New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Ooh!! Effin!! Eeeek!!! (It's much easier for me to be fully excited for you but I also know how scary this is)
:-)
X

Effin Congratulations!! Would say 'try to relax and not worry too much' but probably bit pointless.

Ha ha! Love buying tampaz abroad!!

Yeah, it sucks a bit to spend 2.5 years praying for a BFP and to now get them OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN when I need them to fuck off so I can (hopefully get diffed again). Ah well.

Enjoy your good news!

Good news Effin! I get where you're coming from on the guilt and fear though. I actually got in contact with a hypnotherapist today because I just can't deal with The Fear - I really want to enjoy being pg but instead I'm feeling really shit. Isn't it total bollocks?!

Come and join me in 'Totally Shitting It' corner?

By the way - sense about science says less carbs. But I LOVE carbs and I love eating and I love gin and I am stick to fucking death of trying to create a perfect home for a baby to live in (it's far from perfect by the way - I'm only on day 2 of the much needed diet) when I Know that everyone around me is fat and drunk and high and eating shit and not even really wanting a kid and still they get diffed in a fuckin instant (these are people I often work with) I would be a really good mum, I could give a kid a really good life - so how come all the people who can't do that keep getting pregnant when I don't?? Why why why why why is this so fuckin unjust (and not just to me but mainly to the kids who keep getting born to people who don't really want them)

Arrrrghhhhh!!

Oh and if people don't stop randomly asking me when I'm gonna have a kid I'm going to punch them. Very hard. In the face.
(Still excited for the BESH diffed - you guys count in the 'you have really earnt this" crew)

Wooohooo Effin!!! Cashback!!! Did you do anything different this month we can all fervently copy? Chuffed to bits for you, so none of this guilty talk.

cunty a dear friend of mine who just had her much longed for PFB after years ttc and donor egg IVF used hypnotherapy techniques and in fact now has her own little practice offering it for fertility! She sweats by it.

Blue what you just wrote is basically the perma-soundtrack inside my head 24/7. What the hell did I used to think about before ttc?

I have a really shaky index finger. If I hover it over my phone keyboard it does a fairly good impression of a woodpecker.

Thanks Rain, it's just shit isn't it. I work with occasional child protection cases which is the shittest job in the whole wide world when you are ttc.

You know, I naively never factored this being a part of my life plan. I just genuinely had no idea if could be this tough (not helped by everyone I know being an instadiff - including my mum with me - first week having come off the pill, first Dtd and she was pregnant with me. A real part of me thought that was how it worked)

Ok big girl pants on - stop my whinging and carry on. I'm not even trying again this month so I have no right to complain
By the way Effin - I really am excited for you here :-D

Well done Effin that's excellent news! Horribly jealous obvs, so to avoid this I shall rub myself around your ankles instead and hope the embie sticking aura rubs off on me as well .

Did anyone else watch the news yesterday and the joyful announcement about women who were having their children taken into care straight after birth? Some women had had as many as FIFTEEN CHILDREN EACH?!?!?!?! Seriously??? This is proof that karma doesn't work. Women who are utterly incapable of looking after children they couldn't give a shit about are popping them out like smarties whilst we go through all this bollocks for what?? The hope against hope that it might just happen so we can grow just one precious little life.

That's exactly what I mean!! Shaking fist with you Fab (and accidently punching some people if they get too close to the first shakes)

Oh yes Rain - what's this shakey digit all about? Is it just the finger or the whole hand? Are you feeling a little low on the blood sugar levels?

It's just the one finger! I think I was pushing the cheese too hard (fnarr) while grating it.

I did hear that news fab and silently raged over it! As my finger is at it anyway, I shall shake it along with yours and blues fists.

cheers hags, but it's a long way to go yet.
fab ta for ankle rubs, hope you're purring too
don't think we did anything different, must just be random lightning luck.
cunty I am def staking out a place in shitting it corner
I'm shaking my tiny fist at the world too. It's so frustrating when life is completely unfair and we have so little control.

