Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Noniks! I read "rubbish feminist" as "rubber fetishist" and almost spat out my lunch!

Thanks hun!

bollox. after a good run this morning I've done fa this afternoon except read threads on the infertility board. I'm an idiot!

Ah Lil I am the queen of procrastination when it comes to studying. It's so easily done, don't beat yourself up.

Mouth all numb from the dentist. Really want a cup of tea but sadly would end up dribbling it all overyself.

ha wil last time I was numb from dentist I drank my cuppa with a straw! just had to be careful not to burn myself through the numbness but failed a bit

now at mums as having to look after lil bros so going to attempt to study now!

tink I also got bfp the same month I had day 21 bloods done....

Do some work Lil!!

What are these day 21 bloods and why haven't I had these? I feel like the uncool kid!

Day 9 in the big dpo house. Achy boobs, cramps and spotting. Think af is on way - big fat shitebags.

Going to mope and feel sorry for myself, I'd pinned all my hopes in that 'you're more fertile after mc' chat. Fecking pissy ttc shite wankbags cumfluff.

Feel better now. Thanks. :(

Fuckwank

(Sorry - swearpot wasn't empty yet)

Day 21 progesterone La. Tells you if you've got ovulated.

Not out yet, missy x

I was loling at cumfluff...

cumfluff! lmao.

work is overrated. dbs algebra homework was far more interesting!

Shit la that sucks might it be ib? does it feel like last time with bfp?? you ok?

Day 21 check progesterone levels.
Day 3 check lutenising hormone (sic?) And follicle stimulating hormone.

For pcos day 3 tests are usually vital. Can't see they'll prescribe clomid without it. Dr refused me them though, said they weren't in the protocol here and if fc need them they'll do them

She must have felt bad though as she's booked me an under the radar dildo cam. Not as fertility referral but as pcos check up as the af pains are getting bad again. All in all can't complain. Glad a few of you are proving her "you won't need these referrals" point.
I liked her cos she didn't raise an eyebrow at how long we've been ttc. six years at xmas we think, oh man. Last dr I saw packed me off with metformin muttering about anovulation, but I know I ov. Wanker...

la what a shittybollocks, tossyfucker wankbadgering wankstain that is.

Edited to add: not out till the bitchwitch shows up!

Hi ladies

Just saying hi. Still pg as far as I know, still sick as a dog. Scan on 20th Nov. Have missed you all and missed posting but have stayed away because all I've done in rl is moan about the sickness. But I think it's easing off (crosses fingers). There are home made cakes in my kitchen, I've washed and dried today and unstacked the dishwasher (rather than hiding under my duvet and moaning). So life is good.

Crossing fingers for all of you, especially anyone twotting. :)

before pleeeaaaseee give me some of your sickness. Im currently waiting for an overdue witch on day 29 with multiple BFNs and only symptoms are very minor boob cramping.

Have convinced myself that my normally 28 day regular cycles have turned into PCOS and I'm never going to have a period again..

Ha! Honey that was all your own work you filthy minx, but most amusing. Especially as DH would probably crap himself if I pounced on him in that get up!!

La is spotting normal? Pinning my hopes on IB for you.

Thanks for the hooya Lil, didn't stop me peering at my nips before bath time desperate for a colour change! Although my boobs are abit pneumatic looking...?!

Hope your mush isn't too sore Wil surely you need ?!

Just made DH manhandle my boobs. He agrees they are ginormous. Think he is humouring me

Fuckwitting bastard chum buckets wanktards

Ooh, does relieve the stress!!

what's going on with the boobs? we have la with windy ones, non with pneumatic ones and I seem to remember some one having blue ones?! I want funny boobs!!!!!

just need to try something...:
bastard twatting fucking shit wank bollocks!!!..... ooohhh yeah I like! lol

Ha ha it totally works see!?!

Not ignoring people just making tea, going to read through today's chat afterwards

My boobs are still nuclear!! I could heat a small village from them :/

I think I also got a BFP the month I had my day 21 bloods done, either then or the month after! I never got around to getting the results until I went in for something else after finding out I was pg :)

No ones ever offered me day 21 or 3 bloods. Is it routine? How've I gone through all the fertility testing without this?

I hate that numb mouth/cup of tea dilemma!

Anyone want my sickness? Though it's the only symptom keeping me hopeful I'm still upduffed so maybe I'll keep it for now. But if you want to share, Indigo, you're v welcome. I'll offer you mornings, I'll take the rest of the bloody day. Read back through Fred 29, it took me a LONG time to get my BFP - though I think the only explanation here would be the mc fucking with my cycles. Loads of folk don't get a pair of lines until a few days late, so not out yet.

Not sure how you've missed the D3/21 bloods, La. You clearly do ovulate though, as you got pregnant. That's not an excuse for not doing them beforehand though. Hope the windy boobs make the next Fred title even if they are not a sign

I'm in my COCP bras :) Next step will be the dizzy heights of a C cup

Ooh me! Me! My turn!

CuntPigeon WankBadger TwattingBollocks FuckyNutSack arse arse arse.

Hmm free therapy.

I like the swearing. Shite-coated bellends and fuckwanking cocknuggets. Festering arseholes and twatty cuntweasels. In other news, I have got loadsablood, though not behaving quite like normal period. Think another chemical. Nice to have two BFPs in five months, be nicer if the little buggers would stick.