Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

aina it depends what you're after. I've got six:

Love honey silent smooth - very quiet, we use it to bring me to O during sex
Ann summers rabbit - for me on my own :)
Dolphin - very buzzy, gets you there fast. Small so easy to use during sex but it's very tickly which I don't like
Ann summers L shaped pocket vibrator - another one for using during sex. Like mini version of the silent smooth
Love honey bullet - shite. Don't bother. Charges from USB which is pain in ass
We-vibe - does both of you at the same time

to be honest, im actually relieved I'm not the only one that wants it over with sometimes! I think DH thinks he's being good to keep going, you'd think after 12 years he'd have cottoned on by now though!!!

thanks for that list la I used to have a really big collection but had to live with mum for a while and they were too noisy and I got rid of most, I'm now left with a bullet type one which is about 12 years old and on its last legs and a massive one that actually needs chucking as I used to be able to use it and now it hurts!!?! :-/
definately need new toys..... Dear Santa....... lol

Jeez la, what a collection! That's impressive, I am in awe. Just wow.

You do need to leave the POAS for a couple days noniak, I know it's easier said than done. I bled two weeks in last pg. That was ultimately a MC but over that time it did progress according to blood tests. Bleeding not always bad but obviously not always good either.

Not sure we are going out for fireworks now. I just had a big nap and it's raining... Lazy?

not lazy dulcet it's so snuggy inside. mind you I think I used to be some sort of animal that hibernates in a previous life! :-)

I love a peshwari nan, could just eat one now but stuck with the pasta bake that's in the oven!! bad times lol! x

just realised we're over the 900 mark, should we be roll calling? :-/

Think most men think like that kh

Ok dulcet, such a headfuck not knowing either way

I echo the others Noniks, wait a week. I had light bleeding for a few days at start of mc. Hope you're ok.

I guess so KH. Though mine haven't changed, so perhaps just newbies and recently upduffers need give info again? La, mountain, Lemon, Aniat and anyone I forgot

Well, I really do think they need to do a PSA on Sex. Entitled "MEN: Just get on with it already!"

Is it bad or super impressive that I wrote my Christmas cards today? I do not intend to post them for a few weeks, but I just wanted them out of the way.

I guess if your on first poss of this thread don't post stats but if your not/are new then post.

you all know my boring story by now lol

honey only half bad. OK as long as you don't post them until December!

I'm starting to think about Xmas shopping. trying to buy stuff off peoples Amazon wish list before my mum buys everything on them!

Name: la, LaLa, leela
Age: 34
TTC: since July 2013, mc sept 2014
DC: brand new upduffed with DC1, crossing everything this one sticks.
Have my ginger kitties as my furry DCs in meantime.

Ginger? My first cats were a ginger and white "marmalade" tom and a simba-style ginger tom. Lovely boys.

Thanks wil

Name: Noniks
Age: 31
TTC: July '14
DCs: 2 spaniels & otherwise in limbo!!

I love my gingers :) they are my angels

noniks we are here for you to give you support, whatever happens. Come on here and chat whenever you need to x

Good grief you girls are chatty! I've tons to catch up on after a few busy days

Thanks la am currently in a spaniel sandwich

Name: jcandy
Age: 30
TTC: Aug 14
DC: none just two little furry terrors, Franklin and Bruce the Guinea pigs

I'm the quiet one that just stands in the corner and smiles not weird at all Thought I'd delurk just to say thank you to you guys! Whatever happens in the day I always know I can come on here and you'll make me smile Good luck to those with bfp's and GX for the rest of us!

Why are we stats-ing now? We will be on a new thread by the end of the night!

We will if you start it Dulce. I demand an Alex Ferguson reference in the title.

Haha. Well I will try. Tiny bit too early though? I hate an unfinished Fred!

Evening all, had fun at baby shower today! Why are we doing stats?

Name: Jelly
Age: 24
TTC: Aug 2014
DC: Nada
Furry DC's: 2 kittehs!

Can someone tell the bitch witch i'm not meant to lose what feels like 3 pints of blood in an hour!!

Stats for the first post like on this thread.

Cat #1 is currently having a belly rub from dh. She's loving it. I feel so left out! he knows how to satisfy a pussy!

Yeah wait 5 minutes an hour.

Spaniel sandwich I need to get me another spaniel... What kind are they non?

So we can copy onto the new Fred, Dulcet. Are you going to do the honours?

Hi, JCandy! Join in with the madness :)

Noinks, I know how crappy crap crap you're feeling. Unfortunately, you do have to wait several days...it is a truly beautiful surprise if it is a BFP then though.

Chat, 33
DC: 3yo DD. Plus a tabby cat on her last warning, two fish and a snail
TTC: All year, currently (hopefully) clinging onto a kidney bean who will adopt the moniker indestructabean should all stay well. MC March and August.