New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Blue that fucking stinks. Fractionally flinging shovels of shining pencilfish at you (they are real, I looked it up).

Ha ha. I meant frantically but the auto correct made me laugh .

Ooo, a big gin fuelled BESH piss up. Sounds amazing .

Thanks Hags. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you.

Ps. Pencilfish sound amazing! I like pencils and fish

Oh Blue. I am so sorry, what a fucking pain.

I really wish we could go on a pub sesh, hags. I bet we would feel like 100 times better! (if horrifically hangover the next day but who cares)

Oh, and I hear you all on giving up hobbies.... I used to love my hardcore gym classes, spinning, crossfit, weights. But started getting paranoid about that sort of work out hindering implantation and well... you all know how it goes.

I've read quite a lot on it and it seems that if fertilisation happens, there is not much you can do to stop implantation. The biggest hinder is thin lining of the endometrium, or of course, a problem with the zygote. You can affect the zygote with VERY bad misbehaving (as in, so bad, it destroys all the cells that

So definitely not much to do with a couple of spinning classes... if anything, exercise is beneficial to increase the blood flow and improve circulation.

And still, I am too scared of doing anything that could make things harder. This whole experience is turning me into a bit of a scaredy cat. I don't like it not one bit

Exactly. Everything I've read is about increased blood flow. How does sitting on your arse help that?

Exercise didn't stop Paula Radcliffe or Jessica Ennis getting pg did it? And they were doing more than a bit of exercise after work!! I can understand that if you're beasting your body to its extremes, there won't be much energy left for working the fertility systems, but I don't think any of us were training to break the ironman record or anything?! Yet you have all this guilt about what you shouldn't be doing .

And you know what Hags, I don't exercise - I HATE it, and apparently that impacts my fertility too! You can't win.

Also, the last insta-differ and the current SIL are both marathon runners. I'm honestly furious that you have been expected to give this up, fuck em I say (I realise that easy for me to say but still)

Yes I completely agree, when you first start on this ridiculous journey you do all the things they tell you to do as they all seem reasonable and yet still nothing happens and you just feel miserable for not doing the things you love. And still no win. Just doesn't seem fair does it.

So sorry to hear about your frustrating news Blue - tis shit isn't it I'm the only one in my generation of entire family to have failed to reproduce and now the next generation is doing it and I have still failed. What a bunch of utter wank it all is. Not sure I can top the pencil fish so shall throw a carp of comfort your way instead and refer you back to the perennial favourite of a gin remedy. It cures all ills.

Oh man, Fab - the next generation getting diffed is just rude!! I have one person left in my life with no baby, and no intention to have one. I've already told her upfront if she does I'll have to kill her and raise the child as my own ... That's perfectly reasonable, right?

Hello you hillarious lot, may I hangout? Furry; 32; no kids foo-foo action for 13months. Drinkin gin since a teenager. Other answers to questions: 4a, 5a, no pets, crush of shame= tim minchin, lesbian crush= maxine peake, 8= £20 (pound shop piss stix).

Everyone getting preggers at work making me think there's a chair I've failed to sit on....

Now there's a BESHtionnaire of brevity. Welcome Furry, or can we call you Fury?! I kinda get the Tim Minchin thing, he's feisty in a kookie kind of wild passionate way. And clever with it. Hmm.

Laughing so hard at shining pencil fish. Barking and Blue hope you're feeling more chipper today?

Fab utter wank, I concur.
My acu lady has subtly inferred we shouldn't have flown or gone on holiday after our treatment which I'm a bit disgruntled at. I'm still happy with the decision we made but it just feels a bit irksome and unnecessary to suggest I compromised stuff because I didn't stay at home and do nothing.

Cherry she did what?! Oh, it makes me mad how people can be so unhelpfully know-it-all . You got away and RELAXED. Isn't that what we're always being bloody told?! Maybe you should have gone back to work and been stressed and rushed off your feet. Or sat alone at home stressing and worrying and over-examining every tiny twinge. Yeah, that would have helped.

I'm not feeling better, I'm not worse either, I'm just bleurgh in a different way. Feeling very unsettled. DCW wants to move abroad. This was always the plan, but TTC wasn't supposed to take 3 years+. We were supposed to move abroad with a 2 year old. The thrombophilia means if I do get pg I can't risk flying though (certainly not long haul to where he wants to move to) and medical care isn't exactly quality guaranteed where we might end up either. And for this particular country we'd have to leave our dog with family for a year as we couldn't take him with us which I would really struggle with. It's all too much to think about .

Hi fury. Nice lesbian crush.

Blue I think you're going about this the wrong way. I don't think you should kill her, I think you just take the child and raise it as your own anyway, you're older, it's only fair. And if you left her alive and you fancied a sibling for the little thing she'd be able to provide you with one, wouldn't she? Then she could make one for herself, after your needs have been met. Simples.

Ooo, oo, ooo I've got spotting. It's day 28! Please hags, send mental pictures of rivers of blood..... If the droid arrives proper today and the next cycle behaves the same, there's an outside chance I might be able to start iui in December rather than the end of January.... (and the early arrival of droid would also explain the weird emotion stuff )

How did the possible arrival of droid ever become so exciting? Especially when trying to get pg so droid = failure. The world is screwed up.

Hey Fury Welcome to hagdom!

