Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Greedy it seems the desire to have more children does increase the more you have! Some of the others on here have confirmed that for me. I'm sure you won't let your desire for #2 to overshadow the lovely time you're having with #1. You sound far too sane for that. I loved being preggers too. It is such a special time.

Green great to hear that a) you're feeling fine and preggers and b) that you're older than me!! Keep up the good work. Thanks for asking about DFIL. Sadly he is fading fast. There is nothing they can do for him apart from give him oxygen. Quite honestly he must be tough as old boots though to have made it this far being as sick as he is.

Jass that's the only word I know in Estonian, but it's a good-un!! Sounds like Dervy Sex to me, so obviously I like toasting Estonians multiple times!! Enjoy your hols. Am loving your positive attitude.

Schlepped all the way to the pool, and what with essential stops for ice lollies, then more stops to mop up the mess, was a two hour round trip in blistering heat, as the damned pool was shut. I blame the chavs. Massive, burley security guards there today, almost as wide as two doors!! Normally it's such a dull place to hang out!! So, instead DS and I cooled down in the garden 'watering the plants', ie spraying water absolutely everywhere, and soaking Mama is absolutely hilarious. Also, lolling in our water table rather than sitting at it nicely...

Well, I am off to have a very naughty late supper. Was chatting to a v sweet drunk bloke whilst waiting for train and he gave me some disgustingly nice doughnuts. Somewhat random, but really rather sweet! Then off to bed, and who knows what news the OP sticks and CBFM will bring tomorrow. Night all.

Lots of interesting chat here today.

Jass, I am glad to hear that you are going to act like a normal pregnant person. Good on you! Enjoy your lovely stress free time.

Greedy, I am a very good example of the more children, the more craving for babies...I had my first at 24 and he was a very unhappy, colicy baby. I had post natal depression, and thought we would have an "only" child, because there was no way I'd put myself through that again. However, my Dh convinced me that he needed a playmate, and I had the next one when DS was 2. My second baby was such a cruisey,happy, chubby-cheeked bundle of joy, I was hooked. So I have five and still want one more. I know I am terribly greedy, but I also love being pregnant (apart from the scary first trimester, now that I've had 4 miscarriages) and being a mum has been the most satisfying and wonderful thing. I know from an outsiders point of view, it looks that I am never satisfied as I keep coming back for more, but on the contrary, it is so fulfilling, I want it to last for longer. In the meantime I am not enjoying my children less because I am ttc. In fact I think I appreciate them all the more for the hardships of ttc.

Greedy, it is interesting, the stuff about sugar and cortisol. I am trying my darndest to stay away from sugar and high carb foods, but finding it increasingly difficult in the tww. This last week I have been trying to do low carb and seem to sabotage it daily because I am hungry for something other than protein/vegies/fruit/nuts. I really do have an increased appetite during the tww and it is so hard to stay away from carb dense foods. I believe it is progesterone that does that to us. It tells the body we need more carbs, just in case there is a baby growing. But today is another day, and I'll keep trying, especially if it means a better chance at a healthy egg in the next few months. My temperature jumped up quite high today, higher than it has been in some time, so I am pleased with that. Not because I think it means I've conceived, but rather that I have a healthy progesterone level.

Green, I am glad things are going well. Can't wait til you have your scan

Fireflies, I can't believe you made the trek to the pool and it was closed! How frustrating. Glad you were able to cool down in the garden, and it sounds like DS had a wonderful time playing with you.

The playdate went so well that DS cried when we had to go It turned out that my friend had a couple of other kids there that she was babysitting, so the gang of five had a marvellous time together. My friend is on 36 acres with a creek running through at the bottom, so the kids had such a great time in the mud and hiding in the trees. Such an adventure.

Last night DH and I went out for dinner with friends, which was really nice, and today I am catching up with some girlfriends for a coffee (I will drink tea) and tomorrow I have knitting club. Boy! I have had a lovely time catching up with friends and having cuppas all holidays. It has been really good and I can't believe I am back at work on Monday .

However I do feel rested and relaxed, so my cortisol levels should be low...

Fireflies, I forgot to sympathise regarding your neighbours from hell. What an appalling time you have had. Folks like that have no right having such a hold over other human beings; it doesn't seem fair that our peace and sanity can be held in the palm of others. Great that they have moved - even a short distance - away. Hope you enjoyed your doughnuts. I love how kindness and generosity can come from the unlikeliest of places.

