The Berries: Projecting the sausage signal and chasing rainbows whilst chanting FUFC in the hunt for that elusive BFP (thread 19)

[happylass]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Good luck today rp - will be thinking of you.

beaky much better - thanks for asking. How are you doing? Have a sort-of skeleton plan: basically, we're getting married in early June, so I can't face clomid again before then. Sticking to acupuncture and Vitex till after the wedding and will then give it another go at 150mg (which is was worked last time).

Not sure if it's the best move to be honest, but over the months since the ectopic, and not being at the FC every five minutes, I've felt myself again. What I've taken from it all is that I spent all of last year focused and obsessing about getting pregnant, without really thinking further than that - a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby, becoming a mother - I just lost my way a little.

I'm still working with my colleague who was due the week after me, and watching her bump grow and knowing that mine should have been too still smarts. In my darker hours I wonder if I've done something wrong to deserve all this infertility business. It sucks, but it's important to remember how lucky I am: amazing partner, family, friends, work etc.

barking read the end of the last thread and I'm sorry about your honeymoon friends - I agree with everyone who said that you should maybe stay somewhere else - it's your honeymoon and you don't want it ruined so I'd avoid any situations that are upsetting.

Happy Monday all!

Good luck rp!

Feather what you've written has really struck a chord with me. I think that I've lost my way a little too and forgotten about all the good stuff in my life.

DP and I spent a lovely day together yesterday. We did a bit of pub crawl in the afternoon and ended up spectacularly tispy! It was great to just relax and have fun and act daft together - something which we always used to do but haven't recently. We also booked our wedding which I have been putting off as I though I'd be pregnant. I feel like I've been putting my whole life on hold during the past two years ttc and it's time to start living again. Anyway, Saturday 26th July is the date and I cannot wait.

We also had a good heart to heart about our trying to start a family. I'm going to insist that I'm put on the IVF waiting list at my next FC appointment in May with an aim to start treatment early next year if we get to that point. And, if that's unsuccessful, we will definitely start the adoption process. Of course I hope that we'll conceive this year but it feels good to have a plan for the future if that doesn't happen.

Parsley I am green with envy at your holiday plans! DP and I have a tiny wedding budget (this bloody house we bought because we were pregnant (sigh) has sucked us financially dry) so I think we'll be honeymooning in our ancient beat-up camper van somewhere in the UK!

I'm going to have to join you detoxers. Since my mmc in November I've slowly been putting on the pounds and I am the most podgy I've ever been

Ahh Feather glad you are feeling better and I think your plan sounds good, I definitely agree with what you are saying, you can totally focus in on getting pregnant and that whole process and loose sight of everything else. You definitely have a really good view which will hopefully mean you feel a bit happier. It's such a stressful process so it's easy to see how we all get lost in it occasionally. I also agree about not having FC appointments hanging over your head, it gives you some space back. Please don't ever think you've done something to deserve it, that is definitely not the case.

Otters sounds like you had a great weekend and congrats on booking your wedding! Exciting! Your ttc plan sounds great too and I think it does always help to have a plan in place.

On that note, I'm going to do some holiday browsing for a lovely adults type hol

RP good luck for your appointment today.

Glad I've kick started some Berry holiday planning! If nothing else we'll all be lovely and relaxed afterwards.

feather I have the "I must have done something to deserve this" doubts from time to time but I know it's not really true and I hope you do too.

otters sounds like you had a lovely weekend! MrP and I did much the same (minus the wedding booking - how exciting!!!). It's good to just be 'us' sometimes!

Hopefully adoption is a long way off (although regardless of our ttc outcomes it is something I'm potentially interested in anyway) but I did see a trailer for a documentary about adoption on C4 later this week. Anyone going to watch it?

Booking the holiday tonight, looking forward to all the holiday happiness endorphins, just need to work on the blubber in the meantime. Day 1 wheat/dairy free - rice milk is actually ok and we even have GF/DF choccy bourbons at work!!

Thanks Beaky and Parsley

I've also always thought that I would eventually like to adopt a child Parsley even if I do one day possibly maybe get to have my own. I was reading up about the adoption process yesterday and I read that to be considered, certainly where I am, all infertility treatments (i.e. IVF) must have been completed. They won't consider you if that's something you are going to try. Thanks for the heads up about the documentary - I'll definitely watch it.

