TTC or pregnancy on prednisolone or similar part 12

[teamdozie]

This is a positive thread for all those diagnosed with High or Very High NK Cells and looking to start TTC or already pregnant on Prednisolone and/or Intralipid treatment.

Newcomers very much welcome!

Yes me too ladies, I'm 39 but i feel I've missed out as my daughter was 11 weeks premature so I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy or even look pregnant! Now she's nearing 20 so the pressure is on and my mum is nearing 80 and in bad health and I want her to see me achieve my dream. My daughter doesn't believe in what I'm doing and thinks she's too old for a sibling. Hubby thinks he's getting too old as he's nearly 44 and wants to enjoy his retirement he says. I feel like you ladies, no better achievement or pride in my life than my daughter and my yearning to have another hopefully to term is too strong. I just wish time had stood still abit :(
Belly I'm thinking of you this morning and hoping it's another great result.
Waves to all And hope you are all well x

Village, MattsMamma, and Mel, I totally understand what you mean. 'Failing to show up for your own life'; that's a good phrase and sums it perfectly. There's an added element in my case, I suppose, in that I never wanted children until my late thirties and at some level I feel this is my 'punishment' for not listening to the many people who warned me about leaving it too late.
Village, I am 4 dpo. I am 43 on Friday and I had thought at the start of the cycle that I would be 10 dpo by then, and therefore would fittingly find out, but I'll only be 8dpo.
I don't think I'll ever be giving up mentally until I am menopausal but I know I do need to let go of the need to try to control everything. Realistically I have now tried most things and the things I haven't tried (like having the hysteroscopy as advised by Penny, for my supposed chlamydia infection) I suppose I just don't believe in. I'm tired of the way this has taken over my life, and the sacrifices I've made for it (my hair and skin for instance). I am tired of getting down the sack of supplements every morning that is hidden on top of the kitchen units out of the reach of my son. I just want to be free again of knowing what day of my cycle I'm on. DE is not for me, at least at this stage, but it's good to know that that's there as an option and that it's not time limited. I feel a bit that I've been behaving like my grandad who was a compulsive gambler; like Mr Micawber he always felt something was going to turn up, but in reality he was pouring a lot of financial and emotional investment into something that was as unlikely to happen as a lottery win. I'm just basing that on my personal circumstances, the fact that we've been ttc again now for 3.5 years and have only 3 miscarriages to show for it - that I was told at 22 to get on with childbearing as with my endo I would almost certainly have trouble getting pregnant and it's now over 2 decades later, with high NK cells and few eggs left.
I want to get to the point where I've left the door open for pregnancy to happen, but to be free of all the obsessive paraphenalia that has gone with it. But is that possible, one has to wonder?
Apologies for the self-absorbed essay and I don't mean to bring anyone else down - I am actually very optimistic but that's the problem. The sensible part of me is now stepping in and saying enough's enough.

mattsMamma, take courage. If you've only been trying for a few or even five months then it's too early to call a halt. Carrying on until you've crossed the 45 mark would make a huge difference to you psychologically - your mind would have time to adjust to the fact that your body might not be able to do this any more. And it still could! I think you said way back that you've got pregnant fairly easily in the past? It might take just a bit longer now, but that's not to say it won't happen. As you said, you really need to feel that you've given it a proper try. I really hope your DP comes round on this. I have a feeling he will - it's not as if the trying can go on forever, is it? So what difference would a few more months make? xx

mel you are YOUNG! Go for it! I had DD at nearly 42!

Brown I had to smile at 'the sack of supplements' because I have one too. (It's buried in a cool box.) I think you describe infinitely better what I was trying to say earlier - that feeling of being fed up and having had enough, and wanting quality of life again free of the craziness of ttc, has to come from within and can't just be imposed by a husbandly fiat or some other rational deadline. I hope you have a brilliant birthday on Friday, whatever the test brings.

As for me: AF arrived this morning, so my chemical is now officially over. Question now is whether to launch straight into another SO cycle with letrozole tomorrow, or try unassisted. I'm hoping Mr S can shed some light when I phone in tomorrow morning.

