TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

Critters - I think creative endeavours sound like a fab idea. And I am really glad sister critters is coming to visit. It's so important to have close family at a time like this. I agree with Euro you shouldn't go back to work too soon but I know sometimes having something to do can help take your mind off the sadness. It is important to grief though. You are so incredibly lovely and strong. Big squeeze to you.

I love the book Middlesex - a great read.

Re DHEA - the lady I know who had success with this took 25mg per day although the normal recommended amount is 75mg per day. She said she started taking it and got really bad spots and when she her levels checked at 4 weeks and her testosterone and DHEA levels were too high. So she stopped it for a bit then went back on 25mg, occasionally going up to 50mg. She said it was difficult to get help/monitoring in order to take it sensibly but she used her judgement as a doc. The ones she said are the best are from McPherson in the US - micronised DHEA called Micron 5 DHEA. Not sure if any of this makes sense.

Thanks all for your concern about OHSS. It's got a lot better. I can put on my own shoes and it has gone down a lot.

Euro - I know how you feel about clothing. The OHSS bloat means I only have 1 dress and leggings I can now wear. All my clothes are very fitted.

Quick phone post. Ten yes Doll is right, I was an NHS first round success, we self funded but essentially it was the same deal. I only saw a doctor once in the whole process (apart from the ones who did EC/ET) to determine the timing of EC. I didn't have any blood tests at all until the preg test, just scans every couple of days. As others have said, I do think the luck/numbers game element plays a big part.

Big cheer and hug for Sea, hope the OHSS is subsiding.

You have smoked me out with book talk :-). These days I rarely get to read anything with more than 5 words on each page. Critter Forever Amber was my first grown-up read (my mother gave me it as an approved 'safe' read, she didn't know I read her Jackie Collins on the sly ). Nelly I must've read Black Beauty a dozen times. As a grown-up I love anything by Jane Austen. Joseph Heller's Catch 22 for its black humour. Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood; Kate Atkinson's stuff for holiday reads. More recently I also loved Wolf Hall and am a big fan of Hilary Mantel not just for her awesome writing but for the way she has spoken out about infertility and its impact.

That's more than three. I'll shut up now before I get carried away and bore you with poetry as well.

OK so not that quick a post . Hugs to everyone and special nork-avoiding ones for Critter.

Critter - I am sure it is going to be very up and down for some time. But take your time. You have a very healthy approach. Creativity and human contact sounds therapeutic and I am pleased mrC is with you for the next few weeks. Thinking of you often.

Nelly - love the sound of your trip with the in laws in a few months. I will be interested to see if you go with Serum. If we are ever able to raise funds in the future , serum is at the top of my list. I gather penny is retiring though which is a shame. I hope they have someone just as good and kind taking the reins.

Cos - I have the same work style as you. I do have a manager though who is incredibly irritating and stupid, who I have lost my buttons with on several occasions. He loves shouting and he normally shouts before I have spoken. Last year amidst my ivf stuff he went off on one at me and I surprised myself at how I reacted when all my buttons were pressed and I was at boiling point. As for books- I am a romantic and Jane Eyre is on my list and possibly Far from the madding crowd. on another sphere Frankl's Man's search for Meaning was fascinating. I am reading Quiet at the moment which is an insight into how we view introverts. Society, especially in the US, celebrates extroverts and it looks at why introverts are often overlooked. I have moments of being extroverted (when drunk!) but am basically an introvert so very interesting book!

Sea - ah yes some people swear by dhea. My nutritionist at the time wanted to put me on it and did warn me of it causing acne. And she also said it came from the USA. I've got the name somewhere. She decided against it as I was having severe pains every month. I'm slightly scared if taking more hormones to be honest but no doubt I will try it one day. Oh and we need to talk about Kevin is a good film to watch when you are struggling to conceive but not when pregnant! I was slightly grateful for not having kids after watching that!

Buggerlugs - I hope you are ok.