It's called 15,000 and counting I think. Looks pretty harrowing tbh

So, have you been dress shopping yet?

Thanks otters and parsley - I know that's you're both right bit that doubt sometimes creeps in.

Will write properly later, and woohoo, congrats on the wedding plans otters!

Sorry - I'm such a doofus - I meant thank you beaky too - all this scrolling back and forth on my phones makes things confusing!!

No report from rp yet?

I agree with all the putting life on hold shit. It actually feels really good knowing that I'm not pg this cycle, rather than wondering constantly if I possibly could be despite making efforts not to get pg I'll no doubt still be upset when AF arrives because I really am that stupid

Bump-that-would-be-mine is due to deflate any day now. Can't stop thinking about it. I'm trying to convince myself everything will be fine once she's got that bloody baby out.

Any news from RP?
Feather I like your style with the Oreo ice-cream....yum

I have to agree about the feeling of liberation now that decisions are made (not sure if I'll feel that way on Thursday though)

Hope everyone is feeling a bit better today. I saw a friend who lost her first at 24 weeks and is pg again (almost to the same dates). A mutual friend had told her about the IVF so what could have been an awkward moment wasn't so bad.

Not sure about the docu; may wait to hear back from other berries before venturing out.

How are all the lesson plans going teaching berries?

Feather I think you've surmised this ttc business so well. I know exactly what you mean about the not thinking further than getting pg part, for me at one stage it just became too goal centred. It had almost reduced to something just to get done. I still think now I'd be in a complete panic if i did get pg, it's almost like I haven't seen past that part. I think lots of us are seeing past the ttc and remembering to live our lives and not hold our breath for something that may or may not happen. Remember it's def not some sort of punishment at all, just these things take time, it's a darn side harder for most people.

otters what a lovely w/e and love your idea of getting back to 'being us ' think we should all try to do that. And congrats on setting the wedding date-yay!

There's a distinct air of optimism in Berry HQ tonight, I'm liking it! rp wherever you are I hope today went well. Let us know when you're ready.

Our holiday is booked, so excited for September now! I almost hope I'm NOT pg by then so I can enjoy the all inclusive to the max! Shame on me for writing that down tho

Ps am watching We Need To Talk About Kevin on iPlayer. I strongly recommend it for temporarily squashing your maternal instincts

Thank you all so much for thinking of me

Okay, so basically no news. The surgeon says, my kidney is not working properly but he can see no reason why it shouldn't. He says this is unprecedented in his experience, and my sense is that he is experienced enough that that is significant. He wants to perform yet another X-ray of my kidneys to see if they can identify the obstruction or defect but he says they will just keep on monitoring. He said he will not take me off his books till he is thoroughly satisfied my kidneys are working. Ultimately he may go for surgery but he is reluctant to as he has no idea what is wrong.

I am a medical miracle

On pregnancy, he says he does not ever think I would have to choose between my own life and the life of a baby. I guess that sounds awfully melodramatic written down but it is the sort of thing that keeps you up at 3am However he did say that it was possible that I would need surgery under GA if I got pg and the kidneys got worse, and I might need to have a procedure called a nephrostomy where I have a tube put thru a hole in my side with, basically, a bag of wee that needs to be changed regularly. I asked if I could work with that in, as my salary pretty much pays the mortgage, and he said he didn't know.

Sooooo.... I'm choosing not to think about that last bit now, particularly as being pg seems as far away as ever. And it is a remote contingency.

Anyhow, that was very mememe! How is everyone else?

parsley that's exactly what I thought before our all inclusive, almost to the point if not wanting to try the mth before so I could enjoy it but when you have ttc problems that seems a bit silly!! Is it Mauritius you're going to? I would really like a nice adults only holiday. We'd like a nice, relaxed beach/ pool holiday maybe with a good all inc but also happy to do eating out. we do like 'nice' places if you know what I mean, we did st Lucia last year, which was amazing but won't be able to afford that this time. Any recommendations? Was thinking Italy- saw a lovely castle you could stay in and France where you could stay in a chateau, was pricey and not all in but had golf, which oh likes. I like yoga.

