Break the bed, marvel at the ghost sperm, ignore the fuss about avatar pandas and whatever you do - don't eat the jizz! It's Just Shagging Part 28

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

The link to Part 27 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2157458-Get-your-cape-on-get-your-cape-on-Dont-come-knockin-if-the-tents-a-rockin-but-pee-on-a-snake-instead-Its-just-shagging-part-27" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2160935-Just-Shagging-Thread-11-for-Graduated-Viroids?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Get shagging lil! Have you your cape, preseed and buzzy pal at the ready?

Advocate is very cheap online - vetuk or viovet or similar. I have mine on repeat order so it arrives regularly.

The spray can be bought online too - if you go to vet it's £20 but here it's under 10: www.vetuk.co.uk/flea-treatments-household-flea-sprays-c-3_419/indorex-flea-spray-500ml-can-p-677

chat I had no symptoms except blocked nose (found out later that's a lesser known pg symptom). Not out til red witch zooms and parks.

Thanks for your kind words everyone. Behind this cheery exterior there's a shrivelled mess. But we will bounce back. Your support has been amazing.

honey I'm eating all the things too! I think I'm about 12 dpo, but totally unsure of icing date, I just went with cm and no contraband. So it might be more. Current symptoms include: bloated (and this was before I had a bacon baguette, a salmon and cream cheese sandwich, a large salad with new potatoes and chilli con carne with rice, plus countless marks and Spencer's choc mini bites) - I've not eaten so much in one day for ages. Very sore boobs, nip piercings very irritated, Very damp knickers (not sexy, had to run to bathroom at work twice because I thought ERTD had turned up) - this was coupled with some sharp nipping pains in lower tummy, but I suppose that could be wind, and I also have a sore throat & indigestion to boot, and I have felt hot for the last 2 days, (even Mr tee commented, I'm usually cold all the time) I don't usually symptom spot, but I do feel peculiar.

FRER are on buy one get one free in super drug... Tomorrow I might... Thinking cycle wise I've had a 34, 39, 35, 34 and a 39 in the last five months, tomorrow takes me me to 33, so it's still a bit early, no? Indulge or hooyah me!

Honey I am eating EVERYONE's all the things. But that could just be because I'm greedy and think I've got an excuse

Tee no hooyah from me, I think it sounds all good Gx for a BFP! Go and get them FRERs man! Do you know when you iced? If you're 14DPO I'd go for it personally...

I maybe reading too much into this...but most definitely getting my cape on! Really severe lower back pain, twinges in my abdomen and mucous! Yay for egg white mucous. Not holding my breathe but it's a good sign, right? SOTM award here I come. Haha :)

Thanks callipy I think I overnight iced- usually get quite bad pain and (lovely )weird upset tummy, this month I don't remember the pain, but def had the weird stomach.

But ......Just looking at my Ovia app and I recorded Ewcm 17 days ago.....

Hmmmm.

tee that is impressive! I think i had about 4 things for lunch. (left overs, sandwich, toast, brioche) Oh dear. Did have a virtuous stir fry for dinner though... That makes up for it right?

I want to start a craft project. I'm thinking a sensory play mat. Can spend ages collecting different fragments and sewing together. And little bits and bobs to hang on a play gym (which dh will make). Is anyone else crafty? dh says i can make things for current fictional baby to keep busy.

Noo Hooya here, Tee, all sounds very (BF) positive to me. Thinking about it way too much I do have sore boobs, but DD did headbutt me there tonight, so it's probably that. My pee sticks are being couriered to me this weekend - I love visitors, they always bring goodies

I'm only into my first 'actual' cycle following last month's wtf effort so I'll be waiting until at least Monday or I can spot some symptoms to justify POA special delivery S.

I eat all things when upduffed too - only to stop the nausea, mind.

Get shagging MrsB, Lil!

Not too crafty honey but I really love to cook and write about it. (Not helpful at all!!) I could spend a full day in hobby craft tho looking at all the nice things to make stuff with, but think I missed the crafty gene!
Just got into bed. Mr Tee said 'Christ almighty your boobs are explosive!!' Bloody right, I actually winced taking off my bra.
I'm going to give it to cd35 and then poas...... So weds...

Tee poamfs!

Chat fx! It's sounding promising...

mrs get shagging!

Explosive boobs! POAS first thing

You are a deliciously mad bunch - crossing gingers, buzzy frieds, explosive boobs, etc - I've been twot'ing in a black hole to try not to think about it and have missed so much! Bloody brilliant. Welcome mrsb. :)

Very belatedly, la I am so, so sorry. Gingers for an early Xmas bfp present.

