Come one, Come All! Join the BESH on the Carousel of Cuntishness! Prize for spinning off the side is of course your very own BAYBEE! Pay your fare, pick a horse and hold on tight!

[MissHobart]

Which horse did you choose? Hope it's a good one as it might be a bumpy ride!

Are you BESH enough? Dig out the infamous BESHtionnaire and proffer your soul for judgement! No tweeness or baby dust allowed, If you're easily offended fuck off!

Yeah, I understand that bugs.

Think the symptoms go in cycles. Not been feeling so tired etc over the last few days, then woke up this morning with needlessly painful tits. Come on Grub.

BTW, has anyone seen the hilarious ClearBlue advert that's on TV at the moment? I caught it a couple of days ago. Two thin, super-clean, pastel-clad ladies are sitting in an immaculate kitchen sharing tea when one of them announces [in badly dubbed voice] that she's pregnant! The other lady clasps her hands and they have a lovely moment in which Lady 1 discolses that ClearBlue has told her she's 1-2 weeks. Then Lady 2 says 'I think I'm going to cry!'

I couldn't help wondering what it would be like if CB did a realistic ad:

Pre-shower lady with greasy hair all over face drags self from bed at 7 am to piss into a yoghurt pot, stands in freezing bog for five minutes until readout says 'Not Pregnant', drags self back to bed to have discussion with husband about whether it's really not worked or it's just too early

Oh god that advert Dishy

Ha Dish that's much more like it - that add is so ridiculous!! I get a little bit more sweaty every time I see it. And who has ever said they are 1-2 weeks pregnant??

Bugs, one I my favourite things is banana and peanut butter in toast it's my best power lunch choice if I have a busy arvo. And yes you're right if course about needing a hol. We have sooo much work to do on the house and of course ivf but we may well decide to rearrange funds to give us a holiday and live in a pit for a bit longer.

Dish that's much more like it! I hate that flippin advert.

Bugs symptoms come and go. I feel much less pregnant now than I have done in weeks. I'm trying to see it as a good thing as I was feeling horrible!

The fact that we only ever get a week off at a time together as trying to fit more around two litigation schedules is impossible helps with the holiday budget. There's no way we would be able to afford a fortnight in those places. And our next gazillion holidays will probably be centre parks...

Morning Hags! Today is our first wedding anniversary! the lead up has been bitter sweet as there is of course no baybee yet but today I'm happy! Housework followed by a trip to stay over and have an amazing dinner at the 2 star where we got engaged! We have a bottle of pink fizz my mum gave us a year ago to start on when we get there!

Am I right in thinking you mean 2 Michelin star?? Brilliant we went out in the big smoke, dinner and a show for our first anniversary and got well and truly sloshed - had a great time! Anniversaries are great!!

Yup to the Michelin stars! It "only" had 1 when we got engaged and was amazing then so I'm very excited!

We are not posh/rich but are massive foodies so treat ourselves for very special occasions, this will be our third time at such a fancy place! Hopefully last for a few years as we'll have baybee responsibilities!

Happy anniversary MissH, HWCA and I don't do anniversary presents but always go for a vair posh meal - can you share where you're going to I can get jealous and excited for you?

We're going to L'enclume in Cumbria, hopefully is doesn't rain cos it's in a gorgeous little village!

Ooh happy anniversary MissH!!

Our 3rd anniversary is tomorrow! Can't believe it really. And actually quite sad about it tbh...I agree that anniversaries are lufly and it's nice to remember your wedding day and have a special meal/trip (the last 2 anniversaries we've celebrated with romantic city breaks), but I can't help feel that we are so not where we wanted to be 3 years into our marriage. We are both feeling the pressure...not from anyone else I may add. Just the pressure of being in this fog for so long and not knowing the reason for it.

Maybe I'm being too negative...but fuck it, I should have an 18 month old right now and ttc #2!!!! It makes me soooo angry. This is NOT what was meant to happen! Maybe I need help. It can't be right/sane to be freaking out like this over the passage of time, can it? Prob doesn't help that I'll be turning 35 in a couple of weeks, so feel like a fecking ticking bomb right now!

CUNT!!

Good to get that off my chest.

Sorry to bring down the fred

Fankle - my sentiments exactly! I should have a 4 month old and be planning number 2! But nevermind! When we get one it'll be uber loved as it took so long!

Fank I think we all feel like that off and on. It no longer governs my every waking hour - we have had a few other things that have brought us a reality check on that but it is hard. We've been married for over 3 years now and trying all that time plus done 2 rounds of ivf. Everything has been governed by whether or not we get pregnant. Everything is on hold. At 42 this summer I feel like we're coming to the end of our journey and it may be time to move on soon. On the plus side we haven't been battling for 10 years with this and my age will stop that from happening which I'm grateful for. Ultimately our marriage is the most important thing and that's what I need to keep at the forefront of my mind. Keep strong lovely x

Thanks ladies. What a lovely way to look at it Fab- as long as you have each other for love and support and value your relationship as the top priority...then there is a lot to be thankful for. Totally agree and couldn't be happier with MG...feel a bit more uplifted now so can get excited about our anniversary (instead of feeling sad about it).

I think we all feel like we are on a roller coaster with our feelings/emotions. I do have a tendency to get quite bitter and angry and I need to work on that.

Thanks for your lufly reply Fab.

This blog...the way she writes...kind of sums up what you just said, Fab

juststoptryinganditwillhappen.com/2014/03/04/the-five-year-review/

Also, euro - I popped in to PESH (wishful thinking I will be there myself some day) and saw you'd posted about getting a specialist personal trainer. I personally know this lady and she is amazing and lovely:
lovefitbetsy.com/meet-elizabeth/

Yes that's beautifully written and pretty much how I feel. And whilst the past three years have held some of the saddest times in my life it has also been the happiest time - being with TWH is amazing

I love that blog. But letting go is so very, very hard.

That's a very good blog.

Hest my lovely, how are you doing?

Yes Hest, how's life? Where's your head at?

I'm a bit shit actually, seeing as you asked. I'm alright when I'm not on my own, but as soon as I am, it all comes crowding in on me and I spend many hours staring into space lacking the motivation to do anything at all.. Everything that has happened in the last couple of years has caught up with me.

If only it had been positive. Something would have gone right.

People say "be kind to yourself". What does that even mean?

It's hardly surprising Hest, you've been through a hell of a lot, particularly recently. Have you and MrH had a chat about it all, talked through your next steps?

I know that feeling very well, Hest, especially this last week. Can't focus on anything and feel swamped by everything around me. Being on my own makes it worse- and I work from home a lot. So I'm making myself get out of the house, even working in a cafe or library sort of forces me to work.
Sending hugs to you (or cod of comfort if preferred).

Yes I work from home too. And there's not much going on at this time of year. Well, there is a lot to do, but the weather is so awful I can't do much of it.

Frank he doesn't really see an issue. It's over and done with and time to move on. It's like "What is it NOW?" when he finds me upset. My problem is that I just can't talk when I'm upset, and not unreasonably (I think anyway) I expect him to realise that it is the failed IVF, mad family, house move and storm damage that is the matter. But he still asks "What's wrong?" and then when I can't say anything he gets all huffy. "Don't speak to me then."