TTC 10 Months Plus, Supporting Eachother & Staying Positive :) new thread!!

[m33r]

Hopefully we'll see more BFPs on this one!

Hi,
I'm relatively new to posting on here. Although I do like to read the threads.
I don't understand all the abbreviations so bare with me.

I have been trying ttc for about 18months now, it feels like a lifetime.
I don't even know where to begin with all the thoughts and feelings of my situation, I have no one to be completely raw and honest with; I'm too scared to speak to my husband too frequently and honestly, best friend lives in London, mother is useless, dad is great but I don't want to bother him too much. Even writing on here scares me. I don't want anyone I know realising it's me.

I have a wonderful, full life with a loving husband and step son.
I have always wanted children and when I met 'the one' it was like a dream come true. Everything fell into place. In a year and a half I had had a perfect wedding and honeymoon. We moved into a gorgeous home, had my step son come and live with us where he got into an amazing private school and is really thriving.
The relationship with his mum is crap as you can imagine, or any step mum who loves her step kid can empathise with.
To make it worse she is pregnant with her latest bf and sending truly awful texts about our situation which I'm sure she has just figured out.

Husband didn't think there was a problem, but understood I wanted to do something so for peace of mind I went for blood tests end of last year , they all came back clear. I had acupuncture recommended so I started having that as well.
Finally last month he agreed enough time had passed and we sent off a sample from him, I had all my tests done. The doc said it was all clear and because I don't fit the over 35 yr old and been trying for 3 yrs criteria they won't investigate further.

Husband said we could go privately so I have an appointment next week for the scans to make sure I have no blockages etc. Then a consultation beginning of June to discuss the results and see what our options are.

Just came on yesterday after putting my all into this last cycle, praying that I really wouldn't be in this situation and it will happen for me. My chest just aches all the time.

I know all this sounds a bit heavy, but just typing it has helped.
I've read this last page of the thread, can I join? If I hear another person tell me to 'just relax' or 'it will come when it's ready' I think I'll punch them!

Hi Stepmama,

We are all in the same boat on this page so feel free to rant we all understand.

I myself am just waiting to hear back from blood tests on Thursday but I know the first test didnt show ovulation hopefully that was a one off

Annoying as it is relaxing is often the best way to deal with everything but im not very good at it and am trying very hard now to try and keep myself busy and relax as much as possible.

Thanks Blueberry, I've just finished reading the whole of this thread. Think I need to swat up on all the lingo, some of it I have no idea!

Fingers crossed for the results.

I have the scan and hycosy next week, not looking forward to the hycosy at all. :(

Onelife - was it you with the hycosy this week? Be interested to hear what I have in store. I didn't know anything about not conceiving in that month?!?!

stepmama I feel exactly the same about the privacy thing, none of my 'real' friends know so its nice to be able to chat in confidence on here.

Managed to get bloods done this morning although cd6, but gp said that would be OK. Have an appointment booked for cd21 bloods so don't have to sit and wait for ages, and dh got sa booked for next week! All quite quick especially as I only called drs yesterday lunchtime for an appointment, better than hanging around I suppose. I'm not sure what I'm more scared of - being told something is wrong that they can't fix or being told everything is normal and not knowing why its not happening. Feeling very confused and emotional this week.

Fx for Thursday blue xx

Welcome stepmama. I know it does feel good just to blurt it all out on here, I'm another who's not told anyone in real life so this place is a godsend. Hope everything goes OK with the scans next week.

I just got my day 21 bloods back, good news in that progesterone was fine and showed ovulation. Slightly worrying was that I had elevated glucose levels. It was normal on my test in April but elevated at the beginning of may. Doc wants to repeat them - she said it could just be a blip based on what I'd eaten but she wants to run them again as diabetes would obviously be a concern (for pregnancy and just in general!) Thinking back, im pretty sure i ate (a lot of) nutella on toast and then got heartburn so had a had a Rennie (pure sugar?!), about an hour and a half before my test so I'm hoping it was just that. I'm going away on holiday next week so have decided to forget about it all til after then, then book in again in a couple of weeks. Also, if progesterone was normal - what the hell is all this spotting about?!

MB I know going for these tests can generate mixed feelings about what you want the outcome to be, and is definitely emotional. I've decided I'd just rather know now if there's something wrong then we can get on with doing something about it. Doesn't make it any less emotional though. Hope you're bloods and dh sa are ok.

