Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

hey,cme back with slightly changed name as well - had to rejoin due to deleting my e-mail account used for mumsnet access:-))
Calibee, great news on IUI! I thonk they accept you as a special case as you have to manage your husband being away often!

10dpo bfn. AF due Friday, on to next cycle.....

calibee, that is wonderful news about the IUI. As for temps, I still temp whether I've had a restless night or not. I think it can make a bit of a difference, but if that's what you are working with, then it will do. That's a nice big temp jump - a good sign perhaps? Clomid may also do something to temps, but I couldn't tell you what.

Sorry it wasn't to be for you this month, Jass.

I've just signed up for this free fertility summit here if anyone else is interested. I don't know how much of it will be helpful (I almost feel I have exhausted all the info out there,and seem to hear a lot of repetition, but who knows, maybe there will be a little something that helps?

I have acupuncture today which I am looking forward to, and a long swim beforehand, so I will have a nice morning I think.

Thanks gum for your input on temps. I had a rather more modest 36.56 this morning, so back to normal po temps. I have just registered for the fertility summit. It looks very interesting.
Acupuncture and swim sounds lovely.

jass sorry for the bfn...do you always get a bfp at 10dpo?

mattsmama how many dpo are you...could it still be too early??

CALIBEE - you know I am really a bit confused with my ovulation this month to be honest as I used opks and got one positive on day 11 (clear blue digital - positive smiley face). I am on the pred thread too as I have NKC and m/c issues so started my steroids that week 3 days after the positive. However on day 15/16 noticed more EWCM (sorry tmi) and tested again out of curiosity and got another positive?? So could I have ovulated again a few more days after this? I am going by when I would expect my period which is usually pretty much on the nail 28 days (tomorrow). Tested again this am and bfn : ( Not going to test now till AF late but can only take steroids up to 14 days if not pregnant and that is today so not sure what to do x

mattsmamma, hopefully Jass will be along with words of wisdom as she's been on Prednisolone for a while.
Sorry you haven't had a +, but it sounds possible that you may have ovulated later than you expected, which would mean that AF (or + test) would be later than expected too, which may mean you are testing early. Do you temp? It is really helpful in pinpointing ovulation where the opks cannot tell you if you have ovulated, rather it tells us that we are having a surge and we may ovulate soon afterwards. However we can have a surge followed by a later surge (which can be indicated by opks that are positive over several days, or patches of ewcm). It is only when we've had the temperature rise for three days in a row that we can be sure of ovulation. Unless you are having ultrasound monitoring. Pity we can't do it ourselves at home (ultrasound) ...So perhaps you should keep taking the pred? In case you ovulated later. The pred won't stop AF will it?

Calibee, swim and acupuncture were great. My TCM lady said my pulses were very good, and said day 6 was perfect timing to stimulate the ovaries. When I told her I might have been pregnant again this month, but it wasn't to be, and said that I'd still like to "hit the jackpot", she reminded me that I already had with DS, but that there's still a possibility as I am very healthy. Obviously my eggs aren't as healthy I'd like them to be otherwise I would have had a baby 2 years ago. However, I'm not giving up yet. As I was saying to my sister, if there's a golden egg in there the only way to find out is to keep ttc.

Anyway, I came away from acupuncture feeling very relaxed which is nice.

Mattsmama, defo do stop prednisolone after 14 days on it, otherwise you risk having to wean off it rather long term. Whatever happened to OV this month.
It is possible your body tried to ov several times, and you really ovulated late. But wothout temping it is impossible to tell. So, do stop pred for now, and next cycle do ov tests and temp. Bthw, pred messes some cycles up (mine, for example, and on pred thread there were others who only could take pred from bfp, othwise they stopped falling pregnant (even those who normally had bfp and suffered mc quite often). After stopping pred they resumed their bfps quite soon. Me too. So I then trid a few times with pred from bfp, but it did not work. But if your next cycle shows your ov is doing weird things, it might be you cannot take it from ov. Personally, i prefer not to - the effects of long term 2-week pred/ 2 off lifestyle can be devastating. Adrenal fatigue is terrible!