Village sorry af came but then it's what you wanted to try move on which is what I was like too. Hopefully someone will be able to advise you tomorrow. I know I'm young it's just the pressure of my daughter and mum being how she is :( yes I could open my own chemist, most of it I don't even need anymore :/

Am sorry for your news Village & wish you luck getting advice on SO tomorrow.

Hope everyone is well this morning.

I've been advised to go straight into SO cycle 6, so started letrozole this morning. Here we go again. I'm a little afraid of having another chemical, but there's only one way to find out... Thanks for all your support in the last few days, ladies. Your warm words and willingness to share your own experiences have really helped me not to feel so alone in this. Not to mention the practical info when I didn't know what was going on! Can't thank you enough xx

Good luck, Village. I think you posted elsewhere about DHEA. My opinion would be that if you have it already, taking 25mg for the first half of the cycle while the follies are developing, or the whole month, would be good to maximise your chances for this last cycle. I doubt you'd get any side effects, only benefits for that short length of time. My acne only arose after 6 months of 75mg and hair loss after more than a year of lower doses. And in the mean time you could get the Verisana test and see what's what and whether you want to continue. The test comes quickly.

I didn't take it on the letrozole days by the way this cycle but can't remember what I did on previous cycles. I think I took it all the way through.

brown thanks so much for posting. The DHEA will arrive tomorrow, CD3. I started letrozole today, CD2, and will take it through to CD6. When should I take the DHEA? Straight away tomorrow? Is it ok to take it through the 2ww or should I stop at ov? I ordered the Verisana test on Saturday, so it should be here this week, but I think I'll start on 25mg DHEA regardless.

It is meant to be taken continuously so you would only stop it if you got pregnant or decided you didn't want to continue based on the results of the Verisana test. I just said to take it for the first half of your cycle to take the results of your test into consideration if you got them by then. They say you should only take it for 3 months, and probably if everyone took it for just that length of time, they'd be okay. It's just I've taken it for 18 months now!
So yes, take it tomorrow.

Thank you so much Brown! I'm so grateful for your advice. Anything that makes me feel proactive at this point is a plus, so bring on the DHEA... I'll heed the three-month warning!

Well, I certainly attribute my 3 pregnancies last year to the DHEA. Yes, they ended in miscarriage but before that I'd had 2.5 years of infertility, so that's an improvement. As you've not had a problem getting pregnant, hopefully the improvement you'll see is a healthy pregnancy.
Did you decide not to try the melatonin?

Hello Ladies - thanks so much for all your advice. Still not made any headway with regards to continuing TTC - he won't even discuss it at the moment. VILLAGE - I feel the same what difference does a few more month make? I have said this too - but he keeps saying you know how I feel about it. He has said if he were 10 year younger it wouldn't be an issue but he just feels too old. Keep asking myself who is the selfish one - him or me? I just don't know x

My husband says he feels too old too - he's 41! I found that a meltdown or two got me my own way in the end. And the fact that my DH is, I'm sure, secretly confident that I'll never get pregnant which would be much the easier option for him so that he can continue to go on golfing holidays, etc. In our case, we're both as selfish as the other - although I can claim to be doing it for our son too. :) As I've pointed out to my husband, this ttc isn't going on forever. Nature will intervene eventually so why not humour me?

BROWN - I had a big meltdown just before Xmas resulting in him "trying for my sake". Maybe another is on the cards!

Are you on the Hydroxychloroquine by the way. I've decided to stop taking it today as I have the most awful puffy eyes since being on it and I am sure it's that. Feel very unsure about taking it all of a sudden as I never had it in my last pregnancy and was ok and Dr S just added it on in addition to the pred. Really unsure. I am due to see him soon anyway so can discuss with him and see what he says. I'm also feeling unsure about on off every month with the pred. Wonder what he will say about taking it if and when I get bfp - presuming I ever get to that stage!!

brown I've even obsessively rung the vitamin company now and checked that they put the damn DHEA in the post this morning on next day delivery - they have! Do you think I should stick to 25mg, or do 50mg (given that I've no idea what my natural levels are?) My AMH is 6, which, while being ok for an old crone, still falls in the low fertility bracket. FSH 6.8, LH 5.7. In fact I do feel just like an old crone brewing up potions in her cauldron. Yes, I am on melatonin too, but only 2mg - I just can't tolerate 3mg.

mattsmamma I think the desire to have another child is an instinctive, deep-rooted rive and that the term 'selfishness' just doesn't apply. Simply denying it is much more dangerous, in terms of possible depressive fall-out, than going with it and it not working. I wish your OH could see this as something that is important to your psychological wellbeing at this stage in your life...

