Hell no Aunt Flo! You can't park that red convertible here. This space is reserved. Turn on, tune in and cop off. It's Just Shagging part 23!

[Minion]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 22 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2035460-Get-your-ROCs-off-Get-your-ROCs-off-honey-Knickers-down-legs-up-and-capes-on-in-the-competition-for-SOTM-Just-Shagging-part-22-the-one-with-all-the-BFPs?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1817751-Just-Shagging-Grads-Fred-8-Roll-up-roll-up-all-Viroids-welcome" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is  <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging shaggers!

Hi hi hi

Wowzer, you've all been busy, can't keep up. Good to see you aubergine, glad you came by. Another newbie high five from me.

Hope you're both alright RPotz and lil.

Well, after initially thinking I had a chance of doing a kitten I did a Frer and got the thumbs down. I had to know as was feeling really sick while driving this AM. I was convinced like approx a million women before me. But as someone said, the red lady hasn't sung yet.

Was just such a long, difficult road to get to #1, though I know how lucky I am, sometimes I think we should stop here. It has to be fun, hence JSing. All about my attitude.

I guess peeing into a plastic pineapple might enliven the wait. I've got PLENTY of time to choose a new roc because as you are all my witnesses there shall be no more poas by me unless I get to a week late.

So glad I've got somewhere to write this down, sorry for rambling. :)

That's brilliant dulcet - I'll take six month's supply to be getting on with.

Maybe the advanced digital model could have a third "hooya"outcome for testing too early...

Put me down for a dozen, Dulcet, that's this cycle taken care of

Love the advanced hooya warning idea. I'll take some of those Dulcet.

Sorry it was BFN Before. Hopefully just too early.

Don't worry Ness, you won't have time to shag hubby once you have a baby anyway . I found leggings and long tops/dresses the best thing to wear. Hope you feel better soon.

Sorry before that's rubbish

We are in lead up to ov and my dh has just rolled in paralytic at 5am. Great, I can feel major row brewing!!!

Anyone else's dh still behave like they are a 21 year old student? It gets me down so much - my father was an alcoholic so it terrifies me that this is what I'm living with :(

How often does he do it Lala and how old is he? Mr Wil doesn't drink much any more but when he does he gets pretty drunk (as his mates are regular drinkers and he can't handle it as well as them). I get annoyed because he becomes even louder than normal and obnoxious. I wouldn't mind so much if he was a fun drunk. He only does this once every couple of months so I can't complain too much. It was a bit more often before MiniWil came along.

You obviously have that insight and fear from going through that with your dad which maybe Mr Lala doesn't understand? If he's doing it every week I would be pissed off. Especially if it impacts on the following day. I engineer it so the day after is Mr Wil's turn to get up with the toddler. This puts him off doing it again for a while .

hi all

just dropping in quickly as u keep getting told off for spending so long on my phone! I blame you lot for posting so much

literal phase is definitely already a jsing term. its been around longer than twot.

ness time for new clothes...embrace the positive!

hi aubergine welcome

dulcet I'll have 100...I reckon I'll need them, or maybe it will invoke law of the sod!

min you are not aloud to leave here until I get my bfp. I can always count on you to cheer me up with phrases like "flange wanker"!

Listen to DH Lil, go away and enjoy your holiday!

That's crap Lala. My mum was/ is an alcoholic too. Does he get like it regularly or just every so often? Seems a little insensitive of him either way, if he knows your background. Mr Rpopz still acts like a 12 year old... mainly because of his wrestling/ computer game/ board game obsessions.... He doesn't drink much though... thankfully... he is also a loud drunk (and he's pretty loud to start with!).

Morning all.

Mini hooya Before

Hope you're feeling better Ness !

lil I ain't going nowhere sista (accompanied by trout pout, finger click and head sway)!
Those ante natal boards are a bit daunting. Loads of people are telling each other about their symptoms and they are really different to mine so it doesn't make me feel secure just yet.
Yes, you're husband is right, put down the phone, step away from the screen and go get thee a huge penis go harder (piña colada) and down it in one and show the convertible driving teabagger whose boss!

Can so embody explain the red convertible please? I have a mental image of a half soaked tampon... But will that get me booted for suggesting such a bogging image??

The witch zips down the motorway in her zippy red convertible once a month and parks up for a few days, she then buggers off when all the chocolate and stodgy food has been eaten.
She's the rudest houseguest ever.
She's not considerate, quiet and she doesn't tidy up after herself and the only way she can afford a convertible, as she doesn't work, s she gets wimmin' to spend a fortune every month buying products she makes in order for her to have afew days relaxation at your gaff.

Bogging?! Ooh kato are you a fellow scot?

Ach wil he does it about once a week. I've tried reasoning with him and he's always apologetic, but then does it again. He's a bar manager so it kinda goes with the territory but I get angry coz I'm trying my damnedest to be healthy, take frolic acid, eat well, meanwhile he's there chugging spirits.

He's 33 going on 19.

I think though he'll get a rude wake up when kid comes along, he'll not be able to do it then.

I wish I had a zippy convertible and not work, that frogging witch is a cheeky mare!!

Frigging not frogging!

I love that analogy! She's a bloody nuisance isn't she? Obnoxious cahhhhh!!

Aye lala I'm north Glasgow (east Dumbartonshire? You choose!)

Yay! I'm east coast but live down saaaaarf just now

lal I didn't know you were a scot. And now kato! And since finding out Ill now read your posts in a Scottish accent! I loves it.

Just catching up and checking in.

Lil sorry the witch found you on holiday. Drown her with cocktails and leave her behind.

Lala give your DH a kick up the arse and tell him to grow up. Never works, but might make you feel better!

No news from me, I'm tired, fucked off with work, and massively fucked off with my family. Nothing new there.

At least DP is happier, since he's off today (a rarity!), and is making a mess with more bits of wood outside. He looks so cute in his blue overalls, like Bob the Builder.

Happy Bank holiday weekend everyone!

P.s. Nearly forgot RPopz we NEED a picture of the Pissy Pineapple of Pee sticks. It's far better than my travel shampoo bottle that I use (I have good aim getting in that narrow opening I tell ya!)

min my accent is a bit pish poor to be fair - I went to school in England for a bit when I was a kid!

joke for you scots....

a man walks into a bakers, points to the cakes and says is that an apple pie or a meringue?

baker says you're not wrong pal, it's an apple pie!!

took me a while Ayles but I got it... Love it! .. and I'm Welsh!

Ha ha!!! I miss scotch land where glamour is a greggs sausage and bean bake and a can of irn bru. Incidentally autocorrect changed irn bru to 'rim brush'

And now I'll read snows posts in a welsh accent.
Fab!

oh lala how funny -rim brush!! love it

I'm a bit northern/Birmingham so you have to put a bit of a coronation street twang on for me.