The Elderberry Pavlovas: Hanging up our fertility crystals, relaying the Yellow Brick Road and chasing that chopper. We want our BFPs and we want them now! (Thread 22)

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

jellie I am keeping everything crossed for you. How many days post transfer are you?

wild you have done well to wait until tomorrow to test! I am also keeping everything crossed for you.

lumen could it possibly be?! You wouldn't be the first to get pg whilst downregging, and you wouldn't be the first to get pg naturally having been through IVF.... either way I really hope you feel better soon! POAS?

nolly I am so with you on having to come to terms with IVF. I really don't feel ready for it, and to give up on the dream of a natural bfp. Still, my focus is changing somewhat, as I have accepted the job in London!

I am desperate to get out of work, having been here since 7.30 but urgent deadlines are keeping me in the office. Really can't be naffed to do anything, and can't wait to hand in my notice. So tired too, as have been having really weird dreams and a bit of twinging lower back pain. Thank crunchie it's Friday....I am cream crackered!

tiger great news on accepting the job, congrats!

happy your comment on the pessaries made me chuckle, they are grim and such a strange feeling when they melt

Can I admit to having been stalking you all to see how you're getting on!?

jellie It could be implantation bleeding, I have everything crossed for you.

wfm Good luck for tomorrow. Please let it be the start of a clusterdiff!

tiger Congrats on the new job, exciting times ahead!

lumen POAS POAS POAS! I would love to see you ironidiff whilst downregging!

nolly I totally get how you feel. When our IVF got underway I actually started to feel quite relaxed about it thouhg, in that we were finally doing something that had a good chance of working. I think you have suspected PCOS from what I remember, in which case the IVF really can be an easyish fix.

Hello and good luck to everyone else that I've missed.

For those hating the progesterone supps, (sorry but totally TMI coming up) I used to "remove" the residue each morning, much better than waiting for gravity to do its job. Really gross, but when I was on 6 (!) a day it was way too messy otherwise. Can't believe I've just said that, but it's amazing how IF treatment lowers the mortification threshhold!

Jellie I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, and what will power too.

Lumen poas poas! You never know!

Tiger congratulations!! That's brilliant news and roll on your ironidiff! also, weird dreams and back ache? Do you need to poas?

Wild good luck for the morning, I have everything crossed for you.

chloe how are you? How far along now? Feel free to stalk and you can give us your tmi when we need if!

Happy how are you getting on? When is your otd?

The berries are totally due a bunch of bfps hey.

Hola berries, just got in from Friday night meal and cocktails. Gotta do it whilst we still can!!

Also went for a drink with friend that's suffering from pnd for over a year now. It's a cautionary tale of appreciating what we do have as she was desperate to have kids and it took her a long time to have her first, she now has three and pnd. Not a happy state of affairs, she's been in the kids loop for 6 years now and I think it's taken it's toll. I used to be jealous thinking she's so lucky not to have to go back to work etc but now I think she could really do with a change of focus. It 's v difficult as she's so sensitive that it 's hard to tell her what you really think as she'll replay it over and over. Sometimes I think people with kids aren't actually that happy as they complain about them and just don't seem that happy. Maybe it's a big conspiracy to make us think kids will make us whole but actually it all just tests you... I think the gin is talking!!

Good luck with testing and fair play to jellie for not testing.

Well, I tested and it was BFN.

I feel p*ed off but I've taken it quite well really. I thought I'd be on the floor sobbing, but no.

I'm off out this morning to eat cake with my most child hating friend. I haven't told her about TTC but if I did she would probably flare her nostrils ask me if I had actually seen what babies and children are like!? Then stuff some cake in my gob, possibly followed by gin. The ideal companion for today.

Room for one more Wild? Bfn here. I took extra progesterone yesterday but my hateful body still wants to bleed. Gaaaaaah. I want wine never mind bloody cake. Well done on not crying though. I had to leave work yesterday then took to my bed for a couple of hours and cried till I had a bad headache. And I thought I'd be okay with it as I thought it wouldn't work....

Official test day Monday so can't even drown my sorrows yet. Baaaaaaaah.

Ah here's the cat for some cuddles. I'm going to eat, knit and watch bad tv today. (Cdwm!)

