The Elderberry Pavlovas: Hanging up our fertility crystals, relaying the Yellow Brick Road and chasing that chopper. We want our BFPs and we want them now! (Thread 22)

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Jellie I had my scan today too and I did my first injections this evening! Was dreading them to be honest but was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting. We are short protocol too. We are pencilled in for EC around the 22nd but that obviously depends how I respond. Is this your first cycle Jellie?
It has indeed been very quiet in here today. I think everyone is off on their hols
With regards to telling people about the IVF, I told my head last term and she was fantastic. I don't think Id get away with saying nothing at all in work so I've told a few of my closest colleagues but I'm not shouting it from the rooftops! Am planning on taking the week of EC/ET off but I'm going to see how it goes.

Hello everyone. Sorry I've been away for so long - no FUFC snow baby for me I'm afraid. I kept up with the thread while on hols at the snow but couldn't really post as we were staying with friends (and anyway had nothing much to say what with being stuck in another waiting game). Then I just kept off MN for a couple of weeks to try to stop thinking about ttc. (Didn't work in the slightest!)

Had our follow up appointment with the fertility specialist (whose secretary you might remember had totally freaked me out with her comments about 'given the state of my embryos the Dr Gee thinks it more appropriate to see you in person'). To be honest I don't think we came away from that feeling any better informed about what went wrong with IVF 1, nor what the next steps should be!! The Dr wasn't happy that only 1 egg made it to blasto, and commented that my LH levels had risen just before they did egg collection despite the injections supposed to be suppressing that. I think she felt that might have impacted the longevity/ energy/ quality of my eggs, as she said next IVF she would recommend the longer down reg version, which uses a different drug (binding to something in your brain to stop you ovulating? I really don't know. I wish she'd give us some bullet points) with the hope that would give us a better egg outcome.

Also though, she kept saying the 1 blasto that was transferred was lovely and she was very disappointed it hadn't implanted. (Me too). She pointed out we still haven't ruled out endo as I've not had a lap. And said if IVF2 doesn't work she wouldn't recommend doing any more until if had the lap. She said she sensed I was a bit reticent about having the laparoscopy though (-while making me feel an idiot despite this reticence just being her assumption-) and that during the long down reg she suggests I have an endometrial scratch as some studies show this makes your body produce a good(?) immune response which can counter the immune issues that are often the problem with endometriosis anyway.

Again the silly woman (-sorry she just gets on my nerves-) claimed the endo scratch is no different from a smear... I said shoving something through my cervix is NOTHING like a smear test (having had a horrendous time at hycosy, and also finding the egg transfer AWFUL, whereas had no issue with egg retrieval as I was out for the count!). She looked at me again as if I am weak and feeble and said she could book me in for anaesthesia if I really wanted. I looked at OH for some sort of response/acceptance that it was ok we'd have an additional $600 bill, then said yes please.

So we initially agreed to take this approach. In theory that would mean calling the nurses this week when Day 1 finally appears (have been spotting for the past week - probably endo?!) and starting stabbing on day 23... To have egg retrieval next month.

However in the past few days I've been agonising over the best approach. If I really do have endo, then it would be a shame to go through a cycle of a IVF and waste a potential good blasto if my uterus isn't welcoming! I guess the longer cycle is supposed to yield more blastos for freezing and could be used after the subsequent lap, but I suddenly felt it would make more sense to do the lap first.

Sorry this post is now enormous, and is all about me!

Kuma can you work from home with a ‘bad back’ or something for a few days and then need to visit your ‘chiropractor’ or ‘osteopath’ each day when you are in the office?

Jellie your birthday treats sound good. I’ve never been to Weymouth but I imagine lots of seaside and crab pots and things. Glad Cyril has gone and it really sounds like you are doing the right thing with just getting on with it. There’s never a perfect time, you just have to make it work.

smidge sorry you don’t feel that you are hugely more informed after your visit to the consultant. If you hate the procedures and would rather have a GA to knock you out then pay the extra money for that, it will be worth it for you to feel calm and comfortable.

