The Berries: On knockerwatch, sniffing willies and clinging to the coat tails of the continued clusterdiff (thread 21)

[barkingtreefrog]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+ months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and definitely no mention of baby dust or baby dancing).
Those not abiding by the rules may be escorted from the premises.

Thanks chloe
I've been taking iron tablets for months, thinking I was anaemic but reading the symptoms for hypothyroid makes so much sense!
The FC is emailing me a prescription on Monday so hopefully the meds can start doing their thing soon!

Boo to that otters. It is a bit early to announce at 7 weeks.

bushy chin up and take it easy. I'm sure it will be fine.

chloe I have an underactive thyroid. It was 9 when I was diagnosed and I felt awful, I felt quite a lot better once it hit 4. It's now at 2ish and I feel amazing. And, yes, you can blame that for your weight gain.

And thank you for your sauna advice. I knew I was right (sigh).

Happy birthday Barking and Rain hole you are being spoiled rotten (oh god just realised that it's mine soon).

Totally bollocks day here (other than the weather), baby shower number 2 and 4 baby bumps and 4 babies between 6 weeks and 6 months. Probably one of the most difficult days to date, especially with all those good meaning people who have no idea what is going on and come out with such gems as "when you are ready it'll happen", "it'll be you soon" bleugh someone shoot me now!

Hop everyone else has enjoyed the sunshine.

Otters, instadiff pg announcements are rubbish. I really hope you got an extra big glass of wine before the theatre.

Bushy, I'm so sorry these are such anxiety-filled weeks. I really hope that this settles down and you can believe in the good news and that all is well.

HB, I do admire your strength in actually going to all these baby showers. This must be so hard, I would have probably found an excuse not to go. I hope that there will be sunshine for you tomorrow.

I think I overdid it today, 5k run, 20 mile bike ride and beach volleyball. So am shattered now but trying to stay awake for the match later...

Thanks for putting up with my outburst. Just needed to vent

hb my love, I have so much respect for you. Stay strong, because your time will come, I'm sure.

rosie impressive!!

Divided loyalties tonight with my two home nations slogging it out in the

sparechange sorry it was who was asking about the hypothyroid wasn't it. Hopefully the medication will get to work, but it takes a little while to build up enough to have an effect. It generally takes a few months to get onto the correct dose.

Just one word of warning; the medication can mean that your thyroid gland eventually packs up altogether. So make sure you get your levels checked regularly.

hb that sounds like a hellish way to spend a Saturday. Feign a headache for the next baby shower if you can't face it.

otters I hope you made it through last night ok, that's such a shitty thing to hear in our position. I don't think instadiffers ever (or would ever) realise how hard it is for long term ttc'ers to ever hear these things. and to you

HB and to you too. You've done amazingly well these last couple of weeks, yesterday's baby shower sounds horrendous.

Rosie sounds like a lot of activity in one day! Fun though!

Happy birthday Rain hope you're having a lovely weekend!

I'm curious about the thyroid thing now, I've got symptoms for under active but the dr tested me and said it was fine although I don't know my result.

I'm off to a christening to be a godmother later! Am quite excited now.

Hullo everyone, thanks for the support. I'm in a dark place today. I felt that I was okay with all this infertility bollocks but bridesmaid's announcement has really hit me hard. I feel real envy at her position and that makes me feel like such an old cow

I know that I should be happy just now. I'm marrying my lovely DP next month etc. But I can't pull myself out of this rabbit hole of misery today. Me and BM were meant to be drinking champagne the morning of the wedding and now she's going to be centre of attention at my hen in two weeks time. God, I sound like a spoilt entitled bitch. I don't even want her to be my bridesmaid anymore but bugger all I can do about it now.

Poor DP. He's due back from his stag in an hour or two and I'm a hungover, puffy eyed mess.

otters I'm so sorry you're going through this and you have every right to feel the way you do. It's bloody tough. Hangovers always skew how one is feeling too. You just have to remember that your time will come. It really, really will. It's been my mantra every time another friend announced her pregnancy, every time I saw pregnant colleague who is due the same week I would have been (basically everyday) and whenever I go the blues about my body not working. Half the time, I didn't believe the mantra when I was saying it, but it helped. Big Berrie hugs to you. I wish there was more I could say or do. Just focus on marrying your oh in a month and try to think of that only. Everything ttc can come back into focus after the wedding.

