New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Nice!

EricaJ, 33, TTC#1 for 2.5 years. 3 mc, 1 endo/laparoscopy.

Man, feeling pretty low tonight.

Spoke to my dad & I mentioned it may take me longer than before to tell my family about a potential pregnancy, since they were so devastated when I mc-d. His response: 'Yeah, seeing how things are going, best not tell anyone until you've had the baby and the invitations to the Christening are on the post' .

I reckon he thinks we should throw in the towel and I accept 'our fate'. Which ok, fair enough, he's entitled to his opinion but it's not great for my morale.

He's not an ogre though. I feel I should mention that my mum and his partner of 40 years passed away last year and he has some very bad days. But so do I.

Anyway, pity party over. I love 'Wombledon'! Well done Fizzy!!!

Ma

Marking my place to cheerlead for you all

Jogs in doing keepy uppies, admires the new gaff, plumps up twat cushion and settles down for the duration.

Sorry to hear you're feeling down Erica - people can be stunningly harsh without even thinking sometimes. It just feels worse when it's a family member. Have some hake of hopefulness that the dmc can give you some help.

Grrr. RMC not DMC!

Nice fred fizzy, loving the wombledon . Inspired.

.

Erica sorry your Dad isn't helping. My mum is great at saying spectacularly unhelpful things as well, makes me not tell her stuff unless she asks, and most of the time she doesn't bother asking.

Are we putting up stats on the noticeboard?
barkingtreefrog 34 (for 4 more days!) ttc #1 for 2.5 years. Clomid bfp + mc, tentative IUI bfp but way too early and in complete denial not counting chickens yet.

Thanks!

I feel better today, I think I will just take the say nothing until asked policy. I reckon my family just don't know what to do with me. I come from a long line of (rather braggy) instadiffers, I think they find all my ttc drama mildly embarrasing!

Barking! Completely missed your BFP! Congratulations, woman!!!

I finally found you! So glad! Good work Fizzy!

I am having a v busy time at work and lots going on so will be quick.

Fankletastic, 35, ttc #1 2.5 years, diagnosed unexplained infertility following a near instadif in December 2011 then miscarriage in jan 2012. Then there was tumbleweed, tears, trauma and tests.... For A Very Long Time. Clomid prescribed August 2013. Laparoscopy in jan 2014 which revealed mild endo. Back on clomid and then bfp! Almost 10 weeks now and trying not to think about it too much.

Has anyone noticed the Q&A on evidence related to fertility? A question has just been posted about age related infertility and IVF. Seems a very strange question to ask, almost made me think she was gathering evidence to argue against women who delay having kids for their own selfish reasons thinking that IVF is an easy alternative if they've left it too late. Someone please tell me I'm being irrational.

Thanks erica, head firmly in sand right now, 2 days post bfp I had bleeding and a low hcg count, then acupuncture lady said my pulse was not good. I'm waiting on the scan next thursday before I believe there might be anything in there.

Hey Barking

Oh, I remember now! But your HcG levels doubled despite the lady at the clinic saying 'it would be a miracle? Is the receptionist a total charmer too? Sorry, my brains are like mushy peas these days!

barking I know what you mean about that post. It has the whiff of a journalist or some other self-righteous shit-stirrer, doesn't it? Looking forward to reading the answers to those questions though.

I almost let my "I'm a serene professional" mask slip today. Passed some colleagues who were exclaiming over one of their bumps. Went into the kitchen doing a vomit noise in my head, and then had to check that I hadn't actually done it out loud!

If we are doing stats, here are mine . 33, ttc for 3.5 years. Married to GFBW. One mmc, two ectopics, no tubes left, and endo. 3x cancelled ivf transfer attempts due to lining ishoos; now waiting for another lap/ hysteroscopy to see what the feck is going on.

His Barking, I had a look and it seemed a fair question- there's so much in the press about it at the moment that one minute says if you're over 35 you're fucked and if you're in your 40's you can pop out a sprog whenever you fancy it and after all there's always ivf if you get a little bit stuck....unless you've had your own consultation with a specialist you trust plus had your own tests to see how your AMH is doing there's no knowing who to trust. What I understand from my clinic is that from 35 the average woman's fertility declines rapidly and by the time they are 43 it's extremely unlikely that a woman will have her own eggs used in ivf. This however depends on the person and from my last AMH test it was decided that I would probably be good to around 45. Unfortunately for me however it's my womble that's rebelling not my ovaries. Fucker. Another general call to help give you an idea of where your fertility is at is to ask your mum when she reached menopause. Generally speaking our eggs are no good for about ten years prior to full menopause and we tend to follow the same cycles as our mothers. My mum of course hasn't got a clue when she hit menopause so that wasn't much help to me!!! Anyhoo, my dribbling on is to say it is a hot topic at the moment with no easy answers so I don't think it's an odd question to ask. And that's from someone who could quite easily take offense!! Which leads me to my stats:

Me, rapidly approaching the fertilitarily (new word??) ancient age of 42, TWH 35 (cougar!), ttc since nov 2010. Not even a sniff. Undiagnosed infertility and advised to crack straight on to ivf by the time we got to see a private specialist having been poo-poo'd for ages by my ass-wipe of an ex GP. Jan 2013 ivf#1, BFP followed by mmc. Jul 2013 ivf#2 BFN. IVF #3 cancelled due to various high stress encounters, dad dying, moving house etc. Auto-immune ishoos diagnosed so am now with nhs rheumatologist who has taken 6 weeks to repeat all the bloods I got taken in one day and sent to a private specialist and results given in 4 weeks. Still waiting on repeat lupus. Now looking like I have endo so 3rd round ivf still delayed as will probably need a laporoscopy first and that could take another 18 weeks. Generally feeling a little bit nobbed off with the whole fecking thing!!!!! Loving the BESH for keeping me same though

