About to start / Just started TTC no.2 (part 4)

[SwedeAway]

So, here it is, Part 4! May it bring lots of BFP's for those of us still waiting and may it bring happy healthy pregnancies for those who are fabulously pregnant.

Morerum Hope your LO is feeling better DS had hand foot and mouth last month and it looked horrid I thought it was impetigo and cleaned the house like a mad woman!! Then DH got it as well, he was in agony could hardly walk.
ginger We ended up in Norway because of DH work, originally british and now we love it especially the work/ life balance here.
Mrs hope you have a good night tonight, I always think if something works for your family that’s all that matters. We still give DS a bottle to get him to sleep and that apparently is a big no no? I figure if he’s 18 and he still needs a warm milk to get to sleep that’s not the worst thing !! So hope you find an arrangement that suits you all.
Engels hope you had a lovely trip away and swede FX for the quickest week ever for you

Mrs DS woke up last night at 11, just as we were going to bed. It took me an hour to settle him (he may have been settled earlier but I may have fallen asleep in the chair!) then he still woke up at 3.30am and after only 3 and ahlf hours sleep I wasn't really feeling like getting up again so I just let him stay. We didn't shut his door, but shut our door (whihc he can open - but we can hear him opening it so means he can't sneak in like a ninja).

It's not easy! (well, it's easy to say what you're going to do, but not always easy to do it!). I'll see how it goes again tonight.

loves I love living outside the UK. Have just been back for a weekend (do miss British supermarkets and shops, my family and the countryside) but can't imagine living anywhere else but the Netehrlands now. I would really recommend learning language though, has opened a lot more doors for me and people seem friendlier when they know that I can speak Dutch (even though I speak English most of the time for my job - teacher). Work/life balance is great. DH and I are both part-time so DS is in nursery 2 days a week (which is subsidised by the government so reasonable)

Hi Engels and loves - well a bit of improvement on night two I think. Took DS up to bed at 7.30pm and he has his bottle and fell asleep straight away in the new bed and u actually managed to creep out at 8.22pm (to be precise) and he slept in his own bed until 10.45pm. I know that's not ages but it's something. He wasn't heartbroken when he woke up, he just came through to our room and climbed in. I'm hoping if he sleeps maybe a bit longer tonight and then a bit longer each night we might get there eventually. It was never going to be easy or happen after one night.
Engels - I was asleep when DS joined me in bed and I was too tired to out him back but at least he's getting to know where his room is and which is his bed. How long have you been in the Netherlands? Is the quality of life much better? I always think it must be exciting to live somewhere different outside of the UK.
Loves - i didn't know you weren't meant to give them a bottle at bed time but I won't be stopping that as we've always done it and I think it acts as a comforter as well as fills them up. I don't know how my DS would go to sleep at all if he didn't have a bottle. The thing is, I think you have to let them guide you as well and do what you feel is right. For all I've quite liked our health visitor that we've had all way through with my DS, I can't say that I always agree with every single thing they say to do and not to do. Have to take my DS to the baby clinic to be weighed today and have his height checked as part of his two year review. Are both Loves and Engels in Norway?

Ah crap just deleted a post.
Mrs Engels is in the Netherlands, Cake is in Norway and Swede is in South Africa, we are a right multicultural bunch! I would love to live in a different country, we are hoping to go travelling around the world in a couple of years, so I have that to look forward to and keep me going if we never have another baby. We have a pretty rubbish work/life balance at the moment, DH especially, so hopefully we can improve that.
Mrs good luck with DS' checkup, DD had hers the other day, everything was fine and she was given some free books to take home. Have you thought about preschool or nursery yet for him? We are thinking of putting DD in preschool two mornings a week come september, she will be 3 in the november, I think it will be good for her social skills and confidence but I'm reluctant to let go of my only baby!
Cake does everyone speak excellent English? You've done well to last two years with not speaking norwegian! Will be a fun challenge to learn it though. Do you work out there too?
Mrs glad you had some progress with the bedtime routine, any progress is good progress as they say. Stay strong and keep at it! My DD still has a dummy at night, before I had her I thought a dummy at the age of 2 was terrible, but as you say you just do what works for your family, and I haven't been brave enough to try and get rid of it yet!