otters it's ok to feel like this. The pit you describe so well was exactly how I felt about next door getting pg. my reaction was extreme and really side swiped me. I had been doing really well up to that point so not expecting it, it really got to me. I was totally unreasonable about it and first reaction was to my dh, they're going to have to move. I took her due date as a direct affront to me- when I'm off for 6 weeks in summer hols all I would hear is baby cries, their bedroom right next to ours etc etc.

feather's mantra is a good one, your time will come but we totally empathise with how shit and unfair it is but she will not be the focus at your hen, you will be, it's your hen. You may have to endure a few pg questions aimed at her but then everyone will want to get onto drinking and having fun so she will be the one that's left out. Any chance she won't tell everyone else? In one way if she does tell them all at hen then at least it won't be novel on your wedding day, they'll all know by then and won't be so arsed and also it's your wedding, you will be the star of the show.

Do you have another bm? Don't worry about the not drinking champagne with her. You blooming well have some, as can your mum or anyone else getting ready with you. Remember you picked her for a reason so hopefully she will be a good friend, she may not, as someone else said above, get it,but she'll still care.

If you're hungover you tend to be more sensitive anyway and you've got to tell dh too so you have that to process but once you have and you've had your cry then move on. You may still feel shitty tomorrow but don't cry about it again. You'll be able to get past it and remember you're marrying the man you love, there's a honeymoon to come and lots of lovely, special times ahead. Remember we're here if you want to vent, as you know, we totally get it!!

Hb good god woman you are a trooper getting through all that!! I think I may have combusted in a very un- english way and told them all to fuck off!!

tiger did you manage to stay up and watch all of footie? Was your Italian side pleased?

beaky enjoy the christening.

I stayed up to watch footie then went to bed really late, got up early but then went back to bed. Going to get on and make brunch, food shop, planning etc.

Otters I was going to type something comforting and wise but Bushy has beaten me to it! And done it loads better than I could. You will get there.

Bushy how are you? I hope no more heart in mouth moments?

I don't know wtf is going on. Bleeding has stopped entirely barring some v faint brownish discharge from time to time. Today I felt great and got up and went for a swim, ate breakfast - promptly lost breakfast and took to bed for 3 hours with extreme nausea. Part of me thought "ooh morning sickness", but with my luck it is probably the start of d&v

Scan tomorrow at 10.50 and I am genuinely nervous. I never get nervous about medical procedures! unless they involve needles argh I want it to be over and just to know, but I also don't, because a tiny stupid part of me believes that despite last week, the dino may have survived and if I do get a negative, that stupid little hope will be extinguished.

ARRRRRRGH.

rp I'm sending lots of positive vibes to you and dino for tomorrow morning. I'm amazed at how well you're coping at this really, difficult time.

hb You're so brave as well, I don't think I could have handled everything as elegantly as you have done. If good karma ruled the world then you'd be next!

tiger Are you half Italian? DH is Italian so the draw was a bit rubbish, we always end up playing against each other!

beaky It is definitely worth asking for your thyroid test results, as a lot of doctors (especially on the NHS) will say the levels are normal when in fact they're not optimal for TTC.

otters So sorry you're having such a hard time. feather and bushy have given such good advice that there's not much more I can add. Just try and concentrate on the wedding which is your day and a celebration of the two of you. I would feel totally the same in your shoes. I am BM at a wedding in August which will mark 2 years TTC for us. I'm already terrified my friend will get pregnant before me and that I'll resent her for it. I think struggling with infertility is something which just cannot be understood unless you've been through it. Friends who haven't been through it just have no idea and so can end up hurting us so inadvertently. We're all here for you whenever it gets too much.

I need to pull myself together as I am being so moody with DH even though he is being such a sweetie. I was hoping I could forget about everything until my next appointment at the end of June when I can hopefully start the FET meds. No such luck. It's still the only think I seem to think about every second of the goddamn day...

Otters am so sorry you are really struggling. As Bushy said it's totally ok to feel the way you do, and we completely understand. Remember as well that this will pass and you won't feel like this forever. Take your time though and have some hugs from us in the meantime. I love Feathers mantra and we will all get there. Hopefully soon.

RP I totally get the self preservation thing. I am crossing everything for you and Dino. Will be thinking of you tomorrow morning and wishing all is fine.

Bushy how are you? No more spotting? I had a lovely time at the christening, thanks.