Gumblossom, you must feel desperate, at times, to repeat the experience of being a mum. I'm still floundering in a place of intense learning at the moment as Nancy is changing every day. She is super-cute and is standing at eighteen weeks without aid! It is back-breaking bending over ready to catch her but if I try to sit her in her Jumperoo she protests rather vociferously! Enough baby talk....

I am finding it hugely difficult taking my temperatures each morning with a baby going through the four month regression and waking twice nightly. It means the times my temps are taken are wildly inconsistent (sometimes I can't take it at all as I haven't had the requisite three-hour block at the 'right' time) and FF are failing miserably to pinpoint ovulation. They have made a wild stab at CD18 despite my positive OPK occurring on CD19 and there are dotted lines everywhere. I had sex the night of the OPK but it was a bit of a car crash with me yelling at DH to withdraw and change to a more fertile-friendly position and him whimpering with cramp mid-shift and unceremoniously missing the target

Gumblossom, I don't believe in deprivation - I have a preposterously sweet tooth - and so I have often turned to diabetic recipes to make just-as-delicious treats. I am contemptuous of sugar purely because of its energy-sapping, addictive qualities, so I research recipes that give me a scrumptious alternative.

Hi all, just a quick pop in for me. We are visiting dh's family in Northern Ireland so not really experiencing the heat wave. We are all off to the beach today though despite the dreary weather. We'll just have a nice lunch & let dd & her cousins enjoy the rides in the theme park.
We went to a lovely Irish wedding on Friday. Still recovering from the 5am bedtime! I've had a big reality check though as the bride, who is barely 30 was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months ago. She had immediate surgery & the outlook is good but it makes you realise how fragile life is & how lucky we are. Another friend wasn't at the wedding as she is in hospital having tests to eliminate certain problems but they think she may have MS. She isn't even 40 yet.
Enough doom & gloom from me, very happy that the pregnancies seem to be progressing well. Enjoy your holiday Jass.
Welcome Greedy & Probably
Waves to everyone else. I'm on my phone & signal comes & goes so will post before I lose everything.
Happy Sunday xx

Hello everyone, it is such a long time since I posted that the thread fell off my Threads I’m On page, and I have missed a whole lot of lovely long posts. And there are even new people! Welcome

I'm sorry I can't keep up with everyone's news. I will try to do better, I promise. Starting from scratch from now... (But must say Jass I am keeping my fingers crossed for you! and green sounds like it's going well! Really exciting.)

Things have been such a roller coaster here. I went to the gp three weeks ago, and asked for an urgent referral to a PE specialist. They forgot to send this off until Friday after some frantic phoning from me. Hopefully we will hear soon, as apparently this appointment should happen around week 11/12 (am 9 weeks now). The gp also tried to get me an early scan, but this borough will only do so for those who have had three or more miscarriages, so I don't qualify. Thus we have decided to have a private scan, as I am driving myself slowly nuts here. Between Dr Google, the charmingly doom-laden predictions of a couple of people we have told (haven't told many, and certainly no family), who saw fit to tell me odds are against me, and my own anxiety given what happened last time, my mental health is taking a bit of a battering. I try to convince myself that since I am puky every day, my boobs won't stop growing, my tummy seems to be getting bigger already and I spend every night leaping up for the loo, everything might just be ok so far.

DS is fabulous - I think he knows something is up, though. Do they cotton on this young? He has been swinging wildly between ultra-affection and sudden violence, just towards me. He is still his usual self with everyone else. It was his birthday on Friday, and we had a wonderful day despite the heat, first at soft play then in the garden with the sprinkler. We got him a playhouse which DH is building today. Otherwise his favourite present seems to be the plastic food.

Ok, will stop rambling. And once again apologies for not keeping up with all the news. It's my new resolution.

Hello all, and welcome to the newbies! Sorry for being quiet on here, but I have been reading and following what's been going on!

jass I'm still crossing everything for you, any new developments? Hope are managing to enjoy your holiday

green How are you feeling?! Have you told your family yet?