What is we need to talk about Kevin about?

Cricket rp, not me, me me at all. Bag sounds scary, hopefully you will not need that. I suppose he said so you'd know he'd covered all eventualities.

Bushy DH and I go to St Ives so cannot really advise

We Need etc is a brilliant brilliant film which starts off with a woman being horrendously abused by her neighbours and you can't really understand why. Then there are flashbacks to her earlier life and her troubled relationship with her gorgeous but creepily aggressive and jealous son. Won't ruin the ending though! It is a proper psychological thriller.

.....so having just said I wouldn't dwell, I got quotes for income protection insurance in case (as will obviously happen) I get pg, have to have a Narsty Wee Bag, and end up on minimum sick pay, losing the house, whilst DH and I live in a bin behind the local working men's club. somebody smack me!

It is also a book of course but the film is better, I understand.... Have only seen the film. Fantastic literary scholar that I am!!

Hi everyone. I haven't managed to read back but just wanted to poke my head out from the duvet to say that I am still quietly here and seeing how you are all doing. I'm slowly kicking myself back into gear.

Can I ask what's been going on with you Boodle?

Failed IVF cycle and lots of unexplained issues. I don't deal well with the unexplained bit.

boodle - think you deserve all of them lady. Come back properly when you're ready.

rp well, you have to not think of the NWB as an option until if it ever has to be (Jesus, I'm just so articulate tonight). Do you think it would be worth getting a second opinion?

bushy you are absolutely right, of course!

hampshire Oreo ice cream? I wish!! *sob

Argh! Just lost a massive reply to you rp. Essentially I just said I know two people, one with a wee bag, one with a poo bag, and they both cope just fine.
And there's a good chance it won't ever happen anyway .

boodle are they going to do a follow up about the unexplained bit or have they just left you with it?

Hey rp I suppose no news is good news of sorts but don't let your imagination run wild with possible outcomes! A girl at work who only has one kidney had a baby last year. She did have to have lots of extra monitoring as a precaution but had a great pregnancy and birth and is back at work now with no issues.

boodle hope you're doing ok x

otters congrats on booking your wedding. Sounds like you're in a similar position to us - we spent our wedding budget on a house because kids were the priority so we've not got married yet (we were going to get married abroad but oh's parents hit the roof so we cancelled it and just had the honeymoon part anyway).

feather how are your wedding plans going?

parsley what sort of gf meals are you making? I'm finding it ok so far (only been 5 days). I was away at the weekend but half my family have celiacs so was catered for no problem. Eating out might be a challenge though.

I'll probably watch the adoption docu and cry all the way through it. Has anyone been watching Louis Theroux's LA stories? Excellent but omg make sure you have tissues. The first one was about LA's stray dog population (very sad) and the second one was about end of life care featuring very young men with cancer ( very very sad) which had me in floods.

All this talk of holidays is making me wish the time away till ours...less than 4 weeks to go I seriously need some sun!

So I finally got my blood results from the gp. All seem fine according to dr google but I wish they would have properly explained them to me. I will go armed with questions at the follow up in May but in the meantime does anyone know about thyroid function and TSH levels? Mine was 2.48 which is considered normal but should it ideally be lower?

tiger, I am gf and got tons of great recipes from the book "Honestly healthy" (alkaline diet).

Re. thyroid function: my bloods I did early this year indicated 'subclinical hypothyroidism'. That is when TSH is in the upper range of what is considered 'normal' (I can't remember right now the exact figures, sorry!). To be honest, I've had hypothyroidism symptoms for years: unexplained weight gain despite being really sporty and not eating a lot of calories, super dry skin, feeling always cold, hair loss...so I read up on thyroid function and found out that there are doctors who believe that if your TSH is >2, conception is possible but implantation will be compromised.

So I made the choice to go on the tiniest dose of thyroxine. Now, this is something that I don't recommend lightly, because even though this is a tiny dose and the endocrinologist thinks that I could easily go off it once I'm pregnant and I don't need it anymore, the reality is that most of the time when you start taking thyroxine the thyroid actually shuts down completely...and then you are on medication for the rest of your life. I am really not happy about this but I guess sometimes you have to make uncomfortable choices.