Chloe I'm not surprised at how you feel, it is more and more waiting and time passing hey. Maybe focus on the dr who said that an FET had higher success rate? It's so difficult though. I know this sounds silly but when I get really stressed and need a distraction, my dh teaches me bits of German! I'm not good though. How long have you lived there?

Feather how are you coping with everything now?

Barking you too, how are you doing!

Everyone else, I hope you've had lovely weekends.

Wishing you lots of luck RP x

Hi to everyone!

I think we all need to adopt feather's mantra!

Otters, just agree with what the others have said really. You can get through this lady x

rp everything crossed for tomorrow for you x

Chloe I recognise that, my poor OH cops for a lot of my bad moods. You're so close now though, hang in there.

Yep I'm half italian. England are my first team these days so loyalties are conflicted! I fell asleep in front of the tv after the second Italy goal bushy!

beaky hope your christening went well. I felt quite emotional being a god mother last weekend!

Also....I'm sorry to still blither on about this but i am still agonising over this job. Have pretty much talked myself out of going to the interview. I'm not sure that the potential interest in the role is enough to sacrifice my work life balance, and we'd have to stop ttc for at least 4-5 months whilst I worked my notice etc. It's likely to be stressful and lots of travel. The money isnt really a motivator, although it would be more. OH, much like you lovely lot, has told me that it is my decision and should be based on whether or not I want the job. When pushed though, he doesn't think I should do it. On reflection, I don't think I want it enough to put myself through the added stress. I think my real problem, job or otherwise, is that I'm pretty unhappy right now, and that is stopping me from enjoying or feeling positive about anything, including my current job. I think that if I want to improve this, I need more fun and interests and not more work. This job isn't going to fill a gap left by a lack of child...

God I need a holiday from the inside of my mind!!!
Anyway, I need to make my final decision tonight. I'm not one for giving up on things usually but I guess there are compromises to be made.....argh. I've always been so ambitious but

...perhaps I need to just relax.

Anyway, I will shut up now!!

I'm back from a lovely birthday weekend dh did a grand job. Got a new nexus 7 (so we no longer fight over the shared ipad) but the bloody mn app doesn't work!!! So I'm on the mobile site on it instead....
I've read what I've missed but apologise for not name checking everyone, I've had since Friday to catch up on!

I was nervous rp too. Your sickness is making me think. I haven't felt sick at all, although we have just scoffed some scones, cream and jam so feeling a bit stuffed and tired! I'm almost a but afraid of the sickness as I hate being sick! I thinking good thoughts for you and little Dino!

tiger it's a tough decision but I think you have a point with happiness being your priority. The interview process sounds v scary. How about you just go to the interviews anyway as good practice and a way to push yourself then if you don't get it you won't regret not trying and if they do offer it you then you're in the driving seat and can always say no.

Just a bit of brown when wipe so much better thanks. Need to get more panty liners!!

Glad you had a lovely birthday w/e barking. I use the website on my I pad, is the app worth getting?

Back from a lovely birthday weekend, dh did a grand job .

otters you have my full sympathies, I had a very similar thing earlier this year when my bridesmaid told me she was pg (not common knowledge at that point but would be by the wedding). She wasn't an instadiffer and knew I was still struggling with the mc but she had surprisingly little empathy read none. Long story, didn't end well.
How much does your bd know? Can you ask her to play it down during your hen do\wedding to keep your head together as you'd rather not think about TTC during your celebrations? I asked a (different) heavily pg mate if she wouldn't mind not overdoing the baby chat as I was really struggling and she was lovely about it.

tiger Before I reached the end of your post I was already thinking she doesn't need a new job she needs a new hobby !! I just quit teaching (which I actually love, just not the accompanying bullshit) for a job that gives less salary but a far bettter day to day work\life balance. I'm looking forward to all the stuff I'm going to be able to do in the evenings and weekends

rp sending powerful berry vibes your way, thinking of you for tomorrow

Argh!!! Didn't even realise I'd posted earlier! bushy the app is much better, I use it on my phone.

Happy bday, barking!!

Bushy thanks. Yes your spotting/ bleeding plus good scan result has made me stupidly hopeful. Also sick as dog all day, even bringing back water. If this is not morning sickness I will be so pissed off.

But then...... Agggggghhhh! I am just mentalling now so will stop posting.

Night, all.