How is everyone else today?

Hi Ginger - How are you feeling? I didn't know you and your DH were thinking of travelling around the world, how amazing! And not something you could do easily with a new baby. You definitely will have another baby, that's for sure, it's just taking a little longer than you had hoped it would. Honestly try not to worry about the baby thing, the more you relax about it the more likely it is to happen. So your DD will be 3 in November and my DS will be 3 in December so they're very close in age. I am thinking about nursery or preschool for when my DS turns 3, so he'd start next January and I was thinking the same as you, a couple of mornings to see how he gets on. I agree it will be good for their development and I think my DS would enjoy it. He got weighed today and is exactly two stone which they said was spot on and he's 90cm talk which is apparently just above average so that was all good . I'm glad your DD's 2 year review went well too. Talking of travelling... I couldn't now but I always wanted to go on safari and fancied either Kenya or South Africa but not really possible with an extending family but hopefully one day.

I love living here mrs . Holland is quite an expensive country, comparable with UK I guess, though some things are cheaper (wine in supermarket - the same bottle will cost £6 in the UK and €6 over here) and some things more expensive (petrol). But I think the work life balance is better - the right to parental leave for both parents (though DH's is unpaid as he's in the private sector). Much more of a part-time culture for parenst with young children, which doesn't really exist in the same way in the UK, subsidised childcare (though it used to be more generous).

The Netherlands definitely has its problems but I like it and can't imagine being in the UK again. The south east, where my family lives, is so crowded and expensive.

ginger I met DH travelling in south america, then he visited me in New Zealand before I headed to Oz then back to Europe to move to NL. We went on a few more travels (Vietnam, the States) before having DS, and we took him on his first adventure in NZ last summer for month. Both DH and I did a lot of travelling before we met as well: me - Oz, Interailing in Europe, Canada and New York. DH - Israel, Cuba. I'd love to go back to the states, NZ, Canada (we were planning a trip across Canada when I found out I was pg), Peru, Bolivia, Chile. And so many places still on my list:Iceland, Scandinavia, Cambodia and Thailand, Argentina, Brazil, the Carribean.

Too many places on my wishlist! I think that when you have kids you have to think carefully, especially if they're school age - makes it a bit more complicated. DS was fine in NZ but I can't imagine taking him to Asia or SA for an extended period at this age. Plus, after our hols last year we're a bit skint! This summer will definitely be Europe. Maybe Northern Italy/Austria or just the UK (we'll come to the UK anyway to visit my family).

Though maybe we should organise a big trip...sure fire way to get pg is to have other plans! When ttc DS we put our lives on hold for 18months and didn't go outside NL and UK, then were so fed up we started planning Canada only to find I was pg. Decided a month road trip may not be very comfy at 6months pg so went to Lake District instead (and got married in NL).

Babymaking in full swing here. Need to get my opksout, reckon am ov this weekend.

My ds will be 3 in October as well. He goes to nursery 2 days a week when I'm working (or on half term!) and he loves it. Saves my sanity!

Morning :)
How did your night go Mrs ?
Ginger, Engels yes everyone speaks excellent English which is why we have been so lazy but I know that now we are planning to stay it will definitely improve our quality of life especially at my work and for DS, I have scary images of him plotting some mischief with his friends in Norwegian and me not having a clue!
Ginger you definitely are going to have another baby because I am definitely going to have another baby and we are cycle buddies!! I will do your positive thinking for now and you can return the favour when I’m convinced it will never happen for me, which if previous form is anything to go by will be in approx. 10 days!!

loves I think that knowing you're going to stay is a big motivation thing for learning a language. I knew that staright away so dived straight in with evening classes (I found working on my own from books/cds just didn't work for me).

Everyone said that it must have helped having a Dutch DH. Well, to be honest he didn't help very much since he has no patience and is a terrible teacher and we always just end up speaking English together (even in the beginnign when I was desperate for him to speak Dutch so I could practice). owever, having Dutch ILs really ehlped as FIL doesn't speak any English and MIL's English was so basic that after 3 months my Dutch was better than her English.

