New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

[eurochick]

cherry that's brilliant news about the donor. :)

We used the embryoscope too, as we thought the extra 10% might help. As it was, only 1 embie made it to transfer day so it was a bit pointless in our case, but I still think it was the right decision to go for it.

barking I hope you were able to enjoy the tdf, despite being taken by surprise by the newborn. I am contemplating trying to see some of the London stage tomorrow, if I can fit it in between appointments (close monitoring means I am practically living at the hospital).

[Fankletastic]

Evening Hags

I've seen a lot of men in Lycra today, some were rather hot actually...they have such tight bums
Was there at the final 5k point in Sheffield at the top of the steepest hill. Was a great vantage point and lovely street party atmosphere. Not so much model toy village though. Yorkshire is a lovely place to live (but not quite as beautiful as Scotland, bien sûr)

Barking sorry your weekend was ruined by a newborn and smug baby-wearing dad (perhaps he wasn't smug but for the sake of argument, let's just say he was. He just sounds smug). I hope you managed to enjoy your weekend regardless...but how fecking annoying for you. Hope the sloe gin helped you through somewhat.

Cherry hurrah! That's brilliant news and September is not that far away really. Same for you Rain

Euro I hope your continued monitoring is proving reassuring rather than adding any more worry.

[barkingtreefrog]

Despite newborn, I managed to have a great weekend after deploying a very successful avoidance strategy. Fortunately the group naturally split vaguely into two groups with the hosts moving between them - those with children and those without, none of whom in the latter group showed the slightest interest in the newborn so I didn't feel obliged to acknowledge it either! Sometimes when everyone else is fawning over the baby I feel bad ignoring it, but I was in good company this time . Two single females and another woman there with her new boyfriend, all more interested in bikes than babies . Managed to get out on the bike to cycle to different parts of the route both days, so once we were on bikes that was the baby left behind anyway.
Sloe gin helped tremendously .

bugs I found out from my friend later that mother of newborn had two mc's between child one and newborn, so probably had some idea of why I was never in the same room as her baby....

DCW has continued to be amazing, when the consultant this morning talked about something using the long official name DCW asked if he was referring to what was commonly known as 'sticky blood'. Bloody hell, he didn't get that from me, he's been stealth googling behind my back!! . Was very proud [happy]. He also stepped in and asked all the questions he knew I wanted to ask when he could tell I was getting emotional. I luffs him.

Anyway, long story short we've been referred to the rmc despite only two mc's due to not being able to conceive naturally and wanting to make the most of our remaining chances. Consultant did keep saying it was only usually done after 3 but he was willing to refer us anyway.

Bad news was my hcg levels are still over 800. Still spotting, bleeding started 17 days ago now. Another test next week and if that's still not negative I'll have another scan and they'll tell me my options. Fingers crossed it'll all be over by then though.


erica how are you doing now?

[cherrycoconut]

What a wank of a work day.

Your lycra clad weekend sounds amazing Fankle. I could do with the tonic of a purt behind to stare at right now.

appreciated hags. Feeling reet gradely about the possibility of some time off work getting diffed.

[cherrycoconut]

Crap, cross posted with you Barking, my wank day sounds way trite after reading your post. I'm glad the weekend perked up and that DCW is being continually amazing. Much respect, he's a credit to the male species. Hope you get some answers soon, and at the very least a lowered hcg. Arm punches and cockles a plenty.

[barkingtreefrog]

cherry you will be diffed AND get lots of time off work .

Even if we don't get answers, just having the tests and ruling stuff out will help turn down the menkul slightly if when we get pg again.

[Fabuluce]

'Ello 'Ags! Sorry I've been lying low for a bit, not much to say this end in the world of Utterly Failing to get Diffed unfortunately. Same same eh! Sorry you've been going through such a bitch of a time of it Barking but three cheers for the super husb! Mine own got brownie points for reading an article in a mag about endo and folding the page over for me to see. Bless.

I am now back in the land of the Gainfully Employed and am putting the world to rights. It's quite cathartic being able to sort other people's shit out! Unbelievable smug insta there though who I instantly wanted to punch when she moaned about being pregnant (with barely a bump at 7months) and then said 'it's my own fault for being careless. Fuck you bitch!!!! I managed to squeeze out a watery smile and move on. Aaargh. Aibu?

