TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

Quick update as phone dying! We have 6 embryos.

Confession. I'm feeling that this isn't good. Isn't that quite poor fertilisation? Of course maybe the eggs weren't all mature and I guess what happens next is the important bit. I guess it's that natural protection mechanism kicking in.

Sigh.

So I am just back from our appointment, and straight on the computer - I think I have assimilated! Mr Toes had to produce a sample (I love saying that. I keep saying it in a very poooshh voice and apparently it stopped being funny weeks ago. I am immature.) in the hospital, that went straight to the embryologist, and they found him to have anti-sperm antibodies causing clumping and have recommended we have ICSI. Everything else apparently is good though, the numbers and high and the morphology and motility is good, so I'm not trying to get down about it. I was really quite annoyed that they didn't do that test earlier on, as we could have been so much further up the waiting list and not bothered faffing about TTC naturally, but I have been reading up on it since I got home and it is apparently extremely rare so would be a waste to test for from the off. The embryologist said she reckons it's from a rugby injury or similar from before MrToes even hit puberty, so there's very little we can do but ICSI.

We were also hoping to get my AMH results back today but they send them to Glasgow and they can take up to 4 weeks, so they weren't ready. I have to keep calling and see where we are. She said not to worry and it won't change much except if I have a long or a short cycle. Hoping this at least comes back good, as if the sperms are compromised then I'd want as many eggs as possible!!

Anyway, back to everyone else!

buzzy The OU course is a masters in something that I eventually want to change my career to, so feels very important, because I feel like if I mess it up I will close that door for myself. On the other hand it's supposed to be fun, so I just need to strike a balance!

cos the nurse told me today that an amh of 5-15 was normal and 8 totally falls into that bracket! I agree with everyone else, the doctors just can't find anything else so are going to the default egg quality.

bunny glad you are being well looked after and I hope you feel better soon

critter big squeeze, remember every pregnancy is different and loads of people have implantation bleeds.

Nelly 6 embryos is awesome! Even if only half make it to Sunday that still leaves you with a frostie. hug Also - fanny candles? whhaaat? Yet another thing for me to look forward to!!

nelly - 6 fertilisation is great from 9 eggs. Ours was 6/8 fertilisation. presumably they didn't want to overstimulate her because she is young, is that right? It's quality over quantity anyway and as you say the next few days are important days and all those may do well.

critter - it's a total head and makes you feel sick with worry. But Penny at Serum says spotting and cramps is a good thing because your bean is burrowing in. I had this kind of spotting at the weekend again and i just thought oh god not again and then it disappeared. Are you on any blood thinners as this can cause it? I know it's easy to compare everything with James' pregnancy but as people always say, every pregnancy can be ever so different. There is zero control with it and that's what makes it so bloody hard.

buzz - my 12wk scan appt has come through the post but they've booked it in for 11+3 which seems too early. I will wait to see what friday brings and if it looks ok, I will change the date to later.

Joy i think that nuchal fold scan just needs to be between 11 and 13 weeks, so you should be ok at 11 +3 unless you'd prefer to space the scans a bit more.

Toes great that you have some answers although it would have been nice to know sooner about the antibody thing. It does sound like things are moving which is excellent. Interesting about your possible career change!

Ray I also was about the fish curry!

Buzzy thank you for reassuring me. Trying to be positive. I take your point about age but I think you are clearly such a great mum anyway that it doesn't matter - although it must be tiring I bet. My mum is now 70 and is super spry, age isn't what it used to be I guess.

Nelly it's quality that matters - they may all be super embies! What's important is what happens over the next few days - and then the next few weeks. Bloody scary all this though I know when it feels like there is so much riding on it. Tight squeeze.

Gah joy was going to say I'm not on any blood thinners, just fanny candles three times a day and oral estrogen tablets twice a day. I remember our neonatologist saying something about taking aspirin during next pregnancy but my IVF doc hasn't said anything about it.

I'm with Toes... What on earth is a fanny candle?!

So many posts since my last one, will read all later but as I'm on my phone for now just a quick non update, no af still!
Haven't poas again as to be honest I'm scared of seeing another bfn.

Quickly, critter I spotted with lembie pregnancy before otd (where you are now!) and on and off between week 5 and 8. It kind of drizzled. My mc was similar... It does not mean the end, it is a complete headfuckery tho!

Nelly, we had the same fertilisation rate (2/3) and that was considered very good at my clinic.

I am cross on your behalf, cos. That man needs to learn bedside manners and be reasonable! I had to comfort a friend with a bad amh the other week until she remembered she'd gotten a much better number privately. It's a crap marker! You've got every chance. What matters are eggs and embies, you've made both perfectly before!

