Break the bed, marvel at the ghost sperm, ignore the fuss about avatar pandas and whatever you do - don't eat the jizz! It's Just Shagging Part 28

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

The link to Part 27 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2157458-Get-your-cape-on-get-your-cape-on-Dont-come-knockin-if-the-tents-a-rockin-but-pee-on-a-snake-instead-Its-just-shagging-part-27" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2160935-Just-Shagging-Thread-11-for-Graduated-Viroids?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Tentatively good news there La, keeping my gingers. It's like cockney rhyming slang for JS

Purple, I hope you're not too down about the insulin, it will bring the sugars under control nicely, and to be honest, you'd probably end up on it during pregnancy anyway...

Fine wine and smelly cheese to all those the witch has spat on. I've had a weird crampy ache all day, I think it must be a hooya. Halfway through the TWOT, if anyone needs me I'll be gorging myself on waffles in the back.

purple there are advantages to insulin, it doesn't always mean weight gain, it can mean a bit more flexibility with food and more importantly, it'll get your sugars right for baby, which will be worth it! Injections hurt less than blood tests usually, you'll be fine, you've been ace with everything so far x

That was what made me agree to it. That I'll end up on it anyway

Thanks Zyla. I've got to stop being a wuss. She did one on my stomach and I barely felt it.

It's not being a wuss, it's not fun I completely understand you not wanting to end up on them, and they do occasionally hurt, but just concentrate on the baby you'll get out of it!

Happy Saturday viroids!

purple I hope you get the results you're after on the insulin. Both times ive been on metformin it's given me a really upset stomach, gingers crossed the insulin works wonders and you get your bfp very soon.

Hope you're ok la and not struggling too much with the unknown. Thinking of you x

14dpo and bfn. No symptoms at all so although I know I'm not out yet I'm starting to think about getting the cape ready for next cycle. I have to confess that I've never had a buzzy friend so after all the recent posts I may make an investment!
Also, my hormones seem to have sorted themselves out now and I feel much more in control again. No tears today and lino shopping!! We know how to have fun in the tink household!!

Morning viroids!gingers crossed for lots of cape action and bfps on this Fred.

Ola las viroids... Tink sorry about bfn, but indeed you are not out until the fat witch sings! Also I got bfp on Tues but still no symptoms (kinda hoping they come though, beginning to stress slightly) apart from wanting to eat everything, although I think that's a makey-up one I've invented as an excuse to eat more...

Postman came with 75 things for me to piss on. Thanks eBay!

(Now to get this WTF cycle out of the way so I can trust the results...!)

Apparently my method of mopping up solid residue with kitchen roll, spraying detox, scrubbing with brush and then hoovering remaining icky isn't the way to do it. I won though. He went over it with the fluid for the vax we hired when we moved and it's stripped the dirt colour out of the carpet, ha!! Felt awful about row, and had work colleagues leaving drinks last night which went in for a lot longer than planned and I was somewhat worse for wear when I got in, to find mr tee had laid on dinner and bought me a beautiful orchid. So this morning I have super guilt AND a hangover. Really want AF to come and be done with it' - I feel rotten!
tink I recommend the ultimate O from ann summers - it's very good!

Tink not over til the red witch zooms in in her shiny convertible and parks up for the long haul.

Tee I use vanish carpet it's really good for cat vom. Mr Tee sounds sweet

C'mon all you bfps I need to live vicariously through your good news vibes in my two week torture!

Dulcet are you going to be POAS queen? 75!

Haha. Not for a while la. Still waiting for first AF after MC so everything is still bloody positive. Useless to me at the moment.

But next cycle.... I obviously won't touch them because I'm a good JSer!

That is many good husband points there tee, what a sweety! I forgive the cat sick thing instantly.

Well at least you're ready for when that happens!

(I ignored the bit about being good jser? We all know there's no such thing )

My DP cleans up our cat littler boxes like a good man! Love him to bits!

Also, if your nervous about buying a buzzy friend, get him to do it. I never wanted one and he just randomly bought one online and to be fair it's good fun.

Dusted off the cape good and proper last night I'm glad to say. Then the cats disturbed us this morning at 6am when we tried for round 2! Lol!

DH is the buzzy fried purchaser here too. Makes up for his complete refusal to clean up cat 'debris' unless I am certifiably upduffed...

Haha! Love you ladies, it seems cat 'mess' is a common bone of contention..
chat yes, the recoiling look of horror I get when I remind mr tee that he has the joy of the pooh boxes when I eventually catch.
This is our 9th month.... We've agreed that if we get to Xmas and nothing, then we will stop, have our wedding, and then try again.

Can't ignore chats 'buzzing fried!' That's a whole other kink right there!

That is a good hubby jelly, mine won't touch the tray unless I'm preggers either! We have been disturbed by the cat before though, even though they aren't allowed upstairs. Announced himself just after crucial moment making me wonder how long he had been watching! Filthy bastard!

My dh has been doing the litter since we started ttc. Bless him. Although they had their wombs ripped out this week so as soon as we get a cat flap that tray is gone. No trays of poop in my house! No thank you!

DH won't let me take another early test. What a meanie.

Proper meanie, honey, bloody good thing he does the litter tray. Our cat didn't come home last night - she was at the window baying to come in this morning. Then ran off. There are two dead voles on our patio - this is undeniably a blue job, yes?

Ha! buzzing fried! I have no idea how that one slipped through

Our boy cat is being neutered tomorrow! Though ours are indoor so we will always have the smelly cat pop!!

Hi!
New to Mumsnet and VERY new to TTC :)
Married 1 month
Implanon removed 2 days ago
Ready to shag as much as possible and just see what happens. Haha :)
Any good tips/pointers?
All a bit daunting, spent the past 11 years trying to not get knocked up, but met my perfect other half, edging close to 30 and my biological clock is loudly ticking.
Have had some nasty chrohns/colitis problems but have the go ahead to try, so try we shall!!
My family is all in Australia so be great to have some support.

welcome mrsb. I'm sure you will learn lots here!

pointer number one from a long standing jser who isn't exactly the best jser, keep an eye out for pant snot - or egg white cervical mucus - that means ovulation is approaching and you should "get your cape on" - otherwise known as shag to the outside world! drinking lots of water and taking evening primrose oil helps make the pant snot more obvious. good luck.

it seems between crazy cat ladies and mad scientists we have all bases covered in here!

Hey mrsb! You've come to the right place, good luck and have fun Jsing! Best piece of advice I think is remember that your average couple only has about a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle, so don't be devastated if you don't have success straight away, it will happen, just make sure you have fun while you're making it happen
We have recently had a few successes with sprem-friendly lube tho...