarian reserve but nothing else cos gps are idiots

No more brown this morning, but temp drop and cramping. I have never had a problem with luteal phase before- the only thing I haven't had a problem with :( feeling pretty blue.

mountain brown is good, pink is good. If mixed with cm it's good. Temp drop can be implantation drop (I had it last time)

Have faith POAS buddy...

No spotting this morning, no cramps, achy boobs, temp still sitting high. It's an example though of why time of temp taking is so important - at 5:30 I woke up and thought I'll just take temp. Big drop.
Norm time (6:45) temp back up!

Last time my temp dropped below cover line at 10dpo then shot up the next day

Don't forget la, it almost doesn't matter what you LP was before MC, you are playing an entirely different game now. Mine was 10days too but this last cycle I ov'd early and would have been 13 days which is much better. Not trying to get you hopes up unnecessarily but just don't discount yourself yet.

Loving all the cat stories! Make me smile!

Don't get me started on pesky cats. My two are obsessed with being in the same room as us and pissing us me off. This weekend I was playing a computer game and they kept jumping on the desk and kicking the mouse and keyboard off to lay on front of the monitor. NOT helpful when I'm trying to kill zombies!! They also keep stealing pens and hiding them in their cat tree.

I bought my two this barrel off a website called Zooplus though, it's amazing and they love it! Keeps them entertained for about 10 mins!

I've still got tender boobs but nothing else. At least last month I felt sick. This month I have 0 symptoms and AF is due in a week!

I think the witch is on her way viroids! Brown watery CM and another BFN with my brand new (arrived yesterday) ICs Tbh I'm actually not all that bothered because I'm consistently testing BFN and have no symptoms... And there's no way my egg wouldn't have implanted now unless I iced really late which wouldn't be normal for me. So I was pretty worried about suddenly having something go really wrong with my cycle. So if it is AF, on CD30 instead of 28, I can cope with that! Clearly telling you all she comes on Sunday night without FAIL was a big mistake!!! That'll teach me to boast about the predictability of my cycle...

morning viroids.

hope the witch stays away indigo and la and mountain

jelly I get varying levels of "symptoms" every cycle as I think most of us do some times a barely notice my boobs, sometimes they barely fit in my bra. sometimes my nipples are normal, others they hurt like hell. it's possible the sickness was linked to the prog course you were on. try and focus on something else. mini hooya for you

well exam day today. gulp so that should keep my mind off the twot lol

Cheers lil and good luck to you. I hate exams! Gingers crossed!

Still hoping all you ladies due to test soon are still in the game :)

Good luck lil!! GX