TTC way longer than 10 months past & present

[joycep]

A group of lovely ladies who've seen it all

nelly you want to go live with the neighbours actually I lived in their backyard for a bit and I quite liked it, although I would never tell them that anyway you won't have time for that as Athens is the ticket for you :) I hope you get to go before Christmas

critter do you have a transfer date, sorry about the sadness, it must cross your mind about 'what if' and how you imagined these times with James in your life, I always wanted to be pregnant by my next due date as I thought it would help me cope better, big hugs

joy wow to shooting up on the m25, I had intralipids on EC day but that was just how it worked out, I think some do it 10 days before transfer, I don't think the a day here or there makes much difference, good luck for your scan tomorrow

ray has AF arrived for you to start this cycle, I think its bad news for the Panda, only a 36 hour window to get jiggy brings a new meaning to pressure

fox I am so sorry that you are still so low, I cannot believe the way you have been treated by the clinic. It will take time to recover from it all, are you still planning to cycle after Christmas

cos sorry about AF arriving :(

Ok no panics, it was just the growth hormone which I am taking. For some reason they say 12mg when it's not.
Scan showed not much activity. Nothing going on on my left side and a couple on the right which are very small. I am nearly on max dosage as well. Menopur isn't doing what fostimon and merinol did. I have kind of felt with my cyst and delayed AF and my body not liking downregging that this cycle would be a bust. I always felt the argc were right to have me on the flare protocol. Ah well, perhaps fewer means better quality. Ha ha.

it's still early days Joy. There's plenty of time for growth and I do think it's true that fewer eggs probably means better quality. I'm impressed at your high speed stabbing.

Cos, I was thinking about you and I can't believe the septum was a red herring so I'm sure that you're in a much better place to get pregnant now it's been removed. Do you think you will try naturally for a bit longer or go for ivf?

Rabbit, of course you've not been in a good place. Not at all surprising considering all the drugs and the shit of the donor cycle that never happened. Have you got a new plan together?

Nelly, very exciting about the Athens plan and the moving abroad one. Each time I go back to the UK I come back thinking I would never move back. It feels like everything is very child centred and I find it much harder to escape when I'm there. MIL took us out for afternoon tea and the tearoom was full of mums and babies and toddlers. It really ruined it for me. Screaming babies and snotty toddlers and over loud parenting wasn't the atmosphere I was after. And of course we got sat next to a smug nct group with their newborns. I would suggest choosing your new county based on the birth rate. We live somewhere with a low birth rate and I really do think it makes a difference. It's not at all unusual to be a women without children and generally people don't question it. I've always loved the UK but I must admit I feel more negative each time I go back.

I heard from a friend that another friend is pregnant. It was a real kick in the gut feeling when I heard. Actually, I had a big cry once I was on my own. This friend was the one who had been trying for a long time but she upset me last year when she told me she thought ivf was wrong and disgusting and she'd never do it. So, I don't know whether they did do it or got lucky but hearing their news even though they were long termers has really affected me. I think because I realise that even long termers can manage it, but it's never me!

We went to a party and some stupid old cow saw me take a glass of wine and then turned to mil and said in a voice so I could hear "oh, so there's not going to be an announcement soon then? What a shame. I bet you're getting so inpatient now cackle, cakle". MIL bless her just gave her a death stare and I walked off and avoided her the rest of the evening. DH's cousin was there with his wife, they've been married about the same time as us and also don't have children. I saw in her something I see in myself. She was quiet, and completely silent when conversation turned to children or babies. She talked about her cats a lot :) and also their exotic holidays. I did wonder what their story is.

You know when you need AF to turn up because you want to start a cycle but it decides to mess you about? Well, that's happening to me. I really wanted to get the natural cycle ivf out of the way before end of sept, that was possible if AF was on time. I'm now on CD35 and no sign. I have had cycles this long before so not massively unusual and it's not sending me to POAS. I suspect the cyst is back and messing things up. A normal person would probably have poas but I don't have any in and I have no reason to think it would be positive. I just know it's because I needed AF to come so the gods see fit to ruin everything, again.

