TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

Thanks Sar, yes will get an appointment Monday if no news! X

Hello everyone. Apologies for the absence. Have been away from mumsnet and so much has been happening!! I wish that I was as good at sar at reading and keeping track of everything and then saying just the right things. I get to the end and immediately forget all sorts of things that I was going to say...

nelly I am so excited that you are so close to being pupo. I have such a good feeling about this and am so pleased that you are feeling positive (insomnia aside). I look forward to hearing about all of the adventures.

fox I hope you had a great holiday and aren't working too hard. I have been buying crafty things - including glue a glue gun which I found incredibly satisfying - and it als makes me think of you. My sewing machine is buried under mounds of junk but I think it is high time I dug it back out.

critter everything is tightly crossed for you and James' beautiful twibling. You have well and truly earned your stripes and need to get to the end of this journey. I agree your jump won't be a problem, and we must have been lucky because our dog when I was a kid loved playing with a grape for ages before eating it. He was huge though so perhaps if he had eaten more it would have been a problem. I thought of the book We're Going on a Bear Hunt when you spoke about having to go through this to get out the other side. It will all be worth it xx

mrsd sorry for the extended tent dwelling. I have everything crossed for your next natural round. I agree that people would never guess what you're going through when looking at photos on the other place.

cos wanting to crack on with another round is totally understandable. I always felt better when doing treatment because I felt less helpless. Doing something always helped. I think of you a lot since we shared our bfps and I so hope that you get to the end of this rubbish journey soon.

joy I know that it is different with twins but I had no symptoms until I could feel the baby so some twin pregnancies must be the same. Stay strong and I'll be looking forward to hearing good news from your next scan as well.

So lovely to have newbies!

berry I had a lap to remove severe endo several years ago, also in December. We didn't get the chance to try naturally after that because the docs wanted me on downregging drugs until it was time for ivf to avoid re growth of the adhesions. If you have any questions, before or after the lap, feel free to ask here or pm me.

toes it was myself that went to your clinic. We found them really good. Our first round didn't work but the second round was successful and I know another friend who did a private round elsewhere before having success with an nhs round there.

Hello to all those that I haven't mentioned - newbies and grads alike.

Things are good in the madness household. Minimad keeps me on my toes but I am so grateful to have him. He is a very happy soul so obviously all the stress and worry didn't affect him negatively in the womb grin. My mother takes great pleasure in reminding me that I was nothing like him as a child! Teething, weaning, sleeping and nurseries dominate my conversations (sometimes I find I bore myself) but I try not to be that annoying parent when talking to child-free friends.

I may not post often but please know that I am thinking of you all and hoping for more success and graduations in the near future xx

Quickly posting in a clinic waiting room. A strange group here. Very Young People having sonographs, sigh, and a group of what appear to be 5 people for one pregnant person. (Who appear to be having a conversation about some slapper. Hopefully that's not who is here for the scan...)And then there's me. Doing the bladder debate!!

Madness lovely to see you. Minimad is just adorable. Such a smiler. Glad he is a happy baby. I must meet him!

Critter how are you doing? I agree the jump will make no difference but it's easy to get panicked about these things.

Oh I've forgotten everything else I wanted to say. Joy I'm glad you've booked a scan. Scary times for you, but I hope they become happy times soon.

Still no news on dates. I know P wanted to wait till after this scan so I hope I still get the 7 days notice I was counting on (trigger to ET). If not then it's going to be a bit of a scramble.

Quick update. Lining looking perfect. Hooray, I passed a scan test at last

Hooray nelly for successful scannage!!!! I think we should try to meet when you are pupo. Hanging out with an uber cheerful baby around implantation has got to up the chances of successful diffedness

Hurrah nelly that's great news! So thrilled for you. I have an excellent feeling about this round. So they haven't told you when ET might be yet? In about a week?

mad I love that you're doing well. I vividly remember you talking about a possible hysterectomy and what a shock that was. I am so so pleased your gorgeous little boy is such a delight.

sam any sign of AF?

Hi Critter

Nope nothing yet (cycle day 36) which is so odd for me), also had another bfn this morning.

Had a slight panic that maybe I just didn't have a bleed this month and could be due my next ovulation so poas for that too... Also negative.

Going to call drs in the morning and try to get an appointment.

This is so frustrating ??

Is there still a chance? Surely test would be showing positive by now if I was pg? X

That is super frustrating Sam. I'm so sorry. I know when ladies on here have had missing AFs and negative tests that it is incredibly stressful because you're on a roller coaster of emotions.

Evening all. I have lots to say, I may need to do multiple postings. I've had a quiet spell as literally nothing has happened for me with ttc and I've been feeling quite detached from the concept of baby making. This weekend marks my 4 year milestone so if I sound a bit somber, I am a bit.