I have seen that Kate Silverton is pregnant again at 43. I have to say I am quite shocked. She lost an ovary in her twenties and then she had multiple failed ivf rounds. she said her eggs were so fragile they were just disintegrating during ivf. But she got pregnant naturally at 40 and had a baby and is now pregnant naturally again. I don't know why this gives me hope because I have probably been trying longer than her for one but the fact that her eggs seemed of bad quality during ivf, does give me some comfort that it can still happen!

ladies I have a bottle DHEA 50mgs unopened if anyone is interested

Micro fox post. I've had a rough few days in the long haul land of ttc so apologies for absence. Sometimes it just feels very bad. I have been reading and thinking of you all and felt glad to see us all convene in other places.

Critter, you are on my mind such a lot. I'm glad mr c is with you. I truly think you are an amazing person. You have always made me feel better when you've spoken to me on here. You are an uplifter. I hate to think of you treading your way through the spiky journey of grief and wish I could speed you further along the path. I think twibling is such a lovely word and I'm glad they are waiting for you in the very near future. Big big love to you. Keep talking to us about it all.

Apologies for lack of personals, my fox tail is just a bit drooped. Still thinking of my books cos!

Evening ladies

Crtitter I am glad to hear that sister critter is coming to visit. Time and human contact sound like a good plan for healing. I imagine the waves of grief will continue for a while.

Euro I liked creates attitude to limited drugs, but a couple of issues about how they handles the OHSS and FET put me off a bit. We will see, I might yet go back there. Wow it must be starting to feel a bit real now that you are having to buy fat girl clothes????

Devon I saw the news about her pregnancy as well, I am a lesser person that you perhaps because if I am honest all I felt was jealousy (embarrassed emoticon). I obviously know that is unreasonable but I am ashamed to say it was my initial reaction. It shocks me when I hear of people who shout in the workplace, it is so unprofessional and doesn't achieve anything.

Cos I am with you on the work front. What I do is high pressured but we aren't saving lives, which is something that people seem to forget......

Nelly the trip with your inlaws sounds like a welcome distraction! Good luck with the investigating overseas options.

Waves to everyone else and thank you for your info on those of you who have been successful with a bog standard LP without much doctor interaction!

x post Fox, I hope you are ok. The journey is shit, I am sorry your tail is droopy.

Fox I've been watching Countryfile. Always reminds me of you. Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. Sending a big foxtail fluff and hope you can ride out this period of sadness. Your words to Critter are beautiful and very true and could equally be applied to yourself, as you are an uplifter too. I am also glad of other opportunities to connect with the wonderful 10plussers all of whom are deserving of a better hand than the one life has dealt.

Aw thanks so much art. I do love me a bit of cuntryfile! I just have felt very weepy. I think the reality of not being in any way fertile is hitting in slow layers. It feels as raw today as it ever did in early ttc days, maybe it always will on some days. Other days I'm fine. Thanks ten too. It's always good to have a tail fluff. And I currently have rather a lovely one

Quick post to give Fox a tight squeeze. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. This journey is shit and full of ups and downs. There's v little to feel positive about sometimes but it can happen Foxy - one way or another I believe we will all get there. Big hug x

fox I'm sorry that you are going through a low period.

ten I had reservations about how they dealt with the EC where I had the bleed. That is one of the reasons we were going to change clinics.

Bizarrely, despite the belly, it still doesn't feel real. So I hope the 10+ers are ok with me hanging here for a little while yet.

devon I saw the news about Kate Silverton too. I can't believe she is doing pregnancy again at 43! The last year of intense IVF has really aged me and I feel all of my 38 years and can't imagine how worn out I would feel in another 5 years.

Euro it genuinely didn't feel real for me until I was actually in the delivery room going "fuck me, this feels exactly like shitting out a bowling ball"

Haaaaaaass

Thanks for that art...

Fox big squeeze.

Thanks for the book recommendations - plenty I hadn't heard of so will get reading.

I had a scan this morning - I should be about 6 wks tomorrow I think, and there was a sac in there (was half expecting there not to be anything there at all) however they couldn't see a yolk sac or fetal pole and the sac only measured 7mm which is more like 5 and a bit weeks. So they've said inconclusive and to come back in a week. So looking unlikely its developing properly. There was also a huge amount of blood around the sac though not sure if that's a problem or not.

Oh cos. Inconclusive is very hard to be with. It is so early though and on your behalf I'm remaining positive that this was just a bit too soon. Huge love to you.

Art - ouch!

