New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Wow, Fab, was there a reason behind each bit? Dare I ask how expensive? The mind boggles...

Erica sorry the droid got you. I don't think it does get easier.

Blue I hit that button on a daily basis! There are very, very few people left on my feed (like, we're talking single figures )

Yes to a 'I don't want to see this' button plus a mild (and safe) electric shock to be delivered through the phone of the really annoying ones.

That's crap Erica, I hate the abyss of those days of bleeding and the futility. Not. Fair. End. Of. Hope you're look after yourself - GIN TIME XXX

Glad the benga bus is coming Fab - everybody's jumpin!

I can feel the faint cramp of another unsuccessful month beckoning. On countdown trying to numb with choc!

All or nothing Fab it's only money afterall right? Gulp. It's all eye wateringly expensive, however you dress it, just know we're here to cheerlead you all the way and send langoustines of luck to garnish your hard earned cash. You never know, one of those extras could be the one that does it.

We gotta get by on hope hags but I totally get it...Rolling our next dice definitely feels like roulette.

Barking, Erica, soz to hear of the shit the last few days have flung at you. This stuff is nothing but painful and it's so damn cruel. Cockles of comfort coming your way.

Pah! The droid is nearly 2 days late (rare for me) and I've been queasy for the last 2 days .... And I diffed? No, am I fuck. What I hate most ok maybe not MOST is wasting a fucking pregnancy test, by the time i poas it should only say yes, it's not like I'm one of those bloody early testers. Going into day 3 of cramps with no droid ...

Gin all round then Hags?

Blue A couple of times, my period came AS I was POASing, therefore gore all over the BFN. My swearing at those times would have shocked many sailors.

It's just fucking shit isn't it Erica, bloody hell literally

Where is my droid??? Where where where where WHERE????
(I realise this is irrational PMT induced fury and that I'm actually only currently 2 days late, which I actually know is nothing but it's usually so damn regular. I'm really really annoyed at it having "teased" me into hope, I HATE false hope!)

Am angry, and tired and angry!

I hear you Blue - last year droid was a whole week late. I refused to waste a piss stick as I've done that very same thing (and getting droid as I was POASing - Martha Focker ) I got all the way to 6 days before I caved. Bfn. Of course. Fucker.

Yes Chez you're right - we're throwing everything at it (plus any additional kitchen appliances if necessary) in the vague hope that this one might actually work. My natural reaction is to get ridiculously positive and say yes it's going to work this time but then my self protection gene kicks in and tells me to be wary. Oh it's going to be a ride all right.

Fab, 6 days is just mean! Little fucker droid. I'm being secretly, just ignore me over here hopeful for you. Shhhh, don't mention the hope out loud, it might notice that we've seen it Lobster of luck at you.

I used to buy a cb digi practically every month, had them on subscription from Amazon. So many times I was late, so much disappointment. Temping saved me, for the first time I could count from Ov, and didn't get my hopes up quite so much as my lp didn't vary as much as my cycle. Now I can't even be arsed temping. Can't bring myself to use that f*cking thermometer, want to throw it across the sodding room.

Fab are you doing short or long protocol? I'll be doing IUI in Jan, looking at my current cycle I should find out whether I'm pg about the same time I would have given birth if I hadn't lost the last one. Which is why I really would have preferred to get going next month and not have the dates line up like that. Arse.

So, are we all going to get rid of this crap in 2015 and all get diffed in January, meaning we just stress about being pg for 9 months instead of stressing about droid or it's absence? How's that for a new year's resolution?

barking interesting theory from your friend. I was on Dianette and then Yasmin for about 9 years in total (originally for my skin) - I'm not exactly flat chested but definitely not busty either! I'm so glad you managed to have a good weekend despite all that baby crap, you're hard as nails.

blue are you going for a 'by the hour' room at the hotel? . I am sure your DH won't be the first to upgrade from the clinic!

fab I have no idea what half that stuff is, sounds exciting/terrifying all at once. Are you going to be ICSI or regular IVF?

erica sorry the droid got you. I am awaiting it myself - my cycle seems to be shortening. It's been a pretty constant 28-30 days for the last 2 years but last month was 26 and today is 25 and I know it's lurking up there waiting to come out any second now. Only thing Ive changed is stopping woo needles (needed a financial break from it more than anything, bloody expensive!), but as they didn't affect my cycle while doing them I can't see how they'd affect it now I've stopped?
fury (hello btw! I don't think we've met proper like yet!) and blue - any sign of yours yet??

