TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

hope everyone has had a good Saturday. I wanted to say a massive thank you for the supporting messages following my ivf meeting. I was told at the time not to expect too much the first round (we get three) as they will be monitoring me and how i react to the meds, but every now and then I let myself get excited that if all goes to plan I will have squeezed ivf in December.

toes definitely use your appointment to check any gyni queries you have. I can't believe when I was younger I'd get embarrassed by a smear, and now after 4 dildo cams I just strip at every appointment! still don't like her talking to me whilst pointing that thing in all different directions! !

Nelly, glad you finally have some direction. Hope everything goes ok

joy glad your toilet trips are less stressful.

thanks again to everyone else, I like catching up, unfortunately I am on my phone so with my short memory I can only remember a few names! critter lovely to hear about your little one, fox and ray, big hugs.

fluffy great that some places still offer 3 goes, and a round before Xmas would be good, you find you just want to get on with it

nelly Can I just add my 2 cents again I love Barry but he can be a complete numb nuts at times too and I usually find I am better at handling some things on my own like my miscarriages, but in saying that I found ET really really emotional, its make or break time, there is nothing left to be done, drugs are in the system, embryo squirted into place, that is it, there is a sense of relief but also anxiety as to what will happen next.

I was crying before they even put them on the screen for me to see, not helped by them playing Barry White on the radio I shit you not then they shoved them up me and left us alone for 15 minutes, I was really glad that he was there with me to hold my hand and wipe away my tears, I know cost is a factor but I would have him there if you can, I am sure he will want to be with you

end of sermon buggers off to the kitchen to find some condiments in the back of the cupboard

Buzzy your 2 cents are actually priceless! Chip in whenever you want . In reality there is no way he would buy it, but I didn't find my previous ET's that emotional. I am a bit heartless though. I would cry at Barry White though, but not in a good way....

Condiments, huh? Let's wait till we know if there is something to put them on!!

nelly Barry White would not have been my choice,I have only had IUI before but we knew that unless we got frosties it was our only shot at it, Barry has said he would never do it again, we couldn't really afford it either and I think the whole process has taken alot out of him, I am usually a hard faced cow but I really did cry lots

I am very excited that about 3-4 weeks you will be PUPO

I think fertility treatment is incredibly hard work, whatever your situation or success. No wonder Barry would be reluctant to go through it again. Luckily you have BB and a frostie. A prize that makes it all worthwhile :)

Weird to think I will be PUPO. I've just realised that the last time was in May 2013. [eek]. That was my chem preg round. The round in Sept last year was abnormal fertilisation. And now, here we are. 18 months later! I sometimes wonder if I was wrong to persist so long with OE. But then again, you've got to know you are ready to move on, and I personally wouldn't have been, without the efforts we made on our own. I guess we were lucky in that we could (just) find the money, but maybe it was all a time-wasting distraction.

I read something today that I liked. It was "you get the soul you were meant to have". For me it's a nice sentiment; (so long as it doesn't get misconstrued to something akin to the "it's nature's way" rubbish that we've all heard). In other words, the biology isn't really the point. Or that's how I'm reading it!

In case you can't tell, I'm feeling a bit pensive. I guess there is a lot of "I've got to be really really sure" analysis going on. I don't like the introspection.

I made up a smiley. There should be an [eek].

nelly I think you have to try with your own, to see if it would work, you know now that you have tried everything, if funding hadn't been a issue then I would have tried with my own but that wasn't the case so went with my best chances. As I have said to foxy the baby is yours and you don't really think of the donor. Its DNA but you are more than that as a person, its more than DNA that shape you as a person.

Berry when do you think you'll find out whether you can include the resection? Do you know how big / significant yours is? I think they can vary is size quite a lot.

Joy how goes it, is the bleeding still stopped?