Well how's about this for a lucky streak?! Effin so pleased for you. Please no guilt...The Fear is bad enough so don't add to it with guilt too. We all deserve to know the happiness of a bfp even if it is shortly followed by fear and a long stint in shitting it corner. Can I still hover in this corner for a bit longer please?

I join you in the fist shaking. I didn't see that/read about that but it's giving me the rage just thinking about it. I honestly don't know how you cope in your working life Blue if you see cases like that all the time. I've had peripheral contact with the issue through my work and it always made me feel sad in general without having to deal with any specific cases. In another life I may have wanted to become a health visitor or a social worker but with 2.5 + years ttc under my belt I know I would've ended up on sick leave with depression.

Don't know if this will work on the phone but I'll give it a go... m.bbc.co.uk/news/education-27943591
Just for a bit of morning rage.

It's sickening Fab. My parents were foster carers for years so I saw it first hand.

erica hope you see someone and get sorted, keep us posted.

efiin!! congrats. Hope you can calm the menkul. Are you going to try and get an early scan?

blue tell me about it. 2.5 years here as well of sensible living, very little alcohol and living my life around ttc. It's fucking frustrating. It'd all be worth it for a baby, but there's no guarantee that will ever actually happen.

rain have you calmed your shaky finger yet?

I'm trying not to obsess over recurrent miscarriage investigations, where I can get them (I've only had 2 so NHS not interested) and how much they cost.... If I could get pg naturally then fine, I could put it down to bad luck and move on, but our chances are running out, and I don't want to get lucky once more only for that to end in mc as well - no point investigating if we're at the end of the road and have no chances to try again anyway. We're really lucky we get IUI here, but we only get 1 IVF, I don't want to blow our one chance if it might be doomed to failure before we begin.

I am a social worker and I have clients who take their knickers off and seem to get pregnant. You can guarantee they are the ones with kids already on the child protection register etc. It's very unfair.

Exactly Dorothy! God it's so maddening (I was much better at my job when I wasn't ttc!)

Barking, I can understand the fear and frustration. I'm sorry I have no real advice but I'm sure a lady smarter than I will be along soon. . My only far out suggestion is the Chinese medicine woman? I have her book How to get pregnant (admittedly I haven't followed it) and she claims great success rates. It's really not normally my kind of thing but there is a part of me that is considering a consultation with her.

Blue what sort of job do you do? PM if you want.

blue I've had chinese herbs and acupuncture since December. My cycles improved (as in they finally came back post mc, but were still wonky) and my skin improved (proof that my hormones were balancing out) but I resented the cost and the time/hassle (which is also more cost, as my appointments were on the days I work my second job and get paid per hour, so cost me two hours pay once I've travelled there and back and been stuck with needles). At the moment I've ditched everything related to ttc in an attempt to get some of my life back, so no wheat free diet, no vitamins, no woo needles, no herbs, and as much alcohol and shit food as I want .

I've emailed the local private clinic to ask about the costs of investigations. Part of me doesn't want to pursue this while I'm 'taking a break' but I think it might help me relax and take a proper break before the next IUI if I know either A - there's a problem but we have a plan or B - they can't find anything, chances are I've just been unlucky so next time it could all be ok.

Went to see the counsellor this morning and talked to her for over an hour. Her advice, in a nutshell, was:
1: - look after yourself mentally and physically.
2: - it's ok and normal to have looked forward to happy times (in my case showing the in-laws our 12 week scan photo when we visited them abroad in October, being 7 months pg at Christmas when we see family) and it's normal to be upset when those happy times are taken away, don't feel bad about being upset just let yourself grieve.
3: - concentrate on spending time with supportive friends, not those that don't help for whatever reason.

I think I'll wait until after my scan on Friday, and when I've decided if to go for private investigations, and then consider booking another session if I'm still feeling wobbly. It helped to just talk to someone about all of it without feeling like I was burdening a friend. You know she's there to listen so you can keep talking about what you want to talk about without trying to balance the conversation with a different topic or making sure you're not being self absorbed and trying to remember to ask how they are as well instead of being me me me!!

barking it's funny how that kind of good advice never seems like rocket science on the face of it but is so hard to follow in practice.
I completely understand your need to be exploring investigations tho, even when you know you need a break. I think we're quite similar like that, just needing to know that we're prepared for the next step, when we haven't even finished taking the current one.

