TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

Nelly - welcome back, it sounds like you have made a big decision whilst away. Hopefully lovely things are on the horizon.

Critter - great news you can get going again. Sensible about the single transfer. I think when you have a lot of frosties, it's a good idea to go for single. I will always have a double transfer because chances are so damned low of getting one embryo to work, I need the extra odds.

Euro- sounds all a bit tiring. I hope you are ok. I dont think you can underestimate the stress you went through in those last 6 weeks and years before having centime. Now the lack of sleep. Hopefully she will settle down soon.

So AF is completely AWOL. 6 days after stopping noristerone. What is the point of taking them when they clearly don't control my cycle. Just been to see nurse and guess what she said, "are you pregnant?". I said not possible. [I haven't had sex in months because of constant thrush] and the. She said "oh dear it sounds like you have a cyst again". Well FFs. I feel like crying. Anyway, if it doesn't come over bank holiday they'll have to scan me next week and decide what to do. I really just wanted to check what happens if it came over weekend because clinic is shut but it's fine apparently as buserilin keeps things quiet.
Seriously I am so cross about these pills, I am convinced they are at the route of there probs.

nelly your travels looked fab. :)

joy FFS. I can't believe this is happening. That drug clearly doesn't agree with you!

joy I'd be fecking livid and yes I would cry, these people are pissing you about, I cannot believe the nurse said that to you without getting you to piss on a stick, umm like a missing AF wouldn't make you think it was a possibility yourself if you DTD regularly its frustrating when people don't listen to you, especially as you know yourself better

nelly what is dirty word you use 'old' as some one who is 'higher' in age than you, we are not 'old'. Does this now mean you'll be speaking to Serum soon

euro love the pictures on the other place, the sleep does improve, honest

joy Oh what a massive massive pain. How annoying of the nurse too. Did they scan you and take blood to see whether there is a cyst and what's happening with your hormones? Because then you would know either way and wouldn't be stressed. Gah you really need to be seeing someone who knows what they're talking about. Also - that's really bad about the thrush. The fact that it's preventing you two from being able to enjoy normal physical intimacy for months on end is not acceptable (if you didn't fancy it, it would be a different matter). I really think your GP needs to get on it and refer you to a specialist. Grrrr you have been through the mill.

euro I wore maternity knickers for weeks and weeks and my scar area is still a bit sore/numb. It is a pain. I'm so sorry that the final weeks of your pregnancy were so hard. I really hope you have some support around the house.

buzz ha I love 'higher' in age. I will be using that for sure! How're things?

Oh joy, how annoying (understatement) was that the same nurse who told you to stop overthinking things? I agree with critter that you need to get the GP to do something about the thrush. It's not normal to have it for so long, there must be something they can do to banish it. Could you ask on another board on here?

Oh thanks ladies. No the thrush isn't normal but it's the progesterone pills that cause it. I think they are well known for that. Once I can get off all drugs, I will do a major dietary overhaul.
I wish they could have done a scan so I know if something is lurking. I have to say i would be quite surprised if there was because I don't feel like there is. I did google and I can see that many women who take this pill get a cycle quickly after stopping it the first time (mine took 4 days last month) but it has a knock on effect on their next cycle which gets delayed by a long time. These aren't ivf women mind you but I did mention to nurse but she disagreed it would be delayed because I was on it last month. I don't know. If there is a cyst, will have to beg them not to downreg me again, I can't understand why I can't just do a short protocol like last 2 times.

joy so do you just have to hold tight and wait and see over the weekend? Frustrated face. maybe drink some parsley tea to try to hasten AF?

Oh no critter. I was looking forward to burning my giant post-CS granny pants sooner rather than later!

joy you sound (understandably) so frustrated. Why do so many obstacles get thrown up for the lovely 10+ers?

Tiny check in to mark my place. I'm thinking of you all but trying not to think about ttc as I've got myself in rather a puddle of anxiety on the floor. I'm sure it will pass. Got a bit lost to name check everyone but wanted to say all the best for all upcoming cycles.

Critter I too think you were just v unlucky with twibling and have only positive imaginings of this next cycle though I entirely empathise with the frets. Hang in there lovely.