Nelly that's fab news that you've heard back from them. I can understand the double checking and questioning of timings. If only we had more control during rounds, it always seems to me whoever is doing a round there is always a lot of uncertainty and inability to plan, which i mean to be reassuring in that i'm sure Penny has everything under control. How exciting to think you could be PUPO soon. Its a good thing to think it all through carefully. But you have been thinking about this for quite a few months now, when did you first go to Athens? If you had to do a percentage, how sure do you think you are? i think with any of this its ok to have a small percentage of doubts, its a big scary step and after this long on the treadmill its so hard to visualise the stuff that makes all this worthwhile actually happening you know, it gets too easy to focus on the possible pitfalls. Big hand squeeze. its so nice writing messages to people you've actually met.

Toes any news on the missing af? have you tested again? i also did at the dropping trou comment. i think as long as you make it past the waiting room that is more than acceptable clinic behaviour.

Critter thanks for the cheerleading. ugh its all just mega-frustrating isn't it. i think i might give up on the herbs already! she's super booked up which means i can't get in to see her often enough anyway, and i'm probably past the point of herbs being able to do much. How are you doing?

Euro, yay to 3 months.

Buzzy you're so sweet to go back and check your records. i do like having our grads cheer us all on.

Fluffy, 3 rounds is great, and that's a good attitude to have. i crashed very hard each time a round didn't work for me and i wish now i'd manned up a bit and cracked on again a bit quicker. Fitting in one before xmas would be great. which clinic did you go to?

Toes, Fluffy and Berry what sort of area of the country (or other country) are you from? don't worry if you don't wish to say out of not wanting to identify yourselves, just wondering.

i've had no spotting of any kind for the last 5.5 days, which is good, and my temps went way high, which of course yesterday got me all wound up. Cue big disappointment with the artic stick this morning. Anyhow have given myself a talking to, and actually it was really helpful at the meet up because one part of our conversation got me thinking what i would think if i met someone who told me my history (iyswim), and i would think have another go at ivf. So i've filled out my new clinics forms this morning and sent them off. I have picked it because its very convenient for work but they do have very good success rates too. i think it will be standard ivf but i guess i'll find out more once i go to see them. they want re-testing of all things ovarian first so hope i don't get a shock about my decline. feels good to have a plan though.

waves to everyone else.

Cos that is great news that you've stepped back on to the platform (I guess the IVF cycle is the actual train!). I'm glad our meet helped clear some thoughts in your head. It was much easier talking F2F rather than the dis-jointedness of online chat, wasn't it? I definitely think you have reason to be optimistic. You've made a significant change that could make a huge difference via the surgery; as well as figuring out that progesterone is a particularly important part of the puzzle for you. I know you've been on this road before, but don't let them dismiss this and give you the standard treatment. Kick up a massive fuss about getting gestone or whatever you think you need.

Hmm percentage of happiness re DE? I guess 85-90. I'm not sure it can ever be 100%, or at least not until a little bundle is here, by which point I'm confident I won't give a hoot. At this stage though, I still wonder what I could have done differently, which means I still think about what could have been; and I also worry about family accepting it etc. First trip to Athens was late March - annoyingly we need to re-do paperwork and tests as we've passed the 6 month mark. Never mind, it's a drop in the ocean really!

Oh I've had this drafted for ages so better post just now and go and do a few things. Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. It's definitely autumnal here today. Fire will be going on very soon!

Thanks Nelly. 85/90 sounds like a good statistic to me. And I so agree, that on arrival all concerns would just melt, and wouldn't that be the case with family too, though I understand why you'd tell them when you told them about the pregnancy. Their wish for your happiness I'm sure would trump anything. It's true that you may have been agonisingly close to it happening, but that's not to say you could have done things differently, I think with looking back it's important to try and think that you made the best decision with the information available at that time. You more than did your best and have been really brave. Whilst being ever so fantastic at the same time. I will always love the shower story. . And we can only go forwards and onwards!

How's the lovely Fox doing?

at the shower . What fun we had explaining that to the family...