Ugh at fish curry ray! Waiting for af is so tiresome.

Sorry you're feeling so rough, bunny! Take care of you and mini bunny! I think bonding during pregnancy is overrated anyway. I didn't with lembie either because I didn't believe it would end in a baby

Count down til Friday... Thinking of you and everything crossed, joy!

Great there is a cause, toes, albeit late in the day! Icsi can overcome sperm issues, so every chance it'll work.

Berry and toes, fanny candles are progesterone to be taken up there (although some prefer the other hole). Standard treatment w ivf rounds...

Interesting chat about returning to frosties. I'd like to pick ours up as well, but there are five left. I really hope it'll bring us a lembie twibling but I don't actually know when I would consider our family complete. It's pretty wonderful at the moment... And of course I am no spring chicken. At least 36 before we'd be welcome back for twibling hunting.

Waves and hugs for all of you!

Critter, I'm sorry the spotting has been so scary. Hopefully the others have reassured as best as anyone can, unfortunately only time will tell but in the meantime we are here to hold your hand.

5 frosties is a lot Drizzle, wow! I guess you will know when you've reached your parenting limit. Did you just have SET with Lembie? Thank you for telling me the 2/3rd rate is good. I guess now that we are properly on the journey, the old scars are re-emerging.

Toes I'm glad you got some answers even if the wait (yes, that again) was frustrating. Is there any reason to worry about your AMH? I'm sure it's not an issue (you're very young aren't you?) but it can be scary, despite how little credence many clinics give it. Hope things aren't too manic for you!

I'm now on 4 fanny candles a day for those who are curious .

Joy you did make me chuckle at the blind pregnant people. :). The days are quietly ticking up the way. Huge vibes for Friday. are you still testing?

Ray I am a bit guilty of eating smelly leftovers at my desk. even fish curry once . But today it was benign soup so not guilty, haha!

Sam the arctic white sticks are very upsetting. I hope you see stripes soon, or at least AF so you can move forward.

Will post now then read back to see everything I missed!

Busy busy! I just came home from a bonfire. This time last year I was stimming and watched the annual big bonfire and fair near us from my window and swore next bonfire would be better. Whilst there was no child in tow, we have had bonfire food, fairground rides, clear cold skies and a big fat moon. And beer. I feel happy.
Nelly that sounds bloody great to me. A proper clutch. Nerve wracking times but I continue to feel tingly. Time to get cracking with fox baby friend making
Critter boooo to worry making spotting. It does feel that most people on our thread have had this with their successful pregnancies? I'd be interested to see the list actually. It must be so scary but it definitely doesn't mean things aren't ok.

Toes it sounds like pieces of the puzzle are falling into place? I don't know much about that aspect of sperms but am still of the belief that if there are some sperm then things will be ok in the end. Actually it will be ok in the end for us all. But when I think back to when we thought it was a sperm issue, I'd take that over my no eggs if that makes sense? I think I've worded that badly I do do that sometimes sorry!

Bunny your pregnancy plus illness plus tiny person sounds tough as. I hope you feel loads better soon. Hang around on here and talk to us to cheer you up.

Joy when is your next scan? I am fascinated by your gay friends and the compatibility story. Fertility is soo complex.

Cos I have been thinking about you loads and loads. Numbers we get slapped on us feel like a personal grading but they mean so little. I have an fsh of 9-10 across four tests now. It's borderline but my afc was shite and doesn't correlate. With my afc you'd expect sky high fsh. I just don't think the numbers can tell us anything 'for certain'. My cons thought id make 4 eggs hopefully six on the basis of my sats but look what happened. There is no equation that's reliable. The most likely thing is that your next ivf will yield good embryos just like before. Sending so much love to you.

I've forgotten things now as I'm tired. Love to fluffy, ray (office fish curry !?) berry, Sam, Lemon, buzzy and all other bonfire posters.

My lady parts feel chafed with progesterone

Thanks for the messages. Am feeling bit tent like but am sure will pass.
Nelly 2/3 sounds good I have everything crossed.
Critter and Joy sorry for spotting, hopefully nothing to worry about.
Will catch up properly at w/e when I'm less eyeore like.

Beautiful Cos, listen to Foxy. Good embryos are coming your way. Doctors are arseholes . I'm sorry you feel blue. Paw squeezes.

Foxy I'm glad you are feeling a little better. Boo to stimm anniversary but yay for looking forward. It is indeed going to be All Right.

Critter how are things?

Berry you sound like you have had quite a journey already. Lots of experienced people on here to advise.