[Fabuluce]

Whoops - supposed to be a ' after 'careless'!

[cherrycoconut]

Fanks Barking, here's hoping for all of us! But yay for our lovely fellas.

Good to see you Fab I know what you mean on the same old same old. Yup! I'll join you in a bit more waiting here... Though things are hotting up a little; our potential donor is in on Thursday and we're expecting a call after with a formal offer. I'm trying not to get carried away...

Well done on keeping it together with differ too. Urgh.

[Fabuluce]

Oooh squeee indeed Cherry that's v exciting . Please tell us all about it when you can! I'm living vicariously through those that have actually got something happening with their fertility plan

Euro how's it going with your pregnancy? How come you're having to have so much monitoring at the moment - is everything ok?

[barkingtreefrog]

fab how did you manage to not biff her one?! Grrrr.

for cherry. Fingers crossed for tomorrow

I'm definitely not already letterbox watching for our rmc appointment....

[TheRainDrops]

fab I LOL'ed at the brief idea that this insta maybe had Tourette's!
The periods of stasis in this business are so frustrating, what's next for you now?

cherry I shall give the cunt bunting a quick wash and iron in readiness for Thurs!! Woop woop!

[eurochick]

cherry that is very exciting. I am joining in with the sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeing.

barking I hope the appointment comes through soon.

fab there is a problem with blood flow to my placenta (it can happen to anyone but is apparently more common in IVF pregnancies - as if we didn't have enough to contend with). It was confirmed at 28 weeks and since then we have been told to expect an early arrival and we are living from scan to scan. It's a balancing act in terms of trying to keep the baby in for as long as possible and being ready to evict him/her as soon as the condition worsens (if it gets worse, there is a substantial risk of stillbirth , hence the very close monitoring). Because the baby hasn't been getting as much blood as it should, it hasn't been growing well, so it is teeny tiny on top of everything else. I was scheduled for a section a couple of days ago, but we got a second opinion and they thought that we could continue close monitoring for a bit longer, so that is what we are doing. It's enormously stressful, but I am 33 weeks tomorrow, and a 33 weeker is a better prospect than the 28 weeker we thought we might be dealing with when this all kicked off.

I'm thinking of you all and cheering you on.

[barkingtreefrog]

Fucking hell euro they're not giving you an easy ride even now, you would have thought after all it took to get here you of all people deserved an easy pregnancy . Got everything crossed for the optimum balance between cooking it for longer and taking it out before your nerves can't stand anymore, then for you to be home with baby as soon as possible . 33 weeks is a good amount of time to have been in there though, I've had friends give birth earlier than that (seven babies I can easily think of off the top of my head - two sets of twins, two prem babies from one mother who knew she was at risk with her second after her first, and one complete surprise very early labour) and all said babies are now happy healthy things.

[TheRainDrops]

Wow euro, that's a big old heap of menkul on top of all the rest. A friend of mine very recently had her first baby after donor egg IVF and her daughter was tiny and early for very similar reasons but she is a happy and healthy little baby. I hope when the Dr's decide it's time that everything goes really well. Keep us posted.

[Fabuluce]

Jeezy Chreezy Euro that sounds horrendous - how on earth are you maintaining normality at work with all that menkul happening? You are one amazing BESH < punches arm in sisterly awe>.

For what it's worth my SIL had my niece at 30 weeks, she weighed in at 2.5lbs (think bag of sugar) and is now a happy healthy beautiful 19 year old . Centime certainly is giving you a run for your money! Keeping everything crossed for a smooth and successful outcome. Please keep us informed?

[cherrycoconut]

Cheers chaps, we have a long way to go but at least it feels as though we're finally getting a crack at this TTC lark. There is an awful lot of hanging around and living vicariously hey Fab but at least we can be here for each other.

Glad to hear you're hanging in there still euro, you are an inspiration laydee and when centime arrives he/she is gonna be the luckiest kid alive to have such amazing parentals. Not long now! Get a double wash load on the cunt bunting rain.

There are other PESH to have laid recently too. Winks and Draf in the last week or so and more expected. Exciting times!