Cherry I am sure your acu lady is really good at acu but when it comes to flying/implantation/pregnancy... I travel a lot and I used to travel even more so I have asked this question a million times to different doctors, gynos, fertility consultants and fortune tellers (jokes). It has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I've been told over and over again that really, really, there is not much you can do in terms walking, flying, working, stressing ... that can affect the outcome. It's a mixture of science and luck. It sucks because we would all like to have more control over the bloody process but here are we are. You did the right thing to go on holiday because it was good for you and Mr Cherry and your general mental health and well being. And you know, hags, we and our happiness ARE important. Maybe it's bearable to behave like a nun for the 2ww if you are an instadiffer but I would go mental if I had to stay home meditating and eating pineapple core (but not too much! and not too cold!) for two weeks a month, for years. FUCK IT!

Barking PM me if you want to chat about moving abroad in the middle of TTC, specially countries where we might perceive the healthcare system may be so-so. Also, moving abroad and pets.

Blue Man. Really wish we could go for a pub sesh. And don't judge for saying this, it's nearly midday where I am!

I know what you mean Barking. It reminds me at me swearing at the BFPs after my mc in the summer!

Mental pics of rivers and rivers of blood duly sent!

Hey, this may mean you could be IUI-ing NEXT MONTH!

Fury fine by me. Espesh hearing how you're getting told what to do by acu ladies -say what now?!

• Erica you hit the nail on the head. Over the weekend an instadiffer told me to eat raspberries everyday and by her tone seemed to think I was a weirdo NOT eating them ev day (even when they're out of season and shit). So the pineapple comment needs a high5 dudette

Barking - visualising 'the shining' blood pouring outta the lift scene (sorry if a bit morbid) xmas IUI!

FFS remind me to only come on this thread - drifted into another where they're all stirring eachother into a frenzy with non- symptoms in the 2ww. One chick has posted a pic of her very BFN thinking that its a faint +ve. Bless em, been there but not helpful revving up other MNers...

Thank fuck for you lot

Sniff sniiiiif.....fresh meat!!! Welcome Fury - that's a very concise BESHtionnaire! Pick a twat cushion and snuggle on in.

Barking wishing you all the very best for a magnificent flow (not a horse's head - godfather stylee though, just to be clear) and the same for next month too

The problem with doing this on my phone app is that half way through typing I can't remember all the things I wanted to comment on. I wish it were possible to look at previous comments. Grrr. Anyhoo I just wanted to say to those who are tempted DONT LOOK AT THE OTHER FREDS! they will only set you off in a tailspin of dis pair and hair at how the instadiffers manage it without even a by your leave. Unless of course it's an excellent thread like the twat cushion/cunt bunting saga or the penis beaker episode. Or my personal fave the one about personal 'freshness'. They are all must reads to make you feel completely normal and sane

Ok so major snob alert here but do you ever find as you go about your business that it is amazing that some people have been able to get diffed and seemingly multiple times with ease? I just saw a woman who looked at best pretty inbred wandering along with a buggy and a toddler, clearly related, looking equally special. How? How does this happen? We keep getting told that our bodies are clever and prevent this from happening but all keep seeing is the intelligent people who have waited to meet the right person and done all the right things, stopped drinking, eaten the right food, cut down or added exercise where necessary, changed their lives in order to get diffed don't seem to get a look in and all the people who are seemingly struggling on the basic intelligence levels can breed like rabbits?

Totally learnt my lesson looking elsewhere - not good when trying to suppress the inner crazy. But those sagas look hilarious. After watching book of Mormon the musical at the weekend they sound similar humour!

This whole fertility stuff is completely random - and there doesn't seem to be much rhyme nor reason. Plenty of dysfunctional birds get preggers and some awesome people have difficulty. Hard not to be snobby. It's pretty shit. But at least we can get more awesome while we're trying.

Glad to hear we're on the same page folks. I do not believe that there is anything else we could have done for IVF #1. The end. We just didn't have luck on our side and let's face it, that's what this comes down to in the end.

All that pressure and uncertainty Barking, no wonder you feel down. And all of it resting on something we've no control over. Shiny pencil fish of hope your way my lovely. It's OK to feel the way you do, you wouldn't be human if you didn't and the hormones can't be helping. Roll on droid, IUI and clusterdiffs...

Fab I'm the world's biggest snob, don't get me started!

I'm feeling pretty chipper at the mo. Today has been a good day for no particular reason other than things have gone my way. But I'll take it.

Yay for good days Chez despite my big rant I'm feeling pretty chipper and positive too. Things are moving along - got a meeting with my specialist on Monday scheduled, appointment with my doc to see how many bloods I can get done on the nhs, getting stuff sorted out in the house, got my eyes tested (damn my speccy four-eyes)...I'm getting shit done

Hags, I think you exceeded yourselves. The cramps this evening, evening post brufen sweeties, have been severe, like curled up in a ball on the floor bad. There's obviously a tidal wave waiting to hit. Seen enough already to count this as cd1. Now just got to hope all the dates slot in beautifully so I can get scanned, start stabbing, go on holiday and be back in time for the next scan...

Fab it's true. Stoopid parents breed multiple stoopid children. With apparent ease. I've taught plenty of them. You wonder why, despite all your best efforts they just. don't. get. it. Then you meet mum/dad and all makes sense... 'tis the annoying way of the world . Maybe these people don't think. We're clearly overthinking.