Joy grrr it is a SHIT drug. But if you feel there's no cyst I'd trust that. How bloody frustrating, hope you af rocks up soon.

Euro you have been through the mill. Abdo scars are like having a mini prickly being with you I think. Not sure if this is obvious but I found that my yoga trousers either loose or legging ones with the fold down bit were great at making it feel secure and comfy? I also am ashamed to say I bought some topshop maternity jeans as I couldn't bear zips or buttons on it for ages. They've come in handy for ivf bloat I'm now over two years on and it is nothing to me, I wouldn't know it was there. It was scary for a fortnight, v painful another week or two and then better and better after that but with odd nerve twitching and I knew when it was going to rain as it throbbed a bit. It took a year to eighteen months to be totally nothing at all. Not sure if that's helpful to you and critter but thought I'd share.

Ray I've lost track of when this all starts for you - do you feel better?

Cos did you get phoned back? Hope you're ok.

Welcome home nellington

Fox I am sorry about anxiety puddle. It's just been totally shit and hibernating to recuperate a little is helpful often. Gentle tail fluff.

I'm back in on sept 10 for next scan. Feels like forever away. Already feeling miserable and stressed about it all and how long it's taking. Ugh. Will be tightly paw holding with joy and ray.

Fox - I am Really sorry about the anxiety. It's no wonder considering the hell you went through for almost 3 months. If you want to air anxieties here, we are here for you. Sometimes I find it is hard to pinpoint the exact anxiety apart from general shitness.

Critter - that does sound like an age away but hopefully we can all help each other through. So I drank parsley tea last night (yuk!) as I will try anything, will try again tonight.. Still waiting for blasted AF. I don't think it's ever going to show. For 4 years I've been moaning about my short cycles and AF appearing on holidays quicker than it should and now when it does need to come, nothing. Go figure .

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

Fox, puddle is a good description. I'm so sorry you find yourself in it. You've had an incredibly awful time so it's no wonder though. And I know this is a busy time at work for you. I don't know about you, but I've found I'm much less able to cope with stress now. Things at work that otherwise I'd have sailed through now cause me worry and sleepless nights. I sometimes feel like I don't have the energy to deal with anything other than ttc. We have a huge hare, definitely not a rabbit, that visits our garden very morning. It does make me smile and think of you.

Critter, you sweet love. 10th of sept will be here soon, but I know it feels an age. You've had to wait far too long for this. I wish I could give you the magic answer to how to be patient but I'm afraid I'm not very good at it either.

Joy, have you tried putting on a white linen skirt or dress? That is my way to tempt AF. I wonder where she's hiding.

I'm grinding my teeth again so I suspect I'll be joining fox in the puddle. I felt very tearful yesterday, probably a bit pmty. The sadness never really leaves, does it?

Could I join you lovely ladies please...TTC #1 with no success so far. We are both 35. DH has just had a sperm analysis and all was ok apart from motility. Sperm count was way over what they were looking for and shape etc was ok but the fast progressive swimmers were only 27% and they are looking for 32%. Is anybody able to tell me how much difference this 5% would make to our chances. DH has to be retested in 4 weeks but the clinic said it maybe significant?

welcome lucieloos. I'm not too sure on percentages but it does sound fine, also sperm analysis results can be incredibly different just a few weeks apart so perhaps the next week's results will be very different. if Sperm count was good, then that is a good sign. How long have you been trying?

Ray - sorry about feeling teary. It's horrible and no it doesn't seem to get better.

Right i'm really starting to worry about the lack of AF now. It's 8 days now after I stopped that pill. I don't know whether I'm jumping to conclusions here but could the scratch last month have caused Ashermans? I know I worried about this after the ERPC but the bleed I had last month after the scratch was basically spotting and not a bleed. And i had period pains last week but no sign of it....these are all symptoms of Ashermans. Perhaps I'm sounding like a fruit loop (hypochondriac) but I do think when you have been clobbered multiple times, it's very easy to believe worst case scenarios. argh. Got to calm myself down.