Just sitting at work, having a moment of profound sadness that it is our anniversary this weekend. When we got married, I though I would be holding our baby by now, never mind not even pregnant and not sure if/when it is going to happen.
Life is so unfair, but I suppose we said to each other "for better and worse" and all that.
Just wish I could look into a crystal ball for us all and find out if/when it is going to happen.
Moan over. Sorry. Just needed to get that out.
Soooooo fed up today.
Any happy thoughts??
I am going to get drunk this weekend!

To everyone having blood tests good luck.
Jesse I'm having a particularly bad week too, yesterday I finally got the energy to do more than watch call the midwife on telly and cry and was bombarded with awful emails from dss manky mother who called me barren.! The uneducated fool wrote baron though essentially calling me a nobleman..... Silly cow!
I had a large wine and a bitch with dh which did help.

Hi Ladies,

Imaginary Good to hear your results werent to bad and fx the glucose is sorted in the next test.

Jesse Its hard to do I know but try and stay positive, im trying to leave by the saying 'whats meant to be will be'.

I thought I would have had kids 6 years ago and when I realised I wouldnt i swore id have one before I was 25 im 26 this year . The weather is making me happy today.

Stepmama Hope you start feeling better soon!! And what a bitch this woman is why cant she just leave you alone.

Doctors appointment at 5.30pm and im worrying loads. AF due today and no sign of her (I normally have cramps the morning she is due).

Not sure if the mid cycle bleeding counted as an AF which would mean im nearly mid cycle again confused but I havent POAS so will see what doc says.

Oh god we are all feeling it Jesse I know what you mean, friends of ours got pg as soon as they got married, she told me just as I came off the pill. Her baby will be 1 in a few weeks. Reminders like this seem to pop up all the time for me. Had to book my Xmas leave the other day, I just thought I should be on maternity leave not booking holiday :-( it's so depressingly crap

imaginary at least hormone levels are ok. stepmama how you havn't punched this woman I do not know! You are a far more patient woman than me! good luck at docs blue and just think of all the things you've had a chance to do in your life that you couldn't if you had got pg so young. Small consolation (if any) I know but we all need to start trying to look on the bright side. I'm trying to think about all the good things I have in my life, and I have always believed everything happens for a reason - I just wish I knew what that reason was!

MB - I know what you mean re "everything happens for a reason".
I think this has made mr Jesse and I closer somehow. Xx

Ps stepmama - I cannot believe what you are going through. What an absolute witch.

It's hard to believe any woman would cross that line isn't it? Jealousy is an awful thing. I am the woman who tucks her boy up in bed every night and reads him a story so she has her own pain.

Life can be cruel.
When we all get our happy ever after we will cherish every moment and strive to be Supermums! These women who pop them out without a second thought to what they are bringing into the world never appreciate what they have and the children suffer.
At least we can all say that our marriages/relationships have strengthened again enabling us to become amazing parents for our little stars in the sky who are just waiting to come and be with us.

Hi everyone, just thought I'd report back after the hycosy this week, (hi to step mum, know you were asking, yes it was me!) It was ok, they kept us waiting and it was an hour after our appointment time that I finally had it done (so top tip for those of you about to have it done is to not take your painkillers they advise you to take too early!) I hadn't realised it would be done in a theatre, I had assumed it would just be done in the room they scanned me in last time, so was slightly taken aback when I was asked to put on a theatre gown! Dh was allowed to come in with me and I would highly recommend having someone with you as the waiting was the worst and it helped having someone's hand to hold! It was only a female dr, a female nurse me and dh in there. The scan and inserting the catheter into the cervix was absolutely fine, no pain at all, I must admit when they injected the dye it did give me a severe period type cramp that lasted about 30seconds which was not nice, but then as soon as they stopped injecting it stopped and there was no pain at all when she removed the catheter. I didn't have any bleeding or anything afterwards and v v minor crampy feeling for little while after but tbh I might have been imagining that! The whole thing (once we finally got in there!) prob lasted about 10 mins. Hope that helps others waiting to go, if any questions just ask!

The good news for me is my tubes are clear! Lil you were right, we've been advised not to ttc this month as they do not know the safety of the dye so she said it's better to err on the side of caution. But can go for it from the next cycle (so I find myself in the highly unusual situation of actually wishing for af to come so we can get cracking!!) DH needs some antibiotics for some cells from his SA sample (from Jan!?! Talk about delayed reaction, grrr) and they're going to repeat it in two months. I also had my AMH levels checked to see what my ovarian reserve is, find out in two weeks. So I think that's all about me!