I think it was the tone of the question that didn't sit right fab, I think fizzy hit the nail on the head, it read like someone who had an agenda. Asking if fertility drops off at 35 is definitely a hot topic and a relevant question. Asking if women assume IVF is an easy fix for age related infertility just felt a little leading. I didn't bit though, was proud of myself just came and winged on here instead

erica 10/10! Yep, that was my head fuck of a week last week!
I'm supposed to be going on a cycling trip next weekend with my best mate, arranged ages ago. I had to tell her tonight that I might only be able to walk. I tried to explain that I might not even know for sure either way at the scan next week if we didn't see a heartbeat so would have to be careful in case. I said I was dreading the scan in case we saw the same as last time and she said so why didn't I just not have the scan. Errr... Because then I have to wait until 12 weeks to find out whether there's anything inside me?! Wtf?

And then she went on about her adorable children and what she had planned for father's day.
She's lovely but her first kid was an accident and her second took 3 months to conceive (she actually told me once that she understood what it was like to be disappointed every month ) so she just hasn't got a clue.

Awright hags. Nice new fred - thought I'd lost you all there for a moment!

Where is this fertility q&a you all speak of? Am I allowed to just ask 'dear scientist bod, why the fuck can't I get diffed?'

fizzy I dread the day more of my colleagues start sprogging. Luckily they're mostly all horribly young, so not too likely and the ones who are older/settled are all good friends so hopefully won't rub my face in it!

erica he'd probably be galled if he realised he'd upset you, doesn't make it easier to hear tho.

Not much going on here - latter stages of 2ww, don't think my own Wombledon is playing ball tho. It's my birthday this weekend. Stopped seeing them as celebrations last year when it just started being yet another kick in the gut reminder of my prolonged inability to have a baybee. We're away with my work on a big social bender, should help take my mind off it!

Hope everyone's ok. We're missing a few BESH so far, I hope they find us!

Rain, 32 (till Sunday), RAF also 32, ttc 2 years, 3 months. Natural BFP Sep 2013, MMC Nov 2013, not a dickiebird since. Seeing FC in July.

Mine's a large gin please guv'nor

Nice fred Fizz, howdy hags. Glad you're hanging in there Barking.

I haven't seen the other thread but it would probably only make me spit feathers and gnash my teeth. We can all say if only... in defense my mother was in her 50's when she hit menopause. If fucking only. But then we're not very similar in many other ways either thank goodness so you win some you lose some in my book.

I'm Cherry, 35, ttc 2 years, certified officially barren just over a year ago, apparently I had my menopause somewhere while simultaneously on the pill in my late 20's/early 30's and shit me, only bloody missed it. Currently waiting for DEIVF. Consequently never a sniff of a diff!

Off to see the embryosope professor tomorrow which is exciting.

rain it's here if I've managed the link thing from the app.

cherry the embryoscope sounded very interesting. Have you been offered any suitable donors yet?

Morning hags

Glad you're still hanging in there Barking. Do you think you'll do the cycling trip?

Tell me it's normal to feel rage at receiving news of a couple whose wedding you attended last May, who are having a baby in August? We just heard yesterday (they live in America)and we were both like 'bastards' even though i am now diffed. One of the annoying things about this piece of news is that they managed to get diffed within 6 months despite LIVING IN DIFFERENT CITIES for the first year if their marriage. FFS!

I doubt this bitterness will ever fade. I was quite surprised that it was still there though. Bloody Instadiffers.

Barking it took my sister two cycles from going off the pill to get pregnant with both her children. But she claims to understand me because 'those two BFNs (one per child) were SOOOOO frustrating'. Bless her (or kill her, like I sometimes want to do).

Fankle No, the rage never goes away I don't think. I get ragey against celebrities ffs. Ah well. At least we can express our rage in the controlled environment of the BESH instead of rioting at Mothercare.

Thanks Rain - I can now see that he was making an unfortunate joke and not telling me 'stop fucking with our heads with those semi pregnancies of yours', like it felt at the time. I am still angry at him but I can see it wasn't intentional.

I am also a bit obsessed about the age/fertility thing. My family are not only instadiffers but YOUNG instadiffers. My mum had 4 kids by the time she was 32, two of them 'accidents'. However, I read this article a while ago and it really put things into perspective.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

It basically says that, personal circumstances aside, the 'fertility declines dramatically at 35' fact is horrendously outdated (by, like, two centuries).

I have a question - this is my first cycle post mc, I haven't had a period yet.

Does anyone know if OPKs would be reliable at this time, or if I would be getting false positives because of remainig Hcg levels?

Alright hags!

I thought the fertility Q&A thing was more about dodgy snake-oil style products and treatments being touted as miracle fertility boosters. Had a look on the Sense about Science website and that seems to be their main focus. The publish brilliant reports on the bollocks touted by celebrities making pseudoscientific health claims: www.senseaboutscience.org/subjects.php?action=tag&id=44

My D&C was on the 31st of May.

fankle It's so automatic and ingrained now that even if I get a real life baby I think I'll still rage at everyone who got one easily .

I've not been cycling since the day of treatment, just in case. It's killing me, as I'd otherwise be doing 40 miles+ on my road bike, or off on my mountain bike evenings & weekends, but I can't risk a) 'pushing' it too hard and b) falling off. I've been knocked off my bike before so I know it's a risk out of my control. And the possibility of going on a ride, getting bad news and then thinking 'what if?' just isn't worth it.

cunty I asked about wheat free and acupuncture, thought they might be up their street!

erica I'm not sure, I temped and opk'd post mc but then gave up as my cycles disappeared so I never got a +opk anyway. Maybe just try one now and if it's - you can keep pissing on them until it's not? .