So cd20 and 8dpo, I am starting to get to the business end of twot where I'm going to start being even more mental and DH starts contemplating divorce. I too have inherited toxic pmt from my mother, amplified 1000x by the loathing I now have for not being pg. Eating all the things is actually just BAU now, strung out as I am after 6 months of wanting and failing (I know, not a long time by comparison to many lovely js'ers). Having 21 day bloods tomorrow, hoping to at least find out everything is still working in the old pipes and we've just been lousy js'ers this year. So very grateful for this Fred, just hanging out here soothes my soul....xx

Oops early post! Yes Chat def POAS ASAP, explosive boobs is a very encouraging sign, I looked like Pamela Anderson by about week 5 with DD!!

Not my boobs that are exploding, fresh, I'm v jealous of them! Mine only exploded when DD missed a feed

Morning viroids. Tee poamfs!

Patiently - I know how frustrated you're getting. Can I see if I can help? Run me through your days - cycle length, icing etc. are you regular cycles or long? Do you do temping? I was 14 months ttc and it was only after working every thing out about my cycle that I could make changes and I got bfp

Okay!! I'll grab a frer on the way into work...
Also stuffed tampax in bag in some kind of reverse psychology....

Morning Viroids.

Thanks Gliding I have booked a pest controller who is going to use the expensive organic pesticide at DH's insistence. No new bites today so I think frantic hoovering is paying off. Worst bit though - DS was rooting through my bag at playgroup and found Wipeout spray, pulled it out in front of one of the leaders who asked if we were "infested". Oh joy!

Honey I make patchwork quilts. I love it but it is completely addictive. I have to really watch myself so I don't hoard fabrics or start too many that I'm never going to finish. But you can't beat the moment when a bundle of fabric and thread becomes a quilt :)

Bit low today as some of my supposed symptoms have eased off and I'm feeling a bit anxious . Have the sum total of 5 BFP last week and I'm still tempted to keep testing. Totally bonkers and a waste of money but I still might. :(

Good luck all you Twotters...

Eugh. I was up last night (4.45am) vomiting! Horrible. Really bad stomach cramps, dashing to toilet to no avail. No idea why! DH is fine!

Before we got a beautiful patchwork quilt from dh's aunt for a wedding present. Really lovely but huuuuge! Can't imagine making something that large.

Do you have any reason to be pessimistic about bfps? My friend had no symptoms at all apart from a bump and she has a beautiful one year old.

Before - symptoms come and go, don't panic. You're very early. Tests are only going to stress you out oh god I wish I was this sensible when it comes to myself!
Why don't you book gp appointment to get confirmation by blood test and set your mind at ease. Sending you a hug I know you're very worried and why xx

honey all sounding very mysterious! A few more days and you can POAS. Fx

tee invoking LOS - I like it!

honey I don't want to fuel the Cray Cray but if it was ms you'd get a line....

before what will be will be, and there is every chance this one will be. its out of your hands so you need to just try and relax and keep your mind off it. I agree blood test may be a good idea though.

Thanks viroids. Have walked past chemist and I'm now eating a lovely, toasty bagel instead of re- testing.

I keep comparing this to DS and mc. But with DS my cycles were so bonkers that at this stage I hadn't even found out. And mc pregnancy was always a bit weird, certainly not like this. Yes, what will be, will be.

Honey I make mainly baby quilts and blankets and lap quilts, very manageable. Have a Google for Missouri Star Quilt Company tutorials if you're interested. :)

I'm the total opposite to you twoters. I have exactly 0 symptoms at the moment, although by my calculations I should have iced last weekend (DTD) but didn't get the usual bloating/cramping etc I did last time round!

Why won't AF appear :( really fed up!

Lil don't! I can't, DH is at work and I wouldn't want to get a bfp on my own! If that was morning sickness then it's a few weeks early, surely? Grim way to start the day.

Thanks Before, I'll look in to it.

Blimey viroids! Away for a long weekend & this fred goes bonkers - crossing gingers & exploding boobs?! amaze-balls!

La - what a sh!tter, am so sorry you've had to go through this but your outlook is admirable. Make sure you let Mr La look after you

Welcome mrsb.

Long weekend has delayed the twot madness...but now am home with far fewer distractions...only 4 dpo...GAH! tee PLEASE POAS!!!

jelly - how did your interview go?

Oops sorry chat! Go the explosive boobs tee, and indeed invoking LOS is a fab idea.

Honey that sounds wretched, gx for you that it goes as quickly as it comes if it's food-related.