Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Sorry noniks x post. Ffs

Actually I lie, I thought I ovulated because of the stomach cramps I had about 10 days ago

Oh no noniks hugs hun :(

Thanks for the advice ladies. Should I get the cape on tonight then

Oh noniks that's shit. All you can do is leave it a couple of days and test again like ness said. we'll be here to hold you hand whatever happens.

jelli yes, this is after all the just shagging thread! just checked my early charts. My first 2 cycles of bc were 31 days and 43 days (didnt temp), but then i had a 7 week af and ovulated on cd76. i consider that cycle to be my last "fucked up by bc" cycle. The next cycle i ovulated on cd31. after that they settled bouncing around between 16 and 22 apart from one freak cd14 and one freak cd25. I had ewcm all over the place in all these early cycles. what i'm trying to say is unless you temp you aren't going to know when or if u have ovulated because ewcm and pain means nothing other than your body is trying to ovulate. Only temping or a blood test can prove that you did, so don't stop shagging when you think you've ovulated. try and do every 3 days or so and more when you get ewcm or pains to cover all bases. la is evidence of what happens when you stop too early.

Brilliant thanks Lil. You are the queen of this stuff aren't you! (Bows down to Lil) :)

I just told DP (he knows nothing of womans cycles). His reponse: "I'm eating, tell me later".

I'm a dab hand at it all by now. As dulcet has put it, i've read the whole internet! I think even when I get my BFP i'm going to stay here forever more to impart calm solid facts on all future jsers! I feel it is my calling in life :D

As for DH jelli just tell him he's getting laid! I only forced DH to understand how cycles work after six months of him saying he was too tired by ovulation time. Now we keep at it before ovulation, do every day when i get my positive opk and stop once ff confirms ovulation from my temps. not romantic but after 2 years we've accepted romance really is dead!

haha brilliant :) You are like the Oracle from the Matrix! The upduffed oracle!!

I'll let him know thanks! :)

Well that's me out this month! Deffo AF now, bright red when wiping. So no idea where the EWCM came from, maybe I was imagining it??

Right, a new month, a new approach to shagging!

Gaggia you're still in I hope girl!

Happy shagging, everyone!

I am way too tired for shagging, so DH can either play with himself or have sex with me, as long as he doesn't expect me to contribute!

lil I had DH telling me he was tired when I iced late one month, I believe my super romantic response was something like "well make it quick then, just make sure you deliver". Ahhhh pure romance :)

haha needs must eh zyla!! did he obey?

jelli focus on the positive, AF showed up in a reasonable time. I would say you may want to consider speaking to la about vit b if you think you iced 10days ago to improve lp.

Haha super romantic zyla

Yeah I am thinking of all the positives Lil. At least my rhythm seems to be returning, if not slightly early. I bought Vit B this month actually, plus EPO, Folic Acid and other vitamins so will see if that improves it!

What I'm most pissed off at is that I have to put up with the witch bitch again so soon!

BFP'ers, how you all feeling?

Jelly definitely go for the temping, it's the only way I know I'm icing thanks to my lack of af. Teaching dh about cycles? I showed mr mountain my pissy stick this morning, his comment? 'But we haven't had sex in at least a week! ' dear viroids my dh is also a doctor

Haha Mountain that made me spit out my coffee laughing! Is he really? Bless him, men really have no clue do they!

I just told DP it's deffo AF and his reply was firstly "Why" and then "Actually, I don't want to know do I?". He's third comment was then "So sex is off the table then?"...

Yes dear. No sex for you!

And on your advice Mountain and Lil I've just bought a BBT to start temping and thanks to Amazon prime it'll be here tomorrow. I WILL find out if I am ovulating next month god damn it!

I'm also majorly procrastinating today! (If you couldn't tell)...

mountain that's hilarious!!

jelly you bad good girl! that bbt will definitely be the best thing you did interesting. just don't get obsessed.

I'll do my best not to get obsessed. I deffo won't be cracking out the OPKs never say never

(I'm going to whisper the next part): With the temping, I take it as I wake up each day right? What about weekends when I stay in bed a little later than weekdays? Do I have to wake up at 6:00am anyway to temp?

I hate Doctor Google :( Now I'm worried I have a LP defect!

Ok so I've been chilled out all day..now freaking out. Af style cramps, small amount of brown spotting. I know these are ok signs but I'm so scared this baby will go like the others

Ok viroids, I am coming begging for your knowledge. All this talk of BFPs, OPKs and LPs etc has got me worrying, and this is only my first month TTC!

So, I had my copper coil out on 27 Oct, and AF on 1st Nov (nice and easy to work out CDs ) AF now gone as of today, and I have no reason to believe I have any unusual cycle behaviour etc, although I have to confess I've never bothered watching out for periods and counting, at least not for bloody ages. So, providing my cycle is normal, MN OPK(!) says I'll be icing around 13th, and more like 15th if my cycle is a little longer (which it used to be, once upon a time in the days where I counted)...so, when are the best times to don my cape???

This JSing business is confusing and exciting!

Jelly I always wake up at same time even on weekends as I would obsess otherwise. But I certainly have days when I can't thanks to shift work so use the 'have I been asleep 4hours? ' rule. This does make for small discrepancies but not enough to mistake ice

Lemon it sounds like you're on the same time line as Tink and I. At the moment we are shagging as and when (that is, DH and I, not me and Tink!) But when we are in the run up to the fertile window it needs to be at least EOD (usually is anyway) and then when you do ice confirmed by contraband you want to shag as much as possible. Including La style stealth shags if necessary.

I'm using opks this month so will shag EOD until I get a temp leap and a line on the opk, then I will be shagging every day for a few days afterwards. Then back to EOD or so, depending on how "little DH" is holding up. not little, just smaller than his height

Viroids - anyone who's had a WTF cycle after a CP - was it a lot lighter than usual? Finally got my AF after almost 9 weeks since CP but it's really light and not usually like my AF. WTF?! Any advice appreciated!!

Thanks mountain will do that then :)

Lemon, if I were you I would aim to just DTD 3 times a week (at least). That way you should have enough sperm in your fanjo to drown the egg (though not literally, I don't think it breathes)

Ok, drowning in sperm it is!!!

I think I'll start next Monday, if that's not too late? Or Sunday some time. Don't think I can face quite so much penis all month if I have to start now??? I can picture poor DH now. When I tell him he'll think Christmas has come early, and by the time AF comes round, he'll be cowering in a corner and pleading not to have any more sex!

Ah men find a way to keep up To be fair I have been a terrible shagger this month, only DTD 3 times!

My boy kitten is being neutered tomorrow. I think DP is feeling particularly sorry for him!