What an incredibly sweet thing to say Cos. You're pretty bloody awesome yourself! I was struck last week that not only was everyone beautiful, outside and in; but how everyone was exactly as I imagined, personality wise. To me this shows how well rounded and honest we are as people. No fakes. Maybe infertility has played its part here; kept us grounded and taught us all so much, about life and happiness and struggles. I'd rather none of us had ever met (purely because then it would mean we would all have got pregnant and had our families easily); but I am forever grateful that the ladies I've met on this god-awful road are some of the most wonderful charismatic caring beautiful strong, wonderful, people you could ever imagine. I luffs you all .

That sounds like a pretty good rate, Nelly. I wasn't convinced to that level that IVF at all was a good idea and even through pregnancy I had reservations and was worried I would be bothered that centime wasn't a natural conception. Now she is here, I wish very much that I had had an easier journey, but it would be impossible to love a baby more so in that sense the conception method doesn't matter. I am sure you will feel the same about DE once you have our baby.

You are so right about the lack of fakery. And that is why I feel so protective of this thread. We all put so much of ourselves on here and expose our vulnerabilities.

Cos, that all sounds very positive for you, and that is a great way of looking at all this.

I completely agree about the lovely people I have met along the way.

Joy, I am thinking of you. I hope you are doing whatever will get you through these few horrible weeks until you can relax a bit.

nelly It will take some family by surprise but if they love you surely they will be happy that you are a mum, how that came to be is irrelevant. If it is an issue then they and you will have to reevaluate your relationship,MIL is very religious, one that doesn't agree with IVF let alone DE IVF but if you saw them with BB it really doesn't bother them, but then I do wonder if it had been donor sperm they might have felt differently. If it had been an issue then I would have just reduced my time with them as it is they see BB every week.
There is only so much you can do/have done

cos sounds like a good plan to me :)

Hi I'm in Gloucestershire. I will be using Oxford fertility clinic with a satellite clinic for the scans etc then travel to Oxford for egg collection and implanting etc.

waves to everyone - sorry for the short message-"just watching transformers 4 x

I'm probably over-thinking the family thing. But families are complex. And one person in particular could possibly open her mouth before she engages brain...!

Getting ahead of myself a bit though.

nelly exciting times! I'm so pleased things seem to be moving. It must be hard to plan, when you don't know exact timings. I'm such a control freak, it'd drive me nuts! Plus it must be hard with work stuff. So exciting that it's so near though and that mini nelly should be onboard soon. Are you still feeling ok on the DR druks?

joy how are you? I hope you haven't had any more scary bleeding episodes. I was so thrilled for you when I read that everything was ok on the EPU scan. Do you have another scan this week? I've always had a witchy feeling about you having the Fred twins (prior to your awful Argy experience). Hope all is ok.

Aww cos such lovely words! It was fab to see you again and you are most def beautiful outside and in! Exciting to be gearing up to treatment again. Are you going to insist on the progesterone big guns? It does seem to be an important part of the puzzle for you. I think a fresh clinic and fresh approach is a very good idea. Sorry about the arctic pee stick.

doll! Lovely to 'see' you. Ha ha at the minis plotting to destroy you. Tiny doll must be over a year now?

ray I hope you are surviving in the tent. You've had such a shitty time of it and all the delays and waiting really can't help. Lots of love."

Talking of shitty times, fox hope you are ok too. I still can't believe what happened to you during your supposed DE cycle. It's unbelievable.

Lovely critter, I'm enjoying Doug the dog pics sooo much! I hope he's bringing you some well deserved happiness. He looks such a cutie! Hope you are feeling ok with the ET coming up soonish. I can't imagine going through the highs and lows of AC after what you have been through. You are such a strong lady!

euro, I can't believe Centime is 3 months already! It all becomes so much more fun now :)

Waves to buzz and chuckles at the thought of the mustard hat eating.

Welcome to the newbies berry, toes and fluffy. Sorry you find yourselves here, but this bunch of ladies are ace. I love em all to pieces and they were amazing through my 2 mild ivf cycles and one FET it took to produce mini gin.

