The Berries: On knockerwatch, sniffing willies and clinging to the coat tails of the continued clusterdiff (thread 21)

[barkingtreefrog]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Aw, thanks, poppy, I think of myself more as a tedious overposter who should get a life outside ttc, but I'll take mainstay .

otters I think we need to be tooled up. I see us going out American action movie style.

I haven't cried for a couple of hours. I'm verging on feeling delirious. If I don't post for a while because we all know I can't stay away it's because the men in white coats have taken away my internet access.

Hey Barking, I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I'm still not really processing the whole IVF failure. I totally get how you feel when you have all the disappointment in the midst of a clusterdiff (not just on here - real-life mainly - that's so much harder to bear).

I think that the summer holidays are going to be a massive slap in the face for me. Work is so manic right now I can kind of push the IVF out of my head (even though I'm teaching sex ed a lot at the moment...) and that's also why I just don't come on here very much. I should, but it's just reeeeeeeeally hard because you just see people coming and going...I'm sorry diffed Berries - I truly am happy for you, but SHIT! Why do my periods keep coming every month? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm on cycle 37 now...40 is going to be awful.

But yes, IVF round 2. Maybe I might be ready come end of August/September time. Let's do it!

Barking you are so not a tedious over poster! You have been so welcoming and supportive to me and new berries. I just so wish I had a magic wand, for you, me and all of the berries. Life is not fair. Anytime you want to rant or vent, go for it we are here. Tiger I'm focusing on your words that we will all get a happy ending.

Boodle that must be really hard teaching sex ed. You've been missed here though, hope you are ready to come back soon but no pressure.

Barking I think you're amazing. Rant away!

Boodle great to see you. I'm hoping to start IVF/ICSI early September. Lets do this!!

barking I am so sad and angry for you. I really thought it was your time. don't give up. go for it in September. you WILL get there!! I had 3 mcs. I almost gave up. we decided to try one last time and it worked. keep your chin up and try again honey Xxxxx

Next clusterdiff booked in for September then, happy, it's official. All old school not-diffed-by-then berries must attend.

Booked my first ivf appt today for 3rd July. 6 weeks of assessments and 7 weeks of treatment apparently, so will also be a September ivf berry. September for the next cluster diff it is then. Not too long to wait!

Can I start the cluster diff in August? My op is next Weds and then hopefully I can start my prep for the FET a few weeks after that. It's nearly time to defrost the kids!

Morning all

I've been away for work so have missed all the updates over the past week.

I had a week of final exams in front of a panel. Three years of study while working, multiple smaller exams and I just failed the final exams. It was bad enough AF arrived on day one. I do get to resist the exams in six weeks but that's right when they'll be doing egg collection etc so have to put exams off until October. So months of stress ahead. Sorry, I'm just somewhat sad today. Also found out another friend is pregnant. That makes 12 now. Oh and my sister is having a termination so at least there is no risk of fetal alcohol synod tone now.

Any hoo, I'll read the thread now to catch up on the news.

Sorry it was a 'me' post.

Oh Serentity I'm so sorry you're having such a rubbish time. You seem to have a lot going on. Take care and don't be too hard on yourself

September it is then ladies. Be there or be square!! Gil we will allow you to go on ahead of us. Get the party started and we'll be along asap

serenity that sounds like a lot of stress and bad timing . I had a similar case of bad timing last year, my final assignment for my post grad course was due in the week I started the mc. They were going to make me take a break until the next cohort in April but I managed to persuade them to give me a two week extension and I got it in. Doesn't sound like there's an easy compromise for you, what a load of arse you could do without.

I can't sleep . Have a headache from all the crying and still have sore boobs and feel sick . DH sleeping like a log beside me as always.

Shit. Now I'm crying again. But trying not to wake up DH. I hate this.

Funky great news that you have started the wheels for IVF! Exciting times. Are you long protocol then?

Wow gill it's finally come round! Good luck for the op and the following transfer to lead the cluster diff!

