New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Barking I'm really sorry to hear your news Be kind to yourself.

Oh Barking, so sorry. Let yourself shout, cry, sleep, talk, be quiet, eat, whatever you need to do right now. You will come through this in the end, but for now just treat yourself with the compassion you deserve. Don't even think about the future or next steps yet, just focus on you, right now. Thinking of you.

Hey :-)
We are very quiet - everyone ok?

Hello hags

I've been quiet as been away with work all of last week and staying with my mum who doesn't have internet. Can you believe it?

Barking how are you doing? I'm so sorry about what's happening and I hope that it's over quickly and you can take a bit of time out afterwards to focus on all the non baby stuff you've missed lately. I know it's no consolation for your loss but you will need lots of distractions to keep your head together. Do you have a nice summer holiday planned?

Enjoying a quiet weekend at home for a change. I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow and am feeling nervy...so a day of gardening and housework beckons. The next couple of weeks will be full on work wise so I am looking forward to the first weekend of July....and just savouring being at home right now.

Hope everyone else is ok? Toe holds for Cunty and the plaice of peace for Barking. Fish slaps for everyone else.

Mr Henri does make the whole thing more manageable :-)

Oh fankle - thinking of you for tomorrow.

I'm bored, it turns out I don't really have a life and all my RL friends have temporarily gone crazy so there is no fun in my life anymore. Just sad and crazy (and that's not even me!) is it really wrong that one of the current motivations to get differed is so I have some non-crazy company?

Oo, fankle the magic 12 weeks! Everything crossed for you.

I've got a lovely summer holiday planned, but it's all going to be a bit awful now. It's basically a week in france watching the tour de france and cycling, then another 2 weeks in france in the camper. When I was pg I was happy that I'd just have to sit and watch and go on nice walks on my own for the other two weeks. Now I'm not pg, but I still won't be able to join in as I've had 5 weeks off the bike, and with the way things are going (ie pretty much the same stop start as last time) I'll not be able to get on a bike for another 2 weeks. There's no way I'll be able to get fit enough to cycle over alpine roads in 2 weeks after over 2 months off. So I'll still be watching from the sidelines, but not for any happy reason .

Barking I am so sorry. I don't know what to say and I doubt anything is going to make you feel better at the moment.

I also MCd a couple of weeks before coming on holiday (we were also planning to announce the pg and some plans had been tweaked to be pg friendly etc) so I really, really didn't feel like it. However, spending time with friends and family and doing stuff that has nothing to do with every day life has really helped me feel a bit like my old self again. I really hope it's the same for you.

Thanks to everyone for your advice and helping me keep the menkul under control. We had a lovely time in the cabin in the woods, had all the food and wine, the spotting stopped, I am still getting really strong BFPs and I am planning to call my doctor about it if they are still there on Tuesday. However, I feel quite calm about the whole thing. There is really nothing else I can do so I may as well try and enjoy myself see how long this zen-like thinking it lasts once we are back to normal life

fankle bloody hell, time has flown! 12 weeks already - I know it can't/won't stop the menkul but it's a massive milestone and I hope you both get to see mini fank in all his/her glory tomorrow!

barking are there other people on this hol besides you two? If not maybe a complete rethink of itinerary/activities (besides watching le Tour obvs) might make you feel less like you're missing out?

cherry where are you woman? What happened with the embryologist?

fizz did you manage to sort out the appointment/fun clash?

Glad you had a great time erica - a check in with your doc can't hurt, but pg hormones can hang about. A lady I know on another thread was getting BFPs for about a month post (D&C) MC.

blue I'm not sure of the logic there - aren't pg ladies well known for being crazier than cats in a field of catnip? . We're not crazy most of the time so just hang out here more!

effin I am a little perplexed at you having to wait 2-3 months for a sperm analysis, just shows how much the nhs varies. RAF got given a pot by our GP and just had to deposit it at the local hospital at his leisure, results back in 3-4 working days. What is the slot for? Does he have to go in and produce his baby batter on demand?

cunty, euro and bugs - how are things progressing with you? Hope all is going swimmingly! Come and reassure us please

fab hope you're alright too?

