Break the bed, marvel at the ghost sperm, ignore the fuss about avatar pandas and whatever you do - don't eat the jizz! It's Just Shagging Part 28

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

The link to Part 27 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2157458-Get-your-cape-on-get-your-cape-on-Dont-come-knockin-if-the-tents-a-rockin-but-pee-on-a-snake-instead-Its-just-shagging-part-27" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2160935-Just-Shagging-Thread-11-for-Graduated-Viroids?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

viroids I need your help. tmi alert.
decided to give the ghost jizz a try when I jumped dh tonight so made him finish me before he went to clean up - usually he pulls out and head straight to the bathroom, so romantic! better than a penis beaker anyway rather than sucking up the jizz it all came out as I tensed. what am I doing wrong??!

It probably didn't all come out lil - some of it will have whooshed up. I read something that said the woman needs to finish at same time or within two minutes for effective ghost jizz.

I think you should keep practising

Ooh Bother I'm also jealous - and it certainly sounds like a good old implementation bleed. Gingers crossed

Excellent advice, La. We all need to practice more. Good luck today

bother don't want to speculate but that sounds like ib

Thanks chat x

Good luck today La!

Lil, get him to stay inside you too (if he wasn't) as that seems to help. Plugs one exit, as it were. Second La's comment about timing. Get him to work you up to the edge before he comes so its really quick.

I've been practising for years, I give in! lol. I haven't been able to finish with him since all the issues I had not being able to DTD. think I should just accept my ivf fate and focus on enjoying sex again!

It won't all have come out lil, dont worry! A lot of it gets shot so far up there and is on its way (in theory!) to find the egg before hes gone anywhere. The sex stuff is quite messy though, never appreciated that before with condoms. Much tidier!

I've had a little tear a couple times honey. Like a paper cut in the most intimate place! It stings but find it doesn't last too long. Fx for your bleeding being IB though!

Hugs for you today la. Hoping for a positive answer for you.

Have you got a buzzy pal lil that helped me and Mr La no end when we were going through a difficult patch. Plus pre seed

13dpo bfn , had a weep in the shower. Fairly certain af to swoop in soon.

Good luck la gingers crossed
lil not sure but I've wondered if ghost jizz happens when my cervix is high???

Tink you're not out till the witch sings!

Bother gx (gingers crossed) for you and it being IB!

Honey I get small tears if we don't use enough lube, I get very, ahem, dry down there are times, which makes it quite uncomfortable without the right stuff (getting my preseed today as I got paid!)

Lil maybe get something that can stimulate you whilst your DTD? This is going to be way TMI, but I struggle to climax when we are DTD, so DP sometimes uses a pocket rocket or similar whist in doggy position to "get me going" lol...

La, wishing all the best of luck today hun. I'll be checking in regularly at work hoping for good news.

Best of all...It's Friday!!! (And pay day) :D Happy Friday Viroids!

And I really need to dust off the bloody cape, I've been so terrible this month, pretty sure I've passed my ice date, oh well!

Anyone else get hideous pmt? Every month I feel bloody horrible!! Weepy and angry in equal measure. Dh is very sweet and said it's not fair, felt like telling him every reason why it's all his fault (it isn't) but managed to resist. I get such a massive downer this time of the month, can't bear mirrors or even hugs off dh. Am I a mentalist or does anyone else get this extreme mood stuff?

I've not had periods for 5 years but this month, I had sore boobs, cramping, sickness, nausea (so I thought I was upduffed) and was super emotional, crying, stressing out, getting really on edge.

So yeh, I think I am going to suffer badly with PMT when AF does return (I hope those symptoms last month means this month she will rear her head) :)

I get awful PMT as well, Tink. Absolutely miserable mood, real dark despair and complete intolerance for anyone doing anything around me - can't bear to be touched, noises drive me up the wall.

I try to find ways to deal, even just getting out of the room to be alone if I have to, because I know my mum had the same symptoms and her monthly rages were terrifying to me as a child. :( It's a bugger.

I'm sure some of the jizz got ghosted Lil I second La's buzzy reccomendation

Also lol Dulce - I never realised how messy "real sex" was either pre ttc!! Always a condem girl before haha.

Good luck to all those twoting xxx

Oh my god I'm a moody bitch before af! Woe betide anyone who gets on my wick! Usually directed at my dm or poor old mr la.

Just out from hospital - no ectopic spotted, mass is corpus luteum. Still got to watch for signs of ectopic but they said I have a normal shaped gestational sac. No sign of baby so it's possible I'm too early. Got to go for rescan in two weeks.

There's every chance there'll be nothing there in two weeks but it's a lot better news than we thought!

oh gosh that is good news La, there's still every hope now!

Yay La, that's the best news you could have had today! Congratulations!

Thanks honey I'm still not getting hopes up but there's a glimmer!

oh la what a relief. fx for a bigger sac in 2weeks. what was reason for early scan in the first place?

I think I may need to investigate that wevibe thingy. not sure dh will be up for it tho.

tink interesting thought on cervix position... hadn't thought of that.

cbfm says high this morning so glad we dusted cape off last night. going to try and aim for EOD now until the pant snot goes crazy and the pains start. PMA - I will get upduffed before ivf starts!

Oh that is good, La! Fingers crossed for more good news at the next scan.

I am symptom spotting like a loon, help. I keep prodding my boobs to check if they're still sore (was one of the strongest signs last time). But by now they're probably sore because they keep getting poked. I also felt sick last night but frankly I had just eaten my bodyweight in spaghetti carbonara. I'm trying so hard not to POAS early this time. 5 days to go. Arrgh.

la that's really positive news! Am so pleased for you and hormonal that I had a little tear!

Glad it's not just me that gets like this, gliding you've made me think about how my mum was and I guess I get it from her too!! I'm finding it easier poas every couple of days, it helps me manage my frankly asking too much expectations! Going to invest in a frer for tomorrow as digi is too scary ( can't draw my own line on a digi ) and will be 14dpo by then. Am sure af is coming though, this black cloud always rolls in before she shows her ugly face!!

lil get your cape on

Thank you I do appreciate all your support I am still not counting my chickens though as there's been no confirmation that there's actually a baby.

Also the dates don't make sense. If I'm only 5 weeks then I conceived 2 days after I got bfp. Has anyone ever been dated differently at scan to the dates you'd thought?

It worries me that perhaps it's either not there or is just not developing. But I'm going to stay positive.

lil I think you should definitely get a buzzy pal! I have six, different sizes and shapes . We use them to get me to same level as dh so that we finish together. You never know, mr lil might love it! Love your challenge of bfp before ivf, crossing everything for you!
Had scan coz of spotting and also to put mind at rest yeah like I achieved that!!!

Good luck twotters x

We use a buzzy friend too. Even i can't do without it, can't expect dh to be able to! We only have 1 though.

I need a hooyah. I used an IC today cause i wanted to see how it worked. I'm only 7dpo but I'm really irrationally upset it was bfn. Of course it f*cking was, but I'm still sad!

Still, i now know how ICs work and have christened a ROC.

la I have many buzzy pals but Mr lil is not s fan so they are for flying solo. which is often necessary with his non existent low sex drive. I love my husband very much and id never swap him but he's not very adventurous in the bedroom!

definitely didn't put your mind at rest! dating at scans can be wrong. my dn was apparently born on time but by sils dates was 2wks late. he showed many signs of being an overdue baby too. there are also many reasons babies may grow slower. remember average has to have some above and below to exist!