Thanks ladies so much for your advice xx. Something is definitely different this month - tonight AF turned up however very scant and brown (sorry far too much info) but this is so different for me. Usually af turns up and is quite heavy for first 2 days then tapers off so maybe the pred is starting to mess things up for me now. Anyway absolutely gutted that yet again another month goes by and it's not to be. Just so glad I can come on here and get much appreciated advice and sympathy from people who truly understand - thanks again xx

mattsmama,,one month is nothing. chin up and just learn more on your cycle, and try to find what suits you in this process. hardly ever any doc 's advice suits all women they advise similarily, only you know you and can analyse what is going on with you and what works/does not work/creates a real mess....

i am 12 DPO, normally by this time I have some brown gunk indicating Af. I am still taking b6, seems to give me a 14 day LP, even without agnus castus (went without this month as feaed it messed my ov rather than helped). Anyway, b6 seems enough to regulate my cycle for now. All bloody trial and error, no doc would have time to figure me out the way I can myself. thats life's unfortunate fact we need to accept, afraid. i did get a faint bfp this morning though, so later AF may be because of chem. it is far too weak for 12dpo to be taken seriously, but it may be putting off the AF,on the other hand. I am continuing with progesterone until i see brownish discharge, just in case, but for this line i will not no pred, as it really really messes up my cycle and does not sustain pg. This a new type of chem if it really is - no light bleeding so far, normally a drop if red indicates it is doomed around 12dpo, even if hcg is then still going strong. this time, no strong hcg, but also no bleeding. every mc or chemical pregnancy is obviously different, even if its your ... i do not know, umpteenth:-) i have stopped counting, frankly. Which is good, as chem for me is almost as often as just AF for normal persons. had to write it all off, sorry for rambling;:-))

Hi all, sounds like a few people have been having weird months this month. I've been lurking (in between dtd and obsessing about being preg), but had to post today because AF has arrived today a week early, and completely out of the blue! :( Pretty gutted.

Am going to try and get a GP appointment sorted out this month to talk about tests and options. Sigh.

Commiserations to those others who are out for this month, congrats to those who have had positives, and hopeful thoughts to those of you who are in the midst of the tortuous 2ww.

x

another weak bfp. To convince me that I really have a chem, not a line eye or anything. On a 25 unit blue dye test today, as opposed to 10 unit pink yesterday. An internet cheapo (reportedly 10 unit test) is not moved at all by the pitiful amount of hcg in my pee. No AF and sore breasts accompanied with a foul mood and overindulging in food to complete my Saturday:-) Apart from that, painting eggs (me, oldfashioned with onion peels, kids with bright shop bought colours) and preparing pasha for tomorrow feels great. I really love big home-centered parties like christmas and easter (am not religious, so they are just family get-together things for me). i hope you are all having a happy easter!

Hi Jass. It is Easter here. Your eggs sound beautiful. I have got hot cross buns rising. The whole house is still asleep, and I will have to be the Easter bunny soon and put out the chocolate eggs. I am a bit concerned about the dog. I don't recall her looking for or eating the eggs last year, maybe we tied her up.I cannot remember!

Sorry that your bfp isn't getting stronger. I do understand that feeling when the line is there, but not nice and dark and convincing. You have been through this so many times, are you convinced it is a chemical? With the recurrent chemicals, do you feel more or less optimistic? I mean, I suppose it is good to know you are conceiving, but frustrating that they aren't sticky. Do you think it is the antibodies causing the chemicals, or older eggs?

I just re-read that you aren't taking the pred unless you get a strong bfp, so I guess it is not the antibodies causing the chemicals?

I am not sure how you feel, Jass, but to me it means you can conceive and it is just a matter of the right egg? I hope so. I hope it for me too.

DH will be away this week in the lead up to ovulation, so I am not even sure I'll get the opportunity. It really depends on when I ovulate, I have finger crossed for later ovulation. He'll be back day 12, so maybe it will be perfect timing. I am just trying to "go with the flow", no point in getting stressed about it. After acupuncture the other day I came away feeling so relaxed and happy and also had managed to convince myself I have nothing to worry about, I will get pregnant again and I will have a baby. I have no idea why I felt so certain, I don't feel that way now! However, I know stressing isn't going to help; I also know I am not going to do anything other than taking sups, looking after my body, eating well, exercising and having acupuncture - all which I would do whether ttc or not- so I might as well relax and see what happens.

