New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Barking have you ever had counselling about all this. It's a tough thing to go through and sometimes talking it through with a complete stranger who has no other interest but your well being.

Whoops didn't manage to finish my last sentence! What I was trying to say is that sometimes it's the best thing. Thankfully with our ivf rounds we get a couple of counselling sessions as part of the deal and I can say that speaking to someone who specialises in this area was really helpful. You need someone who understands the pain and torment that we go through and can give advice on coping mechanisms.

Fab I had a couple of counselling sessions at the clinic after the mc following the iui. She basically said I needed to act in self preservation and there was no need for me to spend time with pg women if I didn't want to, why not spend time with friends who I could easily relax with? She said it was understandably difficult, and there was no reason I had to put myself under pressure or feel bad for putting my mental health first . As I said, some pg friends are easier to be around than others. The accidental instadiffer invited me round for dinner and drank more wine than I did. Not what I needed to see.

Welcome aboard icy - Kevin Mcloud eh? Well, at least you won't have any competition!!

barking I still feel whenever you mention that awful 'friend' of yours. I agree with Blue, that is definitely not you 'failing' there - it's her. What a dick.

I definitely don't see or speak to my friends with babies that much these days. Blue is right that it's harder post MC. It was hard enough before but the envy (there, I've said it) feels so much more intense and raw now. I don't begrudge any of them their lovely families, and none of them have been particularly unsupportive (although some have totally avoided the subject which is almost as bad) and when I do see them it's never as bad as I think it will be - it's just the unwavering gut-wrenching WHY NOT ME feelings that go along with seeing them that puts me off doing it more often. My bestie is the sole exception, but then she's been amazing through everything.

So, the droid appeared as predicted on CD26. I've shaved 3 days off my cycle for the last 2 months in a row now. No fecking idea what's going on down there. Can I totally TMI all of you? Good! I've noticed my period is a lot more... mucousy the last few months. I almost want to say watery, but that's not quite right. Is this normal? I've never really studied what actually comes out much (I mean really, who does?) but now I am concerned it doesn't look healthy for a womble lining!

Hola Icy!

Gotta agree with blue on this barking. She sounds like a douchebag... better off without her.

I reckon pg augments existing personality traits so people show their true colours. So its a life stage where groups of frienda get shuffled up and only the good gems stick around and support you. So one of my mates who offered me an African mask she'd bought on safari as a 'fertility charm' which got her up the duff within days - she was binned. The other few mates who hang out and properly see me and all your woes (whether they have their own kids or not) are keepers and worth investing in.

I've been made god mother/secular mentor/ fairy fucking godmother to a few - which is ace - except I do wonder if one is out of pity....

Totally get the hermit thing and feeling like the world is pressing in on you at baby related events - espesh when old women say "ooh you're so good with kids - dont leave it too long what are you career women like?!"

I think this ranting helps, and reaching out to other awesome hags and blokes in your life. And gin. (And Tim Minchin. And Maxine Peake. Maybe at the same time....)

Feck sorry missed a next page of comments. Your all awesome and ive just repeated what has already been said. Ignore me!

I agree on the envy/angry/why me they are a loser/I HATE YOU WORLD - rain. Brave and wise to state it make it less taboo.

And mucous galore here - womb cells are glandular so tis normal I reckon. Hope so!

No words hags, just gin.
Three nights out on the trot for me and all on a school night have kept me AWOL. Rain it's not helping the clear out but it has been knackering fun! I'm back in la la denial waiting mode.

Still no word from Erica?

Oo, get you and your busy social life chez

rain I'd agree, sometimes the reality isn't as bad. We went to visit friends and their baby a couple of months ago and I cried all the way there (I'm sure I posted about this at the time) but it was a hard one because the last time we'd seen them was the day I got the iui bfp. They were also the first friends we spent time with after the first mc, and she got upduffed very shortly after that. So too many emotional links really. Anyway, it was manageable when we got there, not easy, but I coped ok. It helps that she's lovely, and the baby is very much just there like it's no big deal, not the centre of attention and conversation and the universe. Some friends are worth fighting the emotion for, some aren't. Simple as. The ones who don't understand that parts of my life suck right now and I need a bit of space from bumps and babies aren't the friends I want to make an effort to keep long term anyway.

I have been over posting recently because I have been off sick since Wednesday. I've got this horrible flu type thing. With any luck I'll be ill tomorrow as well and won't be able to visit the mother in law
I haven't made it out of bed and onto the sofa yet and am now going a little stir crazy . I hate being ill, I feel like it's like wasting time. So much to do yet I can't get out of bed and do any of it. Rubbish.

Fuckity arse tit wank - just did a really long post and then mumsnet farted me off the app!! Will attempt to redo...

I hate that fab. When I'm on my nexus I now keep copying my text as I go along so it's still there to paste if it all goes wrong. Then I end up accidentally pasting an epic post into an email and having to delete it all without deleting the email...

Just found out another colleague is pg. Just had her 20 week scan. She works remotely so I haven't seen her recently but I'm her line manager. Grr.

I'm crashed out on the sofa with gin. My hectic social life of the last seven days and as yet unresolved fucked up work/life balance has killed me I'm too old for this much fun!

Sorry you're feeling pants Barking. I totes get the sentiment about those who manage to have kids without ramming them down your throat like they're the only thing worth existing for. My sister was a confirmed child hater but always said she would be cool with ours on this basis. I think she would have secretly like to be an auntie. Shit that we have been denied both thanks to the crap that has been 2014. Feeling particularly raw about that right now.