I know I need to use it more but guess the older DS gets the more I'll speak (with teachers and his friends etc.).

DS is bilingual but thinks that all children speak Dutch. He was switchign between English to my parents and Dutch to the other kids in the playground when we were in the UK alst weekend. Very funny to listen to!

Okay, really have t get on with marking and reports now.

Wow ginger travelling sounds amazing! Anywhere specifically? Any luck with the opks yet?

On the subject of nursery mrs & ginger dd will be 3 in jan & will start properly for the 15 hours they have to do in April next year. The pre school we've applied for does 2 full days & 1 morning which we think will be a big jump considering she's only ever been at home, so we're going to hopefully start the 2 or 3 mornings the term before to ease her in. I'm dreading it already, I'd keep her at home until school if I could! (I know I still could refuse to send her but would be worried school would seem like a mountain to her socially, especially as the vast majority of others will have done their 15 hours for a year)

Good luck with ov this weekend calling!!

How are you feeling about tomorrow hungry?

How's everyone else?

Morning! My last day with DD before going back to work. :-( Don't like to think about it. But at least she will be with DH / MiL, not in a nursery. So it could be worse.

I'm sure once I get into the secondment next week and get busy, I'll be better at dealing with it. And I'm sure DD won't mind if I'm there or not.

Good luck with OV this weekend, Engels.

I love all the travel talk! Engels, we went to Iceland on honeymoon. It's amazing! Everyone should go!

Mrs, how did last night go? Seems you made progress the night before.

DD slept for 10.5 hours last night. She's never done that before. Hopefully she will keep at it now I'm back at work. Probably not though!

Better, I think nursery at 3 is good for kids. I won't mind sending DD then, I don't think.

I am in a good mood today as I got a this morning, a day earlier than last cycle so that is good. Need to ring the doctors and book for my blood tests now, will I do it a week from today, so next wednesday for those of you in the know? (Hungry ) I have got them booked in alreay for day21 which will be tuesday, will one day make much difference?
Managed to dtd last night, wondering whether to go again tonight or wait until tomorrow night...I am actually feeling quite relaxed about it all this month, I feel like I've actually been able to give myself a break this month, if it wasn't for going for the blood tests I don't think I'd be counting out the days and using opks. I have totally gone off the rails with healthy eating as well!
Hungry hope you enjoy your day off today, at least going back to work now means you will have a better quality of life when the next one arrives, so you can enjoy them both even more. Excellent news on the 10 hours of sleep! Let's hope she keeps it up.
Better I am the same with nursery, I am dreading it but think the benefits for her would far outway any negatives or my struggles at letting her go!
Ooh Engels didn't realise your DH was dutch too, or maybe I have just forgotten that....it's hard to keep up! Do you think you will ever only speak Dutch at home if you plan to stay there? I think it's brilliant to teach kids another language from when they are little...I keep meaning to buy some french flash cards for DD. Your travel list is amazing! Bet you have some great stories to tell. My 'plan' was to have a family young, and then go travelling when they are older and grown up, but now we will just take DD with us and home school her until she is 8 or 9. I'm not sure where I'll magic the money from to do all that but it sounds exciting!
In the spirit of foreign husbands, mine is Australian, unfortunately not the tanned blonde surfer type though We will probably settle in Australia, or New Zealand one day, but would like to travel around Northern Europe, South America, Indonesia and Thailand, the list is endless really!
Thank you for the positive vibes cake I will indeed return the favour! What cd are you on now?
Hungry what time is your appointment?

Hello all,

So many posts to catch up on.

Loves - you are brave to attempt Norwegian! DH has been married to me for over eight years and together for 13 years and his Swedish is pathetic to say the least. Admittedly, he never lived in Sweden with me but we visit regularily and as I only speak Swedish with DD he is subjected to it all the time but still, he has not picked it up at all. But I agree it is important to know the language of the country where you live. DH's native language is Afrikaans and I have dedicated a lot of time to learn this language and I am now completely fluent (speaking not writing). DD is trilingual which I think is going to be a great advantage for her.