Big hugs for you this evening. Be as 'self absorbed' as you want here, you know we don't see it that way.

Morning,

How are you Barking? Sounds like your counsellor knows what she's talking about and as Rain says, it never seems like rocket science but so difficult to actually put into practice.

I will be starting investigations for recurrent miscarriage when I go back home in August. It may be helpful to share our findings and experiences, do you mind if I PM you?

I POASed again this morning and it was really really faint BFP so I am hoping that things are sorting themselves out. I've also had light-period like bleeding since yesterday so perhaps the last of the pregnancy is finally leaving my body. However, I am still seeing my GP tomorrow morning to discuss the whole saga with her. Will let you know what she says (including my star question: can you have high hcg levels and a period at the same time?)

Hope everyone is well and crossing my fingers for a no to rainy Glastonbury if anyone is going!

Hello hags,

Just popping in to say that I will probably be 'going dark' for a bit - starting new job on Monday and putting fertility shiz on the back burner until September.

Congrats effin ! Hope your bfp luck rubs off on us other hags

A bucket of prawns and a slap with a salmon for barking and fab; you are made of tough stuff!

Ooo, ta for the gin and strawberries fizzy . Although I still can't decide whether to pursue private testing yet, we're also leaving the ttc until September. When I've got myself sorted I'll probably lie low as well, but at the moment I can't stop myself trawling the mc threads reading about what tests and treatments people are trying.... Not coping well since the counselling, I seem to have only just acknowledged what is happening . The fact that I'm on my seventh day of bleeding isn't helping, I'm physically exhausted and unable to start doing anything active that would make me feel better . I came home at lunchtime and have been sleeping. Was out of class today and had finished the meeting I dragged myself in for. The head said I could go home but wanted to know what work I could do from home, she was most concerned that I would have everything ready to hand over to my replacement .

erica a trip to the gp sounds sensible. Please do pm me, that would be great .

Why do I go onto other threads? They make me crazy!!

Barking - man, it's really shit that you have tried so hard, it makes me furious that we have to try so hard for something everyone claims is so "natural" and easy. I hope you are doing as best as can be expected.

I know if it were me, I'd have the investigations but I'm a "need to know" er, I'd always rather know the worst case than hope for the best case.

Erica, hope things are doing ok for you too. It's just all a royally shitty and unfair experience.

Fizzy, I've just taken 2 months off from ttc (meant to do one but it was so nice I extended it) honestly it's been the nicest thing - it's so great to not care what's happening in my fangita for a while!

Effin, Cunty - how goes if in shitting it corner?

I'm going away for the weekend so won't be around much for the next few days

blue I do the same, I know it doesn't help but can't help myself. It also highlights what a nasty person I have become. Someone posted on the mc boards who had mc after an accidental pg. I was immediately that she got diffed without even thinking about it. She'd had a bloody mc and was upset, how screwed up am I that I have so little sympathy just because she didn't have a hard time getting pg?

Just back from the hospital. Again. Starting to feel like a routine. Scan was awful. They were running 25 minutes late, then the couple before us came out beaming. If that wasn't bad enough a nurse asked how they were and they started gushing unnecessarily loudly given they knew the possible circumstances of everyone else in the waiting room about how happy they were and looking forward to the next scan etc etc. DH reached for my hand and said he wished they'd fuck off. I luff him. My scan not great. Not all gone yet so I can expect the bleeding to continue. Good news was we've managed to get an appointment to see the consultant on 7th July, which was a lot quicker than either we or the nurses expected. The nurses didn't dismiss the idea of getting tests as readily as they seemed to last time, so we're hoping we can at least get the basics tested - thrombophilia, thyroid & autoimmune issues - before trying again. Still planning on a break before the next try though.