Erica how the hell are you hag?
Fab just arrggh!

Thank fuck it's the weekend. Even if I do really have to sort my shit out this weekend!

Thanks for checking on me, you are bunch of luffly hags!

Still slightly off my head on the drugs but it all went well I think.

Spoke to my doctor after the lap (those zonked out conversations, eh Fab?) and they removed some endo but my tubes are nice and clear (the biggest worry was that I got an infection as a result of two D&Cs back to back and that my tubes may have got damaged).

However, they did find a slight abnormality in my uterus (shape wise) that we are all pretty sure it wasn't there before so it would be related to the second D&C. They said it's not a big deal right now an itis not be something that would stop us from having children. We have a follow up appointment on Wednesday and in the meantime, I've been told to carry on taking Femara so we make the most of TTC this month.

So not too bad, I guess? Still, I feel all emotional and weepy and mood swingy. I have lost my appetite, which is unheard of. I am giving my body such a hard time, don't see how it coud be in shape to make babies?

'It is not something that would stop us from having children'

The internet is down so writing on my phone with my chunky fingers.

Great to see you back in the land of the living, sounds like all went well Erica, though I hope you bounce back soon. Keep taking the Femara and fingers crossed for a post lap diff.

Ahh, collective sigh of relief folks, thank god for the weekend!

I bet you'll be glad to see the back of 2014, chez, it's been a bastard of a year . Hope the weekend has proved both relaxing and productive.

Erica Whoop for the clear tubes. Hopefully the removal of endo will clear the way for a swift bfp.

I have found that prosecco makes one feel a lot better. However the effects do not necessarily last until the morning.

erica that's good news on the endo! What were your symptoms (if any)?. I still wonder about endo, given how heavy and painful the droid has been since the MC.

Sounds like everyone's in need of a leisurely weekend so I hope you've all been indulging in some r&r. We were out with friends for dinner last night, was most enjoyable although I had to go Xmas shopping with a terrible hangovers this morning which resulted in me not getting anyone's gifts but I DID get a massive breakfast for myself and bought a totally impractical faux fur jacket! Now painting my nails on the sofa while watching breaking bad.

Leisurely? Maybe not but I have had the most productive weekend, feeling on fire. Pleeeeaase don't make me go to work in the morning, I wanna stay home and do stuff for me hags instead of the corporate chuff. Sounds like you guys did OK too on the R&R front too, hangovers and all

Oh and heard on TV tonight... We all need to go to the White horse at Uffington, stand on the eye and rotate three times. A guarantee that any maiden will be with child within the year. Ha!

Well, it's December. Officially 3 years since I stopped taking the pill. Only another 50ish days before iui can start in January not that I'm counting . Fuck the advent calendar, I need a gin filled iui calendar .

Still feeling shit but dragging my sorry arse to work this morning armed with beaucoup de paracetamol.

Was being bah humbug about Christmas as usual at work it's all about the bloody kids innit and someone asked why I hated Christmas so much. Not wanting to overshare I just said I had my reasons but it would put a downer on the conversation so I'd keep it to myself. She then asked 'What if you had kids, would you still avoid Christmas then?'
ARGH!

And you know when you think of loads of smart and witty replies as soon as you've walked away and the moment has passed?

Wit of the stairwell that's called in france - I love that term (thinking of something to say after you have left).

She's fucking rude barking, honestly there are a millions reasons why people don't like xmas and none of them are any of her fucking business!

Just quickly popped on to be furious, accidentally overworked again will be back properly soon. Much love Hags

That's a brilliant saying Blue! As you say, it's none of her business but when people say downright stupid things like that I almost want to just sock them with the truth and make them feel awful. Cunts!

I'm debating whether to bother with the tree this year. We're home alone for Christmas so there hardly seems any point but then that really is total bah humbug land.

Love that phrase Blue !
Rain literally not a sniff of Christmas happening here. Not even getting the decoration box down from the top shelf. We're not here for Christmas though, we're running away to Spain.

Wit of the stairwell that's genius blue! Another month and it will be 2015 - I hope a better year for all of us.

I've picked up children of men from our bookshelf - I'm hoping for some catharsis but might drive me to bathe in gin. Trying to stay off social media - bad for my sanity at the mo.

Wishing all you lovely hags a quiet uneventful Tuesday tomorrow with no Christmas bullshit. I'm hibernating.

Hey Rain,

Sorry for late reply re: endo. It's funny you say that (well, not funny but you know...). I am pretty convinced I didn't have endo before my first mc because I got pg the second month of having unprotected sex. Then we tried for over 18 months with nothing but a cp to show for it. And then I got pg straight away after my laparoscopy. Seems to much of a coincidence, right?

Then I mc-d again but that's a different story.

Typical symptoms of endo are

Very painful, heavy periods
Lower back pain
Discomfort during sex.

I didn't have any of those but after my first mc, I started spotting for 3-4 days before my period would actually start, which is one of the less usual symptoms. Initially we thought it may be an lp defect but pretty sure it was the endo because the spotting stopped after my first laparoscopy.

So, really, if you can, get it checked.

Re: Christmas. 'It's for the children'. Nonsense! Since becoming and adult and without the aid of any babies, I've managed to enjoy lie ins, shopping, cosy days in the pub catching up with friends, overeating and day time Prosecco, thanks very much.

Ah, but that's just every weekend as an unburdened couple isn't it?

How do they diagnose endo? Is it picked up in a dildocam or would it have to be an hsg or similar?
Since my 2nd mc I've had painful periods and lower back pain. Neither were a problem previously.