I lit a candle last week on the Sands day and thought particularly of James and my bestie's babies, but also of all of you who have lost your babies. I also spared a thought for those little sparks of life that were created in the lab and part me and mr gin, but never got beyond a few days. All very sad and I am so massively grateful for baby gin.

nelly it's all very exciting now that you're on the way. Will you tell people about using de then? I think we all have wobbles sometimes. IVF is absolutely not the way I wanted to have a baby but I look at the lovely 10 plusser babies and it makes me realise that I won't care once baby is here. It's so nice to have our grads here to keep us focused on the goal!

euro centime is so cute, I love her chubby cheeks. I can't believe it's been 3 months already. Does this mean you'll be back at work soon? How do you feel about that?

fox I hope you're doing ok.

joy I'm thinking about you. That's such good news that the bleeding has stopped. I know two people who have had twins recently and both had several scans because of bleeding and these weren't ivf babies. I too have always imagined you with twins :) :) What do you think was different about this round?

critter I don't think anyone could think you bang on about James. He is such a big part of your life that it would be a bit weird if you didn't talk about him but I know people can sometimes feel awkward. And that's their problem, not yours to deal with. How is Doug settling in?

cos I'm so happy that you're looking at starting a new round of ivf. It will be good to get a new perspective from a new clinic.

fluffy 3 rounds is fantastic. I think if you look at it as a 3 round process then it helps to deal with disappointment if the first doesn't work. Lots of people are successful first round and I hope you're one of them.

I have had a long stint of tent dwelling. I'm not really sure why. There were a few days when I felt so very down about everything. I'm out the tent now, and I'm thinking that we should be able to fit a natural round in before xmas. We would then do what would probably be our final round of standard ivf in the early new year. I can see how people end up spending £100k , it can easily add up. We don't have that sort of money and I don't think we would want to keep going. 3 fresh rounds seems like a good place to stop, but who knows how I'll feel then.

I'm so sorry you still feel down Ray. It is a long hard exhausting slog. There's never a guarantee and you keep ploughing on trying to maintain hope in the face of adversity. I believe it's going to work for you soon; but I know it's easy to say. We are here to feed you cake in the tent. Big hugs

Joy, hope things remain quiet with you!

Re telling people: only a select bunch. Family and some very close friends. The rest will be up to our mythical baby.

Better get back to work!

Joy how are you doing? Hope there has been no more bleeding. When is your next scan?

Toes any sign of AF? I'm very blase about whipping my kit off for a doctor now. Feels like half the doctors at my local hopsital must have had a look at my fanjo!

Nelly, glad you've heard from your clinic. It must be even more stressful trying to organise treatment abroad. I really hope you're spared the further stress of having Barry White played during ET .

Fluffy, that's great that you get three rounds. This thread has really perked me up too, it's so nice to have others to 'talk' to.

Cos, I've tried to ring the doctor's secretary today but haven't had any luck getting through. Nobody has ever told me what size it is. I'm hoping doctor can have a look in December and then make a decision as to whether or not he thinks it's worth taking it out. I'm in Cardiff, have just moved here after 8 years of living over the other side of the bridge (although I'm originally from this side of the bridge).

Ray, sorry to hear you've been in the tent. It is so hard to find the motivation to keep going and as nelly says it is exhausting.

Nelly – excellent news that the wheels are in motion. I have always done ET alone as I prefer it that way, however, I’m not sure I would be happy doing it alone if it was abroad. Hope mrN can join you but I guess the costs have to be evaluated as well. It’s not surprising you have been pensive recently. It has been a huge decision for you. I hope family will be nothing but supportive. And totally agree about what you said about our thread. Honestly, it has kept my sanity over the last 3.5 years and in a way although many of us have had quite a lot of rubbish luck, we have been in it together which has made it easier. I am not sure there is another thread where there are quite so many of us who have been trying for this amount of years.

