Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Lol Lemon! Slowly and carefully!

Hence going a bit cross-eyed!

Yes, La, Noniks, Mountain... How are you?

I was thinking the same, how are you la noniks mountain??

I need to come to your house to learn the secret ways of 'slowly' and 'carefully'. I am a graphic designer but I do not have the patience for this! Did you design it too, you talented bastard??

Belated welcome lemon (waves hi there)

jelly and honey I'm also going to be temping and OPKing this cycle. Thanks for all the info lil, you are so goddamn useful that when you get your BFP you are so gonna have to still spend loads of time on this thread..

God no Lemon. It will be the official heraldry when its done so had to stick to pattern. Did simplify it a little bit though! I have been very inspired by Paper Panda who you can find on Facebook. Amazingly talented lady!

I am jealous of your job! I loved GCSE Graphics... Couldn't take it for A Level sadly, didn't fit with my options. My "cousin" is a graphic designer though. Went to the show in London thatvwas exhibiting some of her designs years ago. Very stressed by everyone there! Such talent and style!

Very impressed. It was not stressful.

Yay Indigo! One of us, one of us, one of us!

hi all! Still trying to take it in over here. DH hasn't commented a lot yet..

Bleeding not too bad, just a bit of brown when wiping and only occasional (sorry for the tmi I think we may be a bit past that now??) cramps seem to have eased a bit too .. although that could have been because I have eaten my own body weight in pasta. Off away for the weekend with old uni chums tomorrow who are so going to sense that something is up!

Good luck with the fast day tomorrow - I tried the fast diet but could only do 1 day at a time and only lasted 2 weeks I know what you mean about needing carbs lil only way through is to keep busy!

Thanks Indigo

honey please post updates as you progress, I am inspired

I love Paper Panda Honey, her stuff is amazing!

there is no such thing as tmi on this thread any more!

indigo my bfp is booked for 10th February so you have until then to make your way over to the grads thread with me

lemon with all the you are handing out you will fit in well here. don't get too comfy though, the grads are lovely mad too.

missed mountains post. yay for the slowed bleeding.

I don't get the carbs thing either but my lunch time omlettes just don't fill me up for more than an hour

Well lil I'll take that in the no fucking pressure optimistic manner that was intended

Yay Wil! high five

OMG Chat its all kicking off in Belgium! Are you ok?

Ok don't click on that. Wrong link...

this is the right one!

Yay mountain! DP still has his ginger nuts crossed for ya. And yep the TMI stuff went out the window when we all shared how much anal sex we'd had..

La! True DAT!

jelly your cycles are stabilising after long period of absence they might be all over the place for a bit. Put the pissy sticks down and try to relax.

B6 - this is important, you must take a b complex not just b6 or you'll create imbalance. It should length lp by making you ovulate earlier.

Echoing lil you won't know you ovulated if you don't temp. not that I'm advocating contraband You could potentially temp for few cycles til they calm down into a pattern? Then you'll know when you ovulate approximately.

love the video la. also meant to say earlier I lobe that once again in your bfp pic you had amazing nails! I need to take the shellac off mine before I get the urge to peel it off!

*love not lobe!

Oh god honey, how is he against farting?! Mine takes pleasure in it. Not as much as sneezing though - he loves sneezing!

lemon, I task you with return our friend to its original intent and just shag! We have gotten into some awful habits. I do the lift thing but don't think there is science behind it. It does mean DH brings me stuff though as I am 'busy'!

I'm with you chat re: early scan. Thought I would want it as soon as I could but now I'm here, I don't. I defo don't want an internal scan, what's the earliest we can have a tummy one?!

Tempers - put your thermometer on your alarm clock! That's what lil does! ? (I've watched her sleep...)

Sounds like a group diet is going on. I tried low carb/high protein lil, couldn't make it work. All my lovely protein meals are served with carbs! Really struggled. But my clinic recommended it too. They are doing research into the Mediterranean diet approach too.

Now, viroids, tell me, is this too much POAS? DH seems to think it is, me and Nigel (the seagul) aren't convinced... We think this is how a JSer does POAS! (Anyone that has ever been to my house now knows exactly who I am!)

Reading through today (been away for work) my god you guys blether.

lil appears to have answered all posts about timing, temping etched so I won't add anything to that other than yes shag on way up to icing and that yes temp increase confirms icing has happened, not that it's on the way

noniks I'm send you a squeeze and some chocolate. Hoping you're ok doll x

mountain you ok? Spotting is normal just keep eye on it but don't stress yourself out!

tink I also have a refrigerated Nigeria!

Been out all day at work had to give lecture at a uni long way away. Got wet and cold on way home so am now in bed with electric blanket. Love. It.

Spotting stopped here as soon as it started. Lots of stretchy womb feelings and tingly boobs.
Staying here on Fred for long while to come as I can't face going and coming back again. Symptoms feel stronger this time. Back is killing me and I have very painful wrist

Hope everyone's ok?