TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

joy I remember how slowly time moves in the first tri. Hang on in there.

It is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I know many of us on this thread have suffered. I have a candle burning in memory of my own little bean that didn't make it, and the other beans and babies that never got to take up their place in the world. I'm thinking of everyone who has grieved over the loss of a pregnancy or a baby. X

Good evening all.

I hope joy things have settled for this evening. I have everything crossed for you.

my consultation went ok, firstly we got to see the pics from the lap and dye which showed my fallopian tube's are well and truly. ... not good. When she was putting the dye through it just built up and ballooned rather than passing through, so pretty much no chance it'll ever happen naturally. that was a blow. but moving on, I'm having a long protocol (if that's what they call it ) I'm to call 1st day of af so i can start sniffing on 21st day. BUT I have to have af before 26th. if any later I'll have to wait until the new year. I'm due 23rd so in that stage where I'm begging for a nice early af. DH is confused about needing a ' fresh' batch of swimmers during egg collection, but no unprotected sex before. It's been so long since using protection lol. have a nice evening everyone x

nelly its estrogen you might have another brand, I have just been chatting to a woman who went to Serum and is having twin boys in about 5 weeks. . . . . .just saying

Oh Fluffy I hope AF behaves. So many hurdles! But you are on the way despite the scary tube news. Sarlat is our tube expert on here.

Manically checking emails but nothing yet. I do hope the donor knew this was about to happen. I'll be cross if there is a massive delay because she's away or whatever. If you remember, I could have started last month but didn't as the timescales P indicated put me too close to this past weekend, where we had plans a MN meet. I have a feeling however the whole process will run on much longer than she said, even allowing for cycle misalignment, probably 3 weeks more. So I probably could have started last month after all. Even when I asked about moving it back a month (ie, to this last period), she talked about a mid to late October ET, which was clearly ridiculously short. I now can't see me going out before mid-Nov unless we get spectacularly lucky with alignment.

Apologies, just ranting, I hate having so little control, and I'm now feeling completely lacking in information as well. Not a good combo. . Oh and I have spots. And a headache. But despite the above I don't actually feel too bad on the DR, I think I'm just generally tired of infertility crap

Cross post Buzzy. Yes I think I have something in a pink box .

Thanks for the cheerlead! Deerstalker unlikely to be needed but I will bear your story in mind....

Am really tired in from work and need to go to bed, but just wanted to let Joy, Nelly, Ray and Fluffy am thinking of you all and thinking good thoughts for you all.

Sorry I just introduced myself and then disappeared everyone. I came down with a horrible cold and couldn't even look at a screen so have been really bored for the best part of a week! All back to normal now, more or less!

Joy - I am thinking of you, hopefully it's just some random bleeding and the embies are ok

Nelly- it's anxiety inducing when nothing is in your control. Serim seem organised though so hopefully there won't be too much of a wait.

Fluff - well done on the appt. sorry about the tubes, I know it must be distressing. But don't forget egg quality is always the key and so you have a good supply which is good.

Buzz - I didn't realise you had so many scans in the first tri. You must have kept your anxieties to yourself. I will try and keep mine under wraps!

Bleeding has gone brown for the time being which is more comforting. Would like it to disappear though. I think I just have to try and manage my expectations.

Joy I'm sorry the bleeding continues but pleased that it's not fresh bllod anymore. The days must pass so slowly when you are at this stage.

Nelly it sounds like things are ramping up. Good luck. It must be really stressful trying to align the cycles of two people and you have no idea what's going on with them except for what your clinic tell you.

Ray. I'm sorry you're feeling low. Will you be doing another cycle soon?

I lit a candle last night too, Euro. So many people experience pregnancy loss and yet it is still not talked about very often.

Fluffy, I hope AF arrives when you need it to!

AFM, we had a consultation with the fertility clinic yesterday (private as I wanted to see a fertility consultant before lap in December and there seems very little chance of our NHS referral happening before then). Mr B's sperm test was all fine and there was nothing revealed by my scan that we didn't already know. The doctor recommended I get my septum removed at the same time as having my endo treated in December so I'm going to give that some thought. Cos, what has the recovery from the removal of your septum like? Did you have to take a break from TTC?

Glad things have improved a little, Joy. One day, one step. We are all right beside you willing it all to be ok.