RAFs best friend and his very new (April) wife announced they're pg yesterday. They're a lovely couple but all the usual ragey-sad-jealous-depressed feelings are here as usual. RAF usually weathers these announcements much better than I do but he seems unusually crushed by this one. His group is pretty small and he's now the last to have kids, having been overtaken by some who were barely with their other halves when we started trying. Tis bollocks hags, total bollocks.

chez how's your Xmas clear out going?

Ah feck. Cramps were def period which has arrived with force today. Have made an appt with the GP to be referred as been putting off too long. Need to know our options.

GIN TONIGHT and some depressing horror movie to put it in perspective - at least I'm not the female lead in one of those.

Fucking stupid world

Sorry fury, but definitely best to get to the gp, these things take ages. You've got every chance of getting a bfp in the meantime, but better to get the process started in case you need some help. I stopped taking the pill December 2011 and went to the gp Dec 2012. Obviously two miscarriages have slowed things down a lot, but when I saw the gp for a referral I didn't think we'd still be going through the NHS process two years later. I'm quite angry as I'll now be too old for egg sharing (the only affordable IVF option privately, but some clinics cut it off when you turn 35 and the others by 36) by the time the NHS have done their one round, but when we started I was only 32 .

rain same here, I was switched to Dianette for my skin and also tried Yasmin. 16 years on the pill I reckon. All those hormones controlling the natural course of your body. Never really thought about it before, but it's pretty scary when you do.

My droid came too, but that's fine cos I already knew I wasn't differed. You know, I wonder if the skin thing is a factor in it all? While I didn't take the pill for long, I have had acne for the last 20 years. Dunno about the pill and boobies, I know I didn't take it and mine are huge (but I am also overweight and I get the feeling you lot are a healthy bunch)

Fury - I will if you will, I'm very aware I've not fought as hard as I should have done over the years. I'm been checked but Mr Blue hasn't and we definitely need to start considering I'm almost 36 (and he's almost 50 shhhh, don't tell - we are actually George and Amal)

Thanks barking- wise words them! Glad to have found this coven to share my hagness - I think I've been in denial but that's not at all helpful! I am such a dweeb when it comes to fighting my corner.

In to the breach then dear blue/Amal/mrs clooney.... 2015 betta be better. This ttc business is like a full time job...

Can't wait for Gin tonight!

By the way, if Amal conceives before me, I will be furious! (I have no idea why but it's true)

Hello

apologies last time for not filling in the beshtionnaire...

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   gold digger...

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Whatever floats your boat - makes fuck all difference?

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

A

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

A. I don't know if that's 'right', but he's sweet!

6. Number of pets?
   Nil... deliberated getting a cat, but still prone to crying a bit over my last baby puss - had to put her to sleep with lymphoma, about 4 years ago. Can't face the idea of going through it again yet. One day. We're out the house 12 hours a day with worth, so no chance of a dog.

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Kevin McCloud.

8. Lesbian crush?
   The Olsen Twins! Hah!!

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

B

10. Which of these sentences is appalling: a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!! b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx c) both of the above

C

11. How barren are you? a) childless and TTC for at least one year b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad! A

Lots of Droid have come one, it seems... I'm a member of the club!.. 6 days after getting a solid smiley face on the clearblue sticks. Thanks for that, ShitBody! Last month I pissed on CB sticks, got a solid smiley face and the next day had a gush of blood. PCOS is great, huh. got another appt with consultant next Weds. Am self funding, so 10 mins last time cost £210... phoned his secretary and she gave me a Coutts account to pay into. I'm sure! Oh well at least someone gets something positive out of all this shit.