Happy Easter Everyone!

Hi gum, good to hear your easter is good! I hope the dog did not eat the eggs and that your egg will not be released before the hubby is back home!

My rotten egg has started to disengage, but it clearly is a chemical mc - not nice normal flow but brownish gunk still. i think prefer h aving chemicals to not having any bfps, even if i have stopped to get excited in any ways if I get bfp. The excitement and hope only starts when the bfp is getting stronger day after day at least 3 days. and I would take pred if I had bfp at 10 dpo, but if I get a weak one 13 dpo i know it is doomed and pred taking would only mess nxt cycle up. I have not had a hopeful bfp for almost a year know. So maybe in addition to my other - immune? - peoblems i now have bad egg problems as well. I am not in any way disappointed, i have to say. Just accepting all this as part of my life now. I have decided not to renew any of my supplies, ov tests, supplements etc., when they run out...

JASS - wanted to thank you for your lovely advice last week and so disappointed to read your updates. At least you seem to able to deal with it in a positive way and have got your head round everything. xx. I am quite the opposite at the moment - bit of an emotional mess to be honest as DP is wanting to call time on the whole TTC business - part of me feels maybe he is right but I feel so desperately sad when contemplating this scenario : (

Xx

Mattsmama, my advice is give your husband a break, but do not take one yourself :-) Men generally do not need to know why exactly you are so interested in dtd, and at least mine is totally still able to enjoy when it is on offer and complain when it is not (I tend to be less enthusiastic on 5-10dpo, knowing that after dtd then i start spotting and any chance and hope of successful pg is therefore over). So, keep your hopes and disappointments to youself, even if I know the 21st century man is supposed to be able to take it. They last the trail better this way. Just do what you need to do and hide your hopes and disappointments as well as you can. It is not nice to know that we have to go this partially at least alone, but its a fact of life. many here can testify for that!
i can go through a chem and barely mention it to my hubby, but it is only i think because I am actually already rich in the DC, so it feels far less desperate project here. Hence my lack of painful reaction. But I definitely went out and downed a bottle of red douro wine on top of a bottle of fruity white from the same region tonight when AF arrived. Spent the day following the football easter tournament, sunshine and loads of happy boys, and actually felt quite fulfilled:-) I allow myself to ttc only if I can do it with obsession limited to ov and test time.

Pg ladies, how is it going?We are ready here to cheer you all on!

Hello all, I have had a lovely weekend at my cousin's wedding & am now trying to get myself prepared for work tomorrow. At least it's only a 4 day week. Sorry for what you are going through Jass. I hope you're feeling ok. It is true, we have to hide so much from our partners. Mine thinks I'm obsessed even though I only mention ov every now & again. He doesn't have any idea of all the tracking & peeling on sticks that goes on! If he wants obsession I can really show him obsession!!
My dh has also put a time limit on our TTC Mattsmama which is very hard but I am almost looking forward to a time when I don't think about it. It will make me very sad though. Another cousin had her 1 year old at the wedding who is so adorable. She was telling me about how her older child interacts with her & how she found him in his sister's cot the other night chatting to her. So cute. Another family member is heavily pregnant & seeing all the 'young ones' just getting married & starting their journeys made me a little emotional at times. I did get quite drunk though & seduce dh, promptly fall asleep & have very little memory of it the next day!! That approach seems to work for many 16 year olds so fingers crossed it will work for me too!

grizzer, your comment about 16 year olds and being drunk made me smile It is a good approach,and I'd say DH/DP would find it alot of fun.

Mattmamma, I feel your pain - after my first miscarriage my DH made it very clear that he didn't want to keep ttc and I felt desolate. He talked about buying condoms which just made me feel sick, and I told him there'd be no nooky if there were condoms, that we'd stick to "safe" times. I got pregnant again(and miscarried) and he was adamant that we wouldn't be taking any risks ( and for a while used the pull out method, which I hated), but then I had some tests done and the dr had told me my estrogen and amh was low and I'd be unlikely to conceive. I told that to DH and ever since (despite the estrogen clearly getting better as I seem to ovulate regularly) he's not been bothered. So I suppose I am not being completely honest with DH, I don't discuss anything with him, he barely knows when I have AF, and I'm happier that way (as is he). If/when I do get pregnant with a sticky baby he'll be a bit shocked, but I know all will be fine as it has been with the last two babies that he wasn't all that keen about.

