Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Ma my cycle is completely different after mc. Lighter on the first day, then all the blood in the world for the next three days. But !most of all, it is pretty much painless in comparison to before! I have endo so it was absolute agony, but now I feel vaguely uncomfortable. The mc cramps were much much worse, but not as bad as normal periods were for me.

The length of my cycle hasn't changed really (maybe a day out?) But yes, flow is very different. I now say "spotting" on the first day! It used to be rivers of blood straight away.

mountain say the mantra - today you are pregnant. stressing will do you no good and you can't do anything other than take it easy, so take it easy.

lemon believe it or not, this is the just shagging thread - so just shag! However, whenever and as often as you want to. Don't get bogged down too much in everything going on in here at the moment. There are several ladies who have already suffered mc's which makes things a whole heck of a lot scarier for them, and a few of us who have been at this thing a darn long while. I for example have been trying 2 years and am due to start IVF this month.
What you should do is drink plenty of water as that helps you see more EWCM (the fertile stuff) and when you see that you should shag. You will notice it dries up once you ovulate. You may also get ovulation pains before, after or during ovulation. everyone is different and you have only just started so enjoy the shagging and don't let us turn you into an obsessive scared mess!!

jelly the closer you temp to the same time every day the better. I frequently wake up within 3 hours before i temp (it's 3 hours not 4 i believe mountain) and my charts are fine. But again everyone is different. Personally, as i don't ovulate until about cd18-20 i don't bother temping at the weekends until about cd14/15. after that i set the alarm for normal temp time. I have a bbt that saves temp so when it beeps i chuck it on the side go back to sleep and read it later.

And also, honey don't wait for temp spike to shag. If you do that you will have missed the egg. the day of the first high temp is the day after ovulation so by the time you've got that high temp the egg is either fertilised, dead, or half way to dead. I only temp until 3dpo when FF says I've ovulated from temps then i stop. and the shagging stops too damn it

Ma have you poas? just in case? try not to worry - it's called the wtf cycle for a reason. I seem to remember honey saying af was light after mc? is that right honey

This is much easier on PC, but will you all stop freaking out, i'm not getting any work done

lol x post honey!

(Bows down to Lil for second time today).

Thanks you oh fountain of shagging knowledge! I'll just wake up at 6:00 to temp them go back to sleep at weekends :) (Or jump DP for some early morning shags)

lemon that's what I thought my DH would be like but at the moment he still thinks it's christmas. well except Tuesday when I said I had a bad head and he said "ooohhh night off then?" with a little too much relief in his voice!

lil you rock! I didn't realise! I thought the temp peak was the release! (This is why I teach Chem, not bio) in the first month when I got my bfp we shagged a lot before the drop, and on the other cycles not so much. Man, dh is in for a lot of shagging in the next week.

I used my opk. Only one line so I guess icing is a way off yet (its only CD 7!) but time to build up the sperm bank.

Shagging really is awesome. Great fun. We're discovering new positions etc at the moment, working around my endo scar tissues. I believe Cosmo would refer to our current favourite as "scissors" or the like? Either way, puts the awesome penis to good use.

Lemon, Lil is absolutely right.. Some of us, self included, are a bit obsessed by contraband because we are worried or bored of waiting. But at the end off it all, we all enjoy a good shag! I think that's the main aim here... To avoid the trap of only ever DTDing to try to get preg, and losing the relationship.

aww I luffs you guys. I'm glad all the crap stuff I've learned can help you all out!

Lemon We just went for every other day (EOD) from the departure of AF until she reared her ugly head again. Seems to do a job :) I've never been into all this temping malarky, but that's because my issue hasn't been icing or getting pregnant, it's keeping the poor beans in there that's hard. Ooh, and take folic acid.

Ma, yes, AF is no longer the ERTD in this house. Silver linings, hmm. Much lighter, less painful and slightly shorter (6-7d compared to 8-9!). Have you had a negative test post chem?

So, just to keep you all fully up to date with the madness that is my world right now, my pee is yellow but there's brown stuff on wiping. Sigh. I'd LOVE this to be an indestructabean!

Chat when are you seeing your doctor? Do you think you might be able to get an early scan?

Thank you all for your sage advice, this is MN at it's best, especially when interspersed with talk of bumsex

Well, in light of your wise words I shall don my cape tomorrow night for a bit of Friday night how's your father, and take it from there! Incidentally, do you all raise your fanjos afterwards in the name of maximum sperm retention?

Elevate, rather than raise. Raise sounds like you're doing 'cheers' with a glass.

I personally don't do the bum lift but I know a lot of people do! I don't know if there's any science behind doing it, I assume gravity will help to a certain extent!

I do raise my hips but I don't think it does anything! Just amusing!

sometimes I find myself a bit gassy after DTD and have once let one go in dh's face as my butt was on the pillows

--

I should add... DH is very against farting. He will only fart in the bathroom and even then prefers me to be out of ear shot first. He is getting used to me being a bit gassy but he still hates it.

HAHAHAHA Honey that's brilliant I've farted mid-shag before, DP just laughed and carried on. He's quite gassy, though he tries the old "it was the cat" trick!

Lemon - we DTD every 3rd day from CD 7 with a bonus shag on OPK day due to us both being old and incapable of anything more! It would appear to have worked! (recent BFP - now 5+6). I did do the raising hips thing but was then told that actually all you're doing is encouraging the 'less capable' soldiers to catch up with the super-sperm...and you really only want the super ones making it. So I stopped with the all night shoulder stands and went for a more gentle pelvic tilt instead!

have done the hip lift every cycle for 2 years here and I don't know if I've mentioned but I've never had a bfp so it's all tosh.

We do the hip-lift. On DH's pillow, just in case any swimmers escape

Appt on 14th, honey, when I'll be 8w if all stays well in there. Reluctant to get an earlier scan, as I did last time around and all it did was reassure me for the three days before I lost them - didn't change anything. Apparently after 8w if all looks ok in there, the risk of mc is lower. Not that I'll ever stop worrying I don't reckon.

:( fx for you chat.

Well guess what, 1 week into 5:2 diet and I have lost 3kg's!!! Well chuffed

We did the hip lift... but mostly so DH could take the piss Pretty sure its BS! Worth a shot though

How's the bfpers doing? Cramps and brown stuff normal mountain!

what's that in real money jelly Stone and pounds

It's 6.6 pounds lil :) in one week!

Ah, glad it's soon Chat!

Glad to entertain Jelly.

Was kinda sad not to see any sort of second line on the opk. I thought twas faint all the time then darker in the surge? Oh welly, twas only the first time using it and only CD7.

(It was got change to "twas" and made me feel posh.)

Wow Jelly! Congratulations! I need a food diary for the fast days please!