Nelly that sounds fab. I'd love to live abroad again. But I get the feeling that Athens will work out for you and you and the mini-nel and your hobbles will stay put.

joy I am in awe of your injecting skills. I did one half cut once (so pissed off with the process I went out for a couple of drinks and was a complete lightweight by that point) which felt a bit like injecting in a moving vehicle, but I've never actually done it!

I never got big numbers (never tried to because I didn't want the heavy drugs) and I got there. Don't be discouraged. IOTO.

fox and cos I'm not surprised you've been struggling a bit recently. You've both had the most extraordinarily rough rides.

ray what an insensitive cah. Some people just don't have the brains they are born with.

How is centime, euro? She looks to be doing really well judging by the photos. Is your scar healing ok? I know you were worried about this before the section.

Cd36, I expected to wake up to af but there was no sign of it this morning so I stupidly allowed my thoughts to run ahead of me and had a glimmer of what if this is the miracle? I even bought a pee stick. i gave myself a talking to and decided to save the stick until tomorrow morning. Just went to the loo and here she is. If she'd have turned up on time then I wouldn't have felt sad but the lateness allowed hope to creep in and now I feel stupid, of course this wouldn't happen to me because these things don't happen to me only to other people. I'm also fretting about what a long cycle means, is it a sign I am screwed up? Why suddenly throw in a long cycle right before a natural cycle? I'm fed up of all this. Definitely in the tent right now.

ray I am so sorry to hear you are so sad. And how irritating about AF. But. Today is the start of a new cycle, and one which will provide valuable information and maybe the golden embie. Your body may react differently when it is not being pumped full of drugs. euro is our lucky mascot on natural rounds, and gin's frozen cycle was effectively a natural round too as it was unmedicated. As euro said to joy, IOTO. I am tightly holding your paw. Also that woman sounds like an idiot.

fox sweetpea I am so sorry to hear you've been in the black pit. It is great that you're doing things to feel better but given what you've been through, it's more than expected that you are suffering right now. There is so much pain that you've had to go through. I think you're managing this with extraordinary grace, and doing so well. I know there is no choice but to get through it, but you are getting through it, with your relationship and your beautiful spirit surviving. And that is huge. You should be really proud of yourself. Huge hug.

euro Centime is so cute. I hope you're doing ok and getting some rest, it sounds pretty relentlessly exhausting.

joy it is still v early days with the stimming and remember that doll only ended up with one, and it turned into her beautiful little boy. You hang in there - you're doing really well and you're on the conveyor belt now. I know the fear is self protection, but there is every reason this could be the lucky round. Tight squeeze.

cos so sorry about the tears. I can't deal with events with lots and lots of small children so I just avoid them, I think you did really well to go. I know about the pity, pity sucks. Are you still in touch with the consultants that you saw a few months ago? Did you have a follow up planned with them in a few months? It is interesting that bunny said it takes several months for most 'normals'. I do think the septum must have been causing problems and it's good that it's been removed. You have a few more natural cycles and then you can throw everything at it again. I'm cheering you on, although I know you must be sick and tired of this BS.

buzz thanks for checking in. I don't have a transfer date - my next scan is next week on Wednesday. I'll have been taking the oestrogen tablets for nearly 3 weeks then, which seems strangely long, but that's what the doctor recommended apparently. So I guess maybe the transfer will be five days after that. The days are dragging.

pout hope you're doing ok. Thinking of you.

critter beautiful photo of you on the other place, it does seem long but they supposedly know their stuff, maybe transfer might be earlier ??

Aw thanks buzzy. I think transfer would be 5 days after next scan as I assume they will need to tell me to start taking progesterone for 5 days before the transfer and I'm still only on oestrogen. But am fretting a little, especially as I have had some womble cramps. I might email the nurse to double check the date (although I think she thinks I am crazy). How are you doing? Work going ok? Have you got any trips coming up?