Berry that sounds like a useful appointment, although a lot to take in

Fluffy I was thinking that in your case the good news is IVF was designed primarily for tube issues so you stand a really good chance.

Sorry you were poorly Toes.

joy I think I saved my neurotic freaked out behaviour for the eggcellent and IVF boards oh and for everyone at work who knew, between EPAU, the Immune clinic and private scans at Babybond who were amazing it really was every 7-10 days until I was 20 weeks it was the only thing that helped me cling onto what little sanity I had left, so much is riding on this its hard when you have so much invested in it working, if you can have another soon do so.,oh and don't keep it bottled in, its best to let it all out that is why we are here.

nelly I think old Peny juggles lots of things at once, they would have had the donor ready to go before they told you to jab. DRing at the end made me murderous and feel crap but the first bit was ok, like I said it was 18 days dring, 15 days to EC, so a month from DRing I would say early-mid Nov for you unless your DRing is going to be shorter,

toes sorry you haven't been well, this kind of weather brings out the nasty bugs, glad you are feeling better

fluffy did they think flushing your tubes might help?? Sorry not an expert on the matter, hope your AF arrives soon so you can get cracking, the waiting is always crap

cos hope you got a good nights sleep, how are the herbs going

berry your appointment sounds productive, best to get as much done while they are in there rummaging around.

I think on the loss front its still a 'odd and uncomfortable' subject for people to get their heads around, there have been more programmes about it on TV lately and a lady on the immune boards is also a freelance journalist has been working on a documentary about miscarriage and immune treatment, partly about her journey to have her son.

There was an article in the mirror about some woman who spent £100,000 to have a family, she did have a son on her 3rd attempt and was trying for another, I don't quite understand what the article was about really other than some woman who had nearly bankrupted herself to have a child, not everyone has that option or the resources

joy I have my fingers crossed for you and I am so sorry this is so stressful. Don't worry at all about freaking out on here, we all know what a long and miserable road it's been to get here, you are fully entitled to freak out given what you've been through. Bleeding in pregnancy sends one into a tailspin of panic and fear, I remember feeling actually sick with fear when I saw spotting, but I know lots of ladies here have had good outcomes despite terrifying bleeds throughout their first trimesters.

toes sorry to hear you were under the weather.

berry I think that sounds like a good appointment, great that your DH's swimmers are good. I can't remember whether cos had to take a TTC break or not - I think she did but maybe only a couple of months as I recall? Best to get it all sorted out asap if you can, the waiting drives one crazy.

fluffy it sounds like it's just a blockage issue so IVF could be just the ticket... if that's all that is preventing sperm meeting egg, that's great news. They just need introducing to each other, and magic can start to happen! I hope your AF arrives on time - it sounds like you should be able to squeeze in a round before Christmas. I was long protocol too on my successful round.

nelly I hope you get an update from Serum too. I am actually really excited for you. This is your time!

ray I'm passing you chocolate through the tent flap. Passing some to fox too.

euro I lit a candle too last night, not just for James but for all our lost beans on this long road of heartbreaks. I thought about posting it on FB but worry that people will think I'm banging on about my misfortune - as buzz says, loss is such an uncomfortable subject for many people - so I just texted it to a couple of friends who lost babies too. Then I texted them a pic of the dog wrapped in a tea towel that I used to dry him off after a muddy rainy walk, looking very unimpressed . How is little centime doing?

buzz 100 k is a lot of money. I am glad she had a little boy in the end!

All ok here. My parents are visiting this weekend and I'm excited to introduce them to my furry lodger! He really is such a delight, I love him so much. Work has been really busy which is a good distraction too. Back for a lining check next Weds and ET should be the week after that.

Joy I'm so glad the bleeding has gone brown, that is good news, though am sure still worrying. Hang in there. When is your next scan?

Critter the dog sounds such a delight I'm so pleased. I don't think people would think you were banging on in the slightest, you've such dignity and serenity, but I'm glad you feel able to post on here.

Toes hope you're feeling better now.

Berry that does sound positive. For my septum resection I had 2 coils put in on the day of the operation which were in for a month, and I was on hrt for 1 month too I think. Then I was advised to have a months break if possible though not essential. I had it on the Friday and was back at work on the Monday though I started to feel extremely off and very nearly passed out and I shouldn't really have gone back till about the Wednesday. Rates for Ivf success are higher after septum resection from the research I've seen. I can't imagine it's helping so if you can have it done while they're in there. I had a lap about 4 years ago and bit annoyed I wasn't given the option / suggestion then.

