TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

Hi ladies - BFN for me. They said I could schedule a consult with the doctor if I wanted or just do another cycle when AF comes. I will stop taking the drugs now so it should be soon. I feel ok about it, a bit flat, but we have three more frosties. I think we will probably do one more single transfer, and then if that doesn't work, transfer the last two together.

Oh Critter lovely, I'm so sorry that your endless ordeal continues. I was so hopeful for you. It's so unfortunate for you that you have to go through this rigmarole just to have a month of trying. It's still only been three tries of embie meets womb, and you make strong embies and frosties. And at least frostie rounds are less full on than fresh ones. Your plan sounds like a really good one. Big squeeze.

Joy hope you are ok today.

Waves to everyone else. Anyone else watching Cilla? Love Sheridan smith.

And Bunny, Gin and Euro lovely to have your support as always.

Critter - so sorry. I'm not surprised you feel flat. It's just a funny, hollow, weidry feeling isn't it? And unfortunately you might feel a bit flat for a few days. But like you said previously this might be better than another mc which is very draining. You will succeed my sweetheart. Looking back now, maybe there was a reason why you produced so many amazing embryos as the whole thing hasn't been as straight forward as we hoped. But I refuse to accept or believe that your baby isn't coming. I still firmly see that bright orangey future. Please be kind to yourself. BFN cycles can be a little bit stingy. Big hugs and kisses. xxxx

Cos - watching cilla and love Sheridan too.

sar andcos - that's just it, better a BFN for me than another mc. If this embie wasn't the golden third, I would rather be spared the stress of a mc and just be able to pick myself up and get on with the next round as soon as possible. I'm actually now feeling tempted to put in two next round. October is the month my witchy relation prophesised I'd get pregnant (she said with a girl) so we'll see. I do kind of wish they'd called me earlier so I didn't take my lunchtime progesterone. Just want AF to arrive as soon as possible!

In better news an interesting job opportunity has possibly reared its head. Something to think about. And the dog plan will still hopefully go forward (the little terrier we were interested was adopted by another family, but we'll keep looking). And I have a wedding to go to this weekend so at least I can booze. MrC now coming to pick me up from work which will be nice.

Critter I'm so sorry that this round hasn't worked out. How annoying your clinic didn't get back to you earlier. I'm also really sorry if my last post reads inappropriately. Take care of yourself. Xxxx

Bunny it doesn't at all! Please don't worry! Your post was lovely x

Critter lovely I am so sorry. It's not fair you have been put through more waiting. I remember feeling flat last year but also relieved I didn't have to go through another miscarriage. I am so pleased that you can crack on with another transfer soon and so thankful that you have your frosties. I hope you are ok. There is no two ways about it, you will get there.

Bunny - thank you lovely. Very sweet.
And thanks everyone else.
I've decided to not get a blood test as it's expensive and won't change the outcome. Still it feels all very tentative, like square 1 is just waiting to jump in at any point.

Hang in there Joy. I understand how terrifyingly fragile this feels, but all you can do is know that you are doing everything right, as the lady said to me, and take it just one day at a time. Today you are pregnant. Maybe you can get an early scan booked for next Thursday or Friday?

All basically ok here, trying to look forward. I do feel so sad that we are still nowhere nearer having our family. MrC said to me last night 'it feels impossible'. This morning I was meditating with the headspace app and I could feel the sadness in my throat and chest like a physical weight. I don't feel particularly hopeful about the next round or two but my doctor says there's no point in changing protocol at this stage so on we go. Maybe our embies don't just like being frozen and defrosted. Seems strange that we'd get six 5 day blasts, a successful single fresh transfer, but then an early mc and a BFN. Ugh.

ray are you ok? Have been thinking about you a lot.

Critter I'm so sorry . As always, you are behaving with so much grace and dignity when internally you must be feeling so much pain. I hope October is the one. I often am aghast at just how many rough deals we get on this thread.

Ray, how are you? And Fox?

I start meds in a couple I days, just pred 10mg. And folio acid which I've given up on. DR will be a week later. Ostrich impression continues.

critter I am so sorry it didn't work this cycle, you are amazing how you can still be so graceful about it all, my fingers are crossed for October

nelly the good thing about DE IVF is you don't actually have to do much, just take the drugs when they tell you to

Oh critter , the torment has just been relentless for you. It just seems too cruel that you are having to go through yet more waiting. It must compound the grief you are already going through. I honestly don't think it's a freezing thing, unfortunately I think it's probably a numbers game and the frigging laws of unfairness. But poor you and mrC, it must feel impossible right now but you know It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when for you two. It has just been the shittiest of years and I wish you hadn't been through it. X

Nelly- goodness you are starting. Ostrich is a good way of handling things. Have everything crossed for you.

Very quick post to say critter, I'm so sorry. You are amazing, and this is torment you don't need. But you are going to get there.

Joy, I hope the news is sinking in. Are you going to do a digi so you can see those words :)

I will be back tomorrow to post properly. There's so much I want to say to you all xx

Oh crap. Critter, I posted that on my phone and thought I was using the sad face :( but instead it was the face. I'm so sorry, that looks absolutely horrendous now I'm reading on my laptop. .

Just made the mistake of wandering into the 40+ thread, thinking I'd find solace. Instead it's full of people on their 5th child. Sigh.