I can see why you might be tempted to go for the laparoscopy before another IVF round though. It might be a case of short term discomfort for some long term gain if it gives you some more information to work with. Trying to balance these decisions out does your head in though!

bushy our burgers last Friday were Aberdeen Angus ones from Waitrose. Flippin’ delicious. We just had them in a bun with some fried onions and mustard and it was really tasty. No need for anything else with it as the meat was so good in itself. (Apologies to vegetarian Berries!)

It’s an exciting time here as we have decided to go for an IUI cycle this month. It all happened quite quickly as I checked with the FC whether we were all up to date with our file to get going and then once they confirmed that we were, AF arrived. So we decided to crack on.

I had the baseline scan this morning and there was one very small cyst but they are happy to go ahead. I start stabbing tonight.

There is so much going on among the Berries now that we must surely get some good news.

There's lots of stabbing going on around here! Just wanted to send huge good luck wishes to jellie wfm and happy I really hope there's an autumn clusterdiff about to kick off for you and all berries!

Welcome back smidge. Sounds like you have a lot to mull over. Are you any nearer to making a decision? It sounds like they have a good plan in place for your next round whenever you do it. The first one is always a bit hit and miss, so I'm sure there'll be a better response next time round.

Hi to everyone else!

Happy - no this is my second go. I was short protocol last time on Max stimms and had a chemical. This time I'm doing a natural mini stimms go so it's even shorter than short! I've only to stimm for about 5 days... What doses are you on? I also found the thought of doing the injections hard but after one I was oh is that it! Hoping it's the same this time.

Smidge - sorry it sounds like your doc and the receptionist agent very nice! Way to wind you up? I can you see someone else?

WFM - Weymouth was lovely. I've never tried crab before.... But I hated it! Blik! Omg we can be stabby friends! I'm going to do mine at about 9.30 tonight. Again what drugs are you on and doses etc?

Right I'd better go look at the menopur video to refresh my memory! Squeeeee!

All done! Back on the cycle again! Was fine doing the injection just forgot to get a blimmin sharps box. Tut. Will put it on the shopping list for tomorrow.... Mushrooms, potato frozen chips, sharps box....

As for work. I told my boss last time and he couldn't be better! All time off for scans, supportive when it went wrong, brilliant. My colleague that I work closely with knows, but she's lovely two and a couple of other people who I'm close friends with in the business. Im not telling many this time. Not even my mum! And I tell her everything! Too much pressure...

Well done Jellie! I'm on Suprecur and Menopur. Finding the Menopur jabs a bit of a faff tbh. Quite tricky to draw the liquid up in to the syringe without getting air bubbles. Managed to waste a tiny little bit tonight. At £340 a vial DH was going mental!

I'm just on menopur 150, I've got the multi dose vial so mix once and draw up dose needed!

Feck! Happy that's well expensive! But great you are managing fine with jabs and are finally underway with icsi. Fx for you!

Jellie yey that Cyril has gone! Please keep your fingers crossed that my Cyril's have gone too! Good luck with stabbing and will be sending positive berry vibes your way. Your birthday celebrations sound amazing! Glad you had a lovely time.

Wild wow that is fast! Are you stabbing with gonal f? Hopefully I'll be joining you on the iui train shortly, just waiting for AF to arrive then in for a scan to check the cysts have gone. I really hope they have this time.

smidge I reckon id be tempted to go for the lap first too, just to make sure everything has the best chance possible. Sounds like the appointment was lots of info to get all in one go.

Ooh I quite like a bit of crab jellie ! I stabbed early last night at 7 as had to head out to my meditation group and didn't fancy doing it when i got home as it would be quite late by then.

happy and jellie your meds sound complicated; mixing things up and drawing liquid into syringes. Impressed. I'm not sure I'm ready for all that.

I have Gonal-F and that's it. Starting the IUI treatment has happened quickly, but it feels as if I've spent the last few years pushing water up hill to get to this point where we can actually get some help. I'm glad to get on with something at last.

beaky bring on AF and come join in.

On the way back from the clinic yesterday I went right past a cafe called lumen , which is clearly a sign.

Well done all you who have started stabbing. Bring on the next cluster! I used Gonal F for my stimms and it was easy as its pre mixed and loaded into a syringe. I did have to mix one of the others though and it was a pain!