Ray sending you a huge hug. We've all been there and the hope really slaps your face. But I think I'd rather have some hopeful days than permanent despondency. That is a decision I made last round and in spite of the ending, I felt happier day to day believing it might work? How are you today?

Joy how's it going? I think that growth hormone is going to make some juicy egglets. Have you had another scan?

Did you ring the clinic critter?

Can anyone help with this. I've had quite sharp period pains for about six days now but no sign if anything - it's four weeks since my withdrawal bleed from the drugs. I'm clearly worried my womb has a growth or is ruined. I do sometimes get pre cramping but not as distinct or for as long as this. Does anyone else? I keep running to the loo tampon in hand, they're unmistakable af cramps.

ray thank you for asking. She seems to be doing really well. No weigh in this week as the midwife forgot to bring scales, but she is filling her tiny baby (as opposed to premmie - which she has now outgrown) clothes better than last week, so I assume she is continuing to chunk up nicely. It's only when I see other newborns I remember that she is still extra tiny (at 7 weeks old, smaller than most babies at birth).

I'm sorry this cycle has messed you around. Maybe the monitoring for the natural cycle will shed some light on what your body is doing. This natural cycle may hold your golden egg. I'll be cheering you on all the way.

critter I agree - the photos of you on t'other place are stunning. There's no harm in checking the timing. Who cares what the nurse thinks? She is not the one putting herself through the IVF mill.

fox dare I ask if you have POAS? I had cramps around AF time with both my BFPs. Even if there is no BFP, your womb won't be ruined. It'll just be your body settling down after being put through so much.

joy how are you doing?

cos are you feeling better?

critter agree with euro, I'd call and check, it won't harm things if they scan you on Monday or before just to see what is happening, I'm not back at work yet, there are new commissioners so new ideas etc, not sure what i'll be going back to, we are going to the Isle of Wight soon :)

fox I think it will take your body time to readjust to all the mucking about it has had, could the clinic scan you if you are worried next still??

Fox – in my research during my awol AF, i found that a lot of people had delayed periods for several months after a drug round. I was having strong cramping for about 4 days but the period didn’t arrive for another 6 days after cramps stopped.. I would think it’s your body trying to get back to normal. Your womble will not be ruined. Do you remember what you said to me and what the doctor said to me....it’s body confusion.

Euro – so pleased to hear that centime is filling out. how is the sleeping at the moment? Also thank you for reminding me that you only had a few embies.

Critter – not long now. And i’m sure the nurse doesn’t think you are crazy. Although I’m pretty sure my file has ‘Neurotic’ stamped all over it. But these nurses should understand especially after everything you have been through.

Ray – i’m so sorry about af and being that late and giving you that false hope. It’s impossible for it not to creep in and we have all been there. Anyway at least you didn’t use the stick...and you can use it for another time. And what a horrible woman at the party....gees some people. You should have poured that wine over her head. Does your MiL know about your situation. I’m glad she death stared her. And interesting about your DH’s cousins...it sounds like they are in a similar boat. And sorry to hear about your friend is pregnant. I remember how awful that woman made you feel when she told you what she thought of ivf.

So slow movement on my scan today, most are no bigger than last time. Bad news is that one has run ahead which they don’t want – let’s hope the others catch up. I’m on the milk again as the growth hormone obviously isn’t doing its thang. . I don’t know, we can only but see I guess. Next scan in a few days. But I spoke to the nurse and she gave me a few positive stories which I shall pass on. She said that you just never can tell. She has worked a long time in fertility clinics and they were shown a picture of 4 embryos and were asked to pick the one that became a baby. Well the 3 perfect looking embryos all had Trisomies and the fragmented untidy looking one turned in to a baby. And then a 40 year old woman had terribly poor embryos and the doc decided to put 3 back. The doc was saying to this nurse how terrible the quality was...well you can guess what happened...triplets. So you just never can tell. I shall keep saying that. xx

That's exactly what our doctor told us, joy. He said that poor embryos often turn out to be the live births and perfect embryos don't.