Nelly have you heard anything? I'm on tenterhooks on your behalf! Have a great feeling for you about this.

Ray it's so hard to keep momentum and faith through all the lulls and waiting periods. I think a bit if a wallow can be cathartic sometimes. But it will only be a few weeks now and you'll be doing the next natural round. I just can't believe you won't crack it eventually.

Euro that is a lovely gesture.

Buzz I haven't taken any more herbs yet, I did see her again and we agreed my stomach needed to recover first. I have been starting to seriously think about another round of fresh Ivf and went into the clinic near my work to ask some questions and check it out. I think I prefer the idea of doing that first than the 1 frostie we have. DH however is dead set on trying the just progesterone route first, and seeing as it's in the cupboard I can't really refuse though part of me thinks it may be a waste of time. We'll see.

Waves to everyone else, especially Fox, Doll, Gin and Bunny.

critter baby and pregnancy loss seems to be one of the last taboos. People just don't know how to react to it. I wanted to make a public statement about it as well as privately lighting a candle and thinking of James, my own little bean and all of the others I know of who didn't make it, as well as reflecting on how thankful I am for centime, who could easily have become a statistic had the placenta problem not been picked up.

joy I am glad that the bleeding seems to be easing. You just have to drag yourself through these first weeks somehow. If I could have been knocked out and woken up after the 12 week scan, I think I would have taken that option.

cos it's so difficult when there is no clear route for you. The progesterone route might do the trick, but I understand the urge to crack on with IVF too.

buzz that journalist is very local to me. She was buying a house just around the corner when pregnant although it fell through. We have emailed a few times. I hope she can do a documentary to raise awareness and break some taboos.

Thanks for asking after centime. She'll be three weeks old tomorrow (apologies in advance for the inevitable photos on the other place). She's doing really well. Growing like a weed and starting to interact with us a bit more now.

Buzzy, I'm glad that lady had a baby in the end but 100k is a lot of money. Even if I had it, I don't think I could bring myself to spend that (and I most defeintely don't have it!)

Critter, I'm glad you're enjoying Doug so much! He sounds like a cutie. I've just booked my dog in to be spayed next week, I felt guilty just phoning the vets so god knows how I'll feel when I drop her off there. I don't think anyone could think you were banging on about your misfortune. It's a difficult line isn't it as I would really like to do my bit to break the taboo but at the same time, I want to keep our difficulty TTC private. However, if we eventually have a happy ending, I would be happy to say what we went through to get there.

Cos thank you for the info. I've had a think about it and think I would like it done, if I can. It all depends on whether or not the surgeon doing my lap will do it and whether or not my health insurance will cover it (it doesn't cover fertility treatment). If it doesn't cover it, I think it might be a bit out of my price range.

Glad centime is doing well Euro.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. I'm off on a spa break with some friends. Can't wait!

Nelly – any news from Serum?

Buzz – i’ve come across people who have spent 100k on trying for a baby. I’m glad she struck lucky. I’m adamant I would never put myself through the expense and turmoil again if I got one but apparently that’s easier said than done. It’s mind boggling how expensive ivf is. Even our free round with the nhs this time round has cost £2500 so far but if I was paying for everything, we would have spent £14k by now with this clinic.

Berry – have a lovely spa braek. I hope insurance covers the septum removal.

Critter – you are so sweet and so generous with kind words. Thank you. I just can’t imagine anyone thinking you would be banging on about your misfortune. I wonder if that’s a British worry..and that we may make others feel uncomfortable. I kind of think if it makes people stop and think and remember James and actually what you’ve been through then that’s a good thing. Doug sounds divine and glad you have your folks over to meet the chap!

Cos – i don’t blame you for going to check out an ivf clinic. I know it has technically only been a few months of trying since the op but you have been on this road so long now, i think for sanity reasons, it is always good to have backups in place. But i think the progesterone route sounds like an excellent option to begin with. Can you start this month? You got pregnant naturally twice last year, it has every chance of working and especially with your new womble. You are going to get there.

Euro – is centime honestly only 3 weeks old? for some reason I thought she was born months ago. Time really has stood still. Yes i would gratefully be knocked out right time. I love bed time, 7 hours where my brain doesn’t drive me insane.

Ray – thinking of you and hope you have a nice weekend.

