TTC after MC; hand holding, hugs and lots of things that can JTFO!

[Treaclepie19]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

Hello ladies.

I haven't posted on here for a while but just wanted to say hello to you all,and let you know that I am still lurking. :)

Ah hope I'm so glad you're starting to accept the pregnancy and maybe step by step you can start to let yourself enjoy it too.

Ladies, I know it's early on a Monday but I need a huge fish slap over here. 9dpo over here and convinced myself I'm most definitely, absolutely not pregnant. Poas yesterday (why???) which was of course bfn. I'm planning on doing a frer tomorrow at 10dpo as that's when we found out last time but I have no symptoms at all. I've spent the morning interrogating DH about if he can remember if I had any symptoms before or after we found out last time. Going a wee bad mad over here!!

Happy Monday. Let's hope this week is filled with good news xx

Morning everyone - just a quick sticking of my head in to say that I've had my scan and saw a healthy little blob with a big fat heartbeat. Such a relief! 12 week scan booked for mid-September.

Hope everyone's doing ok?

Good morning - Boozle that is great news - you must be so relieved!
Sebs how are you feeling today? We all have our down days, this ttc stuff is just so relentless at times. Maybe it would be worth having a month off so you can focus on other things for a few weeks? Or at least take some time to do things for yourself without constantly worrying about what day of your cycle it is, etc. It's all too easy to become completely obsessed with this stuff!
I should take my own advice really, I am 13 dpo according to my fertility app. I POAS this morning but it was a BFN. I have no pregnancy symptoms, but I don't have any PMT symptoms either which is unusual for me. However I am trying to look at the positives - my cycle seems to have lengthened (I was down to 20-25 days!) so that is a good thing. Maybe finally getting back to normal! The downside is that I have now only got one opportunity to get a BFP before my due date. That is a really depressing thought. I really did think we would have managed it by now

boozle thats lovely news, you must be so relieved.

im still getting a little dark blood when I wipe and my lower abdomen feels a bit crampy so ive convinced myself that its bad news just waiting for my scan on wednesday. I think its just easier to think the worst than to go into the scan thinking everythings ok, I suppose its a coping strategy

Oh smiley I'm so sorry the discharge hasn't gone, I pray it's something and nothing and you get reassurance on Wednesday. I did the same as you, assumed the worst and hoped for the best and it certainly helped me deal with it. Massive hugs and FX for you xx

Thanks Office, things not good at all here I'm afraid. Massive fall out with OH last night over sex and his attitude towards TTC and we are not talking now. He is a good man and really doesn't deserve my histrionics, but here we are, it's something that's happening and we just have to roll with it.

I think I am frighteningly close to not having sex with him for a VERY long time ever again so I think the having some time off from TTC will fit in rather nicely with that. I feel unattractive and old and am sick of begging for sex when I have other people who would actually rather like to have sex with me and it wouldn't involve an arm behind their back and a gun to the temple.

Anyway that's my rant for today, don't think I have ovulated as had EWCM yesterday and CBFM is still reading High with sticks that look Low. Least the 2ww will be pain free as usually in counting down days till I can test, instead I'm just cd15 - bliss.

Fingers crossed for those testing this week xx

Great news Boozle, what a nice way to start the week!

Fx you'll get some good news at your scan too smiling.

Oh sebs, I'm sorry things are so bad with your DH at the moment. It is so hard when you've been trying for as long as we have. I would gladly not have sex again for a year!! Last night I thought we should get back in the saddle for this cycle, but once again it was me having to make the first move, and I just though fuck it, I'm not due to ov for another week and I can't be arsed with this anymore! Then I spent half the night wide awake being angry with myself, DH and the whole situation... it all sucks.

Oh sebs am so sorry you’re having a tough time. If its any consolation, and am aware it probably isn’t, you are not alone. I have felt exactly the same way and DP and I have fallen out over dtd countless times since we started ttc. I think we are conditioned by society to think men should always be gagging for it so when they’re not, and we feel like we’re pestering them to shag us its no wonder our confidence takes a knock. I’ve never felt so unsexy as trying to cajole DP upstairs to bed and him saying he’d rather watch Match of the Day. It is very difficult to deal with and accept.