Joy, I had a runaway follie on my last round with the mild stimms. One more made a late charge to catch up with it and they managed to find two more mature eggs at EC. There were loads more follies - I've never had a problem on that score- but mine mature. One of those 4 is now squirming away on my lap.

Sleep is not a big part of my life at the moment and it's hard but her little face makes it worth it.

Joy I suspect that's what's going on. But I'm pretty sure I ovd two weeks ago with ewcm, temp shift (I can't help it) and ov pain. But it's only today I'm wondering what's happening, euro you planted a seed also my feet are swollen today and yesterday, I thought it was old lady menopause foot disorder. Realistic option is late, extra padded period womble. Outside lame runner is a miracle bfp. Ha ha! I would fall down in a pile of shock. Will keep carrying the tampons. It's nice to be unemotionally invested. A period is good, body getting back to normal. No period is intriguing. It's good to have thread intrigue

Fox I have had period pains too, despite being pre transfer. I think IVF and drugs just screw with your system so it doesn't know which way is up or down. I'd call if you're worried.

Joy I will be sending your follies good thoughts. Lovely to hear about the difficulty in spotting a good embie. There's so much we don't know. Do you know when EC is likely to be?

Euro thanks for the advice. I asked the clinic and they reiterated the 10th being my next check. Then I asked them about periody cramps I've been having and they asked when my last period was (there is no chance I would have ovulated, I'm the world's world ovulator) and said I could come in on Monday for monitoring if it 'made me feel better'. Am embracing the neuroses and going to go in.

Go for the scan critter. Take all that's on offer I say. I bet the days are dragging for you. Come on twibling time.

Joy, I had a front runner too. I ended up with some overripe ones but there were some that were ok, although bviously not the golden egg.

Rabbit. Ivf left me with all sorts of womble pains. Might be worth Poas though of you're feeling brave. I feel a bit stupid for even buying a stick, what was I thinking?

I'm in a bit of a hovel today. Bedtime and wine festival tomorrow to lift my spirits

Lovely ray. You've had an awful week. Some of your sadness will be being exacerbated by AF hormones. I am hoping that this is the first week of your pregnancy, officially. But wine and baths and feeling sad are good too. Love to you sweet girl.

Me too ray, that is a lovely thought to take to the festival. Mmm a wine festival I don't actually remotely think there is diffage. It's nice to daydream though. What's a pee stick?! But you're not silly for buying one. Where's there a womb and sperm there's a way. Every single month it could happen for you, you read about it all the time. I've weed on sticks mid period!

I like that critter :) first day of my pregnancy. Sadly, I know the chance of pregnancy from a natural cycle ivf is extremely low so I'm focusing on it hopefully giving us some info rather than a baby.

Fox, I must try and get a photo of our lovely hare one day so you can compare to yours. He is in our garden most mornings, he looks so wise. Are the pains in the middle or ovary type ones? I keep getting ovary twinges hence my menkulling about a cyst. First scan is booked for the 15th so I'll find out then what's going on.

My best friend is pregnant with her second and dh has just found our his dh's wife is also having their second. We've reduced contact with both of them I feel quite sad to think we are not really close any more. I do try but we just don't have much in common, I suppose that's life.

Hovel dwelling is still quite appealing. Every now and again I feel a sense of desperation, like time is running away and we are getting nowhere. I wish I didn't view our chances so negatively, but it feels like options are disappearing too now we know ivf isn't the simple answer.

Oh ray this whole thing bloody sucks and it's hard to keep positive that things will work out. You are still very young in this game though and whilst none of us deserve to serve any more time here, there is time for you to figure this out. And I do believe for you that this will be puzzled through. This could be your unexpected win round, less drugs happier body or it could give essential info for future rounds. I have every faith you'll get there lovely. The cramps are unmistakably womb located. Pretty sure my period will arrive over the weekend, it's the right time since ov signs. But then I thought maybe my body will have a hard time bouncing back from downregging given that's it's permanently a bit hormonally challenged. I hope it hasn't accelerated meno processes.

Thanks for that rabbit. I think I'm wallowing a bit, af induced no doubt. You're right though, but I don't feel like I have time. I feel tired of all this.