Joy I think Euro meant 3 months!

How are you, how is the bleeding? I'm thinking about you a lot

Berry a spa break sounds wonderful. The list of things I've got planned for the weekend are less glamorous!

£100k? Yikes. We are going to be up to £20k soon. It's horrendous. It has to stop now.

Critter agree with all the others, there is no way you'd be banging on. I can't imagine any of your friends would actually think that, and if they do they can't be much of a friend! You are remarkably restrained I always think; and I bet people want to remember James. I know I do.

No word from Serum yet. I'm a tiny bit annoyed as it's now 9 days since I took the DR. I'm going to chase today.

Berry - Your spa break sounds fun, I hope it's really relaxing!
I agree £100,000 seems like a crazy amount, even if you had it, but I can't quite decide where the line would be for me... We're paying for our first round and any subsequent ones I can't imagine we can afford so it'll just be what we're eligible for on the NHS... But if I get a bonus or something at work I guess I'd pay for another round. I think it's not the cost that gets to me but just the perseverance - I'd have cracked by round 5 or 6 I think, accepted that I couldn't have biological children, mourned the loss, taken a fancy holiday, and adopted. I'm guessing that's about £50k though, I can't imagine doing 10+ rounds, it would completely break me!

Critter - Thank you for sharing your story, you most certainly do not bang on about it. It must be so difficult to talk about, but like Joy said, remembering James is really important. I would imagine people probably don't ever bring James up in conversation with you because they worry that they might upset you by doing so, so would always wait for you to start talking about him first? But I really admire you.
And also I wanted to add some more Doug love here too. I get the feeling he would get on rather well with my pup.

Ray thinking of you

Nelly hope you get through to them soon, it doesn't sound like you need the stress! I'm sure they've not been in touch because everything's under control and they don't want to worry you though.

Joy hope you're doing well today.

I have had an eventful few days. My period is currently 3 days late and counting. Usually every 27 days like clockwork. I caved and did a pregnancy test this morning, first time in months and it was so stressful, my heart was pounding so hard, and obviously it came back negative but I almost felt relieved by that.

I do have a really weird thing going on though to go along with the missing period (in the spirit of this thread being famously TMI, I might as well just jump right in...), my vagina feels like it is swollen. I'm pretty sure if I did get my period today there's no way I'd get my mooncup in there, maybe a tampon just about. Never happened to me before so I'm worried I have some weird vagina illness now, that will add to my woes. My IVF appointment is a week today, and the doctor I'm seeing is a gynaecologist, so I might just drop trou as soon as I walk in to the office and get him to have a look... is that frowned upon?

Oh I love how our thread has gotten busier with our lovely newbies! And you guys are really proper 10 plussers, with the TMI and all round down to earth kindness.

toes at 'drop trou'. I think that is totally ok - I have asked my IVF doc about what I thought was a bacterial infection before, they go to med school, they've seen it all before, why not! I am sorry about the stress and the BFN and the swollenness, I know whenever anything is not quite right in that area I feel really stressed and upset about it. And it's awful when you allow yourself a little hope and it's then cruelly dashed. Thank you for saying such lovely things about James, you're right, people don't bring him up much, but I am really lucky in that I have had amazing support from this thread and also from my family and friends who have been so kind to me - I've heard from other women whose parents can't even bring themselves to say their baby's name. I am really grateful that my parents and MrC's parents are so comfortable talking about him.

nelly I would definitely chase, be American about it! Squeaky wheel gets the grease etc. The run up to a new cycle is always really stressful so I can imagine you'd be on tenterhooks.

berry It's definitely a fine line - I don't think anyone wants to broadcast their TTC woes to all and sundry before they've had their happy ending, just because of the fear in case it doesn't happen if you see what I mean and then having to deal with people's pity. You are going to get there though, I reckon IVF will be the ticket for you, as it has been for so many lovely ladies on this thread (including me) as it bypasses the tube issue and the sperm meets egg problem.

joy how are you doing with the bleeding and stress? Do you have another scan coming up? We are all massively rooting for you and the little ones.

cos I can see that it might make sense to do a fresh round and save your frostie for the moment. Have you had a consultation with a doctor about the progesterone thing? It just seems like too much of a coincidence that you got pregnant when you were taking it, and also the mid cycle spotting thing seems relevant too. Ugh it's like this mega-frustrating puzzle. How long did the Chinese doc want you to wait before taking the herbs?