I'm still waiting for AF, it's now cd30.. I'm usually a 25 to 26 day cycle person so I'm generally not impressed. I had planned my next fortnight around when I thought scans and EC/ET would be and now I'm almost a week behind. felt like she was coming yesterday but still no sign. I'm worried that my body has given up now after all the scans and the hysteroscopy . I need the Berries to do an AF dance to lure her out.

Ah Kuma I'm sorry AF is being a right pain in the butt. My last proper cycle was my longest ever (a whopping 28 days!!) and I swear it was just because I was waiting to work out all my dates for ICSI!

Jellie the box says Menopur 1200 but I'm injecting 375 of that every evening, so each vial lasts 3 and a bit days (and yes Beaky it is ludicrously expensive!!). I'm stressing today that I didn't get enough of it in me last night. Wish they would just pre fill the syringes - it would take some of the stress out!

Great news that things are moving for you Wild.

Seems like there's a lot going on in Berry HQ at the moment. Fx for everyone. We need another cluster diff!!

Beaky I'll do a Cyril fuck off dance for you!

WFM is really not bad once you get the hang especially the 1200 bottles that we have! Perhaps we will have to sit in cafe lumen for a berry gathering!

Iamkuma - I will do an AF dance for you. Alternatively I recommend white trousers worn commando.

Happy - I was doing 450 last cycle so yes it was bloody expensive. I think I worked it out to £90 an injection! And I stimmed for 12 days in the end! My drugs bill was a third of the cost this time. And I'm having all sorts this time.... Feeling very emotional today stressed/tired I think. Just had dinner, time for an early night I think. I cried when I got home cos ASDA hadn't got a sharps bin....

Well done on the stabbing Wild and fx I'll be joining you soon

Kuma joining in with Happys AF waltz for you, it's so annoying having to wait even longer! Happy how long will you stim for? Can they increase the dose or go longer if necessary? I'm sure that won't be necessary though.

Aw Jellie x post! Hope you're feeling ok soon, it will pass! Fx for the fuck off Cyril dance!

Hi all, just popping by to say good luck to all the stabby ladies!! Will be keeping a beady eye on your progress

Waves at bushy - how are you these days?

Hmm, that's one thing I wouldn't expect ASDA to have jellie!! Did they give you a funny look?

It is a syringe filled party in here eh!! Well I may join you in November. We saw our consultant on weds, a very straight talking Indian lady. She was lovely and said basically the mmc was bad luck and probably was a abnormality with chromosomes and that they are better to not survive. When I asked if Ivf pregnancies were more likely to end in mmc she got really cross!! Absolutely not was her reply! She said that the positives are that it implanted and I have a really good lining ( go me!) and that I responded really well to the drugs and that the sperm was fine so we would not need Icsi next time, just Ivf. She said if she was to be critical that at the blastocyst stage there weren't many of a good quality, only 2/3.One that they used for transfer and then they froze at least one.. I though it was 2 but can't remember now. Sadly there's not anything I can do to improve, it's a lottery as my ovarian reserve is low but that doesn't mean the egg quality is. In fact the only way to tell if the eggs are good is to fertilise them.

I asked if I could help by healthy lifestyle etc; the answer was no!! So I should really turn into a dirty old hedonist, have what I like to drink, not worry about caffeine etc as it doesn't make a difference!! However I think it helps to be in good health so I'm not about to down vats of cider ( although I have just had a cheeky Stella raspberry cider- nom nom!)

Anyway I'm to have a period, then on my second bleed I should ring and kick off cycle 2, which should be November. If timings collide into Christmas then it would be delayed. I'm quite amazed at how quick cycle 2 can start. She did warn us that it may not work as well in terms of egg numbers this time as the hormones will have kicked my sluggish eggs into gear and second time round they don't tend to respond as well. However it's important that we have a second go so she can compare and see what she can glean. Oh and she said ( sorry first time stabbers) it's very unusual to have a successful Ivf first time round so one should go into it not putting everything on it working. You need to be firmly in the middle as in it may or may not but don't expect it to. ( it's crazy isn't it, especially if you're paying!) we're to try in the meantime. Wouldn't a nice straight forward up duffing the willy way be sooo much easier... Now what do I do with it again? Something to do with sniffing...!!