Engels - For some reason I thought you were living in NZ:) So when I saw one of your posts earlier where you said you had been to the UK for the weekend I thought, hang on, that's a bit far to travel for a weekend. Obviously it's perfectly possibly to go home for the weekend when you are in the NL. Sometimes I am just that stupid.

I feel awful complaining about any pg symptoms as I know there are so many on this thread who just wants to be pg! But, this nausea is really killing me. I feel sick during the night as well so it is now full blown nausea 24/7! I am losing weight rather than gaining. Everything makes me want to vomit:(

Oh Swede that is rubbish, are you actually being sick or just feeling it? have you tried any herbal remedies? I think B6 is meant to help, and obviously ginger. The only think that helped for me with DD was regular snacking, so maybe try and have some carbs or a mug of warm milk before bed to keep your tummy full throughout the night?
Trilingual is awesome! And all pretty different languages at that!

Oh swede it's so miserable isn't it? Don't feel bad about complaining, it is awful when you have it that bad, it hinders everything. I really feel for you. Nothing worked for me the first time round so I can't offer anything helpful, literally nothing that anyone suggested made any difference. How many weeks are you now?

Hurrah for the smiley gingerbread I would only dtd tonight if you feel like it. If you don't, just do it tomorrow. Last night was a great time to dtd if you got your smiley today. And good for you letting the healthy eating slide, you're having a stressful time, no need to add to it by not indulging when you feel like it.

It's lovely that dd will only be with family while you're at work hungry will make it easier for both of you & nice for dh and mil too.

And also, trilingual will be fantastic for dd swede!!!!

Oh swede sounds horrible. I was nauseous 24/7 with DS from 6-12 weeks. I lost weight too and couldn't eat anything with sauce (like lasagne or curry) - had to have all my food separate on the plate! But once I got to 12w I was fine and put on plenty of weight .

It's hard to keep up where everyone is I agree!

DH and I always speak English together at home, but he speaks Dutch to DS. If we are with his family then we will speak Dutch. I don't think Dutch will ever feel like a natural language for us to speak together (despite the family pressure, especially the older generation - yes MIL I'm looking at you!).

I would love to live in NZ ginger - if only it wasn't so far away.

I'm sure DD will be fine hungry. It'll probably be worse for you than for her!

Better I think DS has far more fun in nursery than he does at home with me! I think it's really important for him to learn to play with other children - not many SAHM's here so we don't do many 'playdates'. I don't know how I'd feel about full time nursery, though reckon DS would love it as they do so much more exciting things than I do with him. DH is home one day with him as well which is great (and another reason why I could never move back to UK as couldn't imagine us both working full time - it would make no financial sense for me to be SAHM, if anyone would stay at home it would have to be DH since he earns less but not sure how good it would be for his MH - he has depression and needs structure).

DS has been 2 days at nursery since he was 10 months (I went back to work 2 days a week when he was 4mo but they had no space so DH did one day and MIL the other) so he doesn't know any better. He's fine 95% of the time when I drop him off, but he has the occassional tantrum at the door, though this happens more now when I pick him up as he doesn't want to come home!

swede so sorry your feeling rubbish :( FWIW I don't mind hearing your pregnancy stories at all, just sorry nothing is making you feel better.

Ooh NZ that's where we had our honeymoon we loved it but the PIL would be devastated if we moved that far away I think they are a little miffed about Norway!

ginger CD13 ………not that I’m counting ……’whistling nonchalantly’

Ah fuck it having deleted this from my post for the second time.......

I wrote this earlier then deleted it, was worried about being judged but you lot don't seem the judgy type ..........DS is in nursery full time (cue dramatic music) I struggled with it massively and was really quite down for months but he loves it always runs straight to the door when we drop him off (a backward glance would be nice once in a while but). There isn't a SAHM culture here it’s just not what you do, so no baby/ toddler groups at all and childcare is heavily subsidized, I actually heard a HV say to a SAHM in my 'NCT' she was damaging her children by socially excluding them ??!!!??? Its working for us because of the work/ life balance here so I finish work early every day and take as many child days as I need and have lots of holidays but my ultimate dream is PT ....... Sorry long post probably still trying to justify it to myself somewhat, the jist of it is DS loves nursery it’s me who had/ has the issues.

loves I actually tried to put DS in nursery for another day as I was going potty last year at home 4 days in a row with him over my long weekend (particularly the fact that I find it impossible to work at home since we had DS - quite a problem when you're a teacher) but nursery didn't have any more space and MIL said no to taking him for a day.