I'm doing OK - I think that's the right word... Started WW again to finally try and shift that baby weight I piled on before the mc, and I've also ramped up my exercise programme again, Bodypump at the gym at least twice a week, plus the C25K running. If anything, it's tiring! Sadly, the fertility/pre-conception yoga doesn't run during the summer, will have to think about whether I'll go back to that in the autumn. It's lovely, but I am really struggling to relax...

I have my follow-up appointment with the consultant tomorrow, to discuss the results from the testing after my most recent mc. Coincides nicely with the arrival of AF today, after I started spotting last night. I'm feeling rather down about it all - I don't hold much hope of the tests coming up with anything significant, or anything that is treatable. I'm wondering if I should look into the NK cell testing, but can't bring myself to get in touch with places where this is done... Wish someone would give me a kick DH, I'm looking at you!
I am, however, starting my counselling sessions next week, so that's at least something. I've been offered 6 sessions for free, so why the hell not. There is certainly enough 'material' there that a counsellor should be able to work with.

grinch, I agree little ones know. And act up. It is a good predictor on how he will be when baby is here - similar rushes of love and hate can easily occur! I had this with my third and fourth - third new early on without me telling him that there is little brother coming. He insisted it is a brother when even ultrasound suggested sister. it was a brother. Greeted him with awe and love, followed by terrible tantrum when he needed to leave hospital and mummy was left with baby brother, little big brother sent away home! It was so sad we managed to agree with hospital staff he could stay - we had a private room. So I spent first night with newborn and a 4yo:-))

JBRd, I hope counselling will do you some good. And of course look into NK cells.But maybe tomorrow you will get a simpler answer. NK cells tend to kill earlier, you went so far this time that one would think of thyroid problem out of the hormonal problems set rather than immunes. But maybe it was a genetic issue, which means just bad luck and allows you to retry without much medication.

I am starting to wonder whether all the immune stuff is real at all. Looking how randomly it works to treat it even if diagnosis are same. Also, I had a rather good try last spring with all the immune treatment, reached as far as I am now. I thought it was because treatment worked a bit, even if not enough to pull the baby through. This time I was late discovering the pregnancy and that means I am not on any treatment, as it should have started at least 3 days before i had bfp this time. I am flying totally on my own, no progesterone supplements even, and no spotting/bleeding whatsoever. Of course, there may still be my usual blighted ovum inside me and possibly is, but I can see me not being on treatment makes really no difference at all! This is good in this sense that even if it fails this time, if I do not take prednisolone/progesterone, I do not need to test 10dpo and see all chemicals in the future.
As it is, strangely not knowing all is wrong makes me think maybe it really is not. I have sore boobs, have lost appetite and am sleepy to extreme. I have stretching pains, too. I have not had these in any of my mc.....

Jass, that is such good news. I hope this pregnancy is different for you.I wonder about the immune issue too, but could it somehow be resolved? And that is why you can now have a pregnancy? I have heard something about the sex of the baby being a determinant too - sometimes the mother's body will reject male babies as it sees them as foreign? I remember reading that somewhere about recurring miscarriage.

I am just glad, whatever the reason, that the pregnancy is progressing for you. Will you have an early scan?

Jbrd, it is lovely to hear from you. I hope the consultant will have answers for you that may help. Amping up the exercise might be a good thing : all those happy hormones released from exercise. It is also great that you have some counselling sessions, after the awful time you have had, gearing up to ttc will be fraught with anxiety, so I imagine the counselling will help.

Hi Grinch, glad to hear things are progressing.Amazing how little one's pick up on pregnancies.

Hello Grizzer, sounds like you are having a nice time catching up with family.

I was shocked to see a temperature of 36.92 this morning. The last time I had a temperature that high I was pregnant. I don't think I am now, but I was jolly pleased as it means my progesterone is at a reasonable level. I am still unsure about O day, so don't really know when to expect AF, probably by the end of the week.

Back to work today....I hope the students behave, I am feeling a bit tired, and don't really want to deal with their antics.

Good luck for work today gum! The high temps too are good, whatever the outcome. I admire your restraint with your history of early testing, but good to keep a measured approach.
Jass it is looking good, and you must be feeling very conflicted in light of the very good grounds for hope, and yet your own fears from past history. Are you still testing, or waiting it out for a scan?
Welcome to the newbies -lovely lovely thread with lots of support here xx
I'm ok - finishing a lot of work for the 'extra' job I'm doing. Has been hard but a good challenge . Dcs all well, little Laurie 9nths now and a real character. Will try and catch up more regularly xxx

JBrd I hope you got some answers from the consultant, and that the counselling proves useful. There is nothing like a good counsellor, I think, at times when you really need that unpicking process.