I will kick back, have a vino and cheer you lovely ladies on this month, someone get a bfp for us all, pretty please!!

Imaginary, hope the glucose test goes ok, it does sound though that it was probably diet linked so fx for you that that's the case.

Jesse, sorry you've had a down moment, but happy anniversary and make the most of your time away!! Bottoms up in every sense

Stepmum, I can't believe somebody would actually say that, please ignore as best you can, my nan always said if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

MB, you're totally right about looking on the bright side. Who knows the reason why we're having to wait, but whilst we are waiting we may as well make the most of things. I keep thinking of that amazing 19 year old boy Stephan who sadly lost his life this week tragically young, we have so much to live for ladies, enjoy life, live it, don't wish it away

Update.

Doctor says my first blood test showed no ovation and the next to were low do unlikely ovulation.

Got to go to gynaecologist now which looks like they'll put me on clomid.

Feeling rather sorry for myself and rather depressed. ..plus af still hasnt shown up grr

Hey blue. Just a quickie.
Sorry you're feeling low and feel free to wallow as long as you need but remember the positive. .. Hopefully you now know what your problem is and it's one they can help with! That is a huge positive as well as being upsetting. With commis toy could just be talking a few more months until your bfp.
Hugs.
X

Clomid you, not commis toy! Sorry, stupid phone auto correct.

Yeah Blue agree with what May said, fingers crossed you now know the problem and it can be fixed.

Good luck for next month then One - prob quite nice knowing you are out this month I would think. You can just relax and enjoy life for a few weeks. yeah the whole Stephen Sutton thing really puts life into perspective. Every time I read an article about him I well up, he was just incredible RIP to a wonderful brave young man x

Oh and PS Vic hope you are still down here its defo not raining for the next few days - looking like 20-22 and sunny this weekend :-)

Thanks ladies I know its a step in the right direction but im just so tired already.

Hopefully gynae can give me a reason for why im not ovulating but I still think its because I was on depo for 10 years.

Have the weekend off so going to try and relax and not poas im not normally late with af but its probably stress.

Sorry for being so self involved!!

Don't worry blue its what we are here for xx

Yes I'm still down here MB! Enjoying the weather! Internet is rubbish on campsite tho. Only seems to work first thing and last thing.

How dare this rude woman call u that stepmum, how does she know you've been ttc? I call myself that horrible word to dh, but that's allowed and me wallowing in self pity :-p

Glad your tubes are ok one. At least that's one step closer.

Sorry about your results blue but at least something is being done now hun.

I'm a few dpo. Don't know exactly as not been properly tracking! Had 4 days of ov pains this month and now I have sore boobs! Marked the ov pains on my app but not which day I got the pos opk. Dtd cd12, 14 and 16 tho :-)

Sorry if I've missed anyone else's news out, takes about 10mins to load up the page if it loads at all so forgotten what I've read by the time the end appears! Only hope all this will post without crashing!

Yay glad you are enjoying the weather AND got to dtd plenty on your hols :-) I saw this on FB earlier and thought of you lol
metro.co.uk/2014/05/12/11-reasons-dorset-is-the-best-place-to-live-in-the-uk-4722560/

where abouts are you staying? xx

hi all

stepmum what an awful thing for her to say, but good on you for not retaliating and having some empathy. hopefully your kindness will be rewarded with a bfp soon.

one thanks for the detailed hsg description. it's always nice to know what to expect for these things. glad we are getting same advice too!

blue sorry you've had bad news. sounds like the bleeding could have been AF if you were annovulatory. but I echo what others have said. clomud us an easy fix and you could be on the road to that bfp now.

sorry to hear others have been feeling low. I'm trying to keep ttc out of my mind this month. the "just relax" approach. I think I may punch myself for it though!

Morning ladies, another beautiful day!
Thanks for your kind words, Vic- I think she just figured it out. She would of known from dss we wanted a child and it's coming up 2yrs after we got married.

One the hycosy info is really helpful thank you. I have to go on my own. Dh hates all things medical and need to save his willpower for absolute must appointments.
Happy your all clear, I can't believe they missed your dh needing antibiotics !

Blue- big hug, you're on the right track now and once medication is in your system it'll just be a matter of time I'm sure

Have a happy day everyone