Euro, stay here til you pop and beyond. We're all in it together.

Oh Cos, that is so unhelpful. Yet more wait and seeing, I hope that it was just too early to tell.

Excuse random phone post above, it meant to say hahaha, fat fingers.

Euro it would be sad if you disappeared, you have earnt your stripes I reckon!

cos at such an early stage a day or two can make a huge difference. It was a natural cycle so you could be a day or two out. I am still hopeful. Can you keep busy for the next week? I know from experience that the time will drag horribly. x

Thanks ladies. Please tell me if I am insensitive at any point when I am wrapped up in my own little bubble of early pregnancy stress! I am cheering you all on. I do think we will all get there, one way or another.

Oh Cos- I am so sorry for the uncertainty. It is incredibly early and I just hope things will keep progressing. But I can't believe that you of all people are having another shitty wait. It's very stressful for you. Did they give any indication of why there is a pool of blood and what would cause it? How are you feeling?

Euro - please keep on posting. Everyone realises how bloody nerve wracking this all is and we are here to hold your hand for the next 7 months. I haven't found anyone on here to be insensitive, ever.

Fox lovely, I am so sorry you are having a crap time of it lately. It is horribly hard. I hope it will pass soon. I have emerged from a very dark fog which I was stuck in for about 8 weeks. I'm not sure why it has suddenly lifted. But I understand how difficult it is when it has a hold on you.

Ten - you are not a lesser person for thinking that because I read it and shouted out to Roy 'wtf, she said she wasn't able to have kids'. It took me a while to see the positive!!

Art - haha and ouch.

cos Sorry it was inconclusive I agree with euro its still early days, have you booked another scan, big hugs

Cos - I am so sorry for this headfuck. I know inconclusive is just horrible to deal with. Nothing I can say can make it better and I can't imagine how you must feel. I think Buzz and Euro are right it could well be too early. I so hope this is the case and willing that is the case for you. A huge squeeze my love.

cos I am sorry for the continued worry and stress of an inconclusive scan. I can imagine how agonising this uncertainty must feel. Hang in there, just keep putting one step in front of the other and keep breathing.

sea hope you're feeling a little better.

fox thank you for your lovely kind words to me. I agree that you are an uplifter. You've been dealt an incredibly unfair hand but you will be a mother, I just know you will. Don't let darkness and fear cloud your hope and optimism. You are going to have your own little fox cub. I truly believe you will.

euro the bump will come almost overnight and you're going to be a beautiful preggo. Hot holidays sound perfect, it is very cold here (although clear and sunny, so I can't complain)!

devon I am sorry you've had a horrible time recently. This must be a really sad time for you - all the sad memories of last year must be on your mind a lot. Oh it is so unfair. I am so hopeful about this next round for you though honey. Did you say it would be a six month wait?

ten there is every reason that this round could work - I remember doll's cowboy round, which resulted in tiny doll. I do understand the wanting to protect oneself by not getting your hopes up, but you just need one lucky break and this could be it.

Love to everyone else. I am entitled to 8 weeks off work because of the c section but may not take all that time off - my work have actually been amazing and really supportive. It's actually good that I had the op because it's giving me a physical timeline to heal and stopping me from trying to do too much too soon.

Thanks for the hand hold. Was slightly surprised there was anything but of course all anyone wants to hear is that everything looks good right? The sonogropher didn't sound overly hopeful. But we shall see. Have been trying to tell myself that this time last year even a positive test seemed absolutely insurmountable. Maybe there are answers to all this out there for us all? I wouldn't be at all surprised if prog wasn't my only issue.

Critter, how are you doing lovely? How's the knitting coming along? I love twibling too. 5 is a great number of frosties.

Euro I'm not sure you could ever be insensitive.

Ten, how's it going?

Dev I was a bit surprised at her too, but I agree it just shows it can happen

Buzzy what news?

cos I think EPAU sonographers are very cautious. Are you on the immune programme or not??? I measured small for my dates at the early stage. I am being induced tomorrow

Critter I'm glad your work place are being supportive, make sure you take time to recover

devon sorry you have been so low, big hugs

Ooh buzzy, very best of luck, will be thinking of you. No I'm not on the immune programme this time.