Jass I am feeling quietly excited for you. It's this Friday that you are going to test again, right? And I hope you are right about now being a test of how young BG will be when no 2 comes along, as he is really 99% very affectionate, the violence is few and far between!

Gum hope the return to work was ok. Today is DH's last day and he can't wait for the holidays! The temp rise sounds good.

Diege how many DC do you have? Sounds like you are kept busy - is Laurie into everything yet?!

I am driving myself nuts waiting for the scan on Thursday, but tomorrow is holidays so at least will have BG to keep me entertained! He absolutely loves the playhouse DH built him for his birthday, so I anticipate days in the garden.

Hi Everyone.

Thanks, Grinch and Diege. Returning to work was fine, but I am amazed at how wiped out I felt at the end of the day. Today is super busy, with an early start, then swimming lessons and netball training this evening. I reckon I'll be knackered by 7 pm!

I think I am tired as I have been plagued with dreams that wake me early, so I am getting up feeling tired, which sucks. This is normal form for me in the lead up to AF. I have been having vivid dreams about babies (of course!), mainly where the baby starts out real, but then I go away and come back to find they are a doll. I know it is all very symbolic of ttc and not getting what I want. I think it may also be related to a degree of ambivalence I am feeling about having a baby at this stage of my life. I wish I'd been able to have one back when DS was only 2 or 3. But now that he is almost 6, it feels like the gap is a bit wide. Also, life (in terms of physically caring for children) has become freer.And, selling the baby stuff has probably got me thinking too. So I can see where the dreams are coming from. Having said that, I'd be overjoyed to get a bfp, but I am almost 100% sure it won't be this time. Temperature wasn't so high today

Grinch, I am looking forward to hearing about your scan. It sounds like all your symptoms are strong pregnancy symptoms.Days in the garden sounds lovely.

Thanks for all the good wishes. I am still Ok, I have one digi saved and it is 8 days frm when i went from pg1-2 (which happened9 days after i discovered the pregnancy, but after traditional drop in levels 18-19dpo) to pg 2-3. Theoretically I could try to get 3+ today or tomorrow, but I am reluctant to do so. I like my bubble. I like my morning sickness (really bas yesterday and today) and stretchy feelings and everything. Head in the sand works great, and misdiagnosed mc webpage provides stories when low or falling hcg still resulted in a baby, even if there was no vanishing twin - like in IVF single embryo transfers. I seriously think now I should have bleeding, esp. with no progesterone treatment, if it were a mc. But of course women have mmcs all the time and go to 10-12 weeks without bleeding. On the other hand, women even have pregnancies which go to term, so it can of course go either way. i have not booked a scan, here in my country they are wuite available within 24 hours if I decide to go, but since it is my daughter's wedding this weekend I definitely do not want bad news before, so if no bleeding I am not attempting to find out this week. At 6 weeks a scan would not be conclusive anyway, there is a dot in uterus and no heartbeat would tell nothing at this stage, and with my low rising hcg there is no chsnce of an early hb sfter all. At 8'weeks I probably need to face up to the facts and go for scan.

jass Enjoy your daughter's wedding! I agree, everything else can wait, nothing you can do at the moment about anything, so you might as well enjoy the blissful ignorance! Right now, no news is good news.

gum I hate dreaming about babies. I had my first ever 'baby dream' a few weeks ago, and it destroyed me, I felt awful the whole day.

Our consultant appointment went OK - if that is the right word. Very straightforward result from the post-mortem: The baby had Edwards Syndrome (Trisomy 18). Everything else was/is absolutely fine.

The consultant was very lovely and reassuring, but it comes down to this - my age will be the major risk factor for any subsequent pregnancy, should we decide to go down that route (that's my wording, he was more subtle).
I will be very well looked after and be offered every test to look at chromosomal issues - should I get that far.

So, this makes 2 out of my 4 mcs having been caused by chromosomal abnormalities (that we know of, they didn't test the first two). And nothing can be done about that.

I feel strangely relieved that they did find a specific cause, although I sort of wish it had been something they could treat (the usual dilemma).
No idea what this will mean in terms of ttc for us...