Nelly yes yes for happy scan news! I feel so very excited for you and hope you get date clarity now you have the green flag. How are you finding the druggage?

Sam, what a total headfuck. I have read of late bfps, especially if ov was a bit later than realised, might this be the case did you temp chart or use and opk? My dh had 3% morphology on the first test and since then has ranged from 7-9% so it does vary, he'd had a terrible cold six weeks beforehand, not sure if that was why. This time last year his sample was described as 'magnificent' which was great, if only I'd made any eggs! But we did feel very sad about that first test and I wish I'd known how much they vary.

Critter I always think of raspberry seeds in a jam sandwich, I think someone said that on here once? So hope the worry has passed and I'm trusting in the witchy feelings, you deserve the most easy of times from here on in.

Ray I'm glad you're emerging from the tent a bit. Did you say a pre Xmas round is on the cards?

Sar it is so lovely to have your voice of kind reason and knowledge still here. That goes for all grads. Euro I can imagine how a new work prospect must feel, a real contrast to life right now. But as I've said before you are euro! You'll be amazing. And lemon has wise words (wave to lemon). I love hearing tales from the other side. It makes me feel part of a big family and that I'm not so stranded on the island of infertility, it that makes sense? Mad I'm so glad your ipad is busy with baby distractions and that all is well. Like the idea of the sewing machine being dusted off, mines had a break with work busy but I want to make some Christmas things this month. Critter I don't think I ever said how jealous I am that you've been to purl bee!! Buzzy are you still knitting?

Cos, how are you doing?

Well I have had my break and now it's time to get back with a proper plan. We have had a short holiday, some sun, some gentler half term work and I'm ready next week to make the call and schedule my level 2 tests. I feel very flat about it all, I can't imagine my luck will ever turn. After a clear day 14 ov I decided to start using some of my many many leftover progesterones and am on day 5 of them. They make me crabby and inflated of breast, which everyone seems to feel at liberty to comment on they really are massive and I'm on the post ivf c cup bras. I find the utrogestan pretty gross. I think I wanted to see if it made a difference to spotting and how I felt. I feel pmt ridden so that's one answer! A futile whimper of an attempt to make a baby but feels like cycle maximising as I do seem to ovulate in text book fashion most months. I spent an hour looking through my notes last week with professional folk. Can't talk about it on here but it is a hard process and by god my notes are as thick as my arm! I cried when I left as it sounds like a unbelievable story that happened to someone else, right up to the failed donor round. Seeing someone else be aghast as it is an odd experience too.

Wave to anyone missed.

And pout, a special hug to you lovely lovely lady.

Joy I am glad you have a reassurance scan booked. I always had a good feeling about this round for you, your doc seemed to be creative and covered so many bases. Lovely well behaved non symptom causing twins! Hope the days aren't going too slowly but I can imagine how they crawl along. Keep us posted.

Hi fox - nice to 'meet' you
We were very sad last week after finding out the wait times for the specialist, I spent a large part of the week in tears.
I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with the early cramps but then no af, the low morph then a normal one. I'm emotional at the best of times so this is torture!

No idea if I'm in full working order, and if I'm not gp then god knows why I'm this late.

It's nice to hear positive stories after bad original morph results so thank you for that.

Sam it is a tough old journey. I think the feeling of 'stuckness' was what I found the most difficult, so much waiting isn't there? I really hope there's a bfp for you at the end of this for you. And if not this time we'll be here to wait with you.

Ps I don't feel that stuckness as vividly anymore. I don't feel a lot of the intense feelings actually, it's odd. Past the two year mark it got easier for me. But not saying you'll have much longer to wait! I just wanted to share that I think I used to imagine it just getting worse and worse but for me it hasn't been like that. Now it's just like any grief over time. Still rotten, I still miss what I don't have but not as painfully or as raw. The bad days are a lot lot less.

Thank you Fox - it just helps to have people to talk to about it. Especially people who have already gone through the same situation. X

Thank you.
I don't understand what a lot of the tests an treatments are, but hope your level 2 tests go well. X

Critter - I missed your message earlier!
Hopefully the gp will arrange a blood test, so at least I'll know. X

Thank you, they are immune tests. I just want to be sure before my next cycle that I know as much as I can and get the meds I need. I was down to take stuff last cycle that no one seemed sure if I needed it or not and I didn't like that. When we got the low morphology I think I read the internet on sperms. What I now know is that if there are sperm then ivf can work, even if there are very few. However, if the count is high, this can outweigh the morphology issue which is comforting. Talking on here has been a godsend for me and has helped me keep my sanity.

Evening all.

Fox I'm glad you've had a bit of a break both in work terms and ttc, I think it's so needed at points. 4 years is a very long time and I'm so sorry you've got such a lot of notes about such a lot of sadness and disappointments. I hope the appointment helped. And hurrah for next tests and next steps. I'm reminded of that saying about how easy it is to grow common garden weeds and how difficult the more special varieties. Keep tweaking this and that and keep investigating and trying new things and I am convinced that things will come good.