When you say DH wants to call time on ttc, what does that involve? Will he expect you to use birth control? Or does it mean he won't pursue other avenues like IUI, clomid, IVF? If he is sure about having a time limit, would he be open to stepping up your approach? Hopefully you'll be pregnant soon and it won't be an issue. I've mentioned on here before,I have a friend (in RL) whose husband gave her a time limit and it was the very last month that she fell pregnant (at 42). It made me very angry at him - to think he could call time on something so important to her, which she had no control over. It can take time, lots of it, to fall pregnant, and putting a time limit on it seems very unfair if one party doesn't agree (for some women, not all, as Grizzer said, for her it is a relief to have a time limit).

This whole baby-making thing is fraught with stress and sadness, and it is harder without a supportive spouse. After doing this for years, and being on these sorts of threads for years, I have come to the conclusion that men and women are world's apart when it comes to ttc. It makes sense, of course, because having a baby is a heart matter for women, and it rarely is for men. My acupuncturist, and my female GP, both call it "women's business", and suggest that men need only take a small part in it until the baby is born. Men just cannot feel what we feel. It became very clear to me when I miscarried,and DH just didn't feel the immense loss and grief I felt, because to him, it was merely a suggestion of a baby, bot an actual baby, which they were to me. I had started planning (trying ever so hard not to), we (women) feel our bodies' changing and start thinking in terms of due dates, end of first trimester, testing etc,etc.

Jass, I admire your strength, you keep on going despite many chemicals. It sounds like you've had a lovely weekend.

My easter panned out well too. We had friends visit for dinner on Sunday night - lamb roast. We sat outside by the fire drinking prosecco, candles all over my deck, a very still night and not too cold - it was lovely. The friends twho came are a childless (through choice) couple who have their own B&B and also work as teachers. They spend a considerable amount of time traveling every year, and have a really nice life style. I couldn't help thinking how I could have a taste of that life if I stopped ttc and concentrated on moving on. But then again, I thought, I can do it all once my last baby is older. So, it was a fleeting thought However, it does mean that I know that all will be ok even if my dream of another child doesn't come to fruition.

It may be that I don't get a go at ttc this month,DH is away tonight and I am day 12 and cervix is high, soft and open. Yesterday's opk was negative, but I find that the surge can happen very suddenly. Perhaps he'll be back in perfect time? I'm not going to stress about it.

I am still on Easter break, which is lovely. I spent yesterday afternoon going through my closet, putting all my summer clothes away and bringing out the winter woolies as it is getting colder here. I don't have room for all clothes out together. I enjoyed sorting it all out, getting rid of things I've not worn for a while, making an ebay pile. But my dilemma is, should I sell the last few maternity things I have, or keep them just in case? I think I may sell them and then I'll enjoy buying more when I need them (see that, I said "when", power of positive thinking and all that... )

Taking the kids into town for grocery shopping today. I know I won't get out of there without buying a whole lot of junk food, but, hey, it's holidays...

Hello ladies, hope you all had a nice Easter!

Just a quick update from me - things are still in limbo here. The Harmony test has failed twice now (they couldn't isolate enough fetal DNA to get conclusive results), so I am now bracing myself for the next step(s).
I have decided to have amniocentesis instead of CVS, for me, the slightly lower mc risk outweighs the longer wait. Now I need to decide where I will have it - at my local hospital, where I have been getting excellent care and feel very well looked after, or at the world-famous London clinic, whose Prof is meant to be one of the best in his field, but where I did not feel a lot of sympathy/empathy (sounds rather stupid, when I write it like this).
I'm uh-ming and ah-ing about what to do... I feel that I would have no issues having the amnio at my hospital (it is a standard procedure, after all), but I keep thinking, do I now owe it to myself, DH and the baby to get the best possible expert for this?
Lots of thinking needs to be done...

