Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Oh dear I sucked at them honey. FD one was tea with no sugar (yuk), 3 ryvita's with light red pepper humous and cucumber, and dinner was tomato and garlic soup (home made). Plus a hard boiled egg midday. Totalled around 380 calories. FD 2 was lots of herbal tea, light salad with balsamic vinegar dressing ( no oil) for lunch, 2 rice cakes as a snack and left over soup for dinner. Totaled about 290-310 calories. Third fast day was nothing all day (yep, nada) and then a weightwatchers meal that was 280 calories and a yoghurt for desert. Total about 380 calories :)

jelly well done that's a huge amount! Can I be cheeky and ask if you have much to lose? I don't have much to lose but it's easy for me to look chubby since I'm precisely the size of a borrower.

Huge amount of weight not food X post there.

I want to lose about 20 kg's gaggia. Im 5"7 so I don't necessarily look over weight but I have put on so much since leaving uni so it's going well so far :) FD's are surprisingly easy too. :)

Ha ha ha Gaggia borrower sized? Brilliant!

Thanks Jelly! Sounds like I'd be very hungry, but i guess that's the point!

What ho viroids! Just to put in my 2 cents vis a vis fanjo raising. I have a retroverted uterus (not refrigerated uterus damn auto correct) so find 2 pillows helps appaz 25% of women have refrigerated (fuck it) Nigeria's (uterus's - made me smile though). So...Cant be bothered, dumbass tablet, will repost off laptop later. Ducking auto correct.

Lol bye tink!!

honey that's the really surprising thing. You don't feel that hungry. If you drink lots and keep occupied it's really easy. Basically what you are doing is conditioning the way you eat and think of food. You start to learn what real hunger is as opposed to your brain basically telling you it's time to eat. For instance at dinner today I ate two fajitas whereas before I could easily have eaten 4 (they are small lol). But now I'm full and don't feel the need to eat more and I didn't snack or eat anything other than lunch and dinner today.

Congratulations mountain!

Nonicks I hope it all settles down. Remember I had a full on period this time and still appear (GX) to be pregnant. But if that doesn't happen, also remember you might be super fertile in the cycle afterwards so that might be the one. Mega GX for you.

Sorry ladies, tablet gave me sentence about refrigerated Nigeria's in transit. Probably should just not have hit post, eh!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that some people's wombles are tipped up the wrong way, which means elevating hips after dtd can help. At least that's what the nurse that gave me my last ultrasound told me! Got there in the end. Pass the wine please...

Wombles , Tink?

I'm going to give it a try tomorrow Jelly! Found myself eating today and wondering as i chewed if i was just thirsty...

for you, Tink, and for all of us who are not yet icing

Go for it honey!! I'm doing a fast day tomorrow so I'll be here for supprt if you need. Get yourself my fitness pal to count you calories

Will do. I will cook a normal tea because of DH ... Do I just have a tiny portion? Iirc the aim is under 500 calories?

Well if it's your first time and you are worried you can do 700 then 500 next time. But yes you want to eat 500 or less, try to avoid carbs because they make you hungrier. Eat protein (eggs, yoghurt) or fibre (ryvita etc) and LOTS of water. Like every hour have a glass of water. Remember calories in tea and coffee if you have milk.

jelly honey count me in for FD tomorrow! I have 10lb to shift asap. Carrying an extra 10lb makes me look dumpy. On the plus side I now have boobs and a bottom. It's been many years since I had an arse.

I get hungrier without carbs. I've been trying to do low carb high protein as that's supposed to be good for ivf/fertility but I'm sooo hungry I resort to snacking on cream crackers! any suggestions welcome but I don't do fruit or salad

lil chips? Mmmmmmmmmmm chips!
Try total full fat Greek yogurt or make corgette chips and serve with tzatiki. Hard boiled eggs with salt on?

That's weird lil. Carbs burn faster so you tend to get hungrier quicker, have you tried fibre? Bran or similar?

Gaggia good work? We can all support each other tomorrow. I have a really busy day anyway so I think it'll go quite fast for me until dinner time!

Apparently today i had 1839 calories by my recollection. And it felt like shit tonnes. I'm pleased that my favourite corn thins are low cal. Yay! I can do it! I can!

I'm off work tomorrow. Will I start eating my own face?

Guess what? I got me some 300 denier fleece lined thermal tights! I'm so snug in them and they are burgundy. Fashion! Gonna get me some festive green ones and prance about like Peter pan.

I'm off work too Gaggia. I am planning on staying busy making Christmas presents. we is well poor, innit Current project is a family crest for the PIL. Cut the outline today. Need to go shopping for coloured card to in fill it tomorrow. Makes my eyes go a bit crazy though, focusing too hard.

Oo family crest sounds interesting honey. I wish I was creative! I'm working from home tomorrow but kitty is being neutered and it physio lol. Definitely "working".

Don't know about creative... The family name is Scottish and they weren't a very ... polite clan. So PIL are both quite interested in the history of them, so it seemed like a nice cheap idea.

RM i haven't forgotten you. I haven't been on the computer recently.

honey how the fuck did you do that? It's incredible!!!

How are you 3 bfpers? How's the bleeding guys? Had to ask, thinking of you all, and you chat. Hoping to god it's stopped noniks x