Got through week at work but had big emotional meltdown last night, triggered by domestic chores argument. Feeling shit about it all, shit about 'it', feeling the pressure of other people looking to me for answers at work and me feeling like I don't have any and that I can just about cope with my teaching and class but not everyone else's issues and demands and then the usual negative thoughts about my capabilities. My poor dh had to deal with a v distraught bushy last night. He says I need to not let things build up like that and over tire myself as I get low on energy and then I can't cope. He also said I need to pick the things to worry about. If it's not important then to leave it. And that my usual worries of getting found out as being incapable that I should google it or do things to solve problem be relieve my anxiety e.g. Read subject book, practise skill I'm worrying about.

I just also think that my life is a bit 'meh' at the moment. It's all a bit domestic drudgery, which is rather one sided- mr bushy is poo at being tidy. However after throwing his trousers and shirt down the stairs for leaving it on the bed again, he's going to 'try'. I feel the weekends are the same, food planning, shopping list making, food shopping, cleaning etc, it's just dull. I need more nice things to look forward to, whereas dh is quite content to loaf round house or go play golf. I suppose I need to do more things I like and make an effort to see friends but they'd nearly all got kids so trying to get them out sans kids is hard... Also I suppose I can't be bothered! Anyhow we might go and see rugby this w/e so that's something! Got to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Aw Bushy sending hugs and berry vibes your way. You sound like you have really low self confidence/esteem at the moment, I am absolutely sure though that you you are more than competent at your job and everything else in your life. Please try to go easy on yourself, you don't deserve a hard time from anyone let alone yourself. I read an article on huff post earlier about how happy people never allow themselves to be put down and they never do it to themselves as it has no benefit whatsoever. I totally agree with your last para there about life being meh, it's the same for me and my dh seems fairly satisfied with his bit, work, hobbies etc but I feel like I'm stuck in a shit job, all my friends have kids and it's difficult to get them sans kids as you point out. Men definitely seem to have the easier end of the deal!

Oh Bushy sorry you're feeling down but please don't be so hard on yourself - you've been through an awful lot recently and we all think you're amazing. Have some . I've also heard (though not from my FC) that the first round of IVF should be treated as a dummy run. What they learn from it can be very beneficial to the 2 cycle. Kind of glad we went for the 2 cycle package!
Feel tonight's Menopur went a bit better. There's no way I've got enough in the last few nights though as I should have 0.2 of a dose left and there looks loads more than that
Beaky I'm pencilled in for EC the week after next but it all depends on how well I respond. I've got a scan Monday to see how things are going and they'll take it from there.
Well its almost the weekend Berries. Secondary teachers, tomorrow is my 4th day in a row without a free. Someone pick me up from the floor around 3pm!

Woohoo AF has arrived so I can book in for a scan! Really really hope they cysts have gone and we can go ahead this time.

Happy you must be exhausted! Fx crossed for your scan though and hopefully it won't have made a difference that you've been a little bit short.

Kuma any sign of AF for you yet?

bushy I totally understand where you're coming from. Meh definitely sums things up for me at the moment. I spent so long trying to get my OH to get around to proposing (as I totally wanted to at least be engaged before getting pregnant - I now think how charmingly sweet but completely naive!), managed to get the wedding organised within 10weeks, still thinking I might fall pregnant, then nothing.... Then after trying for ages with no luck I decided to leave work (it was completely stressing me out with an awful new management team following a so called merger) - thinking becoming a housewife would mean i'd be upduffed within days... And here we are a year later again and still nothing. I just feel as if everything is on hold. Makes no sense to go back to work now coz more rounds of IVF in a new job really wouldn't work for me mentally, and we're also planning to head to England for 18months in March 2016 (yay for me, all my friends and family are back home and I'm a bit lonely here in aus to be honest). Anyway, it all just means I feel I have no control over anything! My priority is totally to have 3 babies a baby which I seem to have no control over, but in the meantime that also seems to mean I can't control anything else - career, trips away, anything.. ('what if I'm pregnant, what if it's shag week, what if I have to have a scan' etc etc!)

Anyway, basically that's a long winded way to say I constantly feel frustrated, useless, not in control and that my life is being wasted away!! Inbetween times of course I realise how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me and a wonderful family back home etc, but those underlying worries definitely cause the odd crying session, so I'm sure what you're going through is completely normal (or else we're all crazy )

Hey ho, the 'our time will come' mantra does help calm me down a bit...

Ok, so I ended up trying to speak to my Dr (AliG) to confirm what she really thinks is the best approach for me, lap or IVF2 (long down reg). I wrote an email to her annoying secretary listing out my questions as I always seem to forget some, and asked her to ask AliG to call me back to discuss. I got an email back asking me to ring the office - which I did, but didn't get to speak to the doctor, just the secretary. Grrr!! And my annoyance with her continues.....
She said "Dr Gee says you can have the lap if you want, but you'll need to come in and see her on Monday to sign some documents first, and then as she'll be away for 3 weeks the next time they can book me in for surgery is 13th Oct" I replied saying 'but I wasn't necessarily wanting to have the lap, I just wanted to find out whether that is what Dr Gee would recommend!!' - receptionist then claimed she did think this was the best approach (though i'd rather have heard it from the doc!). I then asked about all my other questions, eg how long after the lap can we try IVF again, and the secretary said 'Dr Gee usually likes people to try naturally after a lap for a few months first as that's usually when it's successful' ... I then said 'but what if the lap shows I don't have endometriosis?' ... She then started sort of telling me well in that case of course it would be different etc... Our conversation continued like this with the secretary basically trying to act like the doctor and me feeling more and more frustrated!!! Surely I could just speak to the woman for 5 mins?

However, I've now discovered that given I still haven't had Day 1, (despite this now being day 8 of spotting) I can actually see the Doc on Monday, get clarity over everything while signing paperwork, and still have time to start IVF long reg if I don't do the lap. (Tbh I think I will do the lap first, but I'm just a bit anxious that the timing will mean we can't do another IVF until after Christmas. Boo Hiss!!)

So the saga of AliG and her annoying secretary continues. I will report back again next week!

Love the fact there's a restaurant called lumen! I shall look out for some similar good omens down under.

In other news, I have started to use an app to get fit. Not that I'm overweight, but I am incredibly unhealthy given most of my calories are burned by the chewing motion necessary to eat chilli grain waves, (crisps) and the walk from lounge to kitchen for another cup of tea (decaf though )

It's a 0-5k running app. It's supposed to take 8weeks and I'm now at week 4 (though it's actually taken me 10weeks to get here as I had to stop for a while during stabbing and I tend to do each exercise twice before trying the harder one!). I have to recommend it as you can play music and it interrupts you at the right point to stay 'start running' or 'slow down and walk' (it alternates jogging running and --keeled over panting walking). Anyway, I'm very proud of myself as today i managed to jog for 5 mins non stop!! Twice!! A big deal for me, though I know it doesn't sound much. Cheered me up no end!

Hope other berries are feeling chirpy with the weekend on its way. Good luck with the synchronised stabbing!!

I wrote a massive post and it's disappeared! Gah!!

Looks like it posted ok Smidge.

The Berry cheerleading worked, AF finally just showed up so I guess tomorrow is counted as CD1. Annoyingly I've left the phone number I need to call at home so guess I probably won't get my baseline scans and bloods done till Tuesday. Hopefully that won't make my FSH too high...

Anyway I'm on the move now so will check in properly later.

Aha, it seems there is something weird going on with the mobile site which means the very latest post doesn't show up (til someone posts something else)
(I found a techie thread which has been created to let users rant about any issues with the new version of mumsnet!)
hopefully it'll be sorted soon, and in the meantime any mobile users might find themselves one post behind!

Hi kuma. Glad AF showed up for you but I would try to find that number and call them today as Tues sounds a bit late to do baseline bloods? (Ha! This sage advice coming from my vast experience of 1 round of IVF!! ) Try google or the BT site to get their general number and I'm sure they can eventually put you through to the right dept. (she says, easily forgetting how painful it is to be put on hold at any major institution!)