Oh wild, crappy news. Was it definite? Any point doing a few more tests a day or 2later? Ours looked negative at first but used a different test later in day and was positive. I don't want to give you false hope. Sounds like you are being very sensible about it. It's just really disappointing and makes you cross rather than sad. Friend sounds cracking and absolutely the right person to be with. Enjoy the cake. I am off later with pnd friend to go mooching and lunching. In one way I feel a bit apprehensive as every time I see her she off loads on me. She asked if I wanted to talk the other night and started off about how her visit with her consultant hadn't gone well, then got interrupted by my dh so I had round two last night. I suppose my role is just to listen but I find I've then got her problems going round my head and it can bring me down. We don't seem to talk about anything else apart from her problems and her life and that's all v insular. She's said she needs to widen her perspective and needs more adult interaction so maybe volunteering, clubs etc. I don't really try to tell her what to do, just listen and gently say what I think. She called me patronising when I was trying to tell her how much better she is & that sort of made me cross but didn't think I could get cross with her. She's going through a shitty time so I suppose I just have to tread carefully around her and do what I can to listen and then let it go. I can't solve her problems for her. She did say just listening was helping and she felt better. Don't know if anyone has any advice or experience of this.

Ah jellie, still it's not over til OTD? So sorry you feel so shit. It's surprising how even if we think it won't work, how much emotional energy there is tied up with these things. Cat cuddles and your day sound really good x x x

Oh Wild and Jellie I'm so very sorry about the BFNs. This is all so bloody unfair. Will be thinking of you both today. Hope you can get some enjoyment from the cake/bad TV. Look after yourselves

Wild and jellie I'm really sorry. I'm disappointed on your behalf and was really hoping for you. Jellie how many dpt are you? Are you definitely out?

Hugs to you both, and and

Bushy sounds like a v difficult position to be in. I have a 3 very close family members with depression, one long term and it is so so hard to deal with. I would suggest try and change her focus, maybe do an activity i.e. Making something or a bike ride - basically something that requires focus and allows a little chat but of a more general nature. If you do fancy it check local arts places etc to see what they have on. Never underestimate the impact of someone's long term depression on you, and try to look after yourself. Just on your note about being happy, recently I've read lots of things about being happy in yourself and not looking for something/someone to make you happy, as it's a sure fire way to end up miserable. You're right about appreciating what we have already being so important. Hope your day goes ok.

Sorry wild and jellie, it's a pants time.

No need for me to poas as AF arrived today, exactly on time just without the usual chin spots. Might have also broken the back of my virus last night as feeling more normal this morning. Just a shame dh is sick with a cold so we can't do our planned day of Xmas shopping

Hi to chloe, hope all good with you.

bushy no advice on pnd friend but it sounds like she is very lucky to have you, enjoy shopping and lunch.

Feeling for wild and jellie. I was quietly hopeful for you both and am very sorry things haven't worked. I have to say that it just isn't f**king fair that it has to be this hard. Hold you're both ok in the circumstances. I prescribe and to help you through and sending my love your way xx

bushy it sounds to me as though you are being very understanding. Depression can manifest itself in very selfish ways as people become unable to see outside of their own black hole. Cocktails sounds good! Am having a month off booze and could have cracked already after a stressful day yesterday.

lumen bugger, although better than limbo plus you've already got your plans in place. Hope you're feeling on the mend. to Xmas shopping! And I thought I was organised!! This year I'm saying no presents please to everyone as we'll be away.

beaky I too have been focusing very much on my inner happiness and not thinking that a baby would be the missing link as I really felt dissatisfied with my life and everything in it a few months ago, and I've managed to be at lot more positive of late. I'm also going to try therapy as I do think that past stresses and experiences might be somehow be contributing to my infertility. I've had every test going and there is nowt wrong with either of us.

happy hope you're getting on ok, and fingers crossed for you.

to chloe and hope all is going well for you!

Rainy day of chores and DIY ahead. Might sneak off to do a spot of shopping later, fancy a new smart coat for work

Wild and Jellie am sending and your way.

I hope that you are feeling better Lumen

Lumen shame it was AF. Hope you feel much better soon though.

Tiger Oo I need a new smart work coat too! It was frosty yesterday morning when I left the house so will have to get looking.

How are you HB?

Currently in the middle of the Irish Sea, floating away from stress! Ha as if.

Wild and Jellie thinking of you both x

Just sending hugs to Jellie and Wild. Sorry this hasn't worked out this time.

Crap news jellie and wild. Really feel for you guys. Jellie when you say you were expecting it, were you just not wanting to get hopes up or had you been given low success likelihood?