Fluffy – wow, i didn’t realise anywhere still offered 3 rounds. That’s incredibly fortunate and I’m sure you will hit the jackpot with one of those rounds.

Gin – oh i hope your witchy feeling is right! Although whoever you talk to in the medical profession will tell you that having twins is very risky, not advised because so often things go wrong and many are prematurely born. Not worth thinking about I know, I just hope to goodness at least one comes off this time.

Cos – sorry about artic stick but could it be too early? Well done on filling out the forms, that’s the first step. Retesting everything is always nerve racking but I’ve been told fertility doesn’t drop off cliffs, it’s a gradual thing, whatever the media like to ram down our throats so I’m sure everything will be fine. I hope you are ok.

Ray – sometimes the tent can last weeks for some reason and it’s horrible. What i have noticed though is that we always come out of it and we have good weeks too. I’m glad you can fit in a natural round before xmas.

Thanks for all your well wishes. I have now had 3 days of no bleeding or spotting, long may it continue and by writing that down I hope I don’t jinx it. I’ve really fallen behind with work and the other thing i have going on because I have been so distracted and haven’t been able to do anything bar watch tv. Need to try and get a grip. Hard not to evaluate everything which is stupid because this is totally out of my hands. But odd i don’t feel sick but then perhaps some people aren’t sensitive to pregnancy hormones and I’m of solid build which probably helps. Scan later in week...a bit risky as it’s on my birthday but they can only offer one afternoon a week.

Just a quick post to say to Joy that I have cramp in my fingers from how tightly they are crossed. Oh I hope soooooo much that things just quietly trot along now.

Gin it's always lovely to have you here. It was brilliant to meet you as well :).

Cos, what stripey hob nob news?

Cake and hugs to Ray, Fox and everyone else in need. Great to see our newbies keeping posting

Oh, I now have the "not before" date I asked for, so I can at least know when we won't be travelling. Touch wood I think we will miss most of the difficult dates.

I so hope that's it good news at your scan, Joy. It would be the loveliest birthday present for you.

Glad you got the date you asked for Nelly and that it's missing the difficult dates.

Feeling a bit blue here. AFs arrival is imminent as I have started spotting and have horrid stomach cramps which have kept me up most of the night. I'm sat at my desk wondering how I will achieve anything at work today as I just want to crawl back under my duvet! Never mind, the mood is hormonal and will blow over soon. We've decided to have a TTC break next month as well, seeing as I have the lap in Decemeber and I'm quite looking forward to it!

nooooo I just wrote out a really long reply and then pressed "go" up there, instead of "post message" down there and it's all gone!

Let me try and remember what I said-

AF arrived, 5 days late but most definitely here. Will still talk to the gynae about the lateness and the sore foof though, my appointment is in 3 days which I am very happy about.

I can't remember who asked now, but I am from Scotland. We're self funding at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary because after 3 1/2 years I have finally run out of patience.

Nelly I am so glad that you have a date now, and can start planning things at least a little bit

joy as per my name I have ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING crossed for you!

Berry sorry you feel blue. AFs arrival never really gets easier. I always imagine myself drawing another line in my prison cell, marking off the cycles in batches of 5. Hormones are a killer. I can never tell if I'm simply upset; or upset because I'm upset, if that makes any sense at all!

Toes, Madness had a great success at ERI. She has an adorably cute DS as a result of her second cycle there. you aren't far from me.

Joy, of course twins are more risky, but remember lots of completely healthy twins are born too. But one day at at a time, and if it comes to that, you will get very good care. I'm going to be stern for a minute. STOP looking for problems!!!! Right now, right here, it's ok and you have two little beans growing. Cross other bridges when you get to them. OK, stern bit over .

Still watching out for an email to say we are starting. I definitely feel more optimistic about DE working than OE; but I actually now worry that I'm too hopeful! Sometimes I just assume it will work, and I'm in for a big fall if it doesn't. Sigh....