Barking I'm right with you on the expectation game. I just know I will be on tenterhooks tomorrow and then oh so disappointed if the clinic doesn't call or worse still I can't take it. An open plan office is a mahoosive disadvantage to discussing any sort of gynae treatment in a professional, calm or cohesive manner. I sometimes have an awful long way to walk while gabbling rubbish like a moron until I can get to a safe place to speak. And then recently the clinic have phoned the home phone and left a message which is also unsatisfactory to my impatience scale. Oh the high drama.

[EricaJ]

HAGS I'm back! And the second D&C is done! -punches air like a lunatic- never thought I would punching air about something like this.

Euro That sounds terribly stressful. For what is worth it, I also know loads of similar stories of babies being born both early and tiny, much earlier than 33 weeks in fact, and being absolutely fine. My husband was born at 30 weeks for instance,and that was in the 80s!

Barking Glad you had such a nice week end! It is a fucking a nightmare when the mc drags, so to speak! Fingers crossed that everything resolves itself and you don't need any further treatment.

It's great that they are referring you to the rmc. We should be starting our tests mid August as well. However, after all the time spent in hospitals in the last couple of weeks, I am tempted to take a break? Probably won't but the idea is lurking somewhere in there...

Cherry SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Fab God, some people. Sounds like you are enjoying work though and that's brilliant.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

[barkingtreefrog]

For FUCKS sake, can I not get away from this shit in my own house?! Working from home, sat with the laptop on the kitchen table. A big window, due to the angle of the houses/gardens and where I'm sitting, perfectly frames the neighbour's garden. She's in the garden with all four of her children, and a friend has just come round. Friend has brought round a toddler and is sporting a massive bump, which she won't bloody stop cradling and stroking. Due on the 21st September apparently curse this beautiful weather and the need to have the windows open. It's just struck me that I still won't be pg a year after my first bfp/ first mc. Maybe I can be pg before we reach our 3 year ttc anniversary (Dec), that'd be nice...

Any news from you cherry? I'm imagining you sat underneath your desk where you've built yourself a little sound proof den in order to take any personal phone calls .

Great news erica, must be a relief. I hadn't bled at all since the blood test showed mine was incomplete so I started drinking raspberry leaf tea last night clutching at straws. Had a bit of bleeding again last night so who knows? Nothing again today though. I'm surprisingly not stressing about it. Blood test Tuesday will tell me if all's ok, no point in winding myself up about it before then, just keep on with the pantyliners....

[cherrycoconut]

good on you lady! Fab to see you back.

For the love of god Barking is that for real? You're like a tragic irony magnet at the moment. You and me in September dude, cluster diff here we come. Anyone else in?!

Sooo, the FC called. On the landline as I predicted rolfing like mad at the idea of me sitting under my desk in a sound proof den though. Good news, we are affirmative on the offer and I've got to call them back tomorrow or Monday to confirm! Like hell I'd let it wait till Monday I'm really hoping we will get some time scales in on this too. I lurve a good time scale to help manage le old menkul or I find myself flailing around a bit in bat shit crazy limbo. Watch this space I guess.

ROCH surprised me today by being unbelievably cute. He wants to record the FC phone message with the donor offer for posterity, just in case it 'becomes significant'. I'm kind of glad because although he doesn't show it, it means he's feeling it too maybe with a bit less outpouring about it than me

[barkingtreefrog]

Oooo, cherry sounds like all systems go! I agree, timescales are good. Gin is also good. After more than 2.5 years of being practically tee total for TTC reasons and then just in the 2ww cos I got fed up of missing out I'm finding that the gin really is going down a treat right now .

[Fankletastic]

Excellent news Cherry! And how sweet of ROCH, bless him. Keep us posted. This is all getting v exciting!

Shit Barking I feel your pain on the fertile neighbours front. It's like you can't escape it, even in your own living room. Shut the curtains? Work in another room? I know...why should you have to do that eh?! When we moved here, the woman across the road was pregnant and now her child is about 18 months. Sometimes I would just gaze out the window at their perfect life being lived out just meters away from me and then feel very sorry for myself. Sometimes I would just HATE them and feel angry that we live so near to the life we wanted but couldn't have. God, infertility is so unjust!

Fab hello! The workplace is a whole other level of torture, like the above situ, which you just can't escape. What a cow! But glad you are enjoying being back at work and hope you can avoid bump cow features as much as possible.

Erica glad to see you back and relieved that it's all over. Now you can get back to some semblance of normal ttc (like it's ever normal for a BESH..). Fingers crossed for a v quick post mc bfp for you.