Nolly I had a wobble last night. Despite knowing icsi is our only way forward I still struggle with it. Lots of tears and good chat with DH and on my way again but there's been lots of these moments so take whatever support you need and is available. DH haven't taken up counselling support but perhaps should have done. Is that available to you?

Tiger I bought a new smart coat today!

I thought I had posted a couple of days ago with outcome of Mr pixie's swimmer-hunt but appears it didn't actually submit. Sorry about leaving you in suspense! So the op went as well as we could have hoped...they got some little dudes fairly easily which was great news. We don't yet know quantity or quality and whether they'll cope with defrost process but given 14 mths ago a chance of us having kids seemed to be zero this is massive leap forward. Had icsi planning appt this morning. Rather daunting but felt quiet knowledgeable thanks to you berries! Imagine we'll get a call Monday to update on swimmers and if all good to go then start long protocol in around 19 days (expecting AF any day). So emby transfer, if we get that far, would be mid nov. Still really long way to go but relief to finally be getting somewhere after 28 months...

Pixie that's wonderful that they were able to get some swimmers! Fx that everything else works as well as it should. Really pleased for you guys.

I'm spotting boo.

Good news about the swimmers Pixie really glad to hear you are making progress. Are you purely male factor or are there other reasons for you having IVF?

Really, really sorry to hear your news jellie I hope the cat cuddles are making you feel a little bit better. A good cry is fully justified. Look after yourself sweetie.

Aw Berries thank you for all the commiserations. It really helps at times like this to have lots of kind support from you lovely ladies. you're the best.

Funnily enough bushy my DH raised the possibility of a false negative and pointed out they do happen sometimes. I was once again surprised and impressed with his TTC knowledge and I told him that he knows more about the subject than 90 per cent of women. His reply was that he's a man of the world and he's been in the merchant navy, aka the 'merch'! He has definitely never been in the merchant navy.

Anyway, more sensibly, he did say that this isn't the end of the road and we will see what the consultant says. I'm very lucky to have him even though he is clearly as mad as a fish slice. I think the test is right unfortunately and will wait for AF.

Wild. Lol mad as a fish slice... Love it! I'm amazed as I really winner sometimes if oh knows anything about the birds and the bees! Let alone ivf (which Weber dune twice now!,).

Pixie, I got a bfp last time although it didn't stick so I guess I thought "could we be that lucky twice..." Or that was our chance really.... Sad thoughts I know. Great news on the swimmers! v well done Mr pixie!

Thanks ladies for the hugs thoughts, wine and cake. I'm having a cider and my headache seems to have dissapeared magically!

beaky could it be implantation spotting?

pixie great news on the swimmers, let us know how they have got on.

wild your dh sounds lovely, I think this whole shitty process does bring us closer together as couples. FYI there are some Xmas movies on tomorrow afternoon if you want to curl up in front of the TV like I will be doing, on the usual Xmas movies channel (but it is not called that yet)

Oh and jellie what is Weber dune? Some fancy typo?

Oh beaky sorry to hear that, spotting really messes with your head. Hope you are enjoying Ireland nonetheless.

Thanks for the Xmas movies tip lumen I will definitely check those out. Hope your knee is better and glad you have shaken off that bug.

It certainly does bring you together as a couple. We've had so many cuddles and sad heart to hearts in the bedroom. So many things that we never thought we'd have to go through. At one stage I said I'd never do IVF. I think it's made me be not so definite about things and never say never. It's coming up to a year since I had my laparoscopy. That was another first as I'd never had an operation before. We were chatting last night about how back 7 years ago I'd never even thought about children, except in a vague 'some day' way and I was pretty much as happy as a sand boy. Just used to go out lots and drink lots and just didn't worry about stuff that I do now.

Love your oh wild.

jellie having a der too!!

Good news pixie on the swimmers

Mr bushy is out with the boys at the rugby. He will definitely be having the beer bed when he gets in! Am having an X factor catch up, might crack open another 'der!!

Day out with friend was nice. She was a bit better today. Thanks for your advice guys, v true what you said. I think sometimes I find it hard when she complains as I think come on, you don't know how lucky you are and how with perspective she'd realise that her worries and moans are quite small in comparison to others. Obv the pnd doesn't help her perspective and whoever said depression can make people a bit unable to see out of their black hole was spot on.

I don't think so Lumen it started 9dpo which is when I usually start spotting in a cycle. It's also gone dark red this morning.