TTC 10+++ months part 18

[Mrsden]

This is the BFP thread.

Critter I guess most of us are sleeping but I see you there, you must be up late (you and I have a 12 and a half hour time difference now, I must be more or less exactly 'the other side of the world'). Sending love your way. x

Up early and it's still so dark, I've made a little wish on the brightest star in the sky for all of us.

Morning ten plussers. I was on the train as the sun was coming down yesterday and did lots of thinking about us and especially Critter. I too was thinking about the lovely people I've virtually and really met through this space. Critter I know others have said this too but the thread is here for all parts of the journey. Im so sorry that yours has taken you to this place but never think you can't say what you feel. Lots of us have been talking for 2-3 years now and I imagine will be in touch for a long time to come to support through the best and worst of times. I hope the hospital are treating you well and that your scar pain is being well managed. Continued thoughts to you, mr c and family.

Sea how's the belly?

It's foggy here this morning. I will be hibernating. I have a stinker of a cold so I'll do a little work later and spend the rest of the day watching crap tv relaxing.

cos I so hope it is good news for you.

sea when will you get your first scan?

doll I hope your bloating eases soon. It sounds very uncomfortable.

critter my lovely, are you still in hospital? How is mr c holding up?

Critter – My thoughts are still with you. I echo the others in saying I am amazed at your capacity to remember others at this time. Look after yourself, we are here to listen and I don’t think you derailed anything, I am rubbish at being a regular thread dweller but I do know that these ladies are an amazing bunch who are ready to listen and offer support and advice when they can, please feel free to take advantage of this as a safe place.

Sea – I cant remember if I have said CONGRATULATIONS (so I probably haven’t!) I have been reading but shite at posting (working for a bit of a knobber at the moment!). Great news about the beta. I am so sorry that you are still feeling rubbish from the OHSS and possible infection. I am cheering on your two to settle in for (a hopefully soon uneventful) pregnancy. Are the intralipids for NK cells? The ARGY really do put you through it don’t they! I think if this round doesn’t work that may be our next throw it all at the wall option.

Cos – sorry you are still getting freaked out, when can you have a blood test?

Euro – Sorry that the bleeding is ongoing, hopefully the next two week will fly by in a haze of work

Waves to the rest of the ladies, I am very glad blue Monday is over and done with (which coincided with the date AF is due) and my rageyness is subsiding.

Oh Also Doll I am not sure how helpful this is but have you seen a consultant about the bloat? I have had two friends who have had C-sections and have had to be reopened up and sorted out after being told for ages that the on-going pain was just the way it was. Sorry I realise with a lack of information that this probably isn't that helpful, but I guess what I am trying to say is don't let them just tell you it will be fine and go away on its own, get a bit stroppy and insist on seeing someone for a second opinion if it is impacting your life. They are only people, doctors with a god complex drive me batty (and there are so many of them).

Critter you have not derailed the thread. I would hate to think that you didn't feel you could post here. As others have said all of our journeys have been tough, some continue to be tough, but yours, my love, is the most tragic. Post, pm, email as much as you need to, both now and in the future. Please know that you are hugely loved and admired with your strength and positivity by us all

Sea I haven't said congratulations yet. I've been thinking about you too and hoping you're feeling better. Did you go to your GP about the blood in your wee? Those are fantastic numbers. I've got everything crossed for you.

Euro and Cos I'm quietly confident for both of you. I really am.

Pout the lottery postcode is a pile of arse (polite). I'm sorry.

Fox and Cos I echo your thoughts entirely about our wonderful group here. I consider you more supportive, decent, approachable, non judgmental and lovely than the bulk of my closest friends and family. I've bed. Very grateful for your support over the past two years.

Xxx

Critter - hello lovely lovely lady. Its wonderful that you can open up and talk to us on this thread. We wouldn't have it any other way. Whatever you feel and think, please share it here. You have always been so generous and supportive to everyone here. So glad we can be here for you now (all be it via the net). Im sure baby james is very proud of his beautiful mummy. I hope mr c is as ok as it is possible to be, please let him know we are thinking of him too.

Sea - I am thrilled for you. What good results. But this journey never ends does it, onwards and upwards with intralipids. Are you feeling more comfortable now?

Doll - gosh Im sorry to hear about the gassy, lumpy pain. Sounds dreadful. I don't have any wise advice but dont put up with this forever. When can you go for another review?

Euro and cos - tight squeezy, optomistic hand holds coming your way!!

Just quick for now. Critter everyone has said it better than I can, but never ever ever feel you need to apologise to us! Post anything. Talk about James. Talk about how unfair it is. Share your happy memories, or your sadness. We are all standing beside you through this. You are a kind, beautiful, amazing woman that I'm proud to call a friend, even though we've never met. We all love you xxx

In fact I love you all .

Sea, Euro and Cos I am so quietly excited for you all.

Ten, not sure if you meant AF turned up, or didn't?

Waves to everyone else for now x

Afternoon all.

I second what Nelly and the others said.