Oh Jbrd I understand your mixed feelings. My first miscarriage baby had trisomy 13. In some ways I was relieved there was an actual cause. But knowing there's nothing I could hav e done to change the outcome gave me a feeling of both relief (that it wasn't my fault) and despair ( because it is out of my control).

So I am sending love as I know this journey is very hard.

Yes the baby dreams seem to be affecting me too. Driving to work listening to Adele singing " Don't you remember" had tears streaming down my face. It then occurred to me that I am getting very close to Alfie's due date and Louis miscarriage date. I think the steel reality that it is unlikely I will have my rainbow baby to soften the blow makes me a bit sad too.

JBrd, of course you feel confused on these news. Who would not? 2 out of 4 with proven chromosomal abnormalities is a serious worry. But I do not think there is nothing you can do in case you decide after mulling it over that you will be brave and try again. I would make husbsnd take some good conception vitamins and certainly take coenzyme q10, to improve egg quality. It may not be a lot, but still better than nothing. These " treatables" are not always better things - quite often even with treatment things go wrong, but then at later stages and that is truly awful. Treatments create an artificially suitable equilibrium to carry a baby, but since anything can still throw off this artifcial equilibrium you would still have to worry 40 weeks. This applies pretty much to all treatable issues - immunes, thyroid, clotting issues.
I hope when you have lived with this knowledge some time you will find the courage to try again. Not all eggs can be rotten, can they?

I used my last digi today. It said 3+. In theory, I discovered this pg 17 days ago. In 8 days, digi moved to 2-3 and after 9 days it now said 3+. It looks normal. I woul dbe over the moon - in fact I am - but I know there was this dip in levels early on. Anyway, head (happily) back into sand:-)

Ooh jass I have everything crossed - it sounds positive.... Enjoy your daughters wedding - congratulations on both counts!

jbrd I know exactly what you mean - yes if they diagnosed something they could treat it would be so much more, well, practical in terms of moving forward. Have you had any more thoughts on TTC again?

Well we had a bit of a scare - I had a bleed Sunday and Monday (and I mean bright red blood which soaked through my panty liner then stopped). Called up the early pregnancy unit who have me listed due previous miscarriages and they got me in for a scan on Tuesday....I was warned that at 5wks 4days it was unlikely they could see much but wanted to see if they could locate the source of the bleed. And you could see the sac and yolk - both of them . One is bigger than the other and no embryos could be seen yet. They could see what she described as an implantation bleed. I was relieved but remain cautious - it just feels so precarious even if these babies are not made of my dodgy eggs

So I am trying to stay positive and my next scan is next Friday afternoon. I have been advised that bleeding in early pregnancy is common but especially so in twin pregnancies and that in the case of twins not all of them might make it (so the smaller sac might not develop further etc.). So deep breaths and carry on......

grinch good luck for the scan today. Let us know how you get on?

jass Silently waving the support pompoms for you

green Whoa whoa! Hang on - both sacs?!?! Wow, just wow That is some news to digest!
Crossing everything for you!

Wow green that's very exciting news! A lot to take in and, as you say, deep breath and try to take it easy until the next scan xxx
Jass very happy to read your update - cautiously excited for you!
How are things going gum? xx

Everything crossed for both of your twins, Green! I hope they will both pull through! And that there will be no more bleeds. Are you still on progesterone suppositories as well? If not, maybe it might be good to ask for them? How high is your progesterone count? Since you are not avoiding doctors as me you could pester them a bit.....

Green that is indeed brilliant news! Twins!! Everything crossed for you. Jass, for you too, exciting that it is going up.

As for me, I'm afraid it is bad news. Had the scan today and there is no heartbeat. Looks like it was twins, and the first didn't survive very long at all, while the second made it to 8 weeks. Just off to dr to discuss options now.

Poor Grinch, so sorry for you......You had no warning signs? Bleeding or anything? it must be the most terrible thing to go for scan and find out there and then that everything is broken..... Hope the resolution at least will be quick.....

Grinch I'm so so sorry that you have had this awful news. Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. Look after yourself, I hope you are getting lots of support in real life. Thinking of you xx

Oh Grinch, that is sad news. I am so sorry. Be sure to come and talk to us if you need to. Always here to hold you hand. xxx