New balls please! The BESH are hanging out the cunt bunting for Wombledon and saddling up for the Tour de France!

[FizzyFeet]

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

Oooofffffff (that is the sound of the wind being knocked out of you) - jeez Cherry, that is one shitty day for you. Sorry to hear it :-(

Wine and chocolate has been consumed, I think it's time to knock Thursday on the head and say goodnight. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hey hags! A positive... It's Friday!! No one can take that away from us!!!

Other than that, I am pretty sure the droid its on its way and will rear its ugly head before the week end is over.

We thought we would go back to the fertility clinic at this stage (3 cycles of trying post mc) but I am not sure I am quite ready. I think I may need more time to be in the right frame of mind for treatment (one more IUI, then maybe IVF?) On the other hand, it's been three years...

I am finding the Circle + Bloom meditations really helpful in terms of feeling much calmer and peaceful but now, thanks to Cherry, I can't help to giggle every time they say 'youuuderus' :)

blue 'tis indeed Friday . And no work for me next week, we're on holiday . Even if holiday is a week visiting the in laws and thunderstorms are forecast pretty much all week......

chez you're brilliant to even consider being happy for them. Parading it at 5 days? She should be lying at home, dishevelled, sore, emotional and sleep deprived. How dare she be functioning in public?!

Erica I hear you. I had thought we might be able to get an iui in before Christmas, but couldn't get an appointment with the fc until 8th December. Droid is here now, so droid after the fc won't be until the week before Christmas when we're away, meaning it will be late January before we can do iui again...... Part of me wants to get it over with, part of me would rather stick my head back in the sand and pretend it's not happening. I'd really like to get all our tries done before summer, then knock it on the head and somehow move on one way or the other, but if it's not even going kick off until late January it's not off to a great start!

My rumblings of a rant this week have been due to mates and DCW making exciting plans for next year that I can't commit to as I haven't got a bloody clue what I'll be doing. It's all very well saying you have to continue living your life, but if you don't know whether you'll be tied to the hospital for multiple dildoscan adventures, pg and not able to do exciting things, or in the middle of another mc, it's not really a great idea to book things that cost a lot of money and require you to train for the 6 months beforehand .

Sorry, it was Erica not Blue that said it was Friday. But hey, Blue - it's Friday!

Yep Barking that's one if the things that's driven me round the bend with this game along with whatever time of the month we go away it always ends up being in the 2ww somewhere so it ends up not being the stress free existence you hope for. Our holidays have been challenging.

I've had a surprise pregnancy at work - didn't know it until I was met by a big bump in the office - she got married at the same time as me and now has a 3 year old and took her time with this one. Grrrrrr.

Chez, how are you doing lovely?

Cherry I just saw your posts from last night. God, life sucks sometime. I know this won't be a consolation but imagine how supremely zen, sensitive, thoughtful and compassionate we are becoming through this journey.

Well done on the wine and chocolate.

Fab I hear you. Friends that started TTC after my first mc have a baby already and are thinking/trying for the second one. I can't even.

Barking Yup. Same here. 2015 looks most uncertain than anything. As in anything could happen. Including good things and bay bees, hopefully.

I have made an appointment with my gyno for Wednesday. I am not convinced that I am ready for more treatment yet but I think it will be good to see what he thinks, hear his advice and maybe make a plan for between now and January.

FFS anyone else want to rub salt their smug baby news into a raw wound? This week has been horrendi for it at work in multiple doses. This morning I was minding my own business in the reprographics queue in Staples of all places and the way too chatty man beside me starts unrolling his family tree and gushing on about needing a reprint for his new edition. Fuck off! I don't want to hear it and BTW they picked a shit name.

I'm definitely on the roller coaster/hormone crash. Keeping it together at work yesterday was very hard especially with no-one to talk to about it. The few people I have talked to don't get it. Tried to chat to ROCH and his response was I have to chill out and calm down. Ha! If only it was that easy.

Zen definitely a work in progress Erica. Hope your gyno has some pearls of wisdom for you.

Barking the not knowing and the striking the right balance between not letting it take over your life and giving it the attention and time it needs is soo hard. We're considering future treatment but there are other career opportunities in the mix too and I'm definitely in a quandary.

Oh, that's just unnecessary, what a smug twat. Unfortunately they get everywhere.

I'm at the airport. Flying out for a week of sun rain and thunderstorms. Keep obsessively watching families. Seeing the family resemblance. Guessing how old the mum would have been when she had them. Basically driving myself totally crazy. I never wanted to be an older mum. My mum didn't have me until she was 27 and in my peer group that made her old as a mum. Oh the irony. I think this is why if we adopt I'd rather have a 6-8 year old. It'd catch me up a bit with the age I'd have liked to have had one. I'm not too fussed about the nappies and the constant feeding stage anyway.

Have fun Barking, whatever the weather. Step away from the analysis, fuck me, thought that was MY obsession!! Jeez I could have written your whole post actually. We had the discussion tonight about being old parents but you know what? You're as young as you feel and I think it's more important to keep healthy and keep hold of your sense of humour rather than stress about the date on your birth certificate. Easier said than done obvs.

Have the cockles of content to see you on your holibobs.

I think quite a few parents are older Now a days, although I agree it's personal preference. One of my best friends tells me she often felt out of place as a mum in her 20s (a few years ago) as many others at playgroup were in there 40s

I often feel too young and too old to be parent all at the same time!