Critter how are you doing lovely? Are you still in hospital? I hope that you're as comfortable as possible and the scar is ok, I have heard of these causing problems. I'm 100 percent sure that you will complete your family, and you're oh so brave to think of trying again in a few months, I so hope you begin to heal well in all respects. Are your family staying out with you for a while?

Euro I hadn't heard of that harmony scan, is it a good thing? (must be if you're doing it!). You are hurtling towards 12 weeks which is great. Have you had any routine nhs appointments yet?

Pout how are you doing lovely after the cruel disappointment after the appointment? Have you any ideas of next steps? Have you done rounds of clomid in the past, I can't remember, sometimes you can do some rounds of follicle stimulation plus tracking etc which doesn't have the cost of ivf? i'm sorry cos you'd seemed to have reached a much better place but i guess we all have had temporary respites from time to time.

Devon I hope you are ok, I'm sure this time last year must be high in your thoughts - thinking of you.

Waves and squeezes all round.

Critter I agree with everyone else. It's inevitable that you are going to go through a whole range of emotions as you grieve so please let them out here if it is in any way helpful.

cos I've only seen my GP so far (have to do that before a midwife referral at my surgery). It was a complete waste of an appointment - just filling in a form while I repeated the information to go in there several times. I could have done it in 2 mins myself online and not taken up an appointment. I'm due to see the midwife if/when I get to 11 weeks.

There is a long thread about the Harmony test on the antenatal tests and choices board. Basically, it is a blood test for foetal DNA in the mother's blood, which can detect with a fair degree of accuracy Downs syndrome and the other trisomies. It gives you either a 1/10000 or 1/2 chance of having one of them, so none of this 1/100 "should I shouldn't I have an amnio?" you get with the NHS triple test for trisomies. I want to avoid an amnio/CVS if at all possible if I get that far, so it seemed like a good way to go. And the Fetal Medical Centre does a nuchal scan as part of the package, and they have better equipment than most NHS hospitals, so it seemed like a good way for me to go. Frankly, after IVF costs, £400 for the test + scan seemed like very good value. The NHS is trialling it at the moment at UCL, apparently, so it may well take over from the triple test in future.

ten I am glad that the rageyness is subsiding.

Critter, this is your thread as much as anyone else's so use it in Any way you want. You've always been so generous with your support and wise words, I hope we can pay you back a little. I lit my little candle for James again tonight and it's burning brightly.

It snowed here today and it reminded me of this day last year when I was in hospital for the lap and there were snow drifts and blizzards. So much had happened this year, I'm so grateful that I've had all of you lot to share the highs (and many lows) with.

Gosh Ray was that really a year ago, thats really hard thinking back to those big events you think is going to move things forward and then thinking of how much time has passed. Hope you're ok.

You are so right ray, critter you've been such an uplifting help to me and have always left me feeling feather fluffed. I hope that you are managing to get some sleep.

Ray these years are full of landmarks and trials and tribulations. Three years have felt like ten!

I still, in spite of my ovary petrol tank reading empty, think I could be pregnant with every month that passes. I think my two cps have left me with an incorrect belief that it could happen when statistically, it really probably won't. Why can't my brain let it go?

Euro I didn't really know what a harmony test was so thanks for explaining. I think I would do that.

Cos, how goes it?

Sea, are you feeling any better?

euro I have heard good things about the Harmony test and everyone who has had it, said it really put their minds at rest, I thought about it but as my donor was 25 I decided not to.

ray the time does fly but not in a good way,

foxy it is hard to give up on your body, there is always that 'hope' that it will happen for you even against all the odds

sea I hope you are feeling better, are you having intralipids ???

Euro that's interesting about the scan, everything crossed it all comes back ok for you - do you know how long it will take to get the results afterwards.

Fox I can't help thinking there must be a mind / body link?

Sea how you doing?

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for all your lovely messages. We got home from the hospital last night and it has been wonderful to be home - I was terrified of leaving the hospital room as being on a labour and maternity ward with smiling parents and crying newborns was pretty miserable sans baby, especially as I started weaning off the super-strength painkillers. Last night I woke up at 3am and lay in bed running over what happened on Saturday in a loop in my head. Then I turned on my phone (quietly so I wouldn't wake MrC who has been incredible at looking after me but is exhausted after several nights with little sleep) and read your posts and they gave me so much comfort. ray I saw your lovely little post about the star and it made me cry in a good way. Thank you darling.

doll my midwife told me that one of the worst pains people have after a c section is gas pains. I had them at first but they've gone now. I wonder whether they botched your op? If so definitely worth getting a second opinion.