Hi everyone - thank you so much for your words of advice and your own experiences. Oh what to do next?!! That is the question and my dh is avoiding even talking about it. He really doesn't want to carry on I know that - although he has said if he were 10 year younger it would not be an issue. It is his age (50) which is stopping him. Having children especially a toddler can often be the best contraception available so spontaneity is out of the window plus I have to plan as I am on the pred thread and I have to take steroids because of m/c issues. I am already aware that my next window of opportunity is approaching (currently on cd 6). I am deliberately not mentioning "IT" to see what happens. Part of me (a very small part) is wondering about calling it a day too but I know in my heart I would regret that so much at some point in the future. If I have at least had a good go then at least I can say I tried. He has always been supportive and understanding in the past especially with mc's etc he was as devastated as I was.

I am so grateful for your input and advice - it really does help having people who totally understand how I am feeling - my dh clearly does not and I doubt ever will with regard to ttc no 3. I keep asking myself though am I the selfish one or is he? x

JBrd, sorry the harmony failed. On amnio, i would go to the place where you would go in case you started having complications from amnio. If it is their procedure threatening complications later they will do everything they can in order to resolve issues. Sounds harsh, but so true sometimes - i had amnio in the hosp I later turned to with active contractions after the procedure. i was quickly filled with magnesium and all antibiotics they dared and my pregnancy survived. I later heard of another case where a woman had had amnio elsewhere (a fancy private practice, not a hospital providing emenrgency care) and they were much less proactive in her case. it is rude of me to think medical professionals can be seeking self-interet this way, but i can not help and feel they do sometimes..... Tender loving care is an important aspect of obstetrics as well, so all this seems to point to local hosp!

Mattsmama, I so know the feeling of ttc in dark - the insecurity of whether you get it done when you need it is truly bad! that is why I quite like 2ww, as all that could be done has been done and no worries until test day! Luckily most men feel up to it every other day or two days anyway, so it can be casually arranged! The immunes aspect is complicating the things as well, of course.......

Morning all.
Jbrd...sorry to hear the Harmony didnt deliver for you. I agree with Jass about the amnio...stay with those you know and trust.

12DPO for me, bfn yesterday and tumbling temps today :(. Seeing the arctic whiteness actually made me angry with my body. 2 years trying this month . Not feeling good.

Oh jbrd that is so frustrating that the harmony failed twice!! Re the
amnio - I think maybe you have answered your own question? If your local
hospital has a busy maternity unit and regularly performs this test and
they take care of you and make you feel safe it sounds like a better
proposition. Sorry you are having to go through this worry.

Apols I have been AWOL for a while and have missed everyone's news - we have moved house are now up to our ears in cardboard boxes. Will try and catch up and when we actually have an internet connection at home - post a bit more often!

We went for our first appointment at the egg donation clinic on
Tuesday and are now officially on the waiting list for a donor (gulp
). It felt very strange discussing my physical characteristics
regarding finding a donor match and discuss what we were looking for in
general - all I could think of was healthy! My cycles are still up the
creek - last month I appeared to ovulate on CD8 i had EWCM and my
temperatures shot up (FFS!) and therefore started my period on CD22. A
scan at the clinic revealed everything looking normal for CD6 so obivously
it is my hormones that are to blame. My accupuncurist suggested that I
might be perimenapousal but my FSH was still 8 at the last check so I am
not sure that can be right (or maybe I am in denial). In any event if we
get a egg donor match they will be "taking over" my cycle anyway so it
doesn't really make much of a difference what my nutty cycle is up to.

I know it is obvious but I so hope we find a suitable donor, the process
works first time and we actually manage to have a baby (or two ).
Deep down though I worry that we are exhausting our options one by one and
while my DP is very supportive i fear he may be running out of steam....

Ps. calibee bugger to your BFN but good news on the IUI front - don't give up yet. X

Hello ladies.
Jbrd, I am sorry to her the second Harmony didn't work. How frustrating for you. I haven't even considered that it may not work. Have you decided where to have the amnio done? It sounds like you are leaning toward your local hospital, and I can understand that. I think whichever way you go, you will be looked after. When will the amnio happen? Please let us know how you get on.

Hi calibee. I am really sorry to hear that you got an arctic white bfn. It sucks! I so want you to have a wee baby. I know how much you and DH would love a child together, and I really hope the IUI can do the trick for you. Please don't be angry with your body (though I know exactly how you feel), unfortunately our bodies age and with that comes sub-fertility, that doesn't mean our bodies won't deliver, because there's still a chance.