However, in my more rational moments, I try and remember that a) he does fancy me and want to have s@x, just not all the time and on demand and b) it is harder for them. Despite all our talk about Oscar worthy performances, we can kind of fake it, even if we’re not really in the mood, whereas they can’t. Sorry if we are getting into TMI territory here! But I don’t think I could orgasm on demand if I wasn’t in the mood in the first place. I guess what I am trying to say is, be kind to yourself. You and DH will make it up and I’m sure you have lots of excellent shagging ahead of you, ttc-ing or not ttc-ing.

Sometimes thinking you’re out of the running makes the 2ww easier., although I know full well the low level panic of time running out that goes with being slightly ‘older’. Just remember, you have gotten pregnant before and so there’s every chance in the world that you will get pregnant again. Big hugs.

Bless you both for taking the time to write those posts *wipes tear. It does help and it does make me feel less alone.

Monten there is indeed nothing more unsexy than trying to force a partner to have sex and you are totally right about it being more difficult for the man as they have to be in the mood to get it up. I totally get it and work my arse off to pull out the stops to help, it just pisses me off when he says one thing, then two hours later looks at me like I'm insane when I assume we are going to have sex - because, doh, that's what we agreed earlier.

He can honestly fuck the fuck off now. I am so cross with the whole thing that is he brings his knob anywhere near me in the next two weeks I an liable to snap it off.

at snapping DH’s knob off sebs.

sunbathing I think technically, a MC resets the clock with regards the 6 month wait, so they might tell you to wait six months post MC before they will start any investigations. However, I really think it depends on the doctor and some (sympathetic) ones will start proceedings earlier. If you want to I would just make an appointment see what they say. I haven’t been through this personally but know people who have and as far as I know the process is: they will offer you a blood test to check base line hormones are fine. They will then offer a 21 day ovulation test – not sure of specifics but essentially they do blood test at a specific time in your cycle to check if you are ovulating. If all of these are normal, your DH will be invited to give a sperm sample. And then if all of them are normal, and it has still been six months, you will get a referral to the fertility clinic.

I understand your frustrations, I have now been ttc no. 1 for 18 months, although have had two losses in that time. I started TTC-ing when I was 35 and am now 37, just feels incredibly unfair. If I don’t get a positive OPK at next cycle I might book an appointment – I think people who have had a MC should get extra tests just for reassurance everything is working again more than anything. Good luck

My GP surgery, two diff doctors have refused me any tests whatsoever. After I was trying 6 months I toddled off up there assuming they would offer me the 3 and 21 day tests, he said nope. The only way he would offer me tests is if I self referred to an IVF clinic with a view is self funding fertility treatment. Lovely.

I was really pissed off about it to be honest, then fell pregnant and so thought 'well that answers the am I ovulating question? lol' obviously had the mc and then three months later had the non viable pregnancy.

Different doctor, still as disinterested. I am showing him a faint test and my worries re ectopic as i tested positive after my period. He is telling me I am not pregnant. So eventually he agrees to do bloods, then we have the farce of him telling me I am 1-2 weeks pregnant and congratulations, and me telling him I am not viably pregnant as my numbers are too low to be as far along as I would be (at the time around 4-5 weeks). He tells me i am only 1-2 weeks and all is well. I said the only way I was 1-2 weeks is if sex had stopped causing pregnancy and instead Christianity had nominated my womb for their future king. This carried on for weeks until he fucked off on holiday and my body hit the memo I wasn't pregnant after all.

So my doctors are hopeless, however I have heard wonderful things about other doctors. It's always worth a visit and you may be surprised and get a lovely sympathetic one.

You know after avoiding the gym for a week as I felt really knackered last week. I went back this morn to do two classes and two women I chat to came up to me independently to say how slim I looked. I have totally failed on my diet after losing 7lb and am tentatively trying 5:2. So it's really made me feel better, one even said I looked positively skinny. Well fuck me lol, that's a first!!!

Sebs your dr sounds awful, they don't seem very empathetic at all. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, it has to get easier at some point.

Feeling pretty rubbish today, although I had another flashing smiley so initially I was happy. Then I thought that what if my flashing smileys go on for weeks and I keep pressuring DH to DTD, then we do it too much and the quality of his swimmers is down to 0 by the time I actually ovulate? I hate this not knowing so much, I know you all understand and I'm trying not to complain it's just really emotionally battering me right now. When we conceived DS we DTD every day for a week and a half, when I conceived last month we'd only done it the day before a positive OPK. I just don't know what to do.