Celebrated with curry. Wine not gin, as a school night (only 12.5% wine) but COME THE WEEKEND...

Trying not to let it upset me as much as it previously did. Had a little weep obvs, on the Tube, of course. Mental crying lady in post-work sweaty gym clothes - hell yeah!

My new fear is that my best friends, who are currently all (haha 'all' - all 2 of them!) getting wed, will be having babies in the next few years, I'll remain barren, I won't be able to face seeing them and that will be those friendships over.

Has this happened to anyone?

My other thing I can't cope with at the moment is the 'baby on board' badges. I want one that says 'BARREN'.

Hi Icy,
You are in as far as I'm concerned cos even I think your crush is weird (and I didn't know that was possible)

As for friends - my best friends were both insta-differs, both knowing that I was already trying before it just magically "by accident" happened for them. It's shit but I love them and they love me so it hasn't affected the friendship at all in honesty. But I imagine if they were less cool (ie. If they felt weird around me, or if all they talked about was babies) then it would be hard but it isn't. The thing is, this sounds so awful but it's something we have to keep in mind, I do believe we will get our babies - but if we don't, no point having lost our best friends along the way too

I totally get your crush, although disturbingly Kevin is also quite similar to my brother. Which then makes it weird and bleurgh. I feel conflicted!

Funnily enough I've been ok with my friends having babies. It's the acquaintance instadiffers that do my head in and make me want to poke their eyes out. I shout at them in my head. A LOT.

Oh and welcome Icy

Fab, I'm exactly the same, adore my. Friends kids and my friends. HATE all other insta-differs.

I have that crush thing with the Alex fella that presented rude tube (I've no idea what he's called, skinny indy looking man) he's cute but he also looks a lot like my cousin and so I've never managed to full on crush with him and its makes me feel icky sometimes

I've totally failed on the friends thing. I became a hermit last year because DH's best mate and his wife were pg, due around the same time as my first pg. Couldn't handle seeing her at all, so avoided just about every social event just in case she was there. There was one occasion she wasn't supposed to be there so I went along, only to find her plans had changed and she was there. I burst into tears. She turned up in the pub after our (family only legal bit) wedding. Again, I burst into tears. Just couldn't handle it. There are other friends with babies who I can just about handle for small amounts of time, but it tends to be the friends who have showed the most understanding and support. Having said that, a pregnant colleague had been lovely and understood how difficult it was for me, but I left her baby shower in tears after 5 minutes... And I won't even start on my bridesmaid who uninvited me to her birthday as she was worried I was going to cry and then she'd 'be made to feel guilty for being pg'. By the end of that conversation she'd decided she wasn't going to come to the wedding and I haven't heard from her since.
And now I'm avoiding my accidental instadiffer mate as the last three encounters have ended with me in tears.
If anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them .

Barking, I don't think this is you - I think it's them. And I would totally avoid Mr Blues best friend if his wife got diffed (and oh she will, very soon)

I've been alright cos my friends are lovely, not cos I'm any better at it. I also haven't been diffed so have never MC - I honestly think that makes it all so much harder

Cockles of kindest to you my dear (I realise that isn't quite alliteration but close enough!)

Yes, I was of pg women before the mc after over a year of trying, but it got far worse after the first mc and worse again after the second. Particularly the best mate and the colleague because they both announced around the time I was mc-ing, and now the accidental instadiffer because again we would have been at a similar stage. It's too much of an in your face reminder of exactly how far along I should be.
Ironically, I really was genuinely happy for my ex bridesmaid, she'd been trying as long as we had. I asked her politely if we could just keep the baby talk to a minimum as I found it difficult (I'd had the same conversation with three or four other pg friends who were brilliant about it and went out of their way to be lovely and supportive) but she couldn't handle it. As DH pointed out, she's always been a drama queen and has to be centre of attention, so not milking the pg was never an option for her. And at least that left me under no obligation to do the baby visit .

Well then Barking, she sounds like a royal tit (and that is not a complement - no matter how much of a feminist I am)

I am out of gin

No arguments from me, Blue

Just hanging around waiting to hear from Erica after her lap...