I know nothing about Ashermans Joy. Isn't it caused by big trauma, ie c section? A scratch is very superficial. I think the most obvious explanation for lack of af is that your body doesn't like the drug. When do you have the scan? Will you be able to see a dr on this day? Have you heard of af going AWOL after this drug before?

Welcome lucie. Motility means that the sperm are not moving as fast and in a as forward a motion as they should, but if the overall numbers are high then this might not be a problem. Also, as joy said things vary a lot between samples so one test is meaningless.

Oh Joy you must be going spare, how utterly frustrating. Is there any way you could organise an emergency acu session to try to help bring it on? It must have flatlined your hormones somehow and they need rebooting - af comes after a drop in progesterone right, to trigger it? Maybe coming off that drug want enough of a drop or something? It really sounds like it hasn't agreed with you. Am not sure about Ashermans. Are you in any pain?

Hi Lucieloos, sorry you're here, in a nice way. I think the percentages is one of those things where if you asked 10 different specialists you'd probably get 10 different answers. I would approach it if you can as something maybe to look at to try and help things as there is lifestyle stuff that might help a little?

Ray yes yes to the having reduced defences to be able to deal with other things. It is like having a second incredibly stressful job, and I have so many days like that where I feel I'm already near my limit and anything else is just going to tip me over. I grind my teeth so frequently I wear a mouth guard permanently, have you tried one?

Oh critter tight squeeze for the waiting, yet another time span to wait for the next step, yet another stage in the marathon. Keep going, you're nearly there. Can you do a mini 15 day challenge to help the time pass? A line of poetry a day?

Fox gorgeous girl, massive tight squeeze. You must be still making your way out of the hormonal fog and how ill you were feeling. I imagine your body as just trying to recover and stealing your feeling good energies to help with the physical healing. Is gentle yoga any good?

Euro loving the photos on t'other place, so cute.

Nelly welcome back, your trip looked awesome, and I love love love the skibum idea, especially if it's in the place you were recently. Can I come too please? But as Critter said, it will be awkward with you being updiffed this autumn.

Waves to Buzzy and any other grad who's reading.

I had another phonecall about the results. Apparantly they couldn't find any fetal tissue in what I sent. It must have just been a blood clot. Which left me feeling rather foolish and like I'd imagined the whole thing. The other blood tests I had were normal though. I've started charting again and have see a good temp rise last week. It's the small things which make you feel better or worse sometimes isn't it.

You've had to wait that long for them to tell you that, cos? Medical professionals do make me angry sometimes. You have no need to feel foolish at all. Were the other blood tests the karotype ones?

Joy, that's a good idea from cos about trying acu. Would it be possible to have a session?

Thanks Ray. No the other blood tests were clotting ones, don't think I've ever had karotyping done, is it worth it?

Oh cos - you pass so much stuff when you miscarry , it's very hard to know what is what but I can't believe you have had to wait since fen since then. Great about your temp rise - all we want is normality and sometimes it just feels like every thing is not normal so to have normality is very exciting. I hope it stays up.
Cos - are you on the NHS for recurrent miscarriages or have you been paying for these tests yourself? I would suggest getting karotyping and the MTHR tests done on the NHS if you can. Just to check these off your list apart from anything else.

And have you and ray always ground your teeth? Or is this since tttc pressures?

So Ashermans comes after erpcs and c sections but I haven't dared looked up after the scratch. You're right, it shouldn't cause it but someone on ff got endo after the scratch so I wouldn't be surprised if you can get it. For some reason mine was particularly painful.

Anyway my boobs are now painful which surely shouldn't be happening when my hormones should be asleep... All confusing. Just got to hang in there till Wednesday and they'll decide what to do. I am unable to have acu at the mo which is annoying.
Everything about ivf and fertility stresses me out , I can't just relax about it and also not feeling well today either, think I am fighting a lurgy. (Sorry moan, moan)

Cos please do not feel bad about this. The size of embryos at this stage is so tiny, it could have been part of the sac or anything it is absolutely nothing you should feel inadequate about. It's funny that's exactly what I know I would think but to see it looking in it is only compassion and empathy that I feel. We are all just seeking a definitive answer, it would make it easier to get a handle on this bugger and move forward knowing we are on the exact right path. For now embrace the temp rise. Our bodies try every month bless them.