So far I have:

• had a mooncup fail while on the plane and sitting by the window (was uncomfortable and kept wriggling and pulling my knees up, mooncup obviously didnt like this). I had to wait for two people to get out of their seats and let me out then stand in a queue for one of only two toilets on the whole plane before I could sort it out.
• arrived at in-laws new house only to get upset at all the photos of the grandchildren on display supplied by all their fertile children (and not their infertile daughter in law)
• almost burst into tears when step mother-in-law received an email with more photos of DCW's nephew and niece and brought them over to show me (I said I'd rather not see them as I'd get upset and she backed off - was worried I was being rude but she just gave me a quick hug and moved the conversation on).

Other than that we're having a lovely, relaxing holiday!

Hey hags!

BFN/the droid caught me this week unfortunately. I haven't felt as terrible about it as other times though. It may be the therapy or the meditation or simply getting used to it but I feel reasonably ok and hopeful that we'll get there eventually. In the meantime, we are seeing the doctor tomorrow and see what he suggests.

Re: being not-as-young-parents. I wanted to be a young mum, definitely-definitely before I turned 30. Now I will be lucky if it happens before I am 35 but what can you do? It really fucks me off but I try to focus on all the quality time I am enjoying with Mr Erica, the Sunday morning lie-ins, the wine nights with my friends, the traveling... Sure, I'd rather have a baby but since not enjoying life is not going to make it happen faster, I may as well make the most of these 'enforced freedom' years.

Sorry everyone, got up a bit Pollyanna this morning!

Oi, Erica! Get out of here with all your positivity! It's like you're sprinkling flowers and stuff around the place. I demand you make it all miserable again .

I cycled up a fuck off big hill this morning and now I'm off to lie in the sunshine .

I won't mention the ttc related crying fit I had when my emotions were tipped over the edge by tackling the 10% hill at the same time as trying to escape from the dog that was running along beside me, it doesn't seem to fit with all this pollyanna crap

er.. Hello, anyone here?

Anyone?

Ello 'ags

Sorry I've been AWOL for a bit. Knackered, moody, miserable and generally fed up! Feeling under appreciated at work (my boss suggested when my contract is renewed that I might have to take a paycut!! You'll be pleased to know my response was 'not on your nelly son!'). Seriously though wtf?? Got my lap coming up on 10th and hoping that comes out as 'yes you have endo, we've removed it all and you now have the womble of an 18 year old so go jump on TWH' but am scared it will be something else entirely and won't be the answer to our prayers (not that we are in any way religious). It feels like everything is hanging on this result. No pressure then. Our house is doing my head in too - still finalising major plans to commence work in spring, at which point I would hope to be diffed following ironidiff from perfect lap or OMGIVFTWINZ which would render me utterly incapable of living with no kitchen or sitting room for potentially 2 months. Grrrrr.

How's everyone else (chatty)?

And does anyone know - do you have to get toes as well as fingernail varnish removed for an op or is it ok just fingers?

Eh up fab, good to see you. I think not on your nelly was a remarkably restrained reply to that ridiculous suggestion from your boss . I imagine the censored version in your head was a more appropriate response.

Fingers crossed for the 10th, hope it gives you good news. I've got the rmc appointment on the 5th. We find out whether the tests have showed any reasons for the mcs. I've already had a letter asking me to repeat one of the tests in 3 months as my blood clotting results came back 'outside normal ranges'. Maybe this is a reason? Trying not to cling on to it until we can speak to a real person rather than make assumptions and consult Dr Google. Which I'd never do. Obviously .

Hags - you are lovely. I'm am almost literally (feels literal) drowning under the mountains of work. I'll be back and (ab) normal again soon.

Fingers crossed for laps and Dr who will make everything good

Wotcha' Hags!

Well I've only bloody got to 13 weeks! FUCK ME!!! This is the most surreal feeling in the whole world. I had completly lost all hope to be honest, so who knew? (the BESH did!) it does actually happen!?!

So all ye who are in despair, listen to the BESH, you CAN have your win! I wouldn't have gotten through (and am still in need of help!) the struggle without the cunty bollocks ,copious amounts of Gin and slippery fish slaps on offer around here!

However my reasons for coming back to ze BESH are not to boast or make you feel bad, I am hoping I can help in a very small way!

I have 1 and 1/2 packs of cyclogest pessaries going up for grabs to whomever wants them, I don't know if they helped or if it was just 4th time lucky for us but I did feel better "doing" something! My IVF WIN friend only used them for a week post transfer whilst I had them from 7 days post ovulation to 13 weeks so I'm not sure what little I can offer will help but they're yours if you want them! Just PM me your address and I'll get them sent out over the next few days!

I hope everyone is having a good day, or if not here's a large bottle of Gin with a side serving of chocs for halloween! If there was ever a day we're allowed to be HagLike and Bitter it's today! Have at it!

Congrats Miss H, amazing news!!! I will baggsy the cyclogest if that's ok? I took them from transfer onwards last iui and had to pay for a second prescription just before all was lost - your contribution along with what I've got left will probably take me from deposit day to otd next time without having to buy any more .

Has the menkul lessened at all now you've got past the 12 week mark?

No problem Barking ! They are yours, just pm me your address and I'll get them out asap!

I didn't think it would but prior to the scan yesterday (no.5 but first scan in "normal" unit) I didn't actually dare to believe it so has just been a pregnancy till then, so the dating scan made it a real possibility that I'm actually going to have a child! So for right now I'm really positive! Give it a few days and I'll be panicking again!

Congrats MissH that's fabulous news, well done you

Thanks!

MissHobart I haven't been here for long and I am not sure if we ever spoke...but I am now waiting for my fourth time lucky (2 mcs, 1 cp) and it makes me solo happy that IT DOES HAPPEN! Congrats, hag!

Erica - It DOES happen! You'll be fine!