Serenity sorry you are having such a shit time. Again life is just not fair. Hugs.

Barking do you have a relaxation meditation/hypnosis which is non ttc you could listen to?

X post barking, would it help if you woke him up maybe? even just for a hug?

beaky I've got the meditation kit from chasing rainbows, they're all non TTC specific. Had about 2 hours sleep then woke up crying. I'm actually quite scared about my ability to cope with this. I've only got one friend in RL who understands and she's going through a whole world of her own personal shit right now. My best mate doesn't have a clue, literally. When I said I would have to wait and see if I was going to bleed, or need help starting, or have an operation she asked if I would have to go through this every cycle. wtf? No, only if I keep getting pg and failing to hold on to them. My mother has gone out of her way to be supportive, she sent me a text saying she was sorry .

barking Being awake in the middle of the night is horrible, you poor thing. If you need to take some distance from people who aren't supportive while you're going through this then just do it. Or maybe your DH could have a word with them? At least you know there are lots of berries here to support you and who better understand. You WILL get through this and come out the other side, even though I know that seems so hard to believe at the moment.

serenity Sorry about your exams, sounds like you have an awful lot to deal with.

funky and gilster Good news about the IVF and FET coming up!

barking hope you managed some sleep last night. Sounds like there are plans afoot for a mass diffing in September, excellent thought.

serenity we are all here for you, sorry life is pants at the moment.

Off to get dildocammed to count follies, wish me luck.

Barking, I'm so so sorry to read your news. There isn't much I can say others haven't said yet. If I was near you I'd probably get a good collection of things to smash and lots of comforting stuff for the moment after the anger... , , [tea]

Anyway, can I come to the September clusterdiff too, please? Next FC appointment 25th July and I'm hoping that means we can start IVF so should be in the game with you in September...

Will catch up properly when back at home at the weekend.

Sending you strong follicle thoughts lumen. Give us an update when you can.
I've had very little sleep and feel very sick, enough to request DH found me a sick bucket. I'm going to really lose it if I basically waste another 2+ weeks of my life feeling ill and exhausted. It means all the stuff I planned to do this weekend to keep me busy and give a tiny bit of consolation for it not working won't be possible . I'd forgotten how ill I felt last time, and the bleeding hasn't even started yet. Feeling like the shit is heaping up on top of me.
Thanks again for all your lovely comments, I read through them all again when I couldn't sleep and it was nice to know you were all thinking of me.

Good luck for the scan lumen will be checking in later to see how you get on!

Good luck today lumen. Will be thinking of you.

Ladies, this September plan sounds strong! Yeeeeeee haaaaa!

barking again, thinking of you. Did you wake oh in the end?

Horrible when you can't sleep and thoughts keep processing and dh's are snoring away, you think it's bloody alright for you! Your friend sounds somewhat confused but maybe a genuine question. Re your mum I think people find it hard to know what to say and how to be a comfort so they stay away or stay silent which is quite hurtful. Sorry you're going through this but remember feather's mantra, your time will come and will be all the more sweeter for it.

Had my own sleepless night worrying about work.

Good luck with the follies lumen

Loads of you in September with Ivf etc, that will be so nice to go through together, lots of advice and sharing. I can't remember if it was lumen or someone else asking about twinges when stimming. I became really bloated and yes there were odd twinges, remember there's a lot going on in your body so is perfectly normal. I got a lot if headaches so keep downing the water!!

Anyone watch the footy last night? Rubbish!!

This was a comment on the blog of the day

“Courage does not always roar like a lion. Sometimes it is the small voice that says ‘I will try again tomorrow’.

Thanks berries, all good with the scan. Lining of uterus thick and ready. 10 follies in total but she was struggling to see left one. Follies ranging from 24 to 13mm and already three over 18 which is their target, so EC should be mon or tues will get call this afternoon. Was also meant to have blood taken to check hormone levels but they couldn't get a vein

Thinking of you today barking