Last week I spoke to a good friend who has 1 DS aged 2. She told me she had just miscarried the other week and could now understand the pain I must have felt, not wanting to be around other pregnant women, worry over getting diffed again etc, but she said at least she has her DS who was a major comfort to her. I am deeply sad for her, especially as her EDD would be just 2 weeks after mine and miscarriage is just about the worst thing a woman can go through...but (and this makes me a bad person) she conceived the 2nd month of ttc so it's not like she understands the pain of fertility problems following mc. She will get diffed again in no time, I am sure (her DS only took 3 months to conceive). I do think that women who miscarry after having a child are under an added pressure to just get through it and be grateful for the child they have, so it's probably a different kind of sadness. Still sad but not...I don't know.. the emptiness. Does any of that make sense or do I just sound like an evil bitter hag?

I'm past 14 weeks now so officially in 2nd trimester. I still have the paranoia that something could still go wrong but trying hard to push it to the back of my mind.

Still rooting for you all and anticipating major cluster diffage in Sept.

[Fankletastic]

In other news...I think one or two of you on here follow the blog 'Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen'. For those of you that don't, it's a really good blog written by someone who has been going through unexplained infertility for 5 years! 5 years!! She is witty, sassy and warm...not annoying like most of the bloggers can be (some put me in a vile mood). This blog, by contrast, is uplifting and...almost BESH like but without the fish slaps. Alas, she is pregnant (natural surprise diff) and due on Christmas day.

5 years!! That's 60 months. That's double what I went through...I counted 30 months since starting ttc. Fucking horrendous it was too.

Encouraging stuff though.

[barkingtreefrog]

Fankle I do struggle on the mc boards sometimes with all the women who have 1 or more children already and say that the desire for a child is 'just as strong' whether you already have one or not. It's not a pity competition and I don't deny the strength of desire to complete your family, however many children that means for you, but being childless, and fearing that you can't change that without going down the adoption route, is a different kind of emotion altogether. MC is horrendous. Infertility is horrendous. I think going through both is something only those who have been through both and are still childless can understand. I might get flamed by some people for saying so, but I do believe there is a difference between mc'ing a pg that took 2 months to conceive, and mc'ign a pg that followed 2+ years of ttc and fertility treatment. There's just so much more invested in that bfp, and it's not just a fear of if you will mc again, but whether you will actually ever get pg again before you even get to worry about losing it!

[Fankletastic]

You are right Barking and you shouldn't get flamed for thinking that or pointing out what is a) very true and b) difficult to explain. Miscarriage is horrendous. Infertility either before or after miscarriage is even more horrendous. And childlessness on top of that..not to mention the acute worry that it won't ever happen..is the big steaming shit on top of that particularly vile cake. I know. And I do genuinely believe that you will get your baby come hell or high water.

Now ladies, I am feeling brave(ish) and want your advice about pointing out insensitivity in others...as I now feel is my duty. For YEARS I have endured personal questions and insensitive comments from a lady I come into contact with through work, thankfully infrequently. Now she does work on a hospital maternity helpline and has been a midwife in the past, so clearly she deals with pregnant people all the time. But every time I see her or have to call her, I know to expect The Question. Usually it's phrased 'oh, I thought you'd be pregnant by now'' (this was as I walked into a room for a meeting with about 5 or 6 other people and was only months after I got married)...or "Where's the baby" (HELLO, IT'S CLEARLY NOT FUCKING THERE!)...and other such unbelievable rudeness. Well, I spoke to her yesterday and she asked the inevitable question again. At least this time I was able to say that I'm pregnant, albeit somewhat grudgingly as I don't feel she has the right to know. So after telling MG about it last night he suggested I email her and point out the obvious to her. So this is what I have drafted but am a bit scared to send...

As an aside, on a personal note, I hope I can point out to you that, I have often felt very awkward when you have made comments or asked questions about when I will have a baby. Perhaps, given your job, pregnancy is just a normal, every day matter for you and something that is achieved easily. However, I do feel it important to point out that it is not easy to achieve for everyone and it can be upsetting to be asked personal questions about it. Now that I am pregnant and extremely happy about it, I feel that I ought to speak up on behalf of those women who struggle to conceive and ask you to please be aware of this in future

Should I send it???