AFM - I have had mother fucking arse wanking food poisoning since Thursday. Today is the first day I've felt ok, but stupidly got over excited with missed-meal-syndrome and totally overdid it at dinner and now feel sick again!
Had three new babies arrive in the last week - 1 instadiffer friend, 1 SIL and 1 shouldhavebeenaBESH friend who finally got her take home baybee at 44 after IVF with donor eggs (in Spain). Happy for all of them, which makes a nice change! What is wrong with me?!?!

Thanks for the reassurance r.e. FC appointment, we're going to arm ourselves with questions and not leave without some definite plans [cocks BESH issue machine gun]. Will let you know how it goes!

Wow Fankle that's gone by bloody quick - how exciting/scary for you. Toe hold for a good scan

Barking have an unBESH hug. It's just so horrid for you at the moment.

I am the proverbial bitter barren evil hag at the moment. I ovulated 2 days early so expected droid to arrive on Thursday, 2 days early as well but thought I wouldn't be interested in it until I'd passed the 28 day cycle. Saturday came and went so I tested on sunday BFFN and THEN droid decides to arrive. What a waste of a test and yet again I feared to hope for success. What a fucking waste of effort and hope and yet again I feel like a failure and an idiot. Why on earth would I think my body would actually do the thing it was meant to do??

In the meantime I've been offered a job at my old gaff again. They will give it to me as a contract role rather than permie and let me have a reasonable work/life balance...allegedly...just waiting to hear the financials at the moment. Gutted to think that when I left last year I was doing ivf and should have had a Fablet by now. And if id been able to do ivf in Nov then I might be just about to pop. But nothing has happened in my year of not working so I might as well go and get some work and at least bring in some money rather than not eh?

Rain - aargh to food poisoning - it's the devils work!. Good for losing poundage dramatically though??

If by poundage you means guts then yes, definitely!
Actually, I have lost a few, but I think I'll gain them back quite quickly as I am now completely ravenous!

Fuck that fucking droid and its evil tricks.

Thanks for the toe holds ladies. It must have done the trick. We saw our wee baybee with its heart beating away and measuring a surprising 12+1! I thought i'd be about 11+5 at the most. The main thing is everything looked fine.

I held my breath for what seemed like 5 minutes and shut my eyes while the sonographer located the heartbeat. I kept thinking this could still go either way so I must be prepared for the worst. Had an awful night's sleep last night and kept waking up. Although I've generally felt quite calm and positive about this pregnancy in the main, there is a huge part of me that can't allow myself the luxury of believing all will be well. That is the bitch aftermath of miscarriage I guess.

Feeling relieved at the moment and also a bit overwhelmed by work as got so much on this week.

Rain how awful re the food poisoning. What had you eaten? Hope you are enjoying being able to eat again!

Fab it's so fucking unfair how the repeated failure to get diffed every month makes us totally lose trust in our bodies. I'm sorry about the whole roller coaster of getting hopeful only to be completely deflated by a bfp. This is such a cruel game. Gin?? Realise it's Monday lunch time but maybe later... Good for you to get back in to work. That must surely be a good thing and a sign of returning to some semblance of normality.

And Erica really glad you are feeling a bit better and your holiday helped. I think of you and feel bad that things didn't work out for you, my miracle lap buddy. I think it will happen again for you though. Just take good care of yourself and trust that your doctors will see you right. It does sound like you have good care over there. Are you back in Africa now?

