Break the bed, marvel at the ghost sperm, ignore the fuss about avatar pandas and whatever you do - don't eat the jizz! It's Just Shagging Part 28

[Leela5]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

The link to Part 27 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2157458-Get-your-cape-on-get-your-cape-on-Dont-come-knockin-if-the-tents-a-rockin-but-pee-on-a-snake-instead-Its-just-shagging-part-27" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2160935-Just-Shagging-Thread-11-for-Graduated-Viroids?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Lol at crossing gingers! In the next Fred title?

Thinking of you La x

Never cross a ginger - they have fearsome tempers.

callipy that made me laugh for the first time today, thank you!

Morning all,

All is a bit weird in the Before household. Mr Before veers from being happy about the BFP to looking at me quizzically and asking if I am SURE I am pg, or am I really pg. It's not what I want to hear, but understandable - I'm thinking it's mc-related.

So this morning, I did my last and final normal test (going to save the digi or Ebay it) for his benefit. POAS then put his alarm (5 mins to go) in the bathroom, such that when it went off, he went in and saw the test. Line again. Then I got "so you're pregnant at the moment". Gah! True, but there's nothing like a vote of confidence from your other half.

Stats: crap shagger of the month. We did it the day I got ov pain/EWCM (CD 16 ish) and we did it two days later. Other than that, not so much. We even used a condom once because of this "break" nonsense. That'll teach me. The law of sod rules.

Incidentally I don't know why I ever spent over £10 on FRERs or more on digis when two Superdrug early tests cost £4.79!

I feel cautiously happy and nervous. It's the best I can do at the moment. Just seen a great online tutorial on how to alter normal clothes to fit as maternity. Hoping I get to give it a try.

Bother, I agree, you should never cross a ginger :)

Agree with not crossing gingers! My DD is ginger and that girl has a temper. When shes been naughty and I try to tell her off she stamps her feet and says 'mammy you had better say sorry right now you're not being kind to me. Say sorry now!'
Im always in her bad books and shes nearly as big as me so I'm scared she might set about me.

Must be such a great feeling before :) Maybe we should all go on a break?

So far DP and I have been really bad at following the doctors orders of shagging three times a week, we've done it once in the past 5 days, so we have to get on it today and tomorrow/saturday! Also pretty sure if my timing is correct, this is when I should ovulate, but I refuse to do an OPK because it will just kill my dreams hopes mood so I'm just going to assume I iced this weekend and pretend my body is all normal and stuff

Before weirdness is perfectly understandable. Can I say my DH didn't really get that I was pg with DD until we went for our 12 week scan - it was her flipping and swishing about that clicked with him, he actually said "no wonder you've been feeling sick" to me on the way back to the car! Funny in retrospect, infuriating at the time. So even without mc uneasiness, men can be completely rubbish at pg stuf.

gaggia Can you keep a straight face when she starts telling you off? I always struggle, and my 2 yo (almost 3) invariably goes into proper meltdown mode if she sees my lips twitching when she starts. I just can't help myself though, getting a dressing down from someone only just 1 metre tall is just hysterical. LOL

Well witch has got me :( was able to lie to myself yesterday and call it spotting but not today. At least this time she actually showed herself rather than leaving me in a yes or no limbo, this way I can well and truly enjoy the twpu and take advantage of lidls French week (smelly cheese, red wine and Normandy cider yum) although thanks to maxfax surgeon yesterday it will just have to be the chocolate mousses for a few days.

Callipy, how lovely to hear someone not putting the NHS down, I'm really pleased you get looked after properly. We certainly do see a fair few epileptics, but we never mind a fitter :)

Sorry mountain. Love your twpu style though! I bought a French creme pat and chocolate brioche today. Pudding tonight!

So, thread title so far needs to say something about drawing your lines and crossing your gingers? No wonder people think we be Cray Cray!

sorry the witch got you mountain :( enjoy the TWPU!

I was very impressed at NHS yesterday. Was seen quickly and felt looked after. Only frustrating bit was waiting 6 hours for results when they'd told me they were back after two, but they did explain it was coz of emergency coming in and we totally understood that so would never complain.

I've had a few procedures via NHS and have always been impressed.

Meanwhile I pay for bupa privately and they never actually cover anything I need them for!

Sorry about witch mountain enjoy your twpu

Callipy were you the clearblue trial as well? Good to know they work!!

Although obviously very naughty

Ah Mountain what a witchy cow she is. I totally want blue cheese now... Yeah I was on the CB trial and even though it did make it less romantic I'm sure it helped. We were crap shaggers this month too but just got the times right I think. We didn't DTD the night before we thought I'd ice to give the swimmers a chance to get stonger - think that was a good idea!

DH is a ginger too but he seems to buck the trend - he never gets angry!

La so glad to have made you laugh, hope you are doing ok. x

fresh nah I can never keep a straight face. I let my 3yo shout at me and I just roll about laughing. That's my parenting technique!

Aloha viroids!!! (auto change - fibroids!!)

Sorry about af mountain was hoping we'd be poas buddies maybe next cycle
Glad you're doing ok la FX
Very excited for you guys before, calli, I think all this is different for us girls isn't it?
jellymust dust off cape!!

Been away on a food tasting work jolly! Not as glam as it sounds but certainly took my mind off ttc! I think I'm 12/13 dpo need to check ovia so am going to try an ic again tomorrow, eek! Feel no different though so not too hopeful but after the recent run on this fred you never know, off to watch bake off on catch up and sleep off the cocktails

Ah mountain - so sorry about the witch. Thought aboutyou alot today looking at the alps around Lake annecy. Via ferrata tomorrow - eek!
Currently lying in my bunk room and glad you mad viroids (irony - can't even spell it let alone get auto correct to guess it!) exist. Thought witch had come early on Wed am with light brown spotting, gave mr b the bad news and drank wine in the evening, now still only very little spotting and starting to wonder/hope this might be good not bad? No bloody idea - just wish I wasn't on my own on a bunk bed in the alps wondering it! Arghhh!
Only time will tell.
X

Ah mountain rubbish rubbish rubbish that AF got you.

FX for you Tink and virtual bunk bed hugs to you bother.

Viroids my disco pants are on, tonight the JSIng starts again in earnest. Second WTF cycle in a row so no idea when I'm ovulating but we're going to go for it anyway. Wish me luck

Think i did tear a bit the other day. Just had to put the cape away as it was too painful in a certain spot. Anyone any experience on how long it might take to heal? No blood except that small amount the other day.

Bother why are you in the Alps?

Good luck Wiggly!

Bother that sounds good, no?! Gingers crossed
Honey not sure how long it would take to heal but the blood flow down there's got to help it surely. You around icing time?
Wiggly - rock those disco pants!

Bother I am so jealous! French Alps= my favourite place in the whole world. Enjoy the via ferrata (and I have a lovely mental image of you yelling expletives down a cliff!) Keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you and tink, this Fred needs a few more bfps to catch up with the last one!

Calli I'm twotting, so at least its not crucial. Will have to have an experimental thrust shag each night or so until its better.