I think ivf drugs muck the body around. Even after the frozen round which was fairly drug light, I still had strange rumblings. I'm much more aware of what's ovary and womble too whereas before I'd have just thought I had a bit of tummy ache.

I think the time thing is a truth, even at 37 I know I've got bags of time to be a mum (probably skewed because of donor and the age of mums where I work) but I just don't WANT to spend any more time on this. The hormones do put a veil of grey over things so bet you feel loads better in a day or two.

Just popping in quickly to say so sorry to read of the hole dwelling and inevitable sadness.

fox I'm not surprised that you haven't been ok, seeing what you went through. I still can't believe what happened to you and the hormonal crash on top of all the smashed hope must be awful. I don't know if it's any comfort, but even pre ivf, I used to get several days and even sometimes a week of pre period pain. It used to worry me a bit but I got it so frequently and also when I was young, that I'm fairly certain it didn't mean anything, other than a ripe womble lining getting ready to be flushed out! I also got it during my successful cycle, just saying...

ray the months when I let myself have a glimmer of hope, were always the hardest. Stupid cruel AF. I was wondering if you'd been ill at all during the last month? I had a 41 day cycle the month I'd had the flu. I did the FET next month, and things were back to normal.

joy I too had a front runner that they think turned into a cyst during the ivf cycle that produced baby G, so it certainly doesn't mean all is lost! My follicles were also slow growers. I'm so hopeful for you and think this less intensive approach will be kinder on your body (and soul!). I love your nurse's stories, and as you know, ginster was the 'worst' quality embie on day 3 post EC. I do think they know sweet FA about embryo quality really and most of it's guess work.

critter time must be passing so slowly for you, lovely girl. Your pics in the other place are just stunning ( as ever!). I hope you are managing to find a way through the days until ET and have everything very tightly crossed for you.

nellie I love the forrin plans, but don't think you'll need them! Kalimera Athens! I'd planned a big fuck off bankrupting trip to the other side of the world if all had failed, before looking into adoption.

cos hang in there lovely lady. Bunny had wise words about it taking several months for 'normals' to conceive. I really do believe this can and will happen for you. Do you have any more contraband progesterone?!

Big luffs to pout and everyone else. fox you are totally right about having time to have a child. I know once I started ttc in my earlyish 30s, I wanted one immediately, but there was still oodles of time realistically. One lady, a first time parent, at our nct classes was 50! She'd used DE and was a very happy and lovely mum.

Hi ladies

Hope everyone is having an ok weekend and ray hope the wine festival was fun. It's a beautiful sunny day here, and the weather has cooled off a bit. I spent the morning making maple sugar meringues and going for a fancy coffee with MrC and am now procrastinating working on an essay for my masters.

fox thanks for the reminder about age. I am 35 this year and although I sometimes rage at the unfairness of having 'started' TTC at 31 and still being here, I also know that given where I live, I do have time still. It's totally just being sick of this swallowing up time and mental energy, as you say. I have found doing my course has been helpful in that regard because it means that this time is not totally 'wasted', I do feel like I'm using my life in trying to do creative things and learn about the world. I know you are artsy and craftsy and love your yoga and I hope that is helping a tiny tiny bit in giving a chink of relief. I still can't believe the awful luck you've had.

gin it's so nice for you to come in and say hello, I love how our grads continue to post and we really are like a little family of battle-scarred survivors. I love the picture of ginster on t'other place. I also really like to hear how they don't know about embryo quality as it helps me to trust and realise how little control we have over all of this.

ray will EC be next week?

joy how are you doing?

I have been worrying away because I'm having uterine cramps and I haven't had my transfer yet. I did have the cramps on and off last month before I started the oestrogen tablets, so hopefully it's just leftover crampiness from my mc (although that was 2 months ago). I think I just need to trust and know that there's bugger all that can be done and who knows what the magic formula is. Am partly thinking I should just skip the Monday scan and save the $30 co-pay to spend on clothes, as it's not like there's anything they'll be able to tell me that I won't hear on Weds.