Won't hear any more until tomorrow now. Hope our embies are behaving

hi everyone! I'm currently sat at my desk whilst someone is eating spicy chicken which stinks, and it made me think at least it's not fish curry!

Joy-what! can't believe your appointment isn't until 5pm. do they not know you have a group of ladies waiting to hear how it goes? aw. seriously though, best of luck - I'm sure it's good and hopefully puts your mind a bit more at ease (I don't know if that's possible)

Nelly, wow, I hope I get in the region of 6! I hope you have managed to sort out your bloods before you're off. when do you leave? have you packed? I'm so nervous for you! when it's my turn we have to go to Oxford, and although it's only about 2 hours away my oh isn't driving at the moment, so I constantly think how are we getting there and back etc. then I see you're travelling to Greece and I think how clever you are for sorting it all out - and on the cheep too! Well done!

fox - hope you are feeling strong and positive! sorry, really hope that doesn't come across patronising - really not intended, just I have seen how much you have been through and you are incredibly courageous! thanks also for the heads up about the fanny candles. I have 3 boxes currently sat in the fridge grinning at me (as if to say I'm gonna make you all slimy)oh god - what am I letting myself in for!

berry - I agree with these other lovely ladies, your doctor is talking a load of waffle, he's probably not sure what he's saying so saying it over the top the act confident. If you're still not satisfied on Friday then try and get the facts and ask elsewhere for an opinion. Hope they can help though without additional hassle

Critter, hope the spotting has cleared off now. must be stressful but I strongly agree with your attitude, you've done everything you can now, let your bod do the rest. you've got lots of ladies here who have spotted and come out the other side so that's good stats. hugs anyway though.

Toes - wow you are a busy bee. How's the kitchen going? I've got a new boiler coming smack bang in the middle of my treatment so I will have loads of mess, smelly engineers (don't know that for sure, but they usually are) and i'll probably be having hot flushes so won't need the heater! I know how it feels when you get results and you feel what a waste the last few years were trying naturally, however you can't dwell on what's been, great news is what you're going to do next. Maybe we'll be ivfing around the same time?

cos, again without repeating what the other ladies have said, I think the eggs sound ok to me. Hope they can put a plan together for you

ray, how are you feeling now? i am surrounded by people with colds at work but I'm trying to keep it away. poor you, good excuse to eat choc and snuggle on the sofa with the quilt

bunny, wow, you have loads going on, it's understandable you are worrying about things but from what I have read you sound like a heroine! hope your bug goes away soon

Sam, and af news? sorry it's messing with your head

hi to all the other grads, it's nice to know you're around because the next few weeks I'm probably going to be asking questions and needing your help.

does anyone know if a runny nose has a bad effect on sniffing? i suffer quite a bit with sinus problems and am worried when I start next week I'm going to snot out all the drugs? sorry for tmi!

Fluffy, my very first ivf needle stab was a big event. In a posh hotel bathroom, took me quite a few minutes to pluck up the courage and felt so surreal. Fast forward a bit and I've injected in the car in a layby before a party, in public toilets at the theatre, in my kitchen, friends houses, airports etc. It's amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it and how normal it all becomes. Not sure on the sniffing, I doubt it will matter but maybe worth a call to the clinic. When do you start? You've probably said, sorry.

Trying not to worry too much about progress today as I can't influence it in any way. Weird to think that this time next week I will be 3 or 4days PUPO

Ps leave Saturday morning and no not even close to packing but you have just reminded me I need to go and collect my currency!

Cluster post. Also, distraction is best. I got married a week after my first failed ivf. I can't believe now I arranged my wedding in the midst of it. But the upset was definitely minimised by having it to look forward to. That and the honeymoon

Hi everyone

fluffy I don't know about sniffing as have never done it - only injections, pills and pessaries (the infamous fanny candles - I think they got called this because they melt inside you and leave a waxy gross sludge all over your underwear). But as nelly says, it's amazing how routine all the jabbing and stabbing becomes. You will be a pro at it. I would check with your nurse if you're worried about snotting out the drugs but am assuming it wouldn't be a problem...

nelly v exciting that this time next week you will be PUPO. I think 6 embies is great - do they not give you daily reports on their progress then? When do you get the next update? I am actually really, really excited for you. This is your time lovely.

cos sweetheart so sorry for the tent-dwelling. I am passing some chocolate through the tent flap. I do think the numbers fluctuating every month is just very confusing and I also strongly feel you are going to be a mum. I think the world will look very different in a few months. Will you still be going forward with a pre-Christmas round? It helps to have a forward plan.

lemon thank you so much for posting about your experience. It made me feel better to know that you had the same 'drizzling' with your mc and your pregnancy (although I'm so sorry you had the mc, of course) and that it could basically not be connected to there being something wrong with the embryo or anything like that. Thank you lovely girl. Also, 36 is not old by any means!