Well put, Village.
Your hormone levels are great, but as discussed with Mel, they don't necessarily tally up with DHEA levels (since hers were high and her AMH low). Certainly if you take that level for one cycle I can't see any problem, and you don't want to have doubts later that it might have worked if only you'd taken more of it. You're going to check your levels anyway, so I would say go for it. (I think they use 75mg for IVF commonly.)
What do you think of melatonin?
Mattsmama, I also have grave doubts about hydroxy and, like you, I'm not sure why. Yet another reason why I'm stopping all but melatonin after this cycle. My eyes have been weird ever since using both pred and hydroxy. My eyesight is very variable, and my pressure high, but I've been seen at the hospital and they weren't worried. Oddly enough, it's melatonin that's giving me very puffy eyes in the mornings, or at least I think that's what it is. Of course, I ought not to be taking the hydroxy anyway, as Mr S wouldn't give me any more as I haven't seen him for ages; these are Ari's.

Also, Mattsmama, I told my DH, that I didn't want to resent him and blame him in my old age. I know that sounds close to emotional blackmail, but it was the plain truth - that I could see myself becoming a bitter old witch. This way, we'll probably still not get that baby, but at least it won't be his fault.

Brown thanks - maybe I'll risk the 50mg then. Are you absolutely sure it can be taken in the 2ww? Not sure if the melatonin is making any difference or not. 3mg made me feel groggy, but 2mg doesn't affect me at all. Most drugs don't, not even pred or hydroxy - either that, or I'm just remarkably imperceptive!

Yes, definitely fine in the 2ww.
2mg makes me feel as if I have to go to bed within 90 mins; there's no staying up after that. Also my eyesight deteriorates. But then I do tend to take my tablets with a (contraindicated) glass of wine, and also I take low-dose quetiapine which is sedative.
I think the fact that drugs don't affect you much perhaps shows what good hormone levels you have; I was the same years ago, but now I'm very aware of the effect of things like DHEA on my mood, sleep, etc, probably because I'm naturally low on them nowadays.

VILLAGE - you are spot on. I will be trying to convince OH of the same! There is just an atmosphere all the time at the moment and it's not pleasant. Certainly not conducive to baby making! Maybe he'll agree to one more month - I doubt any more than that to be honest but we will see.

Good luck with the SO x

BROWN - that is a worry of mine - that I will really resent all this if no 3 doesn't come along and we didn't give it a good shot. At least if we do try at least for a couple more months at least I will have some inner peace from that. It really is my last chance at this x

matts my DH swings from wanting to keep trying to not talking to me about it. He told me he hates to see the turmoil and pain I go through so maybe your oh is the same ? Its hard to keep going when you feel you are the only one on board. I think a bit like brown my DH probably thinks there is no chance of having another one so is humouring me at the moment. I broached the subject of donor eggs and he wasn't happy about it - I haven't told him I am saving up for it for next year!

Brown the DHEA arrived and is in the system!

mattsmamma if it were me I'd just keep on talking to him, as openly and honestly and unconfrontationally as you can. They tend to think the problem will just go away as long as no one is verbalising anything, but this isn't a time to be silent and you'll feel better if you can feel heard. I hope it goes well x

When I woke up this morning I felt incredibly low and grim about my chemical and what it might mean for the future. But there are women on this thread who have been through worse - in fact, I've been through worse - and I'm aware that I just need to carry on. Thanks for being there, ladies.

Waves to everyone.

Just think village 20 yrs ago there would have been chemicals all over the shop as natural part of life. Only the invention of less than 25ml tests have we even become aware of chemicals. Just a late heavy period for our mothers who saw dr after
Missing 2 periods to confirm a pregnancy- so over 8 wks. Oh what bliss that would be ...