Step AWAY from the pissy sticks and get back in the bedroom, don your cape (but don't break his banjo string!) and get yourself a bun in the oven like Paul Hollywood! It's Just Shagging 31!

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!  PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.  Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 30 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2210024-The-Truth-about-Um-Bongo-Broken-Penises-and-Sad-Fleas-its-all-here-just-dont-talk-about-the-Elephant-in-the-Womb-Pee-on-Nigel-Farage-or-in-a-Thermos-and-Join-the-Bonkers-Bonkers-for-JS-30" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?msgid=50290589#50290589" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Is it red Noniks ? Crossing gingers...

Oh no Noniks stay positive x thinking of you

Yes. Cramps too. Is this a chemical??

noniks keep reminding yourself of chat. I'm so sorry you have this stress and worry. Not sure how they diagnose a chemical. Hopefully someone will post with some decent advice. I'm thinking of you and am willing you on and for this to turn out well. Hang in there chick

noniks your lime was so strong! take it easy, rest up as much as you can and drink plenty of fluids. other than that its really out of your control and you just have to wait and see what happens. got everything crossed for you. oh and don't Google!

Noniks gx for you hunni x

So bit of a TMI story here, sorry for it (and I know I just got a hooyah but aaaanyway):

Just went to loo and did a wee. I never check my "wipes" normally, just bung them down in the loo. So I did the same, and when I went to flush I noticed my wiped tissue had what appeared to be brown CM on it. Not much, just two streaks. I instantly wiped again but had nothing. So (sorry for this bit) I tried to prod the tissue with a pen in my pocket (this is at work btw) and then dropped the pen, whilst also destroying the tissue...

My day is going to be fun!

Anyway, brown CM, start of AF? Had achy boobs like I did last time, so can only assume she's come early.

Need another hooyah lil!

Eep, lots going on!

Congrats noniks & mountain!

Noniks - don't panic just yet! There is an egg burrowing into your womble, blood is normal as are cramps, it's just v.scary. The only thing to do is keep today's pee stick, wait 48hrs, pee again. If it's darker, and AF hasn't launched in her full evil glory, you're ok. Everything crossed for you!

GX Noinks. Could be something, could be nothing Try and rest up and not to panic. You can't do a great deal to influence things at this stage. If AF does turn up, yes it probably was a chemical (more nicely termed a very early miscarriage IMO). But if she doesn't then all could be completely fine.

Jelly, could be IB?? Not getting your hopes any further up just yet though!

My pee was red this morning. Not sure if it was a touch of bleeding or if I have red pee. Didn't look at the paper because it was 4am, and only saw the colour when I flushed. Anxiety sky high. Wonderful!

noniks stay calm. That line was a blinder. Think of chat, and do what nessa says.

My IC OPKs have arrived.

No no no noniks! Talk to me, is it red/clotty? Bleeding still ok at this stage..

Congratulations everyone with BFPs! Hope all spotting stops pronto, take a nice easy day if you can.

Cramps are normal noniks - unless they're crippling you. Bit of bleeding/ spotting can also be a preg symptom.. this shit is confusing no?? Try to rest and keep calm... easier said than done I know. Hugs

And for you too and indestructabean chat

Indestructabean!

Thinking of you Chat and Noniks.

I'm not sure it is IB. I mean technically the timing is perfect (as in AF is due Tuesday) but I can't get my hopes up too much. My AF last month started like this, with a tiny amount of brown cm, then AF came the next day. Will see how tomorrow goes!

Oh god, I don't know whether to be happy or panicked in here. Viroids, keep everything crossed and keep calm! Red is necessarily bad, it happens as we know. Where is the good luck bump of zing for us to rub?!

noniks, you much be pretty stressed but there isn't much you can do at the moment to know either way. Just stay as relaxed as you can, no straining.

jelly I can read your mind. Step away from the piss sticks and sit on your hands! (Good symptoms though).

Thanks tink. I'm 99% sure it's AF now because it was there again when I wiped. Weirdly it seems I'm getting EWCM too...odd!

I'm in GBK enjoying a fatty lunch after doing 3 fast days this week haha

omg! I'm on catch up from last night! I've had church-vibros-bum sex-fisting-2 BFMFP's!!

tentative congrats to mountain and non I have massive GX's for sticky beans! and to la as well!! (that's sounds like I have massive gingers but hope you know what I mean!)

mini hooya to jelly as I think I'd be the same but step away from the pissy sticks!!
think I've gone from pmsl, to pure joy to worrying about you all now!

but like others have said, If you all have spotting then it must be normal!
sticky beans please!!!!! xxxxxx

god you lot stop it!

jelli have you definitely used contraband ovulated? just that if you've got ewcm it could be ovulation bleeding. (yes that's s thing). its not uncommon to get multiple patches of ewcm before you ov, sometimes after I think but mine always stops between ov and AF and I usually get lots!

I don't think Zing has a bump anymore Dulce

I may have a bump... Or it may be trapped wind... Run away at your peril.

Bump here to rub, be quick though, the way this one is moving, reckon it may wriggle out by the end of the day.

Holy wombling shitballs viroids.. 3 bfps! Freaking amazing news For u all. Stay calm, rest and refrain from evil Dr goofle.

I love doctor gofle lol ;)

And lil I don't know if I did ovulate. I didn't use any contraband and because it's my first cycle since AF I wasn't really keeping track of the signs. I kind of hope it's AF now and not that I ovulate really really late.

Thank you all for your support, reminded again of the awesomeness of the viroids.

Whilst I'm really hoping I am 'doing a chat' if it feels like & looks like a normal period I'm guessing that's what it is. If I hadn't have done the test I would just think this was a normal period. It has gotten heavier as the morning has gone on & is full on red with a few clots in it now tmi out the window at this stage!!

mountain how are you getting on?

lil is right jelly. If it's in ewcm it's quite likely ov. I've had it last 2 cycles! With a bit of cramping too. Your cycles will no doubt take a while to settle, late ov is no issue at this stage of the game. Nor is early af come to think of it. Both will settle over time completely ignoring the fact the timing is right for ib, just in case