Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Yeah that makes more sense. My exhaust doesn't look like that...

So is this the 5:2 diet you lot are doing?

At this rate we will be through this thread today! dulcet seeing as you were in asda last week do you want to do next one?

nobody wants a BFN Fleur. Just need to learn to deal with them :)

Bfns are an annoying part of the journey. But one day it will be a bfp

I was going to poas on Tuesday too fleur but it would be a waste of a stick. I didn't get any jizz at the right time and all my opks have been neg so im declaring myself out for this cycle.

haha honey he ain't coming near my ass and he hasn't shown any interest in car exhausts to my knowledge. I'm going to at least pin him down for a hand job later! I'd wonder if he masturbates but he's never home without me here. I honestly don't think he does clearly a symptom of his lazy sperm

well done on the weight loss. I forgot to get on the scales this morning, probably a good thing as I had takeaway last night!

Ha! lil love that you're pinning him down for a hand job! No one can say us JSers are not classy

gaggia you might ice late coz it's the wtf cycle. I didn't get positive opk until cd29

committed to the cause, but if I don't need the jizz elsewhere I'm not going to waste effort

Haha, energy conservation lil - I like it

honey I'm with you there! my DH tries to hold off and I'm like wtf?! I have often resorted to faking a second o just to convince him to finish!! never fake the 1st though I make him work for that lol!!

I just grab his balls and that normally does the trick! Over and done - boom!

I also grab the balls. It's a fail safe!

KH I totally agree! bloody well get on with it!

Sorry to hear you are having a shit time of it jelly, hope you are making the most of

lil I just bought my temp, 30 OPKs and some IC hpts from the same place that honey got her OPKs. I went for the "those who bought this also bought this" pack of all three job. It flashes up a number which I assume is my temp, followed by 37.00, although this morning it was 37.01. Do folk think it's faulty? Can't see anything on instructions re why it says a second reading.

What CD should I start OPKing lil, honey jelly and all the fellow OPKers?

I have a babymad bbt indigo, it just shows my temp after it bleeps. If I click the button it shows 36.5. If you're waiting for it to bleep, not pressing the button and its changing, it might be faulty?

Dh can take a while too, talking dirty tends to do the trick but I can't always keep a straight face

Indigo i started opk on cd7 as i want to find when i ice. If i knew already i'd use them for a smaller time frame.

So sounds like with the JS ladies or husbands have a problem with late ejaculation?

No late ejaculation problems here. I get a decent banging then he holds off til I've climaxed a few times then he lets go. He will just jizz when I tell him too though he's like a machine.

Thanks la that's good to know I might still ice yet. GX for that. Think I'm on CD23 now.

I can do it if we get that far la. Will keep an eye out.

Same as gaggia, DH will go when I say. He's a good boy! TTC is not about holding out anyway. I worry about holding out will lead to no soilders!

lil, what takeaway did you have? Talk dirty to me amongst all these good dieters!

I had crab soup and a chow mein from the Chinese last night.

Can someone please get it in my head that I'm intolerant to eggs? Arse rain again... Why do they taste so nice?

dulcet I had indian - bhuna balti with onion bahji's and peshwari naan! MMmmmmmm

indigo i also have the baby mad one. it shows temp once it beeps, goes off then when i turn it back on it shows a number (can't remember but think it is 37.00) but if i hold the button down it will tell me last temp taken so try that. if not maybe message seller for clarification on if its working right.

Mine is this one here

oh you have to press and hold button on mine to get last reading, it will disappear when you let go of button

oh and honey fertility friend app has an opk optimiser

Gaggia you have such a delicate turn of phrase .

Mmmmm I luffs bhuna!

Mr P can hold it a fair while or lose it on command Not so much nowadays though when shagging is a bimonthly affair!

Thanks wil

Oh Peshwari naan, you filthy bitch lil! I love it when you talk dirty.