Fankle Fantastic news!! I am really happy for you! And thanks for your kind words. I still have faith in our miracle lap, buddy! :)

I am still Europe and I'm going to stay here for the next 7 weeks or so. I am a bit fucked off that my body is still in fake pregnancy mode but what can I do? This holiday has made me REALLY realise that my doctor, husband and I are doing everything we can to get me & keep me diffed so that's that. I am going to e-mail my doctor to let him know I am still getting strong BFPs and should I do anything about it and see what he says . But I am not going to run into some random ER service demanding to know why my body is being such a fucker :)

Rain Sorry to hear about your food poisoning. It sucks. Good to hear that you appetite is back!

Fab Sorry it feels your body is letting you down at the moment. It sucks. I am not in best terms with mine right now either. I wish I had some advice but I've spent the last 2.5 years in a constant stage of mega rage so...

Congrats on the job offer! I'd say booze and cake to celebrate and f*ck everything else!

Hags, I am traveling to the UK tomorrow (freezing my ass off in beautiful Scandinavia at the moment). Get whatever you need from Boots today, they may have run out of everything once I get there.

I am going to drink Guinness and eat pies, dammit!

fankle that is wonderful news! Phase 1 menkul is officially over Let the next phase begin....

I think it was some lamb at a (pretty fancy) work lunch. Debating whether to email the restaurant (is that what you're meant to do? I don't have any interest in compensayshun but I feel like they owe me an apology if indeed it was them!)

fab forgot to also offer my congrats on the job. I can see how it's maybe a mixed blessing at the mo but I am trying and often failing to live by the 'life is for living' idea and so embrace whatever comes my way for what it is!

erica Mmmm pies! Not so keen on the Guinness myself (bad teen memories). My sister and brother always clear Boots out too whenever they visit! Funny how the rest of the world hasn't come up with anything better!!!

Hello Hags! I've not been on here so much lately in an attempt to quell the rising levels of menkul, but it's not really working. AFAIK I'm still pregnant (judging by the 'morning' sickness, exhaustion, sore boobs and stuffy nose), yet still anxious about it. I was going to book a private scan for 8 weeks (I'm 7+2 today) but I'm too scared to. Every time I go to the loo now the toilet paper gets a close scrutiny to check for blood - surely that's not normal behaviour?

Barking - I'm sorry you've been having such a shit time. There's nothing I can say that will help, but I hope you can find some enjoyment in your holiday.

Glad you're feeling better after the food poisoning Rain! It's hard to eat sensibly when you've not eaten for days.

Blue - how're you feeling now? Still bored?

So glad the scan went well Fankle. I can completely understand the fear.

How're you doing Fab? Hope the job works out!

rain are you all good now? I called a restaurant after myself and 3 friends were all ill after eating there. I wasn't after anything from them, just wanted to let them know so they didn't make anyone else ill, but they were really quite aggressively defensive until I made it very clear I didn't have an agenda!!

fab that fucking horrible hope that comes before the rollercoaster tips over the edge and plunges into the ground. Sorry it got you.
If you're being offered a job with a better work\life balance than you had before, and it's something you are familiar IH and can fall back into it sounds good. Try not to think about dates and what should have been, it drives you menkul pot calls kettle

fankle sounds amazing!!! Take care at work, don't overdo it. You've got far more important things to think about now

Erica Ooo, booze and cake sounds excellent. I might have to go and make myself some cake. I am fucking off the wheat free and reintroducing booze to my diet after 2.5 years of being sensible. What's the deal with Boots? I'm afraid I don't get it... Hope your body sorts itself out soon. I can't remember how long it took me to get a bfn last time, no doubt they'll give me another pg test on Friday and tell me when to do it.

cunty probably not normal for an instadiffer but sounds more than sane to me.

blue take up a new hobby! Something particularly baby unfriendly How about Lindy hop dancing? All the rage round here, lots of fun.

Well, I spent the weekend moving around as much as possible in a bid to get things happening sooner rather than later. Unfortunately it worked, but not until I was back at work today . Passed the sac this morning. Had to grab someone to cover me in two lessons while I ran to the toilet to change my pad again. Spent ten minutes sat on the toilet this afternoon while loads of clots came out. Came home as soon as possible and now lying down again! I know I wanted to speed it up and get it all over with but I'm running out of pads!!!