I wonder if I would be able to cope as a SAHM or if it would be better than part-time because I wouldn't be trying to juggle DS and work all the time.

It's the same here - no culture of SAHM and lots of part time for men and women. And I can imagine that being an expat, being a SAHM would be more isolating, unless you're in a bigger city with lots of expat groups. Most of my friends here are either through DH or my work. No mother and toddlers groups here either. My 'NCT' group is my MN post-natal group!

I get really frustrated that when DS is ill, I'm the one who takes time off (because I get a certain allowance in my job, whereas DH has to take holiday). That's why I've had to do work today and yesterday because I spent 2 of my working days off with DS after his minor op so couldn't get eberythign done. Can't believe I've wasted my 2 days off this week marking, but no other time to get it done.

It's so difficult to find the right balance - if anyone has the answer then please let me know!

Aw thanks for the reply engels its the parenting thing I find most exposing for some reason. I would love to know the magic answer as I too wonder if I would be able to be a SAHM or if I could make PT work.
At the moment this is working but i'm excited by how another pregnancy could change things.

I'm wondering the same thing. Sometimes I feel like I can barely cope with DS, let alone throwing a new baby into the mix.

I will freely admit that I go to work to get a break. Teaching teenagers is a piece of cake compared to dealing with one tantrumming toddler!

Glad you feel you can trust us cake!
I work 3 days a week, sometimes I fantasize about throwing DD in nursery/preschool 5 days a week so I can go back and retrain and get a career, sometimes I fantasize about chucking in the whole working thing and stay at home making playdough and raising chickens...I don't think there is a happy medium! You just do what works for your family, as with everything. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM with 4 children (ha) but during my mat leave I did start to go a bit crazy. Most of my friends are childless (through choice) and will probably remain so, so it's hard to socialise with them, I didn't/haven't really made any new or mummy friends through baby groups, so I do need work for the social aspect (even though I hate most of the people I work with!!) Work is definately a break for me too, although I wish I was I able to do something a bit more engaging/intellectual it's nice to be able to make a cup of coffee when I want, and sit and read my book on my lunch break.
Really interesting what you guys are saying about european parenting culture, I think it's excellent, DH would absolutely love to be a part time SAHD, and I think it's nice to be able to share in the childcare, and the workload. I wonder if that helps to make it a happier place to live than the uk? That and the sunshine probably...!

Rang the Drs earlier, they don't have another appointment for blood tests until a week on monday!?? What the actual fuck?? Why tell me to book in for day21 when I can't actually do that!! Bloody good job I already have an appointment next tuesday, so lets just hope doing them a day earlier won't scupper the results

You should be OK, Gingerbread, though it may be 5 or 6 DPO. But you can tell your GP when you get the results. I think you should be able to tell if you OV'd anyway. :-)

Very busy on here today. I've been engrossed watching DD trying to crawl today! She's very frustrated. I'm sure by the weekend she'll be moving.

And definitely worse for me than her. I'm not sure I could be a SAHM though. It's just the wrench of leaving her rather than really enjoying being at home!

It's really interesting to hear about culture and languages elsewhere. We will teach DD at least one foreign language once she's a touch older.

Right, stuff to do now. Busy, busy today!

I think everyone is different when it comes to childcare and there isn't a wrong or right. I plan on being a sahm for a few years then going back to work but that could all change as calling says goingvto work can be just the break you need (plus nobody stealing your lunch).
I was at physio today and I now have a lovely set of crutches! ill no doubt end up in a&e tripping over them! ive not got the best coordination
ginger fx with the blood test hope you get some positive results x
all of you travelling folks must have some guts im a right wee home buddy coyld imagine living so far away from my family, my dh would move away in a heartbeat but not me im a big feartie lol xx