On frozen embryos and 'spares'. I had 5 frosties after James, and we've worked our way through 2 of them unsuccessfully, so I now have 2 left. I assumed the 5 frosties would mean 5 potential children, but of course that isn't always the case. If we don't end up using them all, MrC said to me when I was worrying about it, and the ethics of unused embryos: 'there are so many things to worry about in life and get upset about that I refuse to get upset and worry about this'. And I actually think that's a helpful way of looking at it. There's a lot of rotten stuff that happens in life, and we have to pick and choose what we're going to stress over (obviously often easier said than done). The frostie debate is just one more worry to throw onto a pile of worries, when life is difficult enough for us all as it is. Hope that sort of makes sense and I'm not explaining myself badly or upsetting anyone.

joy lovely sorry to hear about the repeat spotting and glad that it has stopped. I will have everything crossed for you tomorrow and will be sending positive thoughts your way. Also, I so hope your MIL gets that 5k and gives some of it to you and Roy!

sam any sign of AF?

fox what a lovely lovely post from you. I remember this time last year when you were stimming, and then the screw up over poor Boris the egg deciding to ovulate himself early. I am glad this year was calmer and happier. And I think that next year will be even better. If it's any consolation I thought of you lots while walking around the Purl Bee shop!

Glad my drizzling was some use, critter. Also being incredibly worried is normal. I distinctly recall calling the clinic and SB in floods of tears at about 5.5 weeks because if the persistent drizzle. I was at a conference I partly organised... They offered a repeat hcg but wouldn't scan til past 6 weeks (when we were on a post-ivf trip to France - a nightmare if inceinte, had to learn the word to ward of raw meat and wine).

I think mrC speaks much sense re: spare embies. I know an embie is no child and def no guarantee (my top one was a cp). In my case it just means a chance of a possible 4 set (yes, lembie was set, nelly).

Woohoo for Greek puponess, Nelly! Nearly there. Get some euros :)

5pm scan on Friday afternoon seems cruel, joy! But in my clinic they scan those with likely continuing pregnancies pm, worriers am. So I count it as a good omen! Keeping everything crossed, of course.

Glad to have you back fox. And hurrah for better fireworks night.

Newbies I second distraction as key. After our fresh round and cp, we went to France and worked our way through a mountain of unpasteurised cheese and a lake of decent wine. It helped. A lot. Hence the repeat week in France after FET...

Nelly – that’s a bit mean leaving you (and us!) to wait another day before you know about fertilisation. Mind you, ignorance is sometimes bliss! So excited for you. I hope you give us updates whilst you are out there. I’m impressed you took several minutes before you did your first injection. It took me several hours and I was sobbing. In the end Roy had to do it. I could only do it once he wasn’t around so I had no other option. I’ve only taken a couple of tests this pregnancy. I’ve never had a thing for them really. They’re way too expensive.

Cos – big hugs. I’m so sorry you’re in the tent. I blame that doctor. Bugger him.

Fluff – I don’t know about the sniffing either as i had buserilin to downreg. I would ask actually because that’s a very good question. I can’t work out how the sniffing downregs works anyway, does it get absorbed in to the blood vessels in the nostrils? i think i’m the only one who likes the candles. They’re my friend now!. I use back entrance so have no problem with the melting out and ruining underwear. It’s exciting you’re cracking on soon too.

Critter – i think mrC is very right. You can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Lemons – it was booked in for 9am but Roy couldn’t make it and so i had to change it to 5pm. I’m being wet and want him there for this one. if it’s bad news though, at least i don’t have to go straight back in to the office like i did last time which was very hard.

Hi every

Still no update from me. Cycle day 40... This is getting boring now! I want some news to post, either way! X

*everyone

nelly don't forget to pack your deer stalker

sam Have you tested again?? Or are you waiting to see what happens??

Joy and critter thinking of you both regarding tomorrow

I tested yesterday buzzy and it was negative.
I'm so worried that something is wrong :(. What if my cycle never starts up again? ??

sam I am sorry, it must be worrying but every now and again I did have a long cycle, I am sure it will start up again, most likely with vengeance, I think nelly mentioned an ovulation

Yes, and the logical part of my brain knows that... The crazy emotional 'I want a baby' part just isn't listening!

Thank you, X

sam its the not knowing and the thought that it might have worked, that little glimmer of hope that then gets dashed by the arctic pee stick