Green, it is so exciting that things are starting to happen re: egg donor.And having an fsh of 8 is bloomin' wonderful! Please keep us posted on your journey, I am really curious how the whole thing works. We'll be here for constant hand-holding if you need it.

Mattmamma, that question, about "who is more selfish, him or me?" I don't think either of you are. I cannot speak for you and your DH of course, but for myself, I know that an outsider looking into my situation would clearly see me as the selfish one: I have children already, shouldn't I concentrate on them? Why bring another child into the mix when DH isn't keen, feels he has done his bit in that regard, is over 50, and just wants to move onto the next phase of his life. However, unless you feel the burning desire to have a baby, that deep heartfelt longing to bring a child into your family, how can you understand that isn't selfish at all? You (I) are/am willing to give over my body to nurture and grow a child for 9 months, forsaking all sorts of things (like painkillers when my head is pounding, alcohol, soft cheeses etc,etc), putting up with horrible nausea, aches and pains and extreme anxiety for 9 months. Not to mention all the prodding and poking. Then it will be me who gets up all night long to breast-feed. I will put my career on hold again, give up my income, my future income (superannuation) and be the one who stays home for the first year, away from adult company....Of course I really want to do that, but what I am trying to say is that it isn't really "selfish". Wanting to bring a child into your family is about the least selfish thing a person can do - it's about bringing love and joy into your home, and I feel that is not a selfish thing to do.Of course I am speaking from the heart, not the head, which would say I am being rediculous, because sometimes bringing a child into the family causes stress and difficulty (particularly financially).

But I know how bloody hard it is to convince a man, particularly one over 50, that it is a good idea. So I stopped trying to get through to him I've appealed to his selfish desire for sex instead - I offer it,and he gladly takes it, and I leave it at that. Speaking of which, I am really pleased that timing turned out to be just right when DH came back from his little trip. I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday, and we were able to Have SWI in the two days before and day of ovulation, so I am satisfied with that. My temperature has risen today, so now it's tww time...

i feel I am getting into pattern here - from AF to day 10 i think i am calling it a day, no point ttc, it will not happen anyway. then comes fertile window, and of course I cannot miss it, so make sure enough action to give me hopeful 2ww goes in. Then I convince myself that this is it, this month there was th good egg/ my immune issues - never proofed anyway- vanished, etc. Then comes the too weak bfp and I revert into "i am done" mode once again. A mental cycle on top of th real one:-)))
JBrd, let us know how amnio went,hopefully no complications and a good result!

Hi everyone, cd 14 or 15 for me. Not sure when to count from as first day of AF was very browny & I know some people say you only count from the first day of red blood. Absolutely no sign of ov though. I usually get 2 strong lines on cd 14 but nothing - not even a faint one. I'm hoping it's because I'm using different sticks this month & maybe they're just a bit rubbish but my periods are getting lighter so I am wondering if I'm heading for early menopause.
Still dtd regularly though just in case but not too hopeful this month. Hopefully it's just a slightly late ov though....
Jbrd sorry harmony didn't work. How many weeks are you now? I hope you are able to enjoy your pregnancy a little despite the worry.
Sorry about bfn Calibee.
How exciting Green I wish my dh was open to other options but he is a bit younger than me & his view is if it doesn't happen naturally we just have to accept that. I will bring up adoption again soon though I think.
Oh Jass hope you're ok. It's just impossible for us to give up isn't it? I keep thinking exactly the same - 'this is definitely my month' then the disappointment comes, made worse by cycles suddenly changing slightly & being a day or two late. Every twinge is a sign but it always comes to nothing. It's a year this month since my last mc & since then not a whiff of pregnancy. I just can't believe it's going to happen if it hasn't happened by now. I wish I had a crystal ball......

hello everyone, I don't post often, but read daily.
I,m not sure whats going on with my cycle this month so any advice would be gratefully received.I am 10 dpo and have had brown discharge since 8 dpo. Thought it was early af but it doesn't seem to be starting ? My temps are still above coverline with a big rise on 9 dpo. Sill taking agnus castus and b complex.Any ideas? Normally af starts fresh blood and heavy? Has this happened to anyone else and if so what was the outcome! Thank you !