I was incredibly lucky that when we went in on Saturday night, the very senior head of the obstetrics team was on call and he did my c section. He did an amazing job and I'm so so grateful - my incision already feels much better and he told me that he cut between the muscles instead of through them. He also came and saw me every day afterwards to answer my questions, and he actually cried when he told us how sorry he was that we'd lost the baby. I have never seen a senior consultant do that. He said he would personally oversee my prenatal care with any subsequent pregnancy (he recommended to wait 6 months), make sure I had regular scans and no-stress tests then, and do my delivery if I wanted him to. He also reassured us that there was nothing we could have done to have changed the outcome of what had happened (a likely placental abruption and some clotting issues in the placenta that could have gone on for a few days) - we had been worrying that we took too long to get to the hospital because when I started bleeding, we initially thought it was just the 'bloody show' and start of labour - we didn't realise it was an emergency. That kind of compassion and generosity was just overwhelming and is why I feel really lucky in some ways about what happened.

cos it's snowing here too. Feeling cautiously hopeful for you honey.

fox you are still making eggs and you have had CPs. You are not silly for thinking it could happen. I can completely understand why you still have hope and I think it's a sign of your courage and open heart.

euro the harmony test sounds amazing. I think it can also tell you the sex if you're curious. A colleague found out what she was having at 13 weeks.

Love to all.

Just a quick one to say hi to all 10 plussers.

Critters. I'm glad you are back at home and so relieved that you had docs who looked after you so well and with such sensitivity. The forthcoming period will no doubt be up and down for you emotionally. Please know that we are all here to listen and support you. I hope your physical scars will heal quickly. Everything else will take time and we are with you all the way. All my Love to you and MrCritters.

Euro I m on a FF thread with argc ladies and they all do the harmony test. I have heard really good things. I hope the biz trips helps keep the menkulling at bay.

Ray. I'm sorry for the reminder of this time last year. This journey is so hard and so full of what could have beens. Big handhold to you.

Devon. I know this time of the year is bound to bring back some sad and painful memories for you too. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you.

Cos. Thinking of you and I hope everything is okay and there's not been any more scares. I'm counting down the days until you have your check up and test.

Fox. I know how hard it is to hope month after month and feel disappointed and devastated. I will always stay hopeful. It can happen. I m keeping everything crossed that you get the answer you want from the Nhs as well.

Pout. How are you?

Ten. I have met many at the argy who did it as a last throw everything at it. It is intense and they can be arrogant but I do feel they are v dedicated to what they do and strangely enough I have always felt they treated me as an individual with compassion not just as another infertile. They are by no means perfect and you do have to be at their beck and call which does add another element of stress.

I'm sorry not to write more to others. I really wanted to catch up with everyone but exhaustion has got the better of me. Good night ladies. Thank you for being such amazing confidants. Love to you all.

Critter I am so glad you are home, and are feeling physically ok at least. Your Doctor sounds amazing, and very very well done to him for remembering that you would be, of course, trying to see if you did anything "wrong". I am relieved he was able to put you at your ease on that score. It is just a shitty shitty piece of awful, horrendous, bad luck, and I'm so sorry it had to happen to anyone, but least of all a 10plusser. As if the first part of the journey wasn't hard enough. You are going to be the most amazing Mum to James' siblings when you are ready. And we will be with you every step of the way. But for now rest, and let the handsome MrC take care of you.

Euro thank you for putting that info up about the test. Like Buzzy when (if) our time comes I'm hoping the nubile young thing that donates makes it unnecessary for me, but that said I will likely be so paranoid I will do it anyway.

Ray is it really a year? Oh gosh time is speeding by.

Fox I probably don't help with the men killing but I too think it can happen for you. One lucky month....

Even though it's not snowing here tonight it is freezing in our house. So I'm off to cuddle my hobbles then put my PJs on and catch up on some sleep. On an all day course tomorrow so might not be on. Or may be on here all day .

Critter I'm so glad you are home and that you have been treated with such kindness and compassion. It's good they went between muscles, my muscle cut made moving very difficult so I hope you don't have that. Good that the gas has gone now too and also that you will be looked after in the future.There will be so so much playing through your mind right now so please use us to pour it out, if it helps. Big virtual squeeze x

Hello everyone, I'm sorry for intruding on this thread but I was an original member back on the first ever thread and (I'm sorry if this is a bit weird and stalkerish) I've been checking in every so often and really, really hoping for good news for all of you. I didn't stay originally as I was worried that my BFP would have been upsetting (though I know now how wonderfully supportive you all are of each other) but I've just read Critter's horribly sad news and I thought I might be able to help her in a small way.

My elder daughter was born in January 2012 and was also deprived of oxygen during the birth. She was diagnosed with HIE (Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy) which is basically brain damage due to oxygen deprivation. (Although we have been most fortunate in our bad luck and she is now fine.) There is a Facebook group called Hope for HIE which I joined and which is the most fabulous, supportive group for the parents of children who have suffered HIE. There is also a smaller group called HIE Loss Support for the parents whose children have died due to HIE. These are closed groups and in order to join one simply has to request to join and then post one's story. I hope, Critter, that these groups might help you if you feel that you would like to join and gain the support of people who are on a similar journey. I am so, so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you and sending you all possible strength.

Greenygrassy how lovely of you to take the time to post that for Critter. It's so great to hear of grads, although it sounds like you had a very scary time of it back then. I hope all is well now.

See, the 10plussers are so amazing that we even have wonderful stalkers.

critter glad you're home and had such a sensitive and caring consultant. And weirdly I'm glad he cried. The world should cry a little for you and MrC and James. Ta good care and time to heal.h tnking of you. all.

Take good care and time to heal. Thinking of you all. That should read.

Sea