Critter I am so sorry. I fully understand that a BFN is better than an mc. not only does that mean physical and emotional trauma, but also the lost time (I really resented my mc for the lost months before I could crack on with the next go). I agree with joy that I don't think it's a freezing problem. I read that statistically frozen cycles have slightly higher success rates, I guess because the ones that endure the freezing and thawing process are pretty hardy. I think it is just a numbers game. You are young and make great embies. You've had incredibly rough ride, but you will get there. Maybe the witch prediction will be right and October will be your month. The pup plan sounds like a good one in the meantime. Cute pets make even the worst times better.

Nelly things are really moving forward now! How exciting.

joy how are you feeling? Is it sinking in at all?

Oh critter, it's just not fair. You should have your baby and all this waiting is so cruel. I agree with everyone else that it's a numbers game and am convinced you will get there. Please be kind to yourself and do let yourself be sad. Lots of love x

critter - I'm so sorry. Big hugs.

critter I read your news and felt such sadness because I know how much of a blow it will have felt. Do you ever feel anger too? I have been quite shocked at the strength of emotion I've felt after ivf BFNs. I haven't felt anger like it since I was a tantruming child. It's short lived and then the sadness and then the flat feeling. It does feel better once you're doing another cycle so it's good you can get straight on with another one. I love your dog plan, are you set on getting a terrier type? PIL have a jack russel who is sometimes cute but she has a wind problem that they don't seem to notice and she is obsessed with getting up and licking faces which I don't like. pout do you have any little and big dog stories? They always make me smile.

joy I really do believe this is it for you. How are you doing?

nelly exciting about the Greek plans. Have you been matched with a donor now then?

rabbit Did you ever find out what went wring with the last donor? Will you go again soon?

I'm doing fine, although I'm peed off that I'd ovulated and we didn't get to do ec. It feels like I'm blocked at every turn. I so want to do next cycle but it depends on timing. I'm worried my hormones are doing strange things because my chin is covered in angry spots, making the paper bag option appealing.

My neighbours returned from honeymoon yesterday. I'm predicting bump within six months.

Hey everyone, thanks for being so kind and also telling me it's a numbers game. Made me feel a bit better.

Euro yes yes to the timing thing with miscarriages, it is infuriating. You're exactly right, resentment is what I felt about it, it adds insult to injury that the blasted miscarriage delays timings as well as putting one through huge stress and sadness.

Joy how are you doing?

Ray my love I am so hoping that the timing works for you this cycle. It'd be really good for your morale to get a round in. It does help being back on the conveyor belt. You will feel better when you're back on the horse so to speak.

I do have bursts of anger sometimes, connected with misery, when I think about how fucked up my story is or compare my reproductive history with most of my acquaintances. And when I think about James I am just so sad on his behalf that he didn't get a chance. But everything else in my life is so good and in every other way I have been ridiculously lucky. And distractions help.

Speaking of distractions. We are fostering a beagle mix next week while his current fosters are on holiday, to see how he does with us. His name is Doug.

Doug is a great name for a dog :) do you think he likes digging? On the numbers thing, don't they say that each egg transfer has a 20-30% chance? So you are still in line with that, and I think it's just very unlucky that you've had two in a row.

Oh critter, doug will be a great addition. I have met many people who have been brought so much joy and comfort by their dogs. Having someone else to focus on is also very therapeutic.
Your posts about James are just so poignant. It's just awful what you have been through. I hope you are well as can be expected.

Mrsd- it does seem like a relentless journey doesn't it but perhaps this cycle coming up will be the one. I was all mightily peeved when my cycle was cancelled in July but now I look at it perhaps it was a good thing. Perhaps your stars and moon are getting aligned.

Thanks for asking ladies. I am ok. Going to the loo is a nervy experience and I keep having flashbacks to previous times but I'm ever so grateful to get one more shot at this because I didn't see it coming. Just feels like I'm skating on very thin ice. But I just think of Euro the whole time (sorry euro to be creepy) and it gives me hope.

Critter Doug sounds ace, hope his little doggy holiday with you goes well. I'm not surprised about the anger, you must feel so cheated for you and for James, but i'm so glad you're able to also appreciate the amazing things you do have, that sounds impressively balanced.

Joy keep strong the next few days and weeks will be torturous i'm sure but then i do think there's no point in worrying - what will be will be now, you're doing all the right things so you may as well try to relax and enjoy being PUPO!

Ray i wonder if the spots came from the trigger? hormones always do funny things to my skin. its so frustrating that your follie jumped the gun. i do think there has been a bit of a theme on this thread of people being sensitive to being given hormones - maybe we are a sensitive bunch!

joy that's not creepy at all. I love that my tough times can give someone hope as they live through theirs.

ray I'd put it down to stress.

critter I hope we will have lots of photos on t'other place. I hope you will have lots of fun doggy stories like pout's. :)

You have such a great outlook on life. I struggle not to be negative and I really admire how you are dealing with the awful luck that has come your way.

cos how are things with you?

I went to see new Chinese doc and am starting some more herbs and acupuncture. Feels good to be doing something extra and without any expectations, only if trying to get as healthy as possible and putting off thinking about ivf until after Xmas.

Without giving away what else I've been doing this week, I have been reflecting on how good it feels to tackle a problem in another non ttc related area of life and make positive progress in something. Had a bit of a breakthrough this week in something work wise which I thought was quite fixed.

How's everyone else doing. Joy how are you feeling? Muddy have you starting meds? Hope you all have nice weekends.