Oh Barking! That sounds really tough and fucking annoying. It's horrendous that getting and staying pregnant is so difficult but for mc-s to be so complicated is just too much!

I don't want to be the bad influence but if you can't have some gin and cake now... Then when??

Boots is amazing. You have lots of brands that are only pharmacy-posh in the rest of Europe (as in you need to ask someone to open a cabinet to check out Avène, Roche Posay, Vichy etc). They always have lots of offers and very decent own brand ranges, like N7. I am not British but I've lived in the UK for a big chunk of my adult life and Boots is home a bit. Even the crappy one in Holloway rd in London!

Shit Barking just popping in to give liberal arm rubs. You're so fucking nails and I'm so mad you have to go through this. Any chance you can take it easy for a few days without having to face up kids?

Sorry, am AWOL much at the mo, cheers for the shout out Pars chicken. Having a mental time at work at the mo and got a few other bits going on but I've been thinking of you all. Hope to catch up properly soon. Flat fish of fortitude to all.

P.S I don't work for Boots.

Morning ladyhags,

Barking, how are you feeling today?

I have a bit of a silly question (I think). I've started to spot again this morning, feel a bit crampy. Since I'm still getting post mc BFPs (last one a strong one yesterday morning), surely this must be more post mc bleeding and not my period ? Trying to figure out when I'll ovulate next and starting my period today would really screw up TTC plans (because of husband and traveling separately for the next three weeks).

Surely you need your Hcg levels to drop before you can menstruate again? Gaaaahhh. Brain exploding.

erica I had random spotting that never developed into AF for 3-4 months last time, but I did have a bfn. I would agree with your logic that your body would not start AF while hcg levels were still up. It might be worth popping in to see someone while you're in the uk? I think spotting plus bfps would justify a scan to make sure everything has definitely gone. A&E could refer you to epu?

erica you won't ovulate till HCG is right down. How many weeks has it been now? Have you been testing every day?

chezza thanks for checking in. Was starting to worry you'd run off with the embryologist!

Thanks Barking& Rain!

I think I am just going to see someone in London this week...

My D&C was on the 31st of May so just over 3 weeks. BFP seemed about to disappear (very faint) a week post D&C but I've been getting very strong ones when testing every 3 days. Don't think there was enough time for a BFN between them. Man, what a headfuck!

Thanks again!!!

Hags!

rain TT has his jizz pot, but has to wait for a one hour slot to deliver to the hospital, which they reckon will take a couple of months. Imagining there's a team that just test jizz 24/7 - nice job eh? Hope you're feeling recovered and taking advantage of the pleasures of a newly returned appetite.

erica so stressful, and kinda feels like rubbing salt into the would I guess to still be getting bfps, but think it will just take a bit more time. definitely worth talking to a doc if you get the chance. I know what you mean about overseas pharmacies - just trying to buy earplugs and tampaz led to some comedy mimes last time I was en la France! Why can't they just put things on shelves!!

So, who was it who said I would prob get an ironidiff after posting in this thread? Got a BFP yesterday. Due AF on Friday/Saturday but had mil all weekend, so couldn't test til she'd gone - didn't want to deal with the emotion while she was here either way.

I hope this is not fucking insensitive to post this, and I'm sorry if it comes across as shitty news. I feel really guilty admitting it to you all, many of whom have had much longer and much more traumatic journeys than me so far. I'd only just started the journey of investigations since been ttc since Feb 2013 with a mc in Jan 2014, and definitely not cancelling our SA as things may well not progress this time either.

I am totally shitting it - especially reading the last answer on the Sense about Science Q&A where he said older eggs are more likely to be "structurally abnormal", explaining high rate of mc's at 5-6 weeks. So I'm trying to pretend nothing's changed and I'm not pg while obviously also having to act as if I am. Wish I could be happier, but my brain seems to be trying to protect me by mentally preparing for another mc.