Nelly that sounds like a very odd waiting room experience! But yey for good scannage and a juicy lining all ready and waiting! Not long now. Exciting!

Critter oh I so know that feeling of worrying about things that will affect the outcome. I'm so envious of people who never have to have those worries! I'm sure as the others have said it won't have affected anything. How are you feeling now, are you analysing every twinge or managing to stay quite calm? I am very hopeful for you.

Mad nice to see you popping in. I think of you too, and it helps me keep going as your success story feels closer somehow, helps me to think things can turn out well sometimes!

Euro in a way you've just started a whole new second career, so well done for that! I'm sure you'll be great in the new job - trust your judgement that led to the change. I'm reading a very interesting book at the moment called playing big by tara mohr, it's so far about letting go of your inner critic and finding your inner mentor. I need an inner team!

Ray yay to being half out of the tent. Where are you at now, have you started the natural round yet?

Joy how are you holding up. Not long till Thursday. Isn't it 98% of pg's ok at 8 weeks turn out fine. I know what we've said on here before about stats, but I so hope you're ok and all is well.

Berry that's so unbelievably frustrating about the tests, it's the tooing and crowing which did my head in. Hope you get them sorted out.

Fluffy love the possible mix ups with OAPs, that's hilarious.

Sar lovely to see you as always.

Toes how goes it?

Sam that is so annoying. Do you chart your temps?

Afm have been getting all my notes out ready for new clinic appt on tues, and I am feeling a kind of new acceptance of my situation. My Afc count from a couple of years ago was 15 and described then as low. So if it's now dropped to 9 (even allowing for some monthly variations) then that's not great. But I'm up for giving it a go and you never know.

Hello cos. I think nine is plenty but my last count was nine during downregging which felt bountiful after two. And I'm really surprised that 15 was identified as low but I have avoided much reading up on egg values of late. There is an American site which has age appropriate figures and I found that helpful and also depressing, for me. I wish the human reproductive system wasn't so inefficient, why can't we just make one egg and lay it like a chicken?! I do recognise that feeling of seeing things on paper and the starkness of it all coming in waves. We are bloody warrior strong and I echo all that you've said to me back to you. Your recent bfps have always felt very important in the big picture and with your new shiny womble I think there will be everything to play for in your next cycle. Also, I do wonder how accurate a science follicle counting really is?

Hi Cosmo

No I don't chart temps, have just been using opks. I'm not totally sure on how the temping think goes tbh? X

Ps cos, I think it's good too that you know you respond to the meds. My care cons said, after my v low count that it didn't mean I couldn't produce more with stimms. I didn't, but I have stubborn non responsive to anything ovaries. They didn't even behave with the trigger, or downregging. Duffers!

Fox your ovaries definitely have personality but tis odd that so many more could be seen during downregging. It's all such a conundrum, and yes fgs what's wrong with just one egg doing the trick?

Sam Fertility friend is a good free charting site with loads of advice about temping, you can order a thermometer cheap on amazon.

Thanks Cosmo, I'll check it out

Mad, a PUPO meet up would be great. Let's do it! once I actually know when it will be

Hope you are keeping calm Critter. Keeping everything crossed. How is D-Dawg looking after you? Re ET, I think P was waiting for results of this scan, and I guess I will find out how the donor is doing. It will likely be early-ish next week (ie8-9 days time) but that's a guess on my part.

Sam sorry things are so confusing. I hate the late AFs more than anything else.

Cos 9 is a smorgasbord of follies! And each month can really vary. I agree with Fox that there is much reason to be hopeful. You have been so close before and it's going to be ok.

Euro I remember you talking about this option when we met (still love saying that!). I can imagine it's highly nerve-wracking but based on the aplomb with which you've handled TTC, this is a walk in the park. You are super-mama now and no-one will mess with you or you will squirt them with your megaboobs . Ooh look .

Yay Fox is here! Can I tell you that I felt better today than I have in a long time. I even asked the clinic what days of the week they did scans, and said "hopefully I might need to come back soon". Who is this hopeful person I wonder? But I can't believe how much better I feel not Failing at this all the bloody time. Of course it still might not work but it no longer feels like a house-sized granite rock of responsibility is sitting atop my shoulders. We have tried so very hard, but it is not the route to motherhood destined for us. And it's ok. More than ok. Our rug rats will be firm friends in the future too. I will even stay friends with you if your huge boobs and crabbiness turn out to be meaningful this month .

Pout hope you are reading and ok. We miss you.

Right must go to bed. Mr Nelly bought me a herbal tea designed specifically for night time and I think it is helping. Will keep you all updated with travel news, as I know you are all on the edge of your seats