Nelly- that's annoying. Do chase them. Hopefully everything is all in hand though. And thank you for thinking about me, that's sweet of you.

Toes - I am sorry to hear about bfn but intriguing you are 3 days late. How many dpo is that? Sorry about the swollen vag as well. Nothing is tmi on here. Have you googled? I have (hope work isn't monitoring my internet usage) and i am not the first to ask whether it's an early sign of pregnancy. I can't work out whether it is a symptom for some though. Is it painful? I would definitely get the gynae to have a look if it doesn't clear up. That's what they are there for. But it's horrid when things aren't quite right but most things we worry about don't come to fruition so I'm sure it's nothing.

Critter -
I am so pleased you have family and friends who talk about James. It's different for everyone I'm sure but it's important that if you want to speak about him you can x

The last time I went to the loo there was not a smudge. First time this week. Having seen blood dripping in to the loo the other day, I've turned every visit into a bit of a dreaded task.

nelly they are in Greece so are most likely on strike in all seriousness they should have contacted you, have you checked your spam just incase. I would have thought they would have told you when you needed to book flights

euro I think you mean 3 months :) She has a FB page for it and said she hoped to have it all edited by the end of Jan this year so nt really heard anymore about it, I wonder if its down to getting a channel to air it

joy the loo trips can be a nightmare, once at work I thought I was bleeding and the loo is no where near where I was so I went into the stair well and stuck my hand in my knickers to see I wasn't and thankfully no one saw what a complete loon I was

toes an awol period you say -pulls out deer stalker and spyglass-- it could be that your cg level is not high enough to detect yet, not trying to get your hopes up but until the witch arrives it is possible I did at your down trou

berry enjoy your spa break :)

cos maybe try the progesterone until you are able to cycle again

critter I would expect you to want to talk about James, I would be concerned if you didn't, talking is good its an outlet and a release, good friends will be happy to just sit and listen

Yes checked spam too Buzzy. Nothing there. She did reply when I told her my period had started (on Tuesday I think) and she said she'd be back in touch when she met the donor. So what is worrying me is that, if she doesn't see her till next week, they might miss a chance to start. Surely she would have told the donor that I had started my drugs, taken the DR etc, and would have her lined up to see immediately?

You did make me laugh about checking your knickers in the stairwell. But only because it turned out ok! How awful that the worry would drive any of us to that. The insanity never ends, huh?

Joy I'm so pleased that the bleeding has stopped. You really deserve a lovely easy time from here on in.

Critter it's lovely that your family talk about James. And great that they are coming to meet the latest member of Critter-clan.

Toes, we've previously talked about how we used to be quite nervous about stripping off for the doctor, and now we're all nervous that we will inadvertently whip our pants off at the dentist by mistake, instead. Very intriguing with a missing AF. I've had some completely out of kilter cycles and I think they are worse than the right-on-time AF arrival.

Oops. Yes, I do in fact mean three months. I haven't had time to post any photos today though. I don't know where the day has gone.

Nelly, I agree about being a squeaky wheel.

Joy, I am so glad you have a reprieve from the bleeding.

Critter, I am glad that people around you are able to talk about the lovely James.

nelly that is annoying, I got Barry to look up when we booked things and it was the day I started to DR, he booked flights etc but I remember thinking we could have done it earlier that he had pissed about as I am sure we were given our EC day quite early on as we changed it to a Monday, I hope they get in touch soon, its the not knowing and things being out of your hands

toes any sign of awol af, hoping not

OK I got an email back from my squeaky wheel chaser. The donor is due to start meds in the next few days. No need to worry as my DR drug is good for a while. I've replied to see if I can get a "not before" date. I'm guessing that starting meds = starting stimms? If so, then I reckon I've got at least 2 weeks and maybe closer to 3. But would be good if she could say something like "Not before the 28th" as I've been putting stuff off and trying to plan around an unknown date.

The good news is MrN left a sample when we were there last time which can be used, so we only actually need to go for ET. I am actually wondering if I should go alone, keeps costs down I guess; but I doubt Mr N will be ok with that.

Ray, how are things with you? Any news on your next cycle?

Critter, hope you are having fun with family critter.

Fox is work still manic?

Can't believe this time last week I'd just spent a few hours with some of you :)

I am procrastinating and avoiding the supermarket. I really should go.