The second thing is that a few months ago we promised SIL some of our old baby things which we didn't mind lending, they were going to pass it back when we decided to have DC2. I've been fine with this until this week, I only miscarried last week and we've had to get all of DS's baby things from the loft - it's all outside my bedroom now and everytime I go upstairs I just cry. There is everything, boxes full of newborn babygros and vests, little hats and mitts, car seat, bouncy seat - it's just too much. I have to sort it all out so it's not like I can't look at it. DH feels pretty much the same but he's far more objective and level headed than me. It's just the timing.

My friend is also the same amount of pregnant as I would have been too, I just feel so alone and empty. Of course I don't resent my friend or my SIL, they've both been through the ttc crap themselves and they've come out of the other side. I just hope I do too, I know I have managed to conceive I'm just not convinced that I can hold on to it.

Bad day I think, I need to pick myself up and start again tomorrow. I think it's harder because I can't tell anyone IRL how I feel. Two friends know, but I haven't told them I'm struggling or that I'm trying again straight away. I don't like admitting that I feel weak and out of control. Sorry for the moan, I just need to get it out.

So, DTD every day or every other day?

Tori can I ask, were you also strict on your down days? I am not binging by any means and go to the gym most days, but today started well and ended with pizza so I'm concerned I won't lose weight without being strict the test of the week too.

Oh boozle that's wonderful news! I'm so pleased for you!

smiling is it dark brown? If so, possibly still old blood? Hoping your scan goes well this week and you get the reassurance you deserve.

sebs I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad day. And also your GP sounds like a complete tit!

Thanks sunbathing I'll happy issue out some fish slaps too (while secretly urging others to test early like me!!)

blink it's so hard to know what to do re timing of dtd isn't it? Unless DH has a lower count you should be fine to dtd every day or eod from what I've read?

FRER out of the box and ready for tomorrow. I got my last BFP at 10dpo but I know it's still quite early. Spent this evening squinting at the ic poas from last night convincing myself there's a faint line but of course it's either nothing or an evap! Have warned DH I'm poas tomorrow so he knows to be prepared for the onslaught of emotion whatever the outcome.

Woke at 6am, tested and BFN. Gutted. Now sat here blotchy faced after a good hour crying on DH whilst trying to get ready for work. This is so shit. My baby was taken from me and all I want is to be pregnant again and I can't even control that. Clinging on to the fact that's it's still only 10dpo but in my heart I know I'm out this month.

Oneday {huge hugs} first of all. Second of all we having a saying in here, and that is you're not out till the witch arrives. So try and keep your chin up darling. It always amazes me how much calmer I feel on cd1 of a new cycle, it's the end if an old cycle that feels the worst. How many days till you expect AF to arrive?

Oh OneDay I'm so so sorry. Seeing a BFN is just heartbreaking. Especially when you really felt like you were. Please don't lose all hope, I know you got a BFP last time at 10DPO but every pregnancy is different and it really is very early to test. Remember Hope, she didn't get her BFP until after AF was due.

Can you stay at home today? I find after a good cry I am so exhausted and emotional all day.

Blink am so sorry you are having a tough time too. Gosh, that must be so hard, sorting through all that baby stuff. I find all pregnant ladies are hard but ones that look as far along as I would have been are just the hardest. And now I'm on the lookout for tiny newborns too.

I know its so hard for us all - I'm just trying to keep on, keeping on. Accepting this is a shit time and just trying to get through it as best I can. Don't expect too much of yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Keep the faith. Your body has managed to do it before and will do it again. It's the only thing that is getting me through

Morning

oneday im sorry you got a BFN but like sebs said your not out until the witch arrives, I didnt get my BFP this time until 4 days after my period was due last time I got one at 9dpo.

the discharge has stopped at last and my morning sickness has got worse so thats got to be a good sign, right?

blink weve just moved house which meant having to face the baby bits we bought last time, even though it was just to move it from one loft to another I was really upset, I cant imagine lending it to anyone else so big hugs from me x

Hi all.
Just hopping back on as the thread fell off my 'I'm on' list.

Thanks sebs and monten AF is due Sunday (17th) so there's still time but I'm not hopeful.

Made it in to work and the mini-meltdown this morning has helped. Haven't had a good old cry for a couple of weeks so I think it was needed. DH was lovely and ever the level headed/rational one.

I know that it's still early days, I've only had one AF since the MMC but it's just so hard. And I know that getting a BFP now unfortuantely will not always result in a baby which is utterly shite.