Joy I don't think your scratch has caused ashermans. And who knows if a scratch really caused endo for someone. Did a cons say that? Because I have no faith in then whatsoever!! I think, in my ten plusser white coat sensible fertility doctor view that two rounds of noristertone v close together has made your brain go WHAT?! Not that this helps your today worries but I don't think there's damage, just confusion? It's bloody annoying and I feel for you so much. Hoping for periods seems so back to front. Have the clinic voiced a what if plan?

Ray sorry for tearyness - hormones?

Critter how are you doing today?

Oh and when I say our bodies try - I really think they do. It's a major drive and I do believe there will be natural bfps on our thread. I'm ovulating precisely two weeks after my ivf fail bleed. Our bodies like rhythm I think and hate being messed about with. Maybe it's also very tied in with the moon? (Hippy)

Fox talks sense. A scratch causing endo?? I don't believe that, that's not how endo is caused. I would ask for scan and maybe blood test? Although I'm not sure what for but they must know what levels of everything they should see at this stage. Sometimes I think our bodies dont react in the same way for everyone to drugs. Apparently one of the drugs I took arrested development of he follicles in my first round or something like that and that shouldn't have happened.

Cos, I think the karotyping is worth doing. We had it done early on i. The process because of dh's very low count and they wanted to rule out cystic fibrosis. They decided to be thorough and test us both and do the full chromosome check. If we hadn't have had it done then my dr said he would now recommend it after two failed ivf.

Joy, I often found I had headaches when waking up, or a very sore jaw. I went through a very stressful time a few years ago, pre. Ttc and my jaw was agony and I had trouble open and closing it. This went on for weeks and eventually my dentist suggested teeth grinding and made me a guard. It was amazing because the pain went after a few days. I've since lost the guard, but I really need to get a new one made. Aching jaw is now a sign for me that I must be stressed.

Honestly wouldn't know what to do without you girls .It's amazing how calming it is just to have reassurance and off load. Thank you fox and ray. And I love confusion over damage, fox that really is the most likely and intelligent thing. How are you feeling by the way fox, are you any better? I think our bodies do try as well. I feel guilty for putting mine through this and don't blame it for going on strike. I have been thinking about adoption a lot over the last few days. Not that that will be easier but less drugs!
Ray- I hope you can get a mouth guard soon. What a warning from your body that it is getting stressed.

Hi ladies, quick check in from the other side of the Atlantic.

ray sorry about the tearfulness, it is just awful and never-ending, as your teeth-grinding shows. Poor love.

fox Hello lovely, amazing that you're ovulating again and a good sign that things are trying to get back on an even keel. Your body is clearly trying to right itself. That is pretty awesome how well your body is trying. Hurrah for the rebel fox ovaries, mini-bandanas and all!

cos how frustrating and that also irritates me that you had to wait so long for that result. Ugh. You have got to be on the home stretch, right? From what I recall you had two different opinions, one saying give it 6 months after your op, the other saying throw everything at it. You must be two cycles in… right? So you could start planning for the throw everything at it round now, and then maybe you won't need it and we'll have our longed-for and well-deserved ironidiff. You are such a kind and thoughtful person and I just wish this nightmare would end for you.

joy so sorry to hear about all the worry. Parsley tea is indeed revolting, I had it to try to induce AF (didn't work for me). I wish they'd just scan you and then you could get reassurance.

I feel a bit embarrassed for throwing a tizz about a two and a half week wait. Witchy dad-critter says he thinks the next round will work and he did also (now that I remember it) predict that I would have a 'misstep' before getting pregnant again, so I am placing my faith in him.

Thinking of everyone and sending love to you all. Also, welcome lucie - these ladies are a fount of knowledge about TTC woes.

I do wonder why my ovulation cycles are so messed up. My mum and sister don't have this problem. Well I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm just lucky that IVF exists.

Am feeling big loves for